u/dreamboylnshibuya

I found out I’m on the spectrum two years ago and it wasn’t necessarily a shock because I’ve spent the majority of my teenage and early adulthood questioning what was wrong with me and whether or not I was purely just a mix of ADHD and MDD or if it were something more. After getting wrongly diagnosed as bipolar I sought out an autism diagnosis due to the amount of people I know who had an inaccurate bipolar diagnosis that eventually led to an autism diagnosis and it felt like a sense of relief to finally know. Like I said it wasn’t a shock because there were plenty of instances in my childhood that looking back only affirm the diagnosis I had, such as how my plate was only limited to three specific foods growing up or how I went into public places dressed as Harry Potter hauling a thing of luggage when I was like 6. In my current adult years I’d say I mask my autism pretty well because I’ve spent years trying to blend in and be “normal”, and for the most part it’s been successful, but I think between sometimes not being able to read the room (and specifically not realizing how loud I can be) and other things such as stuff I hyper fixate/obsess over, I do notice that I’ll never appear fully “normal” to others.

Being gay with autism is an interesting thing bc I definitely feel like I’ve got the easier card handed to me being gay rather than straight because I feel like gay men on average are more accepting of that than most straight women I know (granted this is purely anecdotal). I’ll be blunt and say that being decently attractive has given me a sort of luxury, as I know a lot of people who wouldn’t be too sure if they’d date or fuck someone on the spectrum, but for the most part I’ve never been unlucky in that regard probably due to being a cute hung twink with nice features and utilizing that sort of privilege in the hookup and dating scene. I do feel like there’s a sort of recent trend where autism has been fetishized, be it the “I want hot bi autistic trade” stuff or “hot-tism” being a term, which on the surface feels like acceptance and inclusivity until you realize what people want isn’t autism itself, but a curated sliver of it, the sanitized fragments that are easier to consume: the “cute” quirks that seem charming rather than disruptive, the boyish awkwardness that feels endearing instead of exhausting, the offbeat perspective that seems refreshing in doses but unbearable when it refuses to fade. What they do not want is the unvarnished reality: the relentless info-dumping that hijacks conversations and makes eyes glaze over, blunt honesty mistaken for cruelty, the sensory overload that builds into a meltdown, the rigid food aversions dismissed as childish, and the messy and unfiltered edges that no trend can polish into something desirable. I'm extremely lucky to be with someone who accepts it, as I always thought it would make me feel like an alien in the gay community, but to be with someone who is okay with it and accepts it without any qualms makes me feel really comfortable in my own skin compared to how I used to feel.

The worst downside autism brought to my life was probaby how it correlated with years of substance abuse. Those with autism are 2x as likely to fall victim to addiction and I feel like mine was purely based on how being drunk or high made me feel like my autism almost floated away and that I would feel normal for the first time when inebriated. At gay clubs I’d be nervous chatting anyone up sober because I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about the twink who couldn’t hold eye contact or control his voice and sit awkwardly, but once I drank heavily or did a shit-ton of coke and felt inebriated, all the sides of me that I hated went away and I felt like I was able to blend in without having to mask because the substances did the work for me. This led me down a pretty dark path for years which eventually put me into rehab but am proud to say I don’t rely on substances anymore (and quit coke completely ❤️) to feel normal and now drink and smoke weed on occasion rather than 24/7 as a way to prioritize health and my sanity and not fall back into bad habits.

Interested in hearing other perspectives!

Scream 7 (4K): $10
The Descent (4K): $9
Priscilla (BD): $7

Bundle for all: $18

(Willing to negotiate depending on offers)

Got inspired by the Washington meetup thread posted a few hours ago, anyone in Philly down to hang and be friends? I could use some gay friends in the city! Bike Stop or Tavern would be ideal for bar or possibly PFS if anyone is down for a movie, anywhere but Woody’s or Club Philly please