u/1994T

I feel like my ADHD makes my gym sessions take way longer than they should.

I see people getting through a full workout in 60–90 minutes, while I can easily spend 2–4 hours at the gym and still only get through 4–5 exercises. I get distracted between sets, lose track of time, check my phone, wander around, or just zone out before starting the next set.

It's frustrating because I enjoy lifting, but I feel incredibly inefficient.

Does anyone else with ADHD experience this? If so, have you found anything that actually helps you stay on track and finish your workouts in a reasonable amount of time?

I feel like my ADHD makes my gym sessions take way longer than they should.

I see people getting through a full workout in 60–90 minutes, while I can easily spend 2–4 hours at the gym and still only get through 4–5 exercises. I get distracted between sets, lose track of time, check my phone, wander around, or just zone out before starting the next set.

It's frustrating because I enjoy lifting, but I feel incredibly inefficient.

Does anyone else with ADHD experience this? If so, have you found anything that actually helps you stay on track and finish your workouts in a reasonable amount of time?

32M a month porn and goon free

I find myself constantly getting distracted by women in tight gym clothes. It's not that I'm trying to stare, but my attention keeps getting pulled away from my workout, and I have to consciously redirect my focus. It honestly makes it harder to train.

I'm wondering if years of porn use and gooning have conditioned my brain to constantly scan for sexual stimuli in environments like this. Or perhaps it's something else.

Anyone else in the same boat? If so, did it improve after staying away from porn for a while? Any strategies that helped you stay focused on your workout?

32M a month porn and goon free

I find myself constantly getting distracted by women in tight gym clothes. It's not that I'm trying to stare, but my attention keeps getting pulled away from my workout, and I have to consciously redirect my focus. It honestly makes it harder to train.

I'm wondering if years of porn use and gooning have conditioned my brain to constantly scan for sexual stimuli in environments like this.

Anyone else in the same boat? If so, did it improve after staying away from porn for a while? Any strategies that helped you stay focused on your workout?

I've been looking for good ADHD content and was curious who everyone here follows or reads. I've read Edward Hallowell and watched other material some which mixes in ideas from Asian philosophy and meditation, others that blend in nature-based interventions and other less conventional therapeutic approaches that don't always seem to have the same level of scientific backing as stimulants and externalizing/routine.

I'm looking for more recommendations. Who do you think is worth following, whether it's YouTube channels, podcasts, books, researchers, clinicians, or other creators?

Also, it'd be great if you could mention whether they're the kind of person you need to actively pay attention to, or whether they're good to have on in the background while doing something else (like working out at the gym). Both types are welcome.

I've been wondering whether any personality types tend to show up more often in people with ADHD.

I recently took a personality test and got INTJ. Reading through the description, I was surprised by how much of it resonated with me. At the same time, some parts also reminded me of ADHD—constantly living in my head, getting absorbed in interests, preferring ideas over routines, struggling to execute plans despite thinking about them endlessly, and feeling disconnected from everyday structure.

It also made me think of the concept of the puer aeternus ("the eternal child") from Jungian psychology that Dr K mentions often. Not that they're the same thing, but I noticed some overlap in themes like unrealized potential, living in possibilities rather than action, and difficulty fully settling into adult responsibilities.

I've been wondering whether any personality types tend to show up more often in people with ADHD.

I recently took a personality test and got INTJ. Reading through the description, I was surprised by how much of it resonated with me. At the same time, some parts also reminded me of ADHD—constantly living in my head, getting absorbed in interests, preferring ideas over routines, struggling to execute plans despite thinking about them endlessly, and feeling disconnected from everyday structure.

It also made me think of the concept of the puer aeternus ("the eternal child") from Jungian psychology. Not that they're the same thing, but I noticed some overlap in themes like unrealized potential, living in possibilities rather than action, and difficulty fully settling into adult responsibilities.

I'm aware that MBTI isn't considered scientifically robust, and ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder rather than a personality type. Still, I'm curious whether there's any research showing that certain personality profiles are more common among people with ADHD, or whether this is mostly people seeing patterns after the fact.

Have any of you found that a particular personality type seemed to fit you unusually well? Or do you think there's little to no relationship between ADHD and personality type?

I'm not even sure how to explain this, but I feel like I have no identity whatsoever.

I don't mean low self-esteem. I mean I genuinely don't know who I am because it feels like there isn't much there.

I don't have any strong values that I consistently stand by. I don't have strong opinions. I don't really have a clear personality. I don't feel like I have a solid sense of self.

Instead, I just seem to adapt to whoever I'm with or whatever environment I'm in. If I'm around one group, I become like them. Around another group, I become more like them. It's almost like I'm just reflecting whatever is around me instead of being an actual person with my own identity.

If someone asked me: "What do you stand for?" "What are your values?" "Who are you?"

...I honestly wouldn't know what to say.

It feels like I stand for nothing...

I've been wondering whether this could be related to

ADHD, constantly seeking novelty, or whether it's something else entirely.

Has anyone else with ADHD experienced this feeling?

Did you eventually develop a stronger sense of self, and if so, what actually helped? I'm really curious whether this is something others have gone through or if it's just me.

As-salamu alaykum,

I'm in my early 30s and I'm at a stage in life where I'd really like to get married. The problem is that I don't have much of a social network.

I don't have Muslim friends, my family doesn't really know anyone to suggest, apps don't work and I don't have many opportunities to meet practicing Muslim women naturally.

I know the usual advice is to "ask around" or "let people know you're looking," but that becomes difficult when there isn't really anyone to ask.

For those who were in a similar situation:

How did you meet your spouse?

What practical steps did you take?

Are matrimonial apps or websites worth trying?

Did your local mosque or community help at all?

Are there other halal ways to expand your opportunities to meet someone for marriage?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who started

with little or no network and were still able to find a spouse.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Looking back, I only recently realized that my unhealthy relationship with porn may have been closely tied to my ADHD. Over the years it gradually got worse, especially whenever I was bored, stressed, or avoiding things I needed to do. At its worst, I could watch porn and masturbate up to four to eight times a day.

I know ADHD affects everyone differently. Some people struggle more with impulsive spending, binge eating, gaming, or substance use. For me, porn became one of my biggest struggles.

I'm currently three weeks clean, which I'm proud of, but it's still a daily battle. The urges can be intense, and my brain keeps trying to convince me to go back.

For those of you with ADHD who have dealt with something similar, what actually helped? Was it medication, therapy, replacing the habit with something else, blocking access, accountability, or something entirely different? And how was it implemented.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through this and managed to build a healthier relationship with sexuality and porn.

32M here with ADHD (combined type).

I got out of a relationship that lasted several years, and since then I've had absolutely no success meeting women. The biggest problem is that I don't even know how to meet people anymore.

Thinking about it, I don't think I've had a real conversation with a woman since the breakup. And I don't mean flirting—I mean even a normal conversation where you're actually getting to know someone. The only interactions I've had are things like saying hi, buying groceries, or asking for directions.

I've always been pretty isolated. Growing up, I had severe ADHD, struggled socially, and never really built a strong social circle. Dating apps haven't helped either. I'm not some Greek god, and Tinder has mostly been fake accounts, bots, or the occasional "hi" before the conversation dies.

It's starting to feel like I'm stuck. Not because I'm expecting someone to magically appear, but because I genuinely don't know where people in their 30s actually meet potential partners anymore.

Has anyone else been in a similar position and managed to turn things around? If so, what actually worked for you? How did you rebuild your social life and eventually meet someone?

I'd really appreciate any advice or experiences.

32M here with ADHD (combined type).

I got out of a relationship that lasted several years, and since then I've had absolutely no success meeting women. The biggest problem is that I don't even know how to meet people anymore.

Thinking about it, I don't think I've had a real conversation with a woman since the breakup. And I don't mean flirting—I mean even a normal conversation where you're actually getting to know someone. The only interactions I've had are things like saying hi, buying groceries, or asking for directions.

I've always been pretty isolated. Growing up, I had severe ADHD, struggled socially, and never really built a strong social circle. Dating apps haven't helped either. I'm not some Greek god, and Tinder has mostly been fake accounts, bots, or the occasional "hi" before the conversation dies.

It's starting to feel like I'm stuck. Not because I'm expecting someone to magically appear, but because I genuinely don't know where people in their 30s actually meet potential partners anymore.

Has anyone else been in a similar position and managed to turn things around? If so, what actually worked for you? How did you rebuild your social life and eventually meet someone?

I'd really appreciate any advice or experiences.

32M with ADHD (combined type).

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this.

For years I've spent a lot of time socializing online—Discord, Clubhouse, X Spaces, voice chats, etc. Online, I do really well. Conversations flow naturally, I can talk for hours, people seem to enjoy talking to me, and they often show genuine interest in getting to know me.

Real life feels like the complete opposite.

Face-to-face, I often say awkward or dumb things, misread the room, interrupt people, or make jokes that don't land. It feels like people lose interest quickly or look at me like I'm weird. I leave social interactions replaying everything I said and wondering why it's so much harder in person.

The contrast is so extreme that it honestly confuses me. It's like I'm two different people depending on whether I'm behind a microphone or standing in front of someone.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially if you have ADHD? If you managed to improve, what actually helped? Social practice, therapy, medication, coaching—or did something else make the biggest difference?

32M with ADHD (combined type).

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this.

For years I've spent a lot of time socializing online—Discord, X Spaces, voice chats, etc. Online, I do really well. Conversations flow naturally, I can talk for hours, people seem to enjoy talking to me, and they often show genuine interest in getting to know me.

Real life feels like the complete opposite.

Face-to-face, I often say awkward or dumb things, misread the room, interrupt people, or make jokes that don't land. It feels like people lose interest quickly or look at me like I'm weird. I leave social interactions replaying everything I said and wondering why it's so much harder in person.

The contrast is so extreme that it honestly confuses me. It's like I'm two different people depending on whether I'm behind a microphone or standing in front of someone.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially if you have ADHD? If you managed to improve, what actually helped? Social practice, therapy, medication, coaching—or did something else make the biggest difference?

I'm about three weeks into quitting porn, and something unexpected has happened.

For the first time in a long time, I'm waking up with really strong morning wood. Before quitting, I often had trouble getting or maintaining an erection, so this feels like a positive sign.

The downside is that the morning erections seem to come with a huge wave of horniness. Along with that, old porn scenes and images keep popping into my head, and the cravings feel much more intense than they did during the first couple of weeks. I got no gf or anything to get active with and flapping means automatically porn so am staying clean from flapping as I am from porn.

I'm trying not to relapse, but I wasn't expecting the urges to get stronger instead of weaker at this point.

Has anyone else experienced this around the 3-week mark? Is this a normal part of recovery, and if so, how long did this phase last for you?

I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this.

Whenever I spend time on social media, I keep seeing people my age or younger achieving incredible things landing amazing careers, getting married, traveling the world, starting businesses, buying homes, getting into incredible shape, or just seeming to have their lives completely together.

Instead of feeling inspired, I often end up feeling deeply depressed. I start comparing my life to theirs, thinking about all the opportunities I've missed and wondering if I'm permanently behind. It can trigger a spiral where I replay my past decisions and feel like I've wasted years.

I know social media only shows the highlights, and rationally I know comparison isn't helpful. But emotionally, it still hits hard.

Has anyone else struggled with this? If so, how did you stop comparing yourself and get to a point where other people's success no longer made you feel worse about your own life?

Lately I've noticed a pattern. I'll open my phone just to check one thing on X or reddit, and before I know it I've spent an hour or two doomscrolling through news, adhd and self-help posts , other material I randomly get on X.

The weird part is how I feel afterward. I don't just feel like I wasted Time I feel genuinely depressed. My mood crashes, I lose motivation, everything feels heavier, and I start thinking much more negatively than I was before I picked up my phone. Even slightly suicidal-ish.

I'm curious if anyone else experiences this. Is it the constant stream of negative news, comparing yourself to others, information overload, or just spending too much time staring at a screen?

If you've gone through this, what helped you break the cycle? Did limiting your phone use actually improve your mood, or was there something else that made the biggest difference? I've already cut out tiktok due to how addictive it was and the kind of slop on there.

I'd love to hear your experiences, advice and relevant information.

Lately I've noticed a pattern. I'll open my phone just to check one thing on X or reddit, and before I know it I've spent an hour or two doomscrolling through news, adhd and self-help posts , other material I randomly get on X.

The weird part is how I feel afterward. I don't just feel like I wasted Time I feel genuinely depressed. My mood crashes, I lose motivation, everything feels heavier, and I start thinking much more negatively than I was before I picked up my phone. Even slightly suicidal-ish.

I'm curious if anyone else experiences this. Is it the constant stream of negative news, comparing yourself to others, information overload, or just spending too much time staring at a screen?

If you've gone through this, what helped you break the cycle? Did limiting your phone use actually improve your mood, or was there something else that made the biggest difference? I've already cut out tiktok due to how addictive it was and the kind of slop on there.

I'd love to hear your experiences, advice and relevant information.

I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled with being unable to let go of major mistakes from their past.

A few years ago, I made a number of bad decisions related to alcohol. Some of those decisions hurt people I cared about and led to consequences that I still regret deeply. I also ended a relationship that, looking back, was probably the best relationship I've ever had, and I often find myself wondering what would have happened if I had acted differently.

On top of that, I sometimes regret educational and career choices, including what I chose to major in, and I constantly think about alternative paths I could have taken.

I spend a lot of time replaying these events in my head, thinking about what I should have done differently and imagining different versions of my life. Rationally, I know I can't change the past, but emotionally I feel stuck there.

For those who have made serious mistakes or have deep regrets, how did you eventually make peace with them? How did you stop defining yourself by your worst decisions and start moving forward?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have gone through something similar.

I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled with being unable to let go of major mistakes from their past.

A few years ago, I made a number of bad decisions related to alcohol. Some of those decisions hurt people I cared about and led to consequences that I still regret deeply. I also ended a relationship that, looking back, was probably the best relationship I've ever had, and I often find myself wondering what would have happened if I had acted differently.

On top of that, I sometimes regret educational and career choices, including what I chose to major in, and I constantly think about alternative paths I could have taken.

I spend a lot of time replaying these events in my head, thinking about what I should have done differently and imagining different versions of my life. Rationally, I know I can't change the past, but emotionally I feel stuck there.

For those who have made serious mistakes or have deep regrets, how did you eventually make peace with them? How did you stop defining yourself by your worst decisions and start moving forward?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have gone through something similar.