u/TheSeedsYouSow

Call it low self-esteem, low self-worth, anxious attachment, whatever, but for some reason I can’t wrap my head around the fact that people can actually remember me or think about me when I’m not there.

I’ve always felt like an observer of life or like I’m some incorporeal spirit floating through the world experiencing life as if I’m watching a movie. I’m genuinely surprised when my existence is acknowledged. I truly feel like I’m not even here.

In dating this isn’t playing out very well for me as you might imagine. It’s not that I bombard guys with texts, if anything it’s the opposite, but it’s hard for me to feel like I can develop a relationship with anyone when nobody seems to have object permanence when it comes to me. Even when I have a great date with a guy and we see each other again, I still struggle to feel like he can even hold me in his mind for longer than a few minutes after we meet.

I was seeing this guy from April-June and I thought it was going to turn into my first real relationship. I honestly liked him right away, I thought he was the most gorgeous man (we’re both men, I am gay and he is bisexual). For the first two weeks he was so sweet and affectionate, attentive, always texting me and telling me he misses me and going out of his way to see me, FaceTime me, buying me roses, calling me handsome and beautiful. He even introduced me to his friends, kept saying he wanted to be in a relationship.

About two weeks in he started talking about how he has sex with so many guys all the time, about his ex. We weren’t exclusive yet so, while I didn’t really enjoy hearing about it, I just let it slide because I didn’t really feel like I could say anything. (I’m an extreme people pleaser).

He also wanted me to be very submissive in bed as he’s more of a dominant masculine guy, which I don’t usually do as I’m a masculine guy myself but I thought sure I can do that. But he wanted me to do anal sex which I’ve always struggled with because it’s painful for me, but I kept trying because I really like him and I wanted to make him happy. It wasn’t really working and I brought up multiple times that I was concerned we might not be sexually compatible and he kept reassuring me that he wasn’t concerned, that it would take some time for me to feel comfortable and that we can just keep trying and that he’s happy.

Then he started being on his phone the entire time we were together, on Instagram, I kept seeing him talking to other guys in DMs, on Grindr. Again we still weren’t exclusive so I couldn’t really say anything about it but it was while we were together so it did hurt me. I felt like I was competing for his attention and that he has so many options. Literally we were on dates he’d say “oh I just got invited to a group sex party” and I’d really struggle to understand why he’d be spending time with me since it seemed like he had so many better options.

He’s only been in America for about two/three years after moving from the Middle East so I think he’s just experiencing being able to be openly gay for the first time, but he’s very into the toxic gay party scene and I’ve already gotten that out of my system.

When I met his friends for the first time I overheard him say “I’m in love.” Then a week ago when he slept over he said “good night my love.” He also kept joking about marriage. I asked him if he was joking about the “love” part and he said no. So I said I think I’m falling in love and he said he was too.

Anyway we went to the beach early June and it was obvious that he was frustrated the whole time, he was barely looking at me, walking in front of me, not holding my hand like he usually did. He kept saying he was fine. He was on his phone the whole time, on Instagram and Grindr, even sniffies which is like Grindr but even worse.

Finally I got him to talk and he said that he’s been frustrated that I haven’t been able to improve at anal sex as fast as he wants and that he needs to be able to do it every day because he’s horny all the time, even after he orgasms he’s hard again in 15 minutes. He seems naturally aggressive and he also uses testosterone so I feel like that’s maybe part of it.

I asked if this was over and he said maybe we just need a couple of days to think things over, maybe just take things slower. Then he sent me a nice text basically ending it and I responded with a nice text. That was mid June. I’ve been devastated ever since, pretty much spending every weekend sitting in bed crying in the dark.

Then last week he sent me a nice text checking in and I responded, so I’m happy we’re not on bad terms but I miss him so much, I think about him all of the time, I want to be with him so badly. I can’t help but feel like I’m defective and it’s all my fault that we’re not together.

Does anyone else feel embarrassed to be an SDR/work in sales?

I’m a guy in my late 20s and I’ve been in sales since graduating college. I never thought I would go into sales, I pretty much fell into it by accident by just applying to random jobs and taking a sales job and seven years later here I am.

I’m honestly embarrassed to be an SDR and embarrassed that I work in sales. My goal is to find somebody and be in a relationship and it’s hard not to compare myself when I’m going out on dates with people my age who are doctors in residency, lawyers, architects, engineers, psychologists etc. I feel like a loser and a failure and like I’m a leech to society.

Even though I’m actually good at sales I feel embarrassed that it’s what I do and I regret not working harder in school and not becoming a doctor or something prestigious. Does anyone else feel this way?

I’m a guy in my late 20s and I’ve been in sales since graduating college. I never thought I would go into sales, I pretty much fell into it by accident by just applying to random jobs and taking a sales job and seven years later here I am.

I’m honestly embarrassed to be an SDR and embarrassed that I work in sales. My goal is to find somebody and be in a relationship and it’s hard not to compare myself when I’m going out on dates with people my age who are doctors in residency, lawyers, architects, engineers, psychologists etc. I feel like a loser and a failure and like I’m a leech to society.

Even though I’m actually good at sales I feel embarrassed that it’s what I do and I regret not working harder in school and not becoming a doctor or something prestigious. Does anyone else feel this way?

looks like they’ve signed to Atlantic Records