u/8mxmoon8

I (19F) have been talking to this guy (21M) for a while. Him and I are texting here and there but...he's honestly so distant and withdrawn. When we text, he's not afraid to call me a dozen pet names. He calls me babe or baby all the time. But it takes ages for us to text--the moment I start a conversation, he's not online for days. The moment we finish conversing, he's online 5x a day. I just assumed he didn't like me and we didn't really talk much after.

This last week alone has been so interesting. He asked for my instagram and followed me. We shared a cute moment over text and I thanked him for never letting me feel alone. He replied with "ilysm". I was taken back but at the same time, I assumed he meant it as a sweet reply than anything crush-like. I replied back with ilyt.

This is the same guy where anytime we picked classes to take together, he cancels it. The same guy where despite our classes being in the same building, we never see each other. The same guy who follows a bunch of girls and has mainly girl bestfriends. I feel like...like even if I love him, he'll never see me that way. I feel like he views me more like a funny friend or a sister. But the avoidance towards me hurts. He insists that I'm never bothering him, that he cares about me, that he'll always want me around. But I don't feel it. I don't know anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been best friends together for a few years. We got super close and decided to date about 2 years ago. In the first year, he cheated on me twice by sexting other women incredibly dirty and disgusting things. He secretly indulged in a crazy amount of porn despite how uncomfortable I was. He mistreated me emotionally, physically and sexually. He rarely cares for my consent, and it feels like he constantly enjoys hurting me.

Well, I found out he cheated months after he finished sexting them. I didn't even get to see the messages from one of the girls, I just saw his dm begging her to take him back. It threw me entirely off the edge. When I confronted him, all he could tell me was "I don't remember" and zone out. I despised him, and couldn't be intimate or affectionate for so long. For the next year after, he's completely changed. He yells that he's not into other women anymore, has shown me proof of it here and there. Yet, I can't help it. I'm stuck between hating his guts and wanting to marry him. I came to a new problem too--I only feel like I'm able to cum or be intimate with him if I imagine him cheating on me. Or cum to the porn he used to indulge daily. I cry while masturbating but it's the only way I know how to be relatively normal again.

These days, I find myself incredibly spiteful. I attempted to sext several men to see how it felt for him. But I can't help but gag and cry through it. It feels entirely disgusting to be with anyone else but him. How was it so easy for him? Why did he do the things that he did? And, how do I know for sure that he isn't still doing those terrible things? And just hiding it?

I feel regretful now. I don't know what to do. I've been spending a lot of time trying to learn how to be myself again, especially without him. I still feel love for him, but the things he did has entirely betrayed every bit of trust I had. I find that even when he says he's not using porn or looking at other women, I'VE become that. When he says he's not sexting anyone, I've become that. I can't stop falling into this pit. Just me, trying to replicate the things he did to me to just have a SEMBLANCE of understanding for why it happened.

I don't even know what advice anyone can give me. I'm just exhausted. I feel like a terrible person.

I didn't like the suspense that Alice was an android the whole time.

I felt like the actual beauty behind her and Kara's relationship was that love, especially maternal love, can be beyond race :-/ I know that them both being androids show how androids can love just as humans can but...idk. I guess it makes sense because Alice has been outside all the time without food and water. Just never appealed to me as a plot twist. It would have been cool to see more human and android love in that way. How do you guys see it?

kinda nervous to post this because I don't want to start an argument 😭 no hate to anyone who did like it, just wanted to discuss as im getting back into the game

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I'm so sick of this man. I hold off peeing JUST because i don't want to deal with cleaning. I literally always bleach the damn toilet every single time i have to use it. Granted, the boys in my family sometimes leave stains on it and it drives me insane. But even when it looks clean, I still gotta clean the top, the sides, the inside 😪