r/rsforgays

Thumbs-up n comment for a private photo

Not that it's much quantifiable, but it seems to be at all-time high, no?

For an ordinary one, it seems the highest mark they can attain is to be a Trophy Husband. I suppose the extraordinary ones can use their statuses to get tons of pussy or whatever. (I mean legitimately extraordinary, not a doctor or lawyer or successful entrepreneur who could perhaps be a Gilded Trophy Husband or more easily carry on affairs with non-gross women.) Regardless, they've all been trained to fear Twink Death more than anything else, and use the gym or "climbing" or "a sport" to try to mitigate it, ideally well before it actually occurs.

Are you an Rsforgays user? Do you live in Michigan? Would you be interested in meeting other users in real life?

If so, DM me.

I’ll plan a meetup before summer ends with anyone interested.

I'm a Michigancel for the month and I've been thrown for a loop at the dearth of worthwhile sexual prospects. Get me back to Brooklyn.

Those who don't have gay friends
Those who only have gay friends
Those who only have female friends

I found out I’m on the spectrum two years ago and it wasn’t necessarily a shock because I’ve spent the majority of my teenage and early adulthood questioning what was wrong with me and whether or not I was purely just a mix of ADHD and MDD or if it were something more. After getting wrongly diagnosed as bipolar I sought out an autism diagnosis due to the amount of people I know who had an inaccurate bipolar diagnosis that eventually led to an autism diagnosis and it felt like a sense of relief to finally know. Like I said it wasn’t a shock because there were plenty of instances in my childhood that looking back only affirm the diagnosis I had, such as how my plate was only limited to three specific foods growing up or how I went into public places dressed as Harry Potter hauling a thing of luggage when I was like 6. In my current adult years I’d say I mask my autism pretty well because I’ve spent years trying to blend in and be “normal”, and for the most part it’s been successful, but I think between sometimes not being able to read the room (and specifically not realizing how loud I can be) and other things such as stuff I hyper fixate/obsess over, I do notice that I’ll never appear fully “normal” to others.

Being gay with autism is an interesting thing bc I definitely feel like I’ve got the easier card handed to me being gay rather than straight because I feel like gay men on average are more accepting of that than most straight women I know (granted this is purely anecdotal). I’ll be blunt and say that being decently attractive has given me a sort of luxury, as I know a lot of people who wouldn’t be too sure if they’d date or fuck someone on the spectrum, but for the most part I’ve never been unlucky in that regard probably due to being a cute hung twink with nice features and utilizing that sort of privilege in the hookup and dating scene. I do feel like there’s a sort of recent trend where autism has been fetishized, be it the “I want hot bi autistic trade” stuff or “hot-tism” being a term, which on the surface feels like acceptance and inclusivity until you realize what people want isn’t autism itself, but a curated sliver of it, the sanitized fragments that are easier to consume: the “cute” quirks that seem charming rather than disruptive, the boyish awkwardness that feels endearing instead of exhausting, the offbeat perspective that seems refreshing in doses but unbearable when it refuses to fade. What they do not want is the unvarnished reality: the relentless info-dumping that hijacks conversations and makes eyes glaze over, blunt honesty mistaken for cruelty, the sensory overload that builds into a meltdown, the rigid food aversions dismissed as childish, and the messy and unfiltered edges that no trend can polish into something desirable. I'm extremely lucky to be with someone who accepts it, as I always thought it would make me feel like an alien in the gay community, but to be with someone who is okay with it and accepts it without any qualms makes me feel really comfortable in my own skin compared to how I used to feel.

The worst downside autism brought to my life was probaby how it correlated with years of substance abuse. Those with autism are 2x as likely to fall victim to addiction and I feel like mine was purely based on how being drunk or high made me feel like my autism almost floated away and that I would feel normal for the first time when inebriated. At gay clubs I’d be nervous chatting anyone up sober because I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about the twink who couldn’t hold eye contact or control his voice and sit awkwardly, but once I drank heavily or did a shit-ton of coke and felt inebriated, all the sides of me that I hated went away and I felt like I was able to blend in without having to mask because the substances did the work for me. This led me down a pretty dark path for years which eventually put me into rehab but am proud to say I don’t rely on substances anymore (and quit coke completely ❤️) to feel normal and now drink and smoke weed on occasion rather than 24/7 as a way to prioritize health and my sanity and not fall back into bad habits.

Interested in hearing other perspectives!

And I’m drunk and dirty and I can’t hear anything because my ears are ringing and my friend said some really insulting things to me without meaning to and I’m hungry and lonely and scared

How was your day?

To Diadumenus

The perfume, which is exhaled by the apple bitten by a young damsel; by the zephyr that passes over the saffron-fields of Corycia; by the vine,
when it flowers white with its first clusters; by grass just cropped by the sheep; by the myrtle; by the Arabian spice-gatherer; by amber rubbed with the hand; by the fire pale with eastern frankincense; by the turf lightly sprinkled with summer showers; by the chaplet resting loosely on locks dripping with nard: all this fragrance, cruel Diadumenus, is combined in your kisses.
What would it not be, were you to grant them without grudging?

Sometimes I wonder why it feels so difficult for gay men to find genuine love compared to straight couples. It often seems like many people are only interested in hookups or something casual, while some of us are looking for a real connection, companionship, and a long-term relationship.

As a bottom, I sometimes feel like I'm only seen as someone to have fun with rather than someone to build a life with. It makes me wonder—do top guys feel the same way? Are they also searching for love and commitment, or is this just my experience?

I'd really like to hear your thoughts and personal experiences. Have you found meaningful love, or do you also feel that dating in the gay community can be discouraging?

is it real for anybody else? i don't really pray, and sometimes feel like i can't pray in a normal fashion (i have tried plenty of rosaries to no effect), but when i turn my intellect to the contemplation of the divine - (what it is, or what it would be, or what it could be, i'm not sure) i feel utterly crushed, or transformed, or thrown out of my body, or something (obviously very hard to put into words) by the infinite - by the infinite significance of the promise of unconditional love and forgiveness. i can only describe the experiences i've had as ecstatic, and they have engendered a metamorphosis of the spirit.

i sometimes wonder if it's not the schizophrenia genes from a few generations back in my family resurfacing. maybe if i were born in the 16th century i would have been locked in a monastery somewhere. those things scare me.

and of course, there's having to reconcile this with an 'intrinsically disordered' sexuality - and im just tired of thinking about that at this point. there's a gay influencer and onlyfans creator in LA who claims to be a devout catholic and prays to an altar of the holy virgin in his room that she might send him a grindr hookup with good dick - ludicrous but i feel close to him in an equally ludicrous way. is 'queering religion' the move?

You guys are right. The gays have already appropriated it. It’s all i can see in the gayborhood/on grindr now. I can’t believe I’ve missed this - by years too. What other straight guy trends have gays appropriated that I just haven’t noticed? Did I think these queers were straight guys all along? Fuck

When I was 19, "disillusioned" with dating (apps), feeling like I wasn't making friends at university and living in one of those small cultural deadzone Canadian cities, I got addicted to weed or at least being a recluse (yes the computer, but moreso general antisociality) and stopped trying to date. Now I'm 23, I've had great friends for a while, become involved in the local scene and earlier this year kicked the weed. However the experience of being gay is still foreign to me. I'm quite straight passing (lanky nerd no lisp) and I've never really had any gay male friends that I could talk to about dating or relationships or that just have the same baseline I guess. I've never been in a gay relationship and the straight one I was in (when I thought I was bi) was a different can of worms, thankfully far in the past. I've struggled with a number of compulsive behaviours in the past and know myself well enough to have decided (till now, at least) that hookups are a Pandora's box/compulsion loop I don't want to open. I have gone on two dates the past month and both made me want to move to a bigger city. (There are no gay bars where I live, but there are "queer" events I know enough about to know not to bother, and I have queer friends who are great. None of them clocked me. Most of my friends are straight guys tho.) Shit man my hair is getting lighter on my head. The selective pressure for normals on the apps reminds me both of my intolerance of uncritical, unreflective, uninterested people and what this says about me in assuming this (I hate to be proven right). Banal texting on the apps (and their reduction of people more generally) don't help this perception! Will someone who's miserable be miserable anywhere? Do straight passers "need" dating apps? (probably not?) Should I just not look for anything and focus on just making friends and connections generally? How do I make gay friends and influence neighbors? Should I just go out more or dare hookup? Video representative of my sexual frustration

Has anyone gone through this? It’s been about three years since we cut contact and I still think about him a lot. Probably the most I’ve ever platonically loved a friend ever and the fact that I recognize it was mostly my fault that the friendship ended makes it more painful. He was also my first close gay friend and we learned and grew from/alongside a lot with each other. I still run into him time to time since we run in adjacent social circles in the same city and we remain civil if not slightly awkward.

I’ve made gay friends since and have been more or less taking full advantage of gay life in the city or whatever but I’m still not fully over the breakup even if I’ve made peace with it. I’ve also never been in a relationship so idk if this is a worse heartbreak than a bf-breakup but it’s genuinely to date still the most grief-inducing event I’ve gone through.