u/Afraid_Garden_8998

so ive identified as trans and gay for nearly a year or so. but ive been doubting myself lately.

i've been doubting myself because i am young (younger teens, i ignore creepy dms btw) and thats apparently the time people tend to like have a transmasc phase or wtv, i also have 4 brothers (3 younger 1 older) and have always been a tomboy.

here is why i think im trans: i always had body image issues (still do) when i was younger, i always thought it was because i felt 'fat' (im not and apparently have a 'good' body). I cant handle looking at myself in mirrors. it stings when im considered and talked about as a girl. I hate my voice and cant help but internally see myself as a guy. i went through a phase of being a demigirl/nb because i told myself that it wasnt 'fully' trans or whatever, but realised that i would still have to accept that androgyny n shit included femininity AND masculinity and accepted that i liked the label of being a full like binary trans guy(yes ive gone through like every label under the sun but this one stuck ig). I fantasize about being a guy and a few months before my demigirl phase i said something to my friends a long the line of "i want to be like the boyfriend of the relationship but not in like a trans way or anything" it was a thought after reading way to many shojo romance books for one night. i envy my older brother so much, i want what he has. if i had that button i would smack the shit out of it.

and idk my vent notes be lookin like this lately (which my mom took the ever so graceful liberty looks something like this most of the time)i want those hands, i want that laugh, i want those arms, the hair, the smile. i wanna be called a good boy, i want my hair ruffled and a kiss on the forehead. I want that chest and boyhood. i want that body. I wanna wear a suit, boxers, and jeans. i want a pretty boy to call mine. i want to be the pretty boy. i wanna be the boyfriend, the husband, the son, the nephew, the grandson, the brother, not the freak. i don’t like this anymore. god i wont ever been a guy thats scary.

hell its even hard for me to shower cuz i have to see myself

I want to be seen as a guy, but idk, i might just not be feminine and thats all.

i live in a trans/homophobic household (im not out but have been outed) which puts a big strain on my relationships with specifically my mom. it also includes lots of religious talk (and yes i am still religous) and degradation of lgbt people.

i feel like if this is phase, it isnt worth it and i want to get over it. i want to love my parents easily again, i want to be able to wear clothes easily, i want to not be (internally) pissed at my friends for only seeing me as that gay guy friend when they can make a joke. and maybe ive just convinced myself im trans. im so suicidal and depressed and most of the causes is me thinking im trans.

i dont have a safe adult to talk to about this, so uh help me reddit? how do i stop thinking im trans or just know for sure that i am.

hi! im a transman and ive been slowly coming out to my close friends over the past few months. im not in a situation to come out fully because its not safe for me :). anyways, i need help. I have a long time friend i wanna come out to, the only friends ive come out to have been queer so far(besides for one person) and i really dont know where my long time friend stand point on lgbt stuff. for context, most of our friend group is queer besides like 2-3 people so i dont think she (my long time friend) is homophobic. I’m kind of scared to come out to her because i dont want to make her uncomfortable around me or anything like that. i dont really know how to tell her to get a reaction other then "oh uh ok" like my other cis/straight friend that i came out too. and honestly when i came out to my other straight friend it felt like she didnt even really register it. Any tips/advice?

hi! im a transman and ive been slowly coming out to my close friends over the past few months. im not in a situation to come out fully because its not safe for me :). anyways, i need help. I have a long time friend i wanna come out to, the only friends ive come out to have been queer so far(besides for one person) and i really dont know where my long time friend stand point on lgbt stuff. for context, most of our friend group is queer besides like 2-3 people so i dont think she (my long time friend) is homophobic. I’m kind of scared to come out to her because i dont want to make her uncomfortable around me or anything like that. i dont really know how to tell her to get a reaction other then "oh uh ok" like my other cis/straight friend that i came out too. and honestly when i came out to my other straight friend it felt like she didnt even really register it. Any tips/advice?

hi! im a transman and ive been slowly coming out to my close friends over the past few months. im not in a situation to come out fully because its not safe for me :). anyways, i need help. I have a long time friend i wanna come out to, the only friends ive come out to have been queer so far(besides for one person) and i really dont know where my long time friend stand point on lgbt stuff. for context, most of our friend group is queer besides like 2-3 people so i dont think she (my long time friend) is homophobic. I’m kind of scared to come out to her because i dont want to make her uncomfortable around me or anything like that. i dont really know how to tell her to get a reaction other then "oh uh ok" like my other cis/straight friend that i came out too. and honestly when i came out to my other straight friend it felt like she didnt even really register it. Any tips/advice?

hi! im a transman and ive been slowly coming out to my close friends over the past few months. im not in a situation to come out fully because its not safe for me :). anyways, i need help. I have a long time friend i wanna come out to, the only friends ive come out to have been queer so far(besides for one person) and i really dont know where my long time friend stand point on lgbt stuff. for context, most of our friend group is queer besides like 2-3 people so i dont think she (my long time friend) is homophobic. I’m kind of scared to come out to her because i dont want to make her uncomfortable around me or anything like that. i dont really know how to tell her to get a reaction other then "oh uh ok" like my other cis/straight friend that i came out too. and honestly when i came out to my other straight friend it felt like she didnt even really register it. Any tips/advice?

(yes, shocking, its abt dysphoria/disassociation)

I stare at you with tired eyes

I blink slowly and you do the same

Your face and body are so familiar yet I can’t put my finger on it

I reach out to touch you and you do the same

Out finger tips meet against the smooth surface, worlds a apart yet so close

You grimace and I do too

“You are disgusting

stop staring at me”

You say 

The next time you reach your hand out blood flows down your knuckles

And so do mine

I stare at the broken mirror

And you do too