u/1DFire

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This is not exhaustive. For those who don't recognize the last person, that is Harlan Ellison.

Death Battle: Sephiroth vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi (George Lucas canon only) version 2.0

Obi-Wan Kenobi finds himself on an unknown world. The Force doesn’t exist here, but whatever power placed him here has allowed him to access his Force abilities anyway. He has access to his abilities in episodes 1-4 (George Lucas canon only, no Disney, no legends and no power creep). Overhead a figure is flying. The figure is a powerful male with a single wing and long hair. He also has a huge sword.

Kenobi: (waves his hands) You don’t need to use that weapon on me.

Sephiroth laughs.

Sephiroth: You just tried to influence my will with your pathetic powers. It is like taking an eyedropper of water to extinguish a sun.  In one sense you are right, I don’t need Masamune to destroy you. I sense your hubris. This could be fun for a while.

Kenobi senses danger, and he readies his lightsaber.

Sephiroth: (Laughs) You intend to fight a god with a toy.

Sephiroth extends his hand and presses his palm down. Kenobi notices a lens flare effect and the ground beneath him craters a bit and Kenobi is forced to his knees. Sephiroth manipulated gravity itself. Sephiroth looks on.

Kenobi is flustered but picks himself up.

Sephiroth moves his hand in a lazy horizontal sweep. A crescent wave of shimmering, spectral violet energy peels away from his fingertips. It drifts slowly and warps the sunlight as it heads towards the ground. Kenobi gets into defensive stance and parries the wave which explodes into tiny sparks which pepper his face and hands with stinging, freezing pricks.

Sephiroth circles at high speeds overhead around Kenobi creating a whirlwind where Kenobi must stay put in the eye of the storm. Then Sephiroth slows considerably and the whirlwind dissipates. Kenobi’s precognition tells him an opening is coming and he prepares. Sephiroth lands near Kenobi. Kenobi strikes and his lightsaber goes through Sephiroth’s exposed chest. Sephiroth laughs it off as his regeneration quickly takes care of the “damage.”

Sephiroth laughs, “You took the bait as I expected. You actually believed you outmaneuvered a god. I was right about your hubris. You hit me because I allowed it to happen to teach you a lesson. You are an insect about to be crushed by a god.” Kenobi is horrified that the lightsaber not only didn’t kill Sephiroth, but also failed to do any lasting damage. Sephiroth closes in and grabs Kenobi’s right wrist and begins to apply pressure, the pain mounts and Kenobi drops his lightsaber which deactivates as it hits the ground.

Sephiroth: Some say comedy is hard. But you seem to have it down, because YOU ARE a joke and the punchline is you don’t even realize it.

Sephiroth breaks Kenobi’s wrist and the subsequent pain shatters Kenobi’s force connection. Sephiroth then bends down and picks up the lightsaber. He holds it in front of Kenobi with both hands. He then snaps it in half like a twig and discards it like trash. Kenobi’s morale is totally broken.

Sephiroth: (laughing) So you are the best your order has, pathetic. It is just another failure to add to your rather long list.

Kenobi: What?

Sephiroth: You remember Geonosis don’t you? Count Dooku told you the truth, a truth you didn’t want to hear. Your hubris refused to accept what he told you. You then ran to your masters who pat you on the head and told you it was a lie. You and your order see yourselves as kingmakers, but you are really the court jester performing for the real king -the Sith Lord who operated under your very noses for  over a decade. Your order was already dead, it just didn’t stop moving. The rise of the Empire you fight is a result of Jedi hubris with your fingerprints quite prominent there.

Kenobi flinches.

Sephiroth: And again, remember fighting Dooku to save Chancellor Palpatine? You boasted that Sith are your specialty. Within about a minute, you were pinned and unconscious under debris. But Anakin won the fight and instead of leaving you to die, rescued you.

Kenobi: I serve the Light side.

Sephiroth: (laughs) Light side huh? On Mustafar, you left a man who you claimed to love like a brother to die in contrast to his unwillingness to abandon you. If that is what you call light, you have a very strange definition of light. But let’s be honest, while you and your order like to parade around as “Guardians of Light,” your behavior tells a different story. Leading a slave army, the “Light side?” (laughs) Let me guess, from a certain point of view right? You are actually unscrupulous and hide it behind a “code” and “certain points of view.” If that treachery weren’t enough, you proceeded to take Anakin’s two children and separated them – tearing that family apart with the intent of weaponizing them and regarding them as expendable as their father. This is more of your so-called “Light side” from a certain point of view I am sure. You and your order are a lot like Professor Hojo with one exception. He is also unscrupulous, but he doesn’t pretend to be a hero. Real heroes have principles not “certain points of view.”

Kenobi: Anakin had fallen to the Dark side.

Sephiroth: (laughs) You really do have this comedy thing down. That is hilarious coming from you. Let me tell you something about “Fallen Anakin.” He was a better man than you ever were. While you and your order tried to overthrow a duly elected Chancellor, Anakin stood with rule of law. You and your order see yourselves as above the law. Unscrupulous indeed. You and your order are a disease trying to pass itself off as either benign or the cure to the problem, and you are neither. You and your order were part of the problem not any part of the solution.

Kenobi remains silent.

Sephiroth: Shall I give you despair or are your own failures enough to break you? You have no high ground here moral or otherwise. You have the ground you will die on. I will do you this courtesy, the world you are about to die on is called Gaia and this isn’t even your home galaxy. You have moved into a distant future. Everyone you ever knew died a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. You are totally alone. You will finally provide a positive contribution… as fertilizer to the soil… or food for Gaia’s wildlife (he adds nonchalantly). When you are gone you will not be “one” with your Force, you will be a memory…a bad memory. Eventually, you will be forgotten. So how is that “point of view” thing doing for you right now?

Kenobi does not respond.

Sephiroth finishes Kenobi off with a fatal punch to his upper abdomen. Sephiroth then places the broken lightsaber pieces next to the body as a mocking grave, and remarks “Despicable creature.” Sephiroth never used Masamune as he said he didn’t need to. Sephiroth notices a condor approaching, he then turns and takes to the air.