u/Alaina-Eleanor

Hey folks I need some advice from older people in navigation of my situation.

So as the title sugggests, I don't have a healthy dynamic with my family. I'm half-Turkish with a Turkish mother and a father who's neutralized citzen. I'm not connected to either cultures (as per my family raising me exclusively "Westernized") but I hold Turkish passport. I've been trying to immigrate elsewhere because it's really meaningless for me to be in a region which I am completely disconnected from, and have no proper family connections in.

My mother is extremely abusive todwards me. But she's my only support system. My father is also abusive (financially) and she's the only one who keeps him in check, so I'm vulnerable to her abuse which she thoroughly takes advantage of. If i am to stand up against her, she threatens my livelihood (which she did even when i was a kid, they're divorced so if I stood up against her, or didn't do what she wanted, she threatened to abandon me or leave me with my dad who would then force me to marry my cousins).

I know I'm responsible with this because I never gained independence. But it was due to my complete neglect (outside of my basic needs). I really had no idea how to navigate in life and I was left to my own tools. This is deadass something i'm just figuring out on my own at 26.

I want to become fully independent from this family but idk how am I going to navigate through this. I want my dad to support me financially for a while, but my mother is the one to keep him in check, and I just cannot live with her. She is just not capable of improving and I've given up on her. She fully expects me to be her caretaker since I'm dependent on them (basically they "take care of me" aka just give me their money and I do everything else, I even pay the bills and do household chores too btw) and if I decide cut things off, she'll hold grudges. She threatens me a lot, she hasn't really acted on much but I really don't know if she will act on it the second I cut her off. She'll become extremely bitter because it's her life goal to just leave the passport of this muslim country and get citizenship of a christian one (we're christians, so). She's depending on me to take care of her needs abroad, but I just can't do this shit. I get verbally and emotionally screwed over on top of undertaking highly stressful responsibilities while I'm also a disabled person (ADHD without diagnosis & medication).

Yes, just my personal opinion and experiences. As an INTJ woman with developed Fi, every single relationship I had with a TP or FP man ended in a heartbreak for me. Even in my friendships (they are better as friends indeed), I can sometimes find them frustrating due to how obstinate they can come off (due to dominant Ti & Fi).

As if it is really hard for TPs & FPs to develop their Fe & Te in a healthy way?

I think xxxJs with undeveloped Fi or Ti would do better with these types because TPs & FPs really need a partner to balance their rich inner world out with realistic approach. But being an INTJ with such strong Fi, I have a hard time to balance them out.

On the other hand I also feel much better with other xxxJ types (the healthy ones) as I noticed. The most contributive friendships I've had in my life were with ISTJs, ENTJs or xNFJs. There might have been healthy and mature xxFPs too but I may have missed them, idk. I think xxxJs, especially xxFJs are more soothing to me than xxTPs are (both being Fe users).

I love ESTPs. Really cool, sincere and friendly people. Very underrated, smart but also lively and fun to be around. I wish I had ESTP besties to forget everything with, and/or have a partner to make a team with. Loneliness sucks. Y'all are awesome.