u/AdMaster9646

I don't know how to express but why is my mom such an emotional blackmailer. If I refuse anything, my mom always starts emotional blackmail. She starts crying, starves herself, locks the door and does everything to make sure that I feel guilty even if I am not wrong. If I oppose her decision, she starts saying that I don't respect her and starts sayings things like I gave birth to you, I am taking care of you but you are opposing me and all of that. She starts abusing me verbally with cuss words. She even starts doubting me about my gender and abusing about my looks. I am emotionally drained and I am suffering with anxiety. Is this only happening with me or anyone else? If you are in my position, what will you do?

I really have a genuine question. Why doesn't bahu get the same level of respect and love like how SIL. For Damaad (Son-in-law), girl's parents treat him like a king with all the love and respect and fulfills his need. But if the matter is about DIL, in some families MIL always tries to lecture DIL or she won't respect her bahu nor she loves her.

Like seriously, Why?

I recently attended a wedding and saw a woman I know ask her husband to take some pictures of her. He looked really uncomfortable and kept avoiding it. When he finally did, he had a very serious expression and expressions of discomfort. Later, he told her that his image would be affected if his friends saw him taking his wife's pictures and asked why she couldn't ask another woman. I honestly don't understand why taking your wife's pictures would be considered embarrassing or affect someone's "izzat." Has anyone else seen something like this? Why would someone feel this way?

I am 21F and I am seriously frustrated with this now. Mom's forcing me to get married but I have clearly told my mom that " I don't want to get married", but still every single day there is some shaadi-related talk. It feels like somehow ANY topic gets connected to my marriage.

They are forcing me to learn cooking and household chores specifically for my future sasural. It's always "yeh seekh lo, sasural mein kaam aayega" or "wahan kaise karogi?". Then there are random comments like: "Teri shaadi mein yeh karenge, woh karenge." "Iske liye rishta wahan se layenge, rishte ke din yeh pehen lena." "Teri bridal shopping yahan se karenge." "Shaadi ke din yeh hairstyle karwana." "Sasural mein aise rehna, waise behave karna."

Even once the topic of learning car driving came up and somehow they were like "Abhi kyun seekhna? Iska husband sikha dega." Like WHAT? Why is future husband being brought into every random topic? My neighbours have children who are older than me, but they aren't constantly talking about their children's marriage or planning their wedding already. But my mom keeps talking about my shaadi, husband and sasural. She even asks neighbours about their children's marriages and what they're planning. Sometimes it honestly feels like she is deliberately giving me hints that she is already thinking about getting me married, and whenever I say "I don't want to get married", she gets extremely emotional, starts crying or shouting and says things like "Tum chup karo. Hum tumse bade hain, hume pata hai tumhare liye kya accha hai."  I am getting SO frustrated because this is literally happening every day. Sometimes I get so angry that I end up throwing or breaking things. Why is there such a hurry?

I want to know what you all think about this. Is this normal in Indian families, or is my mom unusually obsessed with the idea of my marriage? And what would you do if you were in my place?

Ok girls, now I am having a doubt. I am thinking of being single for life time. I just want to adopt one kid later and just raise him/her as mine. I am having this thought from childhood onwards. Just solitude.

Is it wrong or unusual?

I’m 21F and my mom is forcing me to get married. She keeps saying she’ll start looking for rishtas soon. I clearly said no, but she keeps comparing me with others who got married at 21 or 22 in my neighborhood like it’s some kind of deadline. Like seriously these people got married at 21 and now I am getting headache 

She also keeps saying things like “match jaldi fix nahi hota, kabhi kabhi saal lag jaate hain” and “fertility age cross ho gayi toh baad mein problems aayenge.”  She’s not even trying to listen to what I want.

Whenever I try to explain, she shuts me down saying “chup raho tujhe kuch nahi pata” and *“tere zindagi mein main jo bhi karu tujhe bas chup rehke sab kuch accept karna hai.” It hurts a lot to hear that… like I don’t even have a say in my own life.

I just don’t want it right now. I want time to figure out my career, become independent, and actually feel ready. But the constant pressure is making me really anxious. I’ve been having sleepless nights thinking about this.

I feel stuck between respecting my mom and standing up for myself… and it’s honestly exhausting.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you handle it?

Previous post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIndianWomen/s/JIMgE4l7Hp
Hi everyone, this is an update to my previous post, and honestly I didn’t expect things to spiral like this.

After my cousin confronted her mom and raised her voice, her mom has completely stopped eating for the past 2 days. Not even a little. When somebody asks het to eat She is saying she’ll stay hungry, become weak, and that this is exactly what her daughter wants—to see her suffer like this.

She keeps repeating that she is doing all of this “for her daughter’s happiness,” and that my cousin’s words hurt her so much that she doesn’t even feel like eating anymore. At the same time, she keeps saying that my cousin is happy seeing her like this.

The entire house feels heavy right now. There’s constant tension, silence, and guilt in the air. No one knows what to say or do anymore. It feels like anything we say will make things worse.

My cousin is breaking down—she’s feeling guilty (even though she is not wrong), confused, and emotionally drained, even though she only spoke up for herself. The rest of us are also stuck, watching everything unfold and not knowing how to fix it.

Is this kind of reaction normal? Or is this something more serious that we’re not understanding? If someone has dealt with something similar, please tell me—what actually works in a situation like this?
Do we try to reason with her, ignore it, or give in just to bring things back to normal?
And if my cousin apologizes now, will it help… or just make this pattern continue?

I'd really need honest opinions, even if they are blunt. We genuinely don’t know what to do right now.

Posting this here because I genuinely don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore, and I really want honest opinions. (It's gonna be long)

This is about my cousin sister. I’m very close to her and she tells me everything, so I know what actually happens in her house. But in front of her family, she still acts like she doesn’t know certain truths, just to keep things from breaking further.

Her father cheated on her mother multiple times, and around 11–12 years ago he got HIV. Because of him, even her mother got HIV. No one ever told my cousin directly, but she found out on her own. Imagine knowing something this big and still having to pretend like you don’t know, every single day.

Even after all this, her mother stayed in the marriage “for the sake of the child.” But the reality was toxic. They used to fight a lot about all this, just making sure their daughter didn’t see it.

Her father had a very typical mindset—girls shouldn’t work, shouldn’t wear certain clothes like shorts, should just get married and settle. But at the same time, he would pamper her, bring her things, show affection. So for her, he was never fully good or fully bad… just confusing.

When his illness came out, he even lied to his family saying he got HIV from a medical injection while trying for a child. From that day, her aunts started hating my cousin as if she is the reason why he got HIV, even though they know that he used to go to call girls even before his marriage. Later the truth came out—that it was because of a call girl. The worst part is, in a way, it felt like he shifted blame onto the idea of “trying for a child”… like putting it on his own family.

He passed away recently. Years back, he had a serious health condition and was even on a ventilator, and that’s when all this came out through tests. For the last 11 years, his wife took care of him like anything. Despite everything he did, she stayed, she served him, she handled everything.

But the real pain is not just the past—it’s what my cousin has been going through all her life.

Since childhood, her mother has been very harsh—shouting, beating, comparing her, saying extremely hurtful things. My cousin already has anxiety because of this.

On the day her father died, someone said in front of everyone that “her kismat is bad, that’s why this happened.” And instead of defending her, her own mother agreed with it. That one moment broke something inside her. Her mausi came to defend her but her mom didn't.

Even after that, during fights, her mother repeated the same thing—that she is unlucky.

Recently, there was another fight just because my cousin came a little late that day. Her mom started shouting, crying, calling her useless, nalayak, nikamma, good for nothing. This time, my cousin couldn’t take it anymore. She finally spoke up.

She brought up how, on the day of her dad’s death, her mom supported that horrible statement instead of protecting her. Her mausi defended her but her own mother didn't. But her mom denied everything and turned it around emotionally, saying things like “you want to see me die.”

In that moment, my cousin said things like “maybe only after I die you’ll get peace,” and she also spoke about how she has been treated all her life.

Now she’s sitting with guilt, wondering if she crossed a line or not.

From outside, their family looks perfectly normal, even respectable. No one knows what’s actually going on inside.

So I just want to ask—was she wrong for finally speaking up like this? Or is this what happens when someone keeps everything inside for years? Who is wrong and who is right?

I am 21F and this is about someone I know closely. She got married not very long ago. Recently, there was an argument between her and her husband about what she should wear for an outing. He wanted her to dress a certain way so she looks more “presentable,” but she chose something else. It turned into a heated argument and in the middle of it, he ended up slapping her. Things escalated quickly after that and she has now applied for divorce. It all feels sudden but at the same time, maybe not, because there were already small issues building up before this. Just sharing what happened because it’s been on my mind. Any opinions about this?

I should always please my parent and keep her mood happy so that I can live in peace atleast for some hours. I am always afraid tha what if she gets upset. Because when she gets upset she makes sure that she will hurt me emotionally soo much that it will take so much time for me to recover. Whatever maybe the reason for her upset mood, she will divert the topic and always blames me for the miserable life and starts comparing me with others soo much that I feel guilty about something that I never did. When she hears that someone around my age has achieved something, she starts getting upset and starts comparing them with me and emotionally blackmails me for not being like them, makes absurd comments and makes a mountain out of a mole hill. It's not like she will be angry only sometimes for valid reasons but she gets angry and shows her narcissism for each and every small thing which other people doesn't even care about and scares the shit out of everyone, especially me. I got anxiety issues because of all these things. So I don't even remember from how many years but unknowingly I have turned into her mood checker from so many years. I make sure that she is happy and peaceful a nd doesn't go into that sadistic mode so that I can live in peace. This may feel weird but to keep her happy all the time, I do so many things. This has reached to such a level that I have forgot about my happiness. She expects me to keep mum even though she stabs me. I don't even have a right to standup for myself and say loud that I don't like something. I don't know how to get out of this trap and start prioritising myself

Okay this might sound random but I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

Why is having a biological child such a *default expectation* in Indian families? Like it’s not even a choice, it’s just “next step in life”. And the moment adoption comes up, people get weird about it.

You’ll hear things like “apna khoon alag hota hai”, “pata nahi kaisa background hoga”, “connection nahi banega” and all that. It’s like adoption is seen as some risky or last option thing. When the mother doesn't want to conceive a child, and talks about adoption families reject the idea. I mean it's the woman who should get pregnant and go through the pain all the way right? Why shouldn't she think about her body?

But at the same time, there are so many kids who actually need a family. And people still go through so much stress trying to have biological kids instead of even considering adoption properly.

I’m not judging, just genuinely curious, is it mainly the bloodline mindset? Society pressure? Or do people feel they won’t be able to love an adopted child the same?

Would you personally be okay with adoption? Or does it still feel like a “big deal” in your family?

I am 21f. When I have turned 21, the discussions started about my marriage and rishtas. Not only my family, even neighbors started talking about my marriage with parents. My parents started pressurizing me for marriage and they are talking about starting to look for rishtas. Even today, just now one of my neighbor started talking to my nani that he knows a boy with govt job and very good salary and my mom started forcing me. I just said normally that I won't marry now, then mom and nani started shouting on me like hell. They are saying things like "you don't have any right to talk about your marriage. So just shut up, do whatever we say", etc. They really started behaving like villain from aparichit. I don't know what to tell them and how to convince them. Any ideas?

My cousin sister and her husband recently got divorced. Both husband and wife come from well to do families. The reason her husband gave is that she doesn't care about saving money and always goes to shopping every 2nd or 3rd day and buys clothes or something of worth 200-400. My cousin sister and her husband runs a medical shop. Her MIL is saying that she orders food from outside frequently for herself even though she knows that her MIL is cooking food. They are giving reasons like she wastes money even though they say no to her. My cousin sister is saying that her husband is a miser and also has extreme OCD which becomes extremely unbearable many times that living with him becomes impossible. Actually he has OCD and we know that long before the marriage and she said that he always taunts her. As far as we know, this guy's marriage was called of once before right on the day of marriage with some other girl, we don't know the reason behind that.

I don't know who is right and who is wrong.

I have a genuine question. I have tried finding answer for that but I didn't find till now.
Why is the fortune of carefree, cruel, bad and cunning people always good and why are the lives of good, innocent and sincere people always miserable?
Does something like karma really exists? If it exists, why doesn't it work? I mean I really don't understand why? Somebody has any answer for this?

I am 22F. My mom is forcing me to get married. She is doing this from almost an year, even before my dad passed away. We have argued so much about this that I am suffering from anxiety and sleepless nights from then. Recently, my father passed away and our family friends and neighbors helped us do everything. Actually they are good persons, like I am seeing them from my childhood they always stood by us and help us in every situation. They treat me as their own daughter. They are like our real family. They take care of us softly and selflessly. After my dad's death as well, they are taking care of all things, but now that uncles are saying that they will look for rishtas and get me married as soon as possible like within some months. I don't want this to happen. Today early morning I heard this conversation from my terrace. Actually my mom and grandmother stopped talking abt marriage in front of me and started talking secretly when I am not there. After uncle has gone, I talked about this and I told her that I don't want to marry. They started shouting on me aggressively and literally said that I should shut my mouth and do what my mom says and I am a naive and foolish girl to behave this way an say no to marriage. (Also in our culture, they believe that, if the daughter gets married within 1 year of father's death, then it's good for father's soul and for everyone.) From the next day of my dad's death, my mom is emotionally manipulating me saying that life is unpredictable, who knows that ur dad will pass away suddenly. Now I am the only family member remaining for you, your naani is so old and weak she can't do anything for you. I have severe asthma and BP and If something happens to me who will get you married, wo will take care of you. It's better u get married. Let uncle see some good rishtas for you. After this again I said that I am not saying that I will remain single forever, I am just saying that I need atleast some 2 to 3 years time. I don't want to marry now. I am not mentally ready. But still both my naani and mom are not listening and shouting and manipulating me very aggressively. Sometimes they talk emotionally that sometimes I feel that I am wrong. I want to see the world, explore myself. I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!

I don't know how to convince or stop the uncles and mom to stop looking for rishtas. Please give me some ideas for this?

Recently my father has expired. So after some days, as a part of the rituals, my relatives removed my mom's bangles kumkum and all. When I saw that scene, I felt like someone stabbed with a knife in my heart. After that she is advised not to apply Kumkum. Before death of my father, every day she used to do Puja every day, and apply small tilak. Now, even after insisting her, she is not even applying kumkum in between her eyebrows which every one apply during normal pooja.(not in the hair partition). She's saying that she should not apply both haldi and kumkum and she is crying now. How do I make her understand that there is no need to sacrifice all these.I don't believe these all. I mean so many people apply kumkum like teeka or tilak from childhood onwards. Then why should they be snatched away if a women's husband passes away? These rules are not applied for men. Does these rules make any sense? Why should women sacrifice all these things?

I am 21f. My mom is forcing me to get married from some months and saying that she will start looking for rishtas. I said no. I am continuously saying no. But she is not listening and talking to me in a very scary way. I have some sleepless nights due to this. One day my tolerance level decreased and started shouting and my mom attacked me verbally like saying things like "andhi, moti, kaali" all of that and start comparing me to other girls of my age and even small kids as well. Sometimes she emotionally blackmails me and makes me feel that I am guilty of something. Sometimes my life is like I can't even decide what I want to eat when I go out, like my mom and granny decide what I should eat. They say that girls should get married and have kids before 25, after 25, they can't have children easily, ladki ka asli ghar sasural hota hai, what will society think if you won't get married early etc. I don't know what should I do. Any advice???

I don't know how to explain but I will try to explain now. I am suffering from anxiety from past 5 years due to the stress I face in my college and due to some personal issues. When I am anxious, I am not even able to sleep whole night, eat anything and all the other anxiety symptoms are there extremely. But from last 1 year, due to some reasons and conflicts I am not able to stop overthinking as the issues in my life are too much complex, emotional and hard to deal with. Nowadays this overthinking has increased and due to this my anxiety has also increased a lot. I feel like something hard is stuck in my chest, sweating, losing hunger suddenly, losing interest in life, etc . The overthinking has reached to a level that I can't stop thinking about issues even for 1 minute. I am literally thinking about them 24 hours continuously without a break and the anxiety is there for 24 hours. It is continuously happening like this from 1 week. I am thinking in sleep as well. The first thought after I wake up is about problem in my life and how can I cope up with it. Literally after every hour my anxiety spikes and reaches to a peak, to such a level that it feels like I am gonna get heart attack or anxiety attack. I don't know what to do. How to deal with this overthinking. Any advice?

I am 21f. My parent body shames me all the time. They always shame me for my looks, my spectacles, my weight, my facial hair. In fact, they started shaming me for my introverted nature as well. they literally say that they had invested in my education and they didn't get anything in return. The thing which hurts me more is that she says all these to all the outside people as well. Actually she is a narcissist from my childhood and she does so many things to prove that she is a king and nice woman and she portrays me so bad in front of the others to take the sympathy of all the people. Also she always tries to prove that she is way more beautiful then I am and all the good things which happen in my life by mistake, she takes all the credit for herself and all the bad things - she puts blame on me whether I am responsible or not. If i say a word opposing it she either beats me or says such things that will I can't forget forever. Nowadays this has reached to such a level that she is saying to neighbors that I am the reason for all the negative things in my home so that people will definitely dislike me and she will get all the sympathy and every one will think that she s a kind woman. I don't know why is she doing like this even though, I didn't do any bad thing to her. Sometimes, I think that my introvert nature is because of her body shaming and emotionally abusing me almost everyday from childhood. I don't know what to do.

I am 21 F. Recently my dad passed away after my graduation. Even before his death, my family started pressurizing me for marriage very badly. But I am continuously saying no from that time to this minute as I am not ready and I am trying every day to convince them. Even on the day of his funeral, my relatives and my mom, granny have brought marriage topic. Immediately after my graduation, from the same day they (mom, granny, dad) started talking about marriage literally each and everyday and emotionally abusing me and creating tensions in home. they didn't even leave dad's death day.

Today one of my dad's close old friend called my mom to offer condolences and said that I am not married so he will get me married to someone. My mom said that I am not agreeing for marriage. He said that he will come to house soon and counsel me, convince me and he will make me agree for marriage and he said "main uski shaadi karaaunga apne haathon se." I am really worried about this. I don't want to marry right now. Actually if he says something he literally means that. My mom is actually a narcissist and leaves no stone unturned to mentally torture me.

I am already fighting each and every day from my graduation day without any break even in these mourning days. Every day is getting more heavy for me. What should I do about this? What should I do when this uncle comes to house and starts talking to me about this and starts convincing about this? How should I refuse and take stand for myself?