Married for a month and already experiencing tension in our relationship
We have been living together for only 10 days, and I’m already starting to feel overwhelmed.
Before getting married, we discussed at length each person’s role within the household. We agreed on almost everything.
I cover all fixed expenses, take out the trash, and do some grocery shopping. Since we started living together, I also do my own laundry.
She cooks and takes care of the household. She also contributes to some groceries, even though we have a joint account that I fund for shared expenses, while she also uses her personal account.
In the first few days, I would sometimes forget to put away small things (like a cup left on the table after drinking, or some small leftover items). She told me she wasn’t my “maid” to clean up after me. I replied that this was a habit I was working on, as I had spent the last three years living alone and wasn’t used to paying attention to such details.
Despite that, we continued living together fairly well.
However, after about ten days, I pointed out that she hadn’t really done any cleaning for the past two weeks: there was dust on the furniture and stagnant water in the bathroom that had started to smell. I also told her I preferred to eat before 10 p.m., since we often ended up eating around midnight.
After a day of silence, she gave me a long speech in the evening, saying that my comments showed a lack of appreciation, and that she perceived me as having a paternalistic and patriarchal mindset where women are reduced to sexual objects and household slaves. She said she was not my slave, and later in the same speech added that if that was what I wanted, I would get it.
I thanked her for communicating rather than staying silent, apologized if my words had hurt her, and suggested that she avoid projecting her past experiences with men onto me. End of discussion.
Since that conversation, the more I think about it, the more absurd her words seem to me, and the more frustrated I feel. For the past two days, we’ve been in silence again. I should also mention that our sexual relationship isn’t very satisfying either.
What I’m looking for here are perspectives from both men and women: what should or shouldn’t be accepted at the beginning of marriage? How do we break this silence and how should we approach what comes next?
Thank you for taking the time to read and help.
Tl;dr
Only 10 days before the start of the conflicts. How to get out of this situation?