u/-StrawberryMarie-

My MIL (54F) always has something to criticize me (26F) for. She constantly micromanages everything I do, tries to parent my children, tells me what I can and can’t do with them, and always tells me, or heavily insinuates, that I’m making food “wrong.”

On top of that, she seems to think I need to do absolutely everything for my husband, Lance (28M), and our children myself.

Also the fact that I feel like I am treated like a maid/servant and MIL doesn’t even see me as a wife or mother to these kids.

It has been getting incredibly annoying, and I’ve finally decided that I need to start standing up for myself instead of constantly just going along with everything.

The first thing I apparently do “wrong” is how I use the air fryer. Whenever I cook something in the air fryer, I typically put it at 400°F and adjust the cooking time depending on what I’m making. That’s how I’ve always cooked our food, and I’ve never had an issue with it.

One day I was cooking chicken patties, and MIL told me that 400°F was too high for a chicken patty and that it could make them come out too hard.

Except…that has literally never happened to me.

She then told me that everything needs to be cooked on the “pizza” setting, which is 360°F.

Another time, I was cooking chicken nuggets. Before I even got them started, she told me they needed to be cooked on the pizza setting and for only 8 minutes.

I’ve cooked chicken nuggets at 400°F for 10 minutes before, and sometimes they STILL aren’t completely done.

Then there are frozen waffles. Apparently, according to MIL, “frozen waffles cannot be cooked in the microwave.”

I’ve cooked frozen waffles in the microwave numerous times, and the boxes literally say you can microwave them. But MIL takes my kids’ waffles out of the microwave and puts them in the toaster instead.

Because she is constantly watching and correcting how I cook things, I’ve started choosing the fastest way to get food cooked just so I’m not being micromanaged for even longer.

I finally somewhat stood up for myself over this.

Normally, I would cook eggs on the stove, but I don’t want to in front of MIL. There is also absolutely nothing wrong with cooking eggs in the microwave.

I was cooking eggs in the microwave when MIL asked:

“What do you have in the microwave? An egg?”

I said:

“Yes.”

She said:

“You should cook eggs on the stove in a pan.”

I told her:

“Me cooking eggs in the microwave is completely fine.”

Then she said:

“Okay, well if you’re going to do that, they should be cooked in a glass bowl, not a plastic one.”

If the plastic bowl is microwave safe, what exactly does it matter?

When MIL asks me to do something, I normally just immediately get up and do it because I’m in her home. I’ve started realizing, though, that just because she asks me to do something doesn’t mean I have to drop whatever I’m doing that exact second, especially when it isn’t urgent.

MIL brought me two pillowcases and a sheet that goes on the couch in here and asked if I could put them on.

I said:

“Yeah, I’ll get them.”

About two minutes later, she came back and asked:

“Are you going to get the pillowcases and the sheet on the couch?”

I told her:

“Yes, I will get to it.”

I was still being completely polite.

About a minute later, she came back AGAIN.

This time she said:

“OP, I NEED you to get that done.”

This is where I started getting annoyed. It wasn’t really the request itself, it was the demanding and checking up on me when I had already told her multiple times that I was going to do it.

I tried to stay as calm and normal toned as possible, although I probably did have an annoyed tone at this point, and said:

“Okay, and as I said, I will get them.”

She said:

“Excuse me?”

I said:

“I said I will get them.”

And then Lance’s brother says to me, in a tone:

“Maybe without the attitude next time, yeah?”

That is where I started FUMING.

I don’t know if it was everything else piling up, the constant criticism, or just the environment in general, but this whole interaction made me start shaking profusely. My chest got hot, my heart was racing, and my vision started blurring.

And what really bothered me about his comment is that Lance’s brother doesn’t pay any bills here, doesn’t have a job, and barely does anything around the house.

So I don’t feel like he has any place to be correcting me about my “attitude,” especially when MIL is a grown ass woman who is perfectly capable of speaking up for herself if she thinks I’m actually being disrespectful.

The double standard is what really gets me

I do everything I’m asked to do here and more.

The problem is that MIL doesn’t see every single thing I do because I don’t constantly announce it to her, and I intentionally don’t do certain things in front of her because I don’t want to be micromanaged and criticized while I’m doing them.

Lance was also at work during this entire situation, and I was watching our kids.

That is my job.

I understand that putting pillowcases and a sheet on the couch isn’t some huge task. I’m not saying it is. But why am I expected to immediately jump up and do it the second she asks, especially when I’m already taking care of the children?

And why am I expected to do absolutely everything myself, whether Lance is home or at work?

Why am I expected to:

Cook all three meals every day?
Feed the kids every time?
Change the diapers?
Do the chores?
Take care of the kids?
Do whatever MIL asks me to do immediately?

Meanwhile, Lance apparently can’t do a single thing without MIL telling me to go help him.

I do multiple things every single day on my own while Lance is at work, and things MIL asks me to do, and yet she still acts like I don’t do a single thing and just sit around waiting for Lance to come home so he can do everything.

And now the couch situation has turned into a whole thing

I was fully planning on doing what she asked.

Now, I’ll admit, I’m getting kind of petty about it.

Part of me doesn’t even want to do it anymore.

Not because putting the sheets and pillowcases on is difficult, but because I’m tired of being treated like a maid/servant and like a child who needs to be repeatedly told what to do.

And if she already acts like I don’t do a single thing around here anyway and criticizes me regardless of what I do, then part of me is thinking, why bother?

Then she says:

“That needs to be done BEFORE Lance gets home.”

About 30 seconds later, she comes back again and says:

“I’m serious, I need that done and it needs to be done BEFORE Lance gets home. Do NOT wait for him to get home to do it.”

At this point, I’m just sitting here wondering what exactly I’m supposed to do.

Maybe other people are better at handling this kind of thing than I am. I don’t know.

But I genuinely tried to stay calm and use a normal tone. I didn’t scream at her. I didn’t insult her. I didn’t tell her to fuck off. I literally just said, “Okay, and as I said, I will get them.”

I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this kind of behavior, and worse, on a daily basis without eventually getting annoyed or frustrated.

Am I wrong for finally starting to push back instead of immediately doing everything I’m told?

My husband, Lance (28M) and I (26F) have been temporarily living with my MIL most weekdays while we’re between housing. I feel like my MIL parents Lance and OUR kids, while treating me like a maid/servant. I don’t feel like she sees me as a wife or mother, or honestly, even as a human being sometimes.

The latest issue happened because our daughter got sick.

Our daughter is in kindergarten. They were back in school for a full week last week and two days the week before. She also got sick quite a bit last year.

It makes sense that she may have a weaker immune system. I was the same way as a kid, mostly getting strep throat. Our daughter was also a preemie, which obviously doesn’t help. I was constantly out sick as a child, and my parents were threatened with truancy multiple times because of it, so I know how stressful the school attendance issue can be.

Anyway, since it was the weekend, we weren’t staying at MIL’s house. Quite frankly, with how she acts, I want to be around her as little as possible.

Our kids stayed with my brother (21M) and my parents (44F/49M) for the weekend while Lance and I had a little vacation around the area.

This was the first time in our entire marriage/relationship that we had ever been completely alone and kid free. We had done things alone, but never alone for an entire day/weekend.

It was the first time in I don’t even know how long that I felt completely at peace.

I honestly can’t wait until we have our own place. I know I’ll still be overwhelmed and stressed sometimes because I’m a parent, but at least I won’t have other adults constantly breathing down my neck and making me feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

Sunday morning, my mom messaged me after I had already gone to sleep and told me our daughter was sick. I told Lance that if she was sick enough that she couldn’t go to school, we were going to stay at my mom’s that night and take her to the doctor the next day.

I even said to him, “Watch your mom somehow try and blame us for her getting sick.”

Well, as soon as we walked through the door, we could tell our daughter was sick. She was visibly not feeling well. We were told that she had coughed all night the night before and felt warm. She was still coughing, still warm, and overall just looked and acted sick.

My mom and MIL were messaging each other. My mom told MIL that we were staying at their house for the night because our daughter was sick and wasn’t going to school.

MIL responded:

“She was fine on Friday. Kindergarten isn’t like preschool. Absences count now, too many and it will be a truancy case. She has to have a doctor’s excuse. Her missing school will put her behind in work.”

After that, MIL immediately started messaging Lance and basically said the same thing. Then she called him. I was laying right beside him, so I could hear the entire conversation.

She started bitching about how our daughter was fine Friday, how this is how school works, how kids are sometimes going to have a cough or runny nose, and how you can’t take them out of school every time they have one.

We hadn’t even been back to reality for a couple of hours before my peace was disrupted.

I was already getting annoyed, but then she said to Lance:

“She was fine Friday, Lance. Y’all cannot say she’s sick just because y’all wanna stay somewhere else for an extra night.”

So basically, she was insinuating that we were lying about our daughter being sick just so we could stay somewhere else another night.

I let her finish talking.

I don’t know if it was because I had finally been completely at peace for the first time in I don’t know how long, but I had a full physical reaction.

I was shaking extremely badly. My heart started racing and felt like it was going to come out of my chest. I was absolutely fuming.

On a day to day basis, I feel like I’m constantly on edge, anticipating someone complaining about something or criticizing me for doing absolutely everything wrong.

After she finished talking, I said loudly enough for her to hear:

“She can’t go to school when she’s sick.”

She continued complaining.

Then she did exactly what I had predicted and blamed us for our daughter getting sick.

She said:

“She’s probably sick because of her switching between two different places and the temperature differences between the houses.”

Ma’am…

For one, the temperatures are about the same in both houses.

For two, I don’t think that’s how getting sick works.

Lance has a brother who also has children. MIL gets their kids off the bus and stays with them until their mother gets off work. Their son, our nephew, is in first grade and came home with a stuffy nose on Friday. MIL then came home after being around him and was around our kids.

I was talking to Lance and my mom and brought up that our nephew was sick on Friday and that, if anything, that was probably where our daughter picked something up.

My mom was still talking to MIL and said something about nobody lying and brought up the same point.

MIL responded:

“No one is calling anyone a liar. Stuffy nose isn’t sick. It’s the usual for beginning of school. If she doesn’t have a fever, then she can go to school. Grandson has a stuffy nose, nothing more. If she misses every time she coughs or has a stuffy nose, then she would be out half the year.”

My mom responded:

“Well, it’s not up to me when she goes to school and when she doesn’t. If she’s sick, she has parents to decide that. Kids going to school coughing and with stuffy noses and sick is what makes other kids sick. By you saying you can’t say she’s sick just to keep her another night, that’s what it’s implying.”

And that’s where I’m frustrated.

I don’t actually know how sick our nephew is because I haven’t seen him, and I don’t really speak with his mother other than holidays/get togethers. But even if he only has a stuffy nose, that doesn’t mean he’s not actually sick.

And our daughter isn’t just dealing with a little stuffy nose.

She was coughing so badly that she was gagging sometimes.

Lance ultimately took her to school this morning and went inside with her. He told the school that she had been sick and needed to see the nurse.

She had a 101°F fever.

The nurse told them she needed to go back home, which is exactly what we already knew was going to happen AS HER PARENTS.

Lance had MIL pick our daughter up from his workplace, and we were on the way to get her and take her to the doctor as I was writing this. MIL insisted on taking her to an urgent care herself though and us going to get done the things we needed to do.

While we were there, MIL said to Lance:

“It’s the beginning of the school year, kids are going to get coughs and runny noses. Grandson has a runny nose and he is at school.”

Our daughter had a literal fever this morning, not just a runny nose.

She was taken into school, and the school nurse said she could not stay. Her Infinite Campus also shows that she is excused for the day. Lance showed MIL all of this.

MIL then said:

“Well, I’ve been taking her temperature multiple times since and she hasn’t had a fever.”

Okay, well yes… that’s because she’s had medicine since then. 😭

I’m SO tired of MIL acting like this.

I haven’t actually said anything directly to MIL myself other than what I said while she was on the phone with Lance.

I really feel like I probably should say something else to her, but I honestly don’t know exactly what to say. How would you handle this?

And am I wrong for being extremely frustrated that she seems to think she gets to decide whether our daughter is actually sick, whether she should go to school, and whether we’re lying about it just because we don’t want to stay at her house another night?

TL;DR: Our daughter was visibly sick, coughing badly and eventually had a 101°F fever. My MIL accused us of essentially keeping her home from school just so we could stay somewhere else another night, insisted that a cough/stuffy nose isn’t enough reason to miss school, and blamed our daughter getting sick on us switching between two houses. I’m exhausted by feeling like MIL thinks she gets to parent our children and second guess every decision we make.

My husband, Lance (28M) and I (26F) have been temporarily living with my MIL most weekdays while we’re between housing. I feel like my MIL parents Lance and OUR kids, while treating me like a maid/servant. I don’t feel like she sees me as a wife or mother, or honestly, even as a human being sometimes.

The latest issue happened because our daughter got sick.

Our daughter is in kindergarten. They were back in school for a full week last week and two days the week before. She also got sick quite a bit last year.

It makes sense that she may have a weaker immune system. I was the same way as a kid, mostly getting strep throat. Our daughter was also a preemie, which obviously doesn’t help. I was constantly out sick as a child, and my parents were threatened with truancy multiple times because of it, so I know how stressful the school attendance issue can be.

Anyway, since it was the weekend, we weren’t staying at MIL’s house. Quite frankly, with how she acts, I want to be around her as little as possible.

Our kids stayed with my brother (21M) and my parents (44F/49M) for the weekend while Lance and I had a little vacation around the area.

This was the first time in our entire marriage/relationship that we had ever been completely alone and kid free. We had done things alone, but never alone for an entire day/weekend.

It was the first time in I don’t even know how long that I felt completely at peace.

I honestly can’t wait until we have our own place. I know I’ll still be overwhelmed and stressed sometimes because I’m a parent, but at least I won’t have other adults constantly breathing down my neck and making me feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

Sunday morning, my mom messaged me after I had already gone to sleep and told me our daughter was sick. I told Lance that if she was sick enough that she couldn’t go to school, we were going to stay at my mom’s that night and take her to the doctor the next day.

I even said to him, “Watch your mom somehow try and blame us for her getting sick.”

Well, as soon as we walked through the door, we could tell our daughter was sick. She was visibly not feeling well. We were told that she had coughed all night the night before and felt warm. She was still coughing, still warm, and overall just looked and acted sick.

My mom and MIL were messaging each other. My mom told MIL that we were staying at their house for the night because our daughter was sick and wasn’t going to school.

MIL responded:

“She was fine on Friday. Kindergarten isn’t like preschool. Absences count now, too many and it will be a truancy case. She has to have a doctor’s excuse. Her missing school will put her behind in work.”

After that, MIL immediately started messaging Lance and basically said the same thing. Then she called him. I was laying right beside him, so I could hear the entire conversation.

She started bitching about how our daughter was fine Friday, how this is how school works, how kids are sometimes going to have a cough or runny nose, and how you can’t take them out of school every time they have one.

We hadn’t even been back to reality for a couple of hours before my peace was disrupted.

I was already getting annoyed, but then she said to Lance:

“She was fine Friday, Lance. Y’all cannot say she’s sick just because y’all wanna stay somewhere else for an extra night.”

So basically, she was insinuating that we were lying about our daughter being sick just so we could stay somewhere else another night.

I let her finish talking.

I don’t know if it was because I had finally been completely at peace for the first time in I don’t know how long, but I had a full physical reaction.

I was shaking extremely badly. My heart started racing and felt like it was going to come out of my chest. I was absolutely fuming.

On a day to day basis, I feel like I’m constantly on edge, anticipating someone complaining about something or criticizing me for doing absolutely everything wrong.

After she finished talking, I said loudly enough for her to hear:

“She can’t go to school when she’s sick.”

She continued complaining.

Then she did exactly what I had predicted and blamed us for our daughter getting sick.

She said:

“She’s probably sick because of her switching between two different places and the temperature differences between the houses.”

Ma’am…

For one, the temperatures are about the same in both houses.

For two, I don’t think that’s how getting sick works.

Lance has a brother who also has children. MIL gets their kids off the bus and stays with them until their mother gets off work. Their son, our nephew, is in first grade and came home with a stuffy nose on Friday. MIL then came home after being around him and was around our kids.

I was talking to Lance and my mom and brought up that our nephew was sick on Friday and that, if anything, that was probably where our daughter picked something up.

My mom was still talking to MIL and said something about nobody lying and brought up the same point.

MIL responded:

“No one is calling anyone a liar. Stuffy nose isn’t sick. It’s the usual for beginning of school. If she doesn’t have a fever, then she can go to school. Grandson has a stuffy nose, nothing more. If she misses every time she coughs or has a stuffy nose, then she would be out half the year.”

My mom responded:

“Well, it’s not up to me when she goes to school and when she doesn’t. If she’s sick, she has parents to decide that. Kids going to school coughing and with stuffy noses and sick is what makes other kids sick. By you saying you can’t say she’s sick just to keep her another night, that’s what it’s implying.”

And that’s where I’m frustrated.

I don’t actually know how sick our nephew is because I haven’t seen him, and I don’t really speak with his mother other than holidays/get togethers. But even if he only has a stuffy nose, that doesn’t mean he’s not actually sick.

And our daughter isn’t just dealing with a little stuffy nose.

She was coughing so badly that she was gagging sometimes.

Lance ultimately took her to school this morning and went inside with her. He told the school that she had been sick and needed to see the nurse.

She had a 101°F fever.

The nurse told them she needed to go back home, which is exactly what we already knew was going to happen AS HER PARENTS.

Lance had MIL pick our daughter up from his workplace, and we were on the way to get her and take her to the doctor as I was writing this. MIL insisted on taking her to an urgent care herself though and us going to get done the things we needed to do.

While we were there, MIL said to Lance:

“It’s the beginning of the school year, kids are going to get coughs and runny noses. Grandson has a runny nose and he is at school.”

Our daughter had a literal fever this morning, not just a runny nose.

She was taken into school, and the school nurse said she could not stay. Her Infinite Campus also shows that she is excused for the day. Lance showed MIL all of this.

MIL then said:

“Well, I’ve been taking her temperature multiple times since and she hasn’t had a fever.”

Okay, well yes… that’s because she’s had medicine since then. 😭

I’m SO tired of MIL acting like this.

I haven’t actually said anything directly to MIL myself other than what I said while she was on the phone with Lance.

I really feel like I probably should say something else to her, but I honestly don’t know exactly what to say. How would you handle this?

And am I wrong for being extremely frustrated that she seems to think she gets to decide whether our daughter is actually sick, whether she should go to school, and whether we’re lying about it just because we don’t want to stay at her house another night?

TL;DR: Our daughter was visibly sick, coughing badly and eventually had a 101°F fever. My MIL accused us of essentially keeping her home from school just so we could stay somewhere else another night, insisted that a cough/stuffy nose isn’t enough reason to miss school, and blamed our daughter getting sick on us switching between two houses. I’m exhausted by feeling like MIL thinks she gets to parent our children and second guess every decision we make.

My husband, Lance (28M) and I (26F) have been temporarily living with my MIL (54F) most weekdays while we’re between housing. I feel like my MIL parents Lance and OUR kids, while treating me like a maid/servant. I don’t feel like she sees me as a wife or mother, or honestly, even as a human being sometimes.

The latest issue happened because our daughter got sick.

Our daughter is in kindergarten. They were back in school for a full week last week and two days the week before. She also got sick quite a bit last year.

It makes sense that she may have a weaker immune system. I was the same way as a kid, mostly getting strep throat. Our daughter was also a preemie, which obviously doesn’t help. I was constantly out sick as a child, and my parents were threatened with truancy multiple times because of it, so I know how stressful the school attendance issue can be.

Anyway, since it was the weekend, we weren’t staying at MIL’s house. Quite frankly, with how she acts, I want to be around her as little as possible.

Our kids stayed with my brother (21M) and my parents (44F/49M) for the weekend while Lance and I had a little vacation around the area.

This was the first time in our entire marriage/relationship that we had ever been completely alone and kid free. We had done things alone, but never alone for an entire day/weekend.

It was the first time in I don’t even know how long that I felt completely at peace.

I honestly can’t wait until we have our own place. I know I’ll still be overwhelmed and stressed sometimes because I’m a parent, but at least I won’t have other adults constantly breathing down my neck and making me feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

Sunday morning, my mom messaged me after I had already gone to sleep and told me our daughter was sick. I told Lance that if she was sick enough that she couldn’t go to school, we were going to stay at my mom’s that night and take her to the doctor the next day.

I even said to him, “Watch your mom somehow try and blame us for her getting sick.”

Well, as soon as we walked through the door, we could tell our daughter was sick. She was visibly not feeling well. We were told that she had coughed all night the night before and felt warm. She was still coughing, still warm, and overall just looked and acted sick.

My mom and MIL were messaging each other. My mom told MIL that we were staying at their house for the night because our daughter was sick and wasn’t going to school.

MIL responded:

“She was fine on Friday. Kindergarten isn’t like preschool. Absences count now, too many and it will be a truancy case. She has to have a doctor’s excuse. Her missing school will put her behind in work.”

After that, MIL immediately started messaging Lance and basically said the same thing. Then she called him. I was laying right beside him, so I could hear the entire conversation.

She started bitching about how our daughter was fine Friday, how this is how school works, how kids are sometimes going to have a cough or runny nose, and how you can’t take them out of school every time they have one.

We hadn’t even been back to reality for a couple of hours before my peace was disrupted.

I was already getting annoyed, but then she said to Lance:

“She was fine Friday, Lance. Y’all cannot say she’s sick just because y’all wanna stay somewhere else for an extra night.”

So basically, she was insinuating that we were lying about our daughter being sick just so we could stay somewhere else another night.

I let her finish talking.

I don’t know if it was because I had finally been completely at peace for the first time in I don’t know how long, but I had a full physical reaction.

I was shaking extremely badly. My heart started racing and felt like it was going to come out of my chest. I was absolutely fuming.

On a day to day basis, I feel like I’m constantly on edge, anticipating someone complaining about something or criticizing me for doing absolutely everything wrong.

After she finished talking, I said loudly enough for her to hear:

“She can’t go to school when she’s sick.”

She continued complaining.

Then she did exactly what I had predicted and blamed us for our daughter getting sick.

She said:

“She’s probably sick because of her switching between two different places and the temperature differences between the houses.”

Ma’am…

For one, the temperatures are about the same in both houses.

For two, I don’t think that’s how getting sick works.

Lance has a brother who also has children. MIL gets their kids off the bus and stays with them until their mother gets off work. Their son, our nephew, is in first grade and came home with a stuffy nose on Friday. MIL then came home after being around him and was around our kids.

I was talking to Lance and my mom and brought up that our nephew was sick on Friday and that, if anything, that was probably where our daughter picked something up.

My mom was still talking to MIL and said something about nobody lying and brought up the same point.

MIL responded:

“No one is calling anyone a liar. Stuffy nose isn’t sick. It’s the usual for beginning of school. If she doesn’t have a fever, then she can go to school. Grandson has a stuffy nose, nothing more. If she misses every time she coughs or has a stuffy nose, then she would be out half the year.”

My mom responded:

“Well, it’s not up to me when she goes to school and when she doesn’t. If she’s sick, she has parents to decide that. Kids going to school coughing and with stuffy noses and sick is what makes other kids sick. By you saying you can’t say she’s sick just to keep her another night, that’s what it’s implying.”

And that’s where I’m frustrated.

I don’t actually know how sick our nephew is because I haven’t seen him, and I don’t really speak with his mother other than holidays/get togethers. But even if he only has a stuffy nose, that doesn’t mean he’s not actually sick.

And our daughter isn’t just dealing with a little stuffy nose.

She was coughing so badly that she was gagging sometimes.

Lance ultimately took her to school this morning and went inside with her. He told the school that she had been sick and needed to see the nurse.

She had a 101°F fever.

The nurse told them she needed to go back home, which is exactly what we already knew was going to happen AS HER PARENTS.

Lance had MIL pick our daughter up from his workplace, and we were on the way to get her and take her to the doctor as I was writing this. MIL insisted on taking her to an urgent care herself though and us going to get done the things we needed to do.

While we were there, MIL said to Lance:

“It’s the beginning of the school year, kids are going to get coughs and runny noses. Grandson has a runny nose and he is at school.”

Our daughter had a literal fever this morning, not just a runny nose.

She was taken into school, and the school nurse said she could not stay. Her Infinite Campus also shows that she is excused for the day. Lance showed MIL all of this.

MIL then said:

“Well, I’ve been taking her temperature multiple times since and she hasn’t had a fever.”

Okay, well yes… that’s because she’s had medicine since then. 😭

I’m SO tired of MIL acting like this.

I haven’t actually said anything directly to MIL myself other than what I said while she was on the phone with Lance.

I really feel like I probably should say something else to her, but I honestly don’t know exactly what to say. How would you handle this?

And am I wrong for being extremely frustrated that she seems to think she gets to decide whether our daughter is actually sick, whether she should go to school, and whether we’re lying about it just because we don’t want to stay at her house another night?

TL;DR: Our daughter was visibly sick, coughing badly and eventually had a 101°F fever. My MIL accused us of essentially keeping her home from school just so we could stay somewhere else another night, insisted that a cough/stuffy nose isn’t enough reason to miss school, and blamed our daughter getting sick on us switching between two houses. I’m exhausted by feeling like MIL thinks she gets to parent our children and second guess every decision we make.

So, my husband, Lance (28M), our kids, and I (26F) are temporarily staying with my MIL (54F) and FIL (52M) on weekdays. Lance works setting up mobile homes, and I’m a stay at home mom.

My MIL seems to have some major double standards when it comes to me and Lance, and me and her too. She seems to think I’m supposed to do countless things around the house by myself, while Lance apparently can’t do anything around the house without me being involved somehow.

And for the record, I do EVERYTHING that anyone asks me to do around here, and more.

For example, the other day, Lance was at work and I was watching the kids. MIL came in, dumped out a laundry basket full of Lance’s clothes, and told me to fold it.

I don’t mind folding his laundry. It’s not a huge task, and I immediately got up, folded EVERY piece of laundry that was there, and put it all away. We all do laundry here; everyone’s clothes just get washed together depending on whose clothes are in the basket at the time.

So again, folding the laundry itself isn’t the issue. It’s the principle of it.

Meanwhile, Lance apparently can’t even wash dishes by himself when he’s home without MIL telling me to go rinse them and put them in the strainer. And this was while I was watching the kids and he was the one doing the dishes.

Lance is a grown ass man. If he needs me to do something or needs help with something, he can ask me.

I also cook breakfast and lunch for the kids. I don’t particularly like cooking around MIL, though, because she constantly criticizes how I cook and tells me I’m doing it “wrong.”

Obviously, I still need to make breakfast and lunch because Lance is at work during those times. So Lance usually handles dinner since he’s home, and honestly, I don’t like cooking around MIL anyway.

Well, the other day MIL tells me, “You need to start cooking dinner, maybe. That way Lance doesn’t have to when he comes home from work.”

And this is where the double standard really gets to me.

FIL will come home from working 8–12 hours a day and then go do dishes and make his own food. I have never seen MIL in there helping him with the dishes or cooking for him when he gets home from work. So why is Lance coming home from work and helping with dinner suddenly something that I need to be doing instead?

I feel like MIL is extremely nitpicky toward me. And it doesn’t stop with housework. She also tries to tell me when and what I can and can’t do with our kids.

From my perspective, even though I don’t have a paying job, being a stay at home mom is still a job. These are not JUST my kids, and I am not Lance’s parent.

When Lance is home, things are 50/50. And Lance agrees with me on this.

He’s actually told me when we’ve talked about these issues, “I don’t mind it. I don’t complain about it. I like feeling useful to you and our children, whether I’m tired from work or not.”

So I feel like Lance and I are pretty much on the same page about how we want things to work in our relationship.

It’s just MIL constantly nitpicking and breathing down my neck that is SO damn annoying.

It’s like Lance can’t do absolutely anything on his own, or for himself, me, or our kids, without it somehow becoming an issue.

And honestly, I’m CONSTANTLY on edge here. I feel like I’m always anticipating MIL having something to criticize me about next.

I’m doing everything that’s asked of me and more, I take care of the kids, I cook, I clean, I help around the house, and I’m not sitting around expecting everyone else to do everything for me. Yet somehow, it still feels like whatever I do is never quite enough for her.

So, my husband (28M), our kids, and I (26F) are temporarily staying with my MIL (54F) and FIL (52M) on weekdays. My husband works setting up mobile homes, and I’m a stay at home mom.

My MIL seems to have some major double standards when it comes to me and my husband, and me and her too. She seems to think I’m supposed to do countless things around the house by myself, while my husband apparently can’t do anything around the house without me being involved somehow.

And for the record, I do EVERYTHING that anyone asks me to do around here, and more.

For example, the other day, my husband was at work and I was watching the kids. MIL came in, dumped out a laundry basket full of my husband’s clothes, and told me to fold it.

I don’t mind folding his laundry. It’s not a huge task, and I immediately got up, folded EVERY piece of laundry that was there, and put it all away. We all do laundry here; everyone’s clothes just get washed together depending on whose clothes are in the basket at the time.

So again, folding the laundry itself isn’t the issue. It’s the principle of it.

Meanwhile, my husband apparently can’t even wash dishes by himself when he’s home without MIL telling me to go rinse them and put them in the strainer. And this was while I was watching the kids and he was the one doing the dishes.

My husband is a grown ass man. If he needs me to do something or needs help with something, he can ask me.

I also cook breakfast and lunch for the kids. I don’t particularly like cooking around MIL, though, because she constantly criticizes how I cook and tells me I’m doing it “wrong.”

Obviously, I still need to make breakfast and lunch because my husband is at work during those times. So my husband usually handles dinner since he’s home, and honestly, I don’t like cooking around MIL anyway.

Well, the other day MIL tells me, “You need to start cooking dinner, maybe. That way your husband doesn’t have to when he comes home from work.”

And this is where the double standard really gets to me.

FIL will come home from working 8–12 hours a day and then go do dishes and make his own food. I have never seen MIL in there helping him with the dishes or cooking for him when he gets home from work. So why is my husband coming home from work and helping with dinner suddenly something that I need to be doing instead?

I feel like MIL is extremely nitpicky toward me. And it doesn’t stop with housework. She also tries to tell me when and what I can and can’t do with our kids.

From my perspective, even though I don’t have a paying job, being a stay at home mom is still a job. These are not JUST my kids, and I am not my husband’s parent.

When my husband is home, things are 50/50. And my husband agrees with me on this.

He’s actually told me when we’ve talked about these issues, “I don’t mind it. I don’t complain about it. I like feeling useful to you and our children, whether I’m tired from work or not.”

So I feel like my husband and I are pretty much on the same page about how we want things to work in our relationship.

It’s just MIL constantly nitpicking and breathing down my neck that is SO damn annoying.

It’s like my husband can’t do absolutely anything on his own, or for himself, me, or our kids, without it somehow becoming an issue.

And honestly, I’m CONSTANTLY on edge here. I feel like I’m always anticipating MIL having something to criticize me about next.

I’m doing everything that’s asked of me and more, I take care of the kids, I cook, I clean, I help around the house, and I’m not sitting around expecting everyone else to do everything for me. Yet somehow, it still feels like whatever I do is never quite enough for her.

I have an issue where sometimes, no matter what time I go to sleep, I just don’t hear my alarms in the morning and won’t wake up. It could be 9 PM or 2 AM when I go to sleep, and sometimes I just don’t hear them when it’s time to wake up.

I have three kids, and my oldest started kindergarten yesterday. We weren’t living with my MIL last year, but we are right now.

There are a couple things that are relevant here. For one, my MIL currently has all of my daughter’s school clothes in her room. For two, I genuinely did not hear my alarms when they were going off yesterday morning.

My daughter has to be outside waiting for the bus by 7:45 AM. I had alarms set from 6:50 AM all the way through 7:40 AM.

MIL came into my room around 7:20 AM and said:

“You need to wake up, I am not gonna be here every morning to make sure you’re up and she’s on the bus. You need to make it to where you wake up to alarms. You need to stop staying awake all night until at least 2 AM, so you can wake up.”

She also texted my husband, Liam (27M), while he was at work:

“Now I see why she missed so many days of preschool. OP is still in bed. I got your daughter up and ready, this is ridiculous Liam. She couldn’t even get up this morning, her first day of school. How’s she gonna do it any other morning?”

My husband defended me and said:

“She still had over 20 minutes to have done so. She was the one who got her up and ready every morning for school last year. She was up every morning with her.”

MIL responded:

“She isn’t going to be sent to school with unbrushed hair and mismatched clothes because she’s being sent out the door at last minute. OP can go to bed at a decent time like a responsible parent and get up like she should.”

My husband said:

“And she won’t, if I picked her clothes and they didn’t match right OP is the one who fixed it and changed her. She can and does. I woke up a little before midnight to take ibuprofen because my head was killing me and she was already asleep. I woke up at 2:30 again, for the same reason, she was still asleep.”

For context, I didn’t stay up all night the night before. I was asleep by 11 PM.

MIL was already getting my daughter ready for school. She was already dressed and was brushing her teeth when MIL said the first thing to me.

I knew if I got up and immediately intervened and got in the way while MIL was already doing everything, there would probably be some complaining or snide comments about that too. Also, even if I would’ve woken up to alarms to get her ready, I don’t understand why all of my daughters school clothes are in her room when I’m suppose to be the one getting her ready.

So because of the time and the situation, I stayed laying down for about another 10 minutes, but I was awake. When MIL came back into my room, I was about to get up, use the bathroom, and get ready to go outside for the bus with my daughter.

And I did get up. I got my daughter on the bus and made sure I was there to see her off on her first day.

But when MIL came back into the room, she said:

“OP! Really, you can’t get up?! scoffs Seriously, you’re her mother and you can’t get up for her first day of school, what the hell?!”

This woman acts like I don’t care for my kids, take care of them, or do anything at all around the house, for that matter.

And in this particular situation, I’m being criticized over something I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to control.

I fully understand that I should be up with my kid and getting her ready for school. I’m not trying to argue that I should have been awake.

The problem is that I don’t know how to make myself hear my alarm.

Generally, on normal days, if I happen not to hear my alarms, my kids will wake me up and I get up with them. They know that when they wake up, if I’m not already up, they should get me up.

And if it was really that big of an issue yesterday, I understand that MIL isn’t going to be here every day. But she was there yesterday.

She could have woken me up so I could get my daughter ready.

Instead, she got my daughter up and ready herself, then woke me up.

I genuinely did not hear my alarm, and I don’t think there was anything I could have done about that specific part.

This also isn’t a new issue for me.

Whenever I was a kid, I was actually a lot worse about this. I didn’t hear alarms at all. It took a lot to wake me up, and it took forever for my parents to actually get me up.

As I said in the beginning, despite what time I go to sleep, sometimes I just don’t hear my alarms even if I’ve been asleep for a while.

When I’m literally unconscious and sleeping, I don’t know how I’m supposed to control that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to make myself hear alarms while I’m asleep.

And when I was a kid, I was out of school at least once every couple of months from being sick in elementary school, mostly with strep throat.

Last year, when my daughter was in preschool, I got her ready every morning.

Nice, matching clothes, hair brushed, teeth brushed, etc. She never went to school with unbrushed hair or mismatched clothes.

For the whole of last year, I think there were only about two times where I didn’t hear my alarms and didn’t wake up in time to get her to school.

Other than that, any day she missed, she was sick.

She was a premature baby, and since I had a bad immune system when I was a kid, it would make sense if she did too. It felt like at least once every month she was getting sick last year.

Except for those couple of times where I didn’t wake up, I had absolutely NOTHING to do with her missing school.

I know that me not waking up to alarms sometimes and not hearing them isn’t the best thing. I’m not trying to make excuses for it.

I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to just automatically fix something that happens while I’m unconscious, though.

I can set alarms. I can set multiple alarms. I can go to bed at a reasonable time. But sometimes I still don’t hear them.

And I don’t necessarily enjoy not being able to wake myself up sometimes either. If anyone has advice or recommendations for things I could do to make sure I wake up, I am fully open to it.

What is really starting to piss me off, though, is my MIL’s assumptions, snide comments, and constant complaining.

Since moving in with her, I feel like I’ve been completely run down, my mental health is taking a major hit, and have lost pretty much all of the self esteem I had left.

I get at least one snide comment or complaint about at least one thing every single day, and a lot of the time it’s much more than that.

Liam gets messages from her complaining about things sometimes, but he never really gets actual snide comments directed toward him, and it’s definitely not a daily thing for him like it is for me.

And this isn’t the first thing she’s done this over, either.

A lot of the time it’s much more niche things, her treating me like a child, trying to generally parent my kids, making snide comments, complaining about things, insinuating that I’m a shitty parent, implying that I don’t care for my kids properly, etc.

So I’m not trying to make excuses for the alarm thing. I know I should be waking up, and I would obviously like to be able to reliably wake myself up.

I’m genuinely asking for advice on that part because I don’t know how to fix it.

But am I wrong for being heavily annoyed by my MIL and the way she’s handling this?

I feel like there’s a difference between saying, “You need to find a better way to wake up because your daughter needs you up in the morning,” and treating me like I’m a shitty, irresponsible mother who doesn’t care about her kids because I slept through my alarms one morning.

So, am I wrong for being heavily annoyed with my MIL? And does anyone have any advice for how I can reliably wake myself up or how to hear alarms?

Hey everyone. I (26F) am looking for some insight, advice, or even just to know if anyone else experiences this. I’ve been diagnosed with a few things, including ADHD and anxiety, but I genuinely don’t understand why I react the way I do around certain people or why such small things cause me this much distress.

Certain people in my life constantly find something to complain about EVERY single day. Usually, it's multiple times a day. They point out things I'm doing wrong and tell me how I could be doing more.

It feels like no matter how hard I try to be "perfect," and no matter how much effort I put into not being a bother, I'm still the issue. I always manage to bother someone, do things wrong, and give them a new reason to complain.

When I'm around these people, I tend to shut down and avoid doing things in front of them (even though I still get them done eventually). I'm terrified of being criticized for doing it wrong.

This avoidance makes it look like I'm procrastinating or slacking off compared to everyone else. In reality, I freeze up. My brain feels like it's overthinking and completely blank at the exact same time, especially if my kids are being loud and chaotic on top of it all.

Even when I'm completely by myself, I have a persistent pit in my stomach, constant anxiety, and I’m shakey pretty much all day long. I'm always anticipating a problem, waiting for someone to show up and immediately start complaining. Even if they don't say anything right away, I spend the entire day bracing for it.

The only time I don't feel this way is when I'm entirely removed from the environment, like when I'm out with my husband and kids somewhere fun, like a park, a fair, or the creek.

I’m exhausted, it’s debilitating. This feeling is all day, every day, and it makes me super irritable, so I end up getting instantly annoyed when someone finally says something.

What is this specific feeling/reaction called? How can I get it to stop, or at least learn to work around it?

AITAH for going no contact with my abusive parents and refusing to let them see my kids unsupervised until they get therapy?

I (26F) have lived with my parents (44F mom, 48M dad) my entire life. In 2019, my now husband Liam (27M) moved in with us, and between December 2020 and July 2024, we welcomed three children. In 2023, my adoptive brother Kenny (21M), who is also my biological cousin on my mom’s side moved in as well.

Growing up, my mom and I were extremely close. She was my safe space, just like my maw was before she passed away in 2017. When Liam moved in, I felt like I had two best friends under one roof. My mom later claimed our relationship changed when Liam arrived, but I still loved and relied on her deeply.

Because my mom lived with her own parents her whole life, I felt she wanted me to do the exact same thing. I’ve always been a people pleaser and a bit of a doormat, which made leaving hard:

2021: We tried to move out, but my mom guilted and manipulated me into staying. I gave in to keep the peace, and Liam supported me through it.
2023: We tried to leave again. This time, my mom threatened to call CPS and claimed our kids wouldn't be allowed to leave with us. Terrified and naive, I backed down and stayed.

Things completely deteriorated after Kenny moved in. I suddenly felt replaced, and the double standards became unbearable.

Financial & Household Burden: Over the past year, Liam and I paid all the household bills so my parents and Kenny could live there rent free. We bought all the groceries, did most of the chores, and covered expensive vet bills for their animals. Yet, if we ever needed them to pick up a simple pack of diapers, they demanded immediate reimbursement. Meanwhile, Kenny got everything handed to him without contributing a single cent.
Liam vs. Kenny: In 2021, Liam lost his job after taking time off to care for me and our newborn (who was in the NICU following a 33 week preeclampsia delivery). It took him three months to find work, during which my parents constantly threatened to kick him out and told me that if I left with him, I could never come back. Meanwhile, Kenny has worked a total of four days in three years. My dad made a deal that Kenny only had to do laundry and dishes, yet Kenny lets dirty dishes sit for 3+ days with zero consequences. If Liam or I left a single dish out for a few hours, it triggered an immediate explosion.

In 2025, I finally started therapy and was diagnosed with OCD, CPTSD, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and dermatillomania. For the first time, I clearly saw the reality: my mom is emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative, and my dad is rage fueled, physically aggressive, and abusive.

Things came to a head on June 28th during a massive argument:

My mom screamed at me: "Your kids love me more than you!"
My dad chimed in, telling me Kenny was "a better daughter than you’ve ever been" (Kenny is a transgender man, and my dad constantly misgenders him).
My dad grabbed me and physically restrained me, something he has done a thousand times before.

After struggling for three minutes to get away, I panicked, wiggled free, and slapped him across the face. I know slapping him was wrong, despite my reasoning behind it. He immediately grabbed me again, restraining me even tighter. My mom yelled his name and said, "Call the police." Honestly, if she hadn't yelled his name, I fully believe he would have hit me back.

This wasn't an isolated event. Prior to this, my dad got drunk and had one of the scariest outbursts I've ever seen, screaming, "Everybody better get the fuck out!" He hit a shoe shelf in the living room, knocking a cologne bottle off that hit my daughter. He could have knocked the whole thing onto her. In a complete panic, I grabbed my two older kids, dialed 911, and handed the phone to Liam.

Even though my dad faced zero consequences for that incident, and my mom was angry at me for calling the cops, despite wanting to do it herself to me, it was the only time I'd ever called the police on him. Out of the countless times he’s put his hands on me or my mom over the years, I only called because I was genuinely terrified for everyone's safety.

When the police arrived on June 28th, my parents claimed they didn't want to press charges, but the state took over anyway. I spent 17 hours in jail. I was charged with 4th degree assault, issued a no contact order with my dad, and ordered to complete anger management and pay a fine following my July 20th court date (which I am fully willing to do).

We were already in the process of moving. When I first told my mom we were leaving, she threw a two day tantrum, kicking things on day one, and then crying on day two asking, "Can I just keep the kids?" I told her no, but promised she could visit/have them whenever she wanted.

However, sitting in a jail cell for 17 hours changed things for me. My boundaries hardened. I told my parents that while they could still visit the kids, they would not be allowed overnight or unsupervised visits unless at least one parent was actively in therapy to prove there was a safe adult present who could deescalate conflict.

My dad flat out refused.
My mom scheduled an appointment, but spent the days leading up to it picking fights and tried to pressure me into dropping the boundary throughout the whole thing.

The day before her scheduled appointment, she admitted the truth:

"I don’t really wanna go... If I do what you want just to see the kids, you can make me do anything. I'm not gonna start doing that... When Liam fucks you over, don't come to me after treating me like a bad person."

I explained that therapy was the bare minimum safety requirement. If she refused to go, I couldn't keep putting my mental health and my children’s safety in danger. I offered to let her communicate through Liam to schedule visits, but said I couldn't maintain a direct relationship with her if she wouldn't get help.

The next day, she skipped her appointment and blocked me on Facebook. I blocked her on Snapchat, sent her one final text*, “I love you no matter what, always will. Goodbye for now...* 💔*"* and blocked her number.

I never wanted to lose my mom. I am completely heartbroken, grieving, and mourning the mother I thought I had and the best friend I used to lean on. I miss her deeply. I miss my maw and wish I could be with her. I am in an overwhelming amount of emotional pain.

I don't think my parents are evil people, I think they are deeply damaged people with a lot of unresolved trauma. I truly hope that one day my mom chooses to get help so we can rebuild something healthy. Maybe one day she’ll go to therapy, and maybe our relationship can come back stronger than ever. Or maybe it won't. I don't know.

Right now, my priority HAS to be protecting my peace, my husband, and my children from physical and emotional chaos. But I feel completely broken, and my heart is shattered into a million pieces.

AITJ for setting this boundary and going no contact?

TL;DR: After living with my parents for years while paying all their bills, dealing with severe double standards, and facing physical/emotional abuse, things exploded when my dad physically restrained me during an argument; I slapped him out of panic, the police were called, and I spent 17 hours in jail on assault charges. That wake up call led me to set a firm boundary: no unsupervised or overnight visits with my three kids until at least one parent actively attends therapy to ensure a safe environment. My dad flatly refused, and my mom skipped her appointment, claiming I was trying to "control" her, before blocking me, forcing me to cut contact to protect my children and my sanity, though I am completely heartbroken and grieving the relationship.

Background & Relationship History:

I (26F) lived with my parents (44F/48M) my whole life. In 2019, my now husband Liam (27M) moved in with us. Between December 2020 and July 2024, we had three children. In 2023, my adoptive brother Kenny (21M), who is also my biological cousin on my mom’s side, moved in as well.

Growing up, my mom and I were EXTREMELY close. She was my best friend and safe space (just like my maw before she passed in 2017). When Liam moved in, I felt like I just had two best friends. My mom claims our relationship changed then, but I still loved and relied on her deeply.

I stayed living there because my mom lived with her parents her whole life, and I felt unspoken pressure to do the same. I've always been a people pleaser and kinda a doormat. We tried to move out twice before:

2021: My mom guilted and convinced me to stay. I gave in to make her happy, and Liam went along with it for me.
2023: When we wanted to leave again, my mom threatened to call CPS and claimed our kids wouldn't be allowed to leave with us. Terrified and naive, I stayed.

Shift in Dynamics & Double Standards:

Things shifted drastically once Kenny moved in. I felt completely replaced, and the double standards became unbearable:

Financial & Household Burden: My husband and I were paying ALL the household bills for all three of them to live there rent free over the past year. We bought all essentials, did most housework, and paid expensive vet bills for their animals. Yet if we needed them to pick up a pack of diapers, they demanded immediate reimbursement. Meanwhile, Kenny got everything he wanted without paying a cent.
Liam vs. Kenny: In 2021, Liam lost his job after taking time off to care for me and our newborn (who was in the NICU after a 33 week preeclampsia delivery). It took him three months to find another job, during which my parents constantly threatened to kick him out and told me never to come back if I left with him. Meanwhile, Kenny has held two jobs for a combined total of four days in three years. My dad made a deal that Kenny just had to do dishes and laundry, but Kenny leaves dishes sitting for 3+ days with zero consequences. If we left a dish for a few hours, it was an immediate blowup.

Escalating Abuse & The June 28th Incident:

In 2025, I started therapy and was diagnosed with OCD, CPTSD, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and dermatillomania. I finally realized my mom is emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative, while my dad is rage fueled and emotionally/physically abusive.

On June 28th, an argument broke out:

My mom screamed at me, "Your kids love me more than you!"
My dad chimed in, saying Kenny was "a better daughter than I’ve ever been" (Kenny is transgender, and my dad misgenders him constantly).
My dad then grabbed and physically restrained me for the thousandth time.

After three minutes of struggling, I finally wiggled free, snapped, and slapped him in the face out of terror. Which, despite my reasoning I know was wrong. He restrained me again, tighter. My mom yelled his name, then said "call the police." Had she not done that, I fully believed he would’ve hit me.

On a different occasion, my dad was the loudest and angriest I’ve ever seen him. Drunk and screaming "Everybody better get the fuck out!", he hit a shoe shelf in the living room, knocking a cologne bottle off onto my daughter (which he could have seriously injured her, he could’ve knocked the entire shoe shelf over).

I grabbed my two older kids, dialed 911 while having a panic attack, and handed the phone to Liam.

When police arrived, my dad faced no consequences for this, and my mom had gotten mad at me, despite wanting to do the same to me? Out of the thousand times he’s laid his hand on me or my mom, rather I was a kid or adult, neither of us ever called the police on him. This wasn’t even about that and it’s the only time I ever called the police on him, it was out of me genuinely being scared for everyone’s safety.

But despite my parents saying they didn't want to press charges against me, the state took over. I spent 17 hours in jail. I was charged with 4th degree assault, given a no contact order with my dad, and ordered to pay a fine and complete anger management after my court date July 20th (which I am fully willing to do).

Setting the Boundary & The Fallout:

We were already planning to move. When I first told my mom, she threw a two day tantrum, kicking things the first day and crying, asking, "Can I just keep the kids?" The next day. I said no, but promised she could see them whenever she wanted. Which, hasn’t changed completely, I said they could see them whenever, just no sleepovers.

However, after spending 17 hours in jail, my boundaries shifted. I told my parents that while they could visit, the kids will not be staying overnight at their house unless at least one parent is actively in therapy to prove there is a safe adult to deescalate conflict.

My dad flat out refused.
My mom initially scheduled an appointment, but spent the days leading up to it starting childish fights to pressured me to drop the boundary from the beginning.

The day before her appointment, she admitted:

"I don’t really wanna go... If I do what you want just to see the kids, you can make me do anything. I'm not gonna start doing that... When Liam fucks you over, don't come to me after treating me like a bad person."

I told her therapy was the bare minimum, and if she wouldn't go, I couldn't keep putting my mental health and kids' safety at risk. I told her she could communicate through Liam for visits, but I couldn't speak with her if she wouldn't get help.

The next day, she missed her appointment and blocked me on Facebook, after me telling her that I’d be blocking her and not speaking to her if she didn’t go, or that she could do it. I blocked her on Snapchat, sent her one final text: "I love you no matter what, always will. Goodbye for now...💔", blocked her phone, and stopped reaching out.

Where I Stand Now:

I never wanted to lose my mom. I am completely heartbroken, grieving, and mourning the mom I thought I had and the best friend I used to lean on. I miss her, I miss my maw and wish I could be with her, and I am in an overwhelming amount of emotional pain. I don’t think my parents are bad people or inherently evil, I just think they have a lot of unresolved issues.

I hope one day she chooses to get help so we can rebuild something healthier. Maybe one day she’ll go to therapy alone, or even with me. Maybe one day our relationship will be stronger than it ever has been. Maybe we’ll never be as close as we once were. I don’t know.

But right now, I have to protect my peace, my husband, and my children from the chaos. All I know for now is I just feel broken and my heart is shattered into a million pieces.

So, AIO for setting this boundary and cutting contact?

Background & Home Life:

I (26F) lived with my parents (44F/48M) my whole life. In 2019, my now husband Liam (27M) moved in with us. Between December 2020 and July 2024, we had three children. In 2023, my adoptive brother Kenny (21M), who is also my biological cousin on my mom’s side, moved in as well.

Growing up, my mom and I were EXTREMELY close. She was my best friend, my safe space, and the person I turned to for everything (just like my maw was before she passed in 2017). When Liam came into the picture, I felt like I just had two best friends. My mom claims our relationship changed when he moved in, but from my perspective, I still loved and relied on her deeply.

I stayed living with my parents for so long because my mom lived with her parents her whole life, and I felt unspoken pressure to do the same. I’ve always been a people pleaser and a doormat. We tried to move out twice:

2021: My mom guilted and convinced me to stay. I gave in to make her happy, and Liam went along with it because he wanted me to be happy.

2023: When we wanted to leave again, my mom didn't try to persuade me, she threatened to call CPS and claimed our kids wouldn't be allowed to leave with us. Terrified and naive about how CPS worked, I stayed.

Shift in Dynamics & Blatant Double Standards:

Things shifted drastically once Kenny moved in. I felt completely replaced, like I’d lost my best friend, and the double standards became unbearable.

Financial & Household Burden: My husband and I were paying ALL the household bills for all three of them to live there rent free over the past year. We bought all the essentials, did most of the housework, and paid for expensive vet bills for their animals. Yet, if we needed my parents to pick up a drink or a pack of diapers, they demanded immediate reimbursement. If Liam was working and I asked for a ride to a doctor's appointment, it was a massive hassle for them. Also, Kenny got everything he wanted and needed without paying for it.

Liam vs. Kenny: In 2021, Liam lost his job after taking time off to care for me and our newborn (who was in the NICU after a 33 week preeclampsia delivery). It took him three months to find another job. During that time, my parents constantly threatened to kick him out and told me that if I left with him, never to ask for help or come back. Meanwhile, Kenny has held two jobs for a combined total of four days in three years, pays nothing, and my parents baby him. My dad made a deal that Kenny just had to do dishes and laundry, but Kenny often leaves dishes sitting for 3+ days with zero consequences. If we left a dish in the sink for a few hours and they saw after work, it was an immediate blowup.

Mental Health Realizations & Escalating Abuse:

In 2025, I started therapy and was diagnosed with OCD, CPTSD, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and dermatillomania. Through therapy, I finally realized my upbringing wasn't healthy: my mom is emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative, while my dad is rage fueled and emotionally/physically abusive. I don't think they are inherently evil people, I think they have good hearts deep down, but they have severe unaddressed issues and a desperate need for control over me.

Things came to a head on June 28th:

An argument broke out. My mom screamed at me, "Your kids love me more than you!" My dad chimed in, saying Kenny was "a better daughter than I’ve ever been" (Kenny is trans, and my dad misgenders him constantly). My dad then grabbed and physically restrained me for the thousandth time.

After three minutes of struggling to wiggle free, I finally snapped and slapped him in the face. I know it was wrong, regardless of the context, but I was terrified. He restrained me again, but tighter. My mom yelled his name, then said “call the police.” Had she not done that, I fully believed he would’ve hit me back.

Out of the many of times my dad had put his hands on me, I only called police on him once, not even over that. My dad was the loudest and angriest I’ve ever seen him. Drunk and screaming, "Everybody better get the fuck out!", he hit a shoe shelf in the living room, knocking a cologne bottle off onto my daughter.

I grabbed my two older kids, dialed 911 while having a panic attack, and handed the phone to Liam.
When the police arrived, they spoke to us, then talked to my dad. Somehow, he faced no consequences for this. Although, he could’ve knocked the shoe shelf over on my daughter seriously injuring her. My mom got mad at me for this, but wanted to do the same thing to me?

But despite my parents telling the police they didn't want to press charges against me, the state took over. I spent 17 hours in jail, traumatized and alone. I was charged with 4th degree assault, given a no contact order with my dad until my court date on July 20th, and ordered to pay a fine and complete anger management (which I am fully willing to do).

Setting the Boundary & The Fallout:

Even before the incident, we were planning to move. When I first told my mom, she threw a two day tantrum, kicking things the first night, and crying the second night asking, "Can I just keep the kids?" I told her no, but promised she could see them whenever she wanted.

However, after spending 17 hours in jail and realizing how unsafe the environment was, my boundaries shifted. I told my parents that while they can visit the kids, the kids will not be staying overnight at their house unless at least one parent is actively in therapy. I needed to know there was a safe adult in that house who could deescalate conflicts.

My dad flat out refused, but my mom initially scheduled an appointment. In the days leading up to it, though, she started constant childish arguments, pressuring me to drop the boundary. The day before her appointment, she started another fight and admitted:

"I don’t really wanna go... If I do what you want just to see the kids, you can make me do anything. I'm not gonna start doing that... When Liam fucks you over, don't come to me after treating me like a bad person."

I told her that therapy was the absolute bare minimum, and that if she wouldn't go, I couldn't keep putting my mental health and my kids' safety at risk. I told her she could communicate through Liam if she wanted to arrange visits with the kids. I told her I couldn’t keep speaking with her if she wasn’t going to get help.

The next day, she missed her appointment. Shortly after, she blocked me on Facebook. I blocked her on Snapchat, sent her one final text "I love you no matter what, always will. Goodbye for now... 💔*" blocked her ther*e, and stopped reaching out.

Where I Stand Now:

I never, ever wanted to lose my mom. I never thought in a million years our relationship would end like this. I am completely heartbroken, grieving, and mourning the mom I thought I had and the best friend I used to lean on. I miss her, I miss my maw and wish I could be with her right now, and I am in an overwhelming amount of emotional pain.

I hope one day she chooses to get help. Maybe down the road, we can do therapy together and rebuild something healthier, rebuild an even closer bond. Maybe we’ll never be close again at all… But for right now, I have to protect my peace, my husband, and my children from the chaos. I just feel broken. All I know right now, is my heart is shattered into a million pieces. 💔