u/Aliltyrantbot

TW : sexual discussion and SA

Just went on a rant about my uncomfortablity with sex (i have a bad relationship with it) and how its the fear of The Flesh. Where your body is used for another person's pleasure in violation by entering, reducing you to nothing but a body and meat for them to manipulate for their own desires. I do still engage in activity but because im not comfortable being human and so i do it for the feeling of being reduced (toxic and unhealthy ik i have a therapist) to something not human. about 2 and a half months back though i was assaulted and had a huge spiral (lol) about the flesh, for the first time becoming genuinely terrified of it and just what it means for someone to reduce you to just meat. no longer human in their minds just a means to and end. theres more but itll get triggering really fast and im all rant out. i wonder about anyone else's thoughts on this though. I feel the flesh can fit in the general category of sexism, harassment and just patriarchy in general. hell even racism probably. anything that takes away someone bodily autonomy and reduce them from an actual human being to just meat

CAMPAIGN SUMMARY:

long story short, as to not ruin any surprises, 8 high school seniors (each of a diff stereotypical hs trope that represents 3 diff classes) are sent to detention via cleaning a campsite for the weekend. Something very unexpected, and relatively downright terrifying, happens and in the end they fall into Hell which is heavily based on the town in DOL, where all the NPCs are based on beloved (or hated) npcs from DoL. All names are changed to prevent immediate bias towards an npc.

The end goal is to escape Hell with your soul intact, but in order to do that you must heal from traumatic events, overcome trauma responses, and learn to control your disorders: all which affects how your character can function in the campaign.

MECHANICS

- Right now the time is Fridays (every other) at 11 pm to 1 30 am est. Session 0 is all day THIS thursday and session 1 is this Friday.

- There will be eight different tropes to choose from: Stoner, Jock, Geek, Goth, Activist, Loser, Delinquent and Theater Kid. There will be one trope per player as to encourage diversity (and conflict). Only The Geek and The Delinquent are available

- speaking on conflict: conflict is allowed on players. So if the Jock wants to punch the Geek in the face, I will not condemn that. I just ask to not be insane about it until you are high levels

- The campaign is inspired by The Real Housewives of DnD, specifically the way classes and abilities form (and the conflict example). You will start off with a Trope Feature and then when you hit level 1(or when you fall into hell or so) i will assign a class that i feel will best suit you (or maybe you get to choose but rn the consensus is that i choose)

- You do NOT need to know how DoL is played. There is no need for you to play the game and id prefer if you didnt to keep surprise. If you do play the game thats okay obviously just dont say the names of NPCs if you recognize. Any sexual assault and sexual scenes that occured will NOT be detailed. This is not a erpg its just a trauma based game. Sexual assault will affect your characters but it what happens will not be described, im not comfortable reading all that

PS. im going to make another post actually asking for a secondary dm....... cus like. im over my head lowkey and need someone to bounce ideas off of

CONTENT WARNINGS that will be in the campaign: unnecessary violence/torture, possible SA, sexual depictions in general

As said the campaign will be set in the town of Degrees of Lewdity, so please step in with caution. I play the game as a survivor and a coping mechanism and thus intend to have the same vibe of the game in terms of healing and learning (can ask for further clarification on what i mean)

CAMPAIGN SUMMARY:

long story short, as to not ruin any surprises, 5-7 high school seniors (each of a diff stereotypical hs trope that represents 3 diff classes) are sent to detention via cleaning a campsite for the weekend. Something very unexpected, and relatively downright terrifying, happens and in the end they fall into Hell which is heavily based on the town in DOL, where all the NPCs are based on beloved (or hated) npcs from DoL. All names are changed to prevent immediate bias towards an npc.

The goal is to escape Hell, which will take a lot of resilience/control, skills that you acquire on your journey, and quite a bit of allies on your side: all without becoming so corrupted you lose control and your soul is trapped in Hell forever.

MECHANICS

- Currently the GM (me) and two other players' ages range from 18 to 19, all of which are survivors of SA. The game will be on discord, a private server with only me and the respective players. A time is not yet set up as I am waiting for other players in order to get availability, restrictions for availability however would be times before 3 pm on weekdays, as me and one other player are college students.

- There will be eight different tropes to choose from: Stoner, Jock, Geek, Goth, Activist (that one girl that rlly wants to save the dolphins, can also be seen as preppy), Loser, Delinquent and Theater Kid. There will be one trope per player as to encourage diversity (and conflict)

- speaking on conflict: conflict is allowed on players. So if the Jock wants to punch the Geek in the face, I will not condemn that. I just ask to not be insane about it until you are high levels

- The campaign is inspired by The Real Housewives of DnD, specifically the way classes and abilities form (and the conflict example)

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER:

I do not yet know if i will include assault in the game. If i do it will not be graphic as im not comfortable reading that out loud. There will be a possible range of just regular assault and torture, sexual assault/torture but no rape or anything can happen. This will be based on the general input and consensus of the party, if people are not comfortable that will be respected.

Again, I consider DoL a very healing game, and it helped me a lot despite the graphics as well as gave some subconscious lessons (like how to heal after being assaulted) and i want to incorporate that into the game. thus the game will be geared towards sexual survivors regardless of severity of assaults (whether its just physical or also sexual). In no way is this intended to be a fetish, and if a player feels like my approach is not meeting my intent they are free and encouraged to say so.

I think the total value of everything in there was around 170 or so (some warmie stuffed animals, temu stuffed animal, temu stickers, comic books and a heated blanket which was most expensive at 50 bucks. I ended up not shipping it cus I had exactly 1100 or so to my name, college student stuff (huge bummer tho cus was in love with this person and was tryna grab em lol), but im trying again and i want to know how exactly those tariffs worked? Im not sending the heated blanket anymore but i still have the stuffed animals (this was like.. in january). I saw that there are no taxes for things under 60, is that true? I really dont want to happily go to the office again only to find i cant afford to ship the gift.

As title says, I'm looking for a podcast that i can listen to during my wind down whilst i color. Currently i listen to my work podcast "Real Housewives of Dungeons and Dragons" but its too funny and chaotic to actually wind me down 😭. I used to listen to Camp Here and There (which i finished), The Magnus Archives (also finished) and Welcome to Nightvale (can't listen cus Cecil is the name of the ex im not over, and who introduced me to it lol). But yea, smth in those realms which is entertaining but also relatively chill. I tried malevolent but i didnt like the demons voice, threw me off too hard.

Im trying to get more consistent with working out and one way is utilizing supplements. So far i do creatine and glutamine everyday in my protein shake. i have two other supplements though and i dont know which to use. I alr have an amino blend that i got from Edge Fitness and then i just grabbed Xtend 7g BCAA today since its was on clearance for 7 bucks at work. So i just want some suggestions or advice on which of these i should actually use and would be more beneficial or if i should trial and error it (like do one for 2 weeks then try the other).

I very rarely see any queer books with poc, I asked for queer poc books before and a majority of them were gay men in a romance setting, and that's usually the only poc rep I see. That or black studs or drag queens. I've never seen a black transmasc, we're often forgot about I feel like in the communtiy so it'd be really cool if anyone could recommend some book that feature trans poc

I'm writing an essay that is, long story short, exploring the themes and history of horror and each subgenre and what it all says about humanity. i need a book for body horror but I don't want just something that'd make me "hurl," I need something with meaning. I need something with social commentary, I was thinking of The Vegetarian but I'll be honest....... that book was kind of hard:') Also thinking of "Tell me I'm Worthless" but I want to hear other recommendations, especially because Tell Me I'm Worthless isn't all that unknown. I also refuse to do You weren't meant to be Human because I'm rather upset at AJW for his major lack of poc rep, it's a whole thing.

The older movie (i do a book, 1 older movie and 1 modern) will be The Fly and modern will be The Substance (feel thats too obvious though idk..) if that helps anyone with their recommendations!

So this is my first time using a credit card, i cant post a screenshot but right now my minimum payment due is 0, due date is July 9th and current balance is 71 currently. I dont fully know what this means

Its the discover card for students, i only got it currently cus i rlly want to build a good score by January (is this possible btw?) to get a loan to pay for college. plus i need to pay for the bus and such.

do i have to pay the full current balance by july 9th or do i wait till the minimum payment comes up?

i never expected the "i want my own army. i want my own planet. i want it now!" to be from steven universe. i always thought it was from willy wonka. omg

what am i but a desperate dog for your love? waiting by that door staring day in and day out day in and day out day in and day out relentless and unforgiving

pathetic dog he'll take whatever he can get he'll take these crumbs of food and affection that comes through the door every blue moon eternally grateful

starving dog won't you feed this starving dog? this meager animal who looks at you like a God for the sheer attention you graciously bestow upon him

dumb dog why are you such a dumb dog? cant you see your owner done up and went? as you continue to sit here and wait and wait and wait you dumb stupid fucking dog

ugly, miserable dog with his ribs protruding as he sits as he sits and as he waits no food no water only desperation for you and your acknowledgement of his existence how could he exist like this? put that dog out put that dog out of his misery can't you do me that one tiny favor? just a small, tiny favor for your desperate desperate dog

Okay this is also kinda vent cus im SOOOOO SICK. Okay long story i can NOT stop daydreaming about my ex / fp (borderline personality disorder). which makes sense, he's the center of everything but i recently had to leave cus it was healthy and blah blah blah.

i need to get over him so i cant be daydreaming about him THIS much and this VIVIDLY. im esp sick tho because for some reason, ever since i could remember, my brain LOVES adding trauma "for the plot." probably a branch off my own but okay wtv. The issue is tho is that because if how immersive and vivid they are i end up getting legit anxiety attacks and/or crying over it. And when i say trauma i mean like, straight up assault. and its not towards me anymore its always my fp so i end up having to fight my own mind off from having me watch a way too vivid scene of yk what and im like why ???

its like i have to pry my brain apart to stop it but it keeps coming back like in the background of my mind like a tv that wont turn off. i cant find the remote and the tv is too high up for me to smash it if that makes sense.

Anyone have any advice on how to more easily control or stop these daydreams??

Ive mainly read C.G drews and andrew joseph white but then realized they both (mainly AJW) has the same autistic white trans gay boy and absolutely no POC. I want to see a black trans guys for once, or a black gay guy even.. bonus if their race has an affect (racism, discrimination, a specific cultural detail)