u/Any_Bowl_5195

my drivers license expires tomorrow (today is my bday) so I went to PA to get my new license and tried to upload that into the app. I was told by DoorDash support that I could go into settings to do it, and when that didn’t work, they directed me to the background check place (checkr). The background check place let me know that anytime a drivers license is renewed, It takes about 30 days to process in the system and that I am unable to dash for the next month. Obviously, I’m not quite sure what to do here. Like it is literally my birthday, and this is the last thing I was expecting to happen. At this point, I think I can submit an unemployment claim while I look for another job, but has anyone else experienced this? I feel like this is totally loss of wages. I’m just not sure what to do about it.

I’m sure a lot of people have and I feel for anyone who has experienced it bc this shit is awful!!!

Every time I get shit on by my family, I have to literally force myself to remember the facts. And it’s so hard because I have such a bad habit of blocking out any negative, only remembering the positives about people. I try and remember that they’re stuck in the victim mentality, they have no job/car/license. They come to me because they know i’ll help fix situations, like I always have. They treat me a type of way because I let them. I’m just drained at this point. I’ve done al-anon, therapy, journaling, etc. and I feel like I continue to suffer regardless because I refuse no contact with anyone. Friends, family, partners, etc., I can’t help myself but to emphasize with their situation and then I start to feel guilty.

I LOVE my family, but they’ve done a lot of damage to me. We are codependent, but I can’t seem to create space/distance. I do try so hard to set boundaries, none of them are respected. I then feel like IM the crazy one, or i’m the big bitch or the one with the problem. I’m not perfect, but I can function just fine. I’m self aware enough to know that I have a problem. I don’t make my problems anyone else’s problems. I support myself fully, I haven’t ever asked anyone for money, a place to live, food. But everyone is always asking ME for those things.

And then i’m immediately shit on when I can’t do something for someone or I try to confront the situation. But then i’m like, well what did I expect??? Why cry to someone who is doing me harm??? That’s like rule #1 but I fall into the trap every time.

My aunt once told me that i’d be the only one in my family with a license, car, job, and place to live. She said i’d be chauffeuring people around for my entire life. That i’d be taking care of my family for my entire life. All these years later and it’s fucking true!! She’s in her 40s and in and out of psychosis due to insomnia and panic disorder because she could never set boundaries, she always jumped to peoples rescue. A shit ton of trauma resurfaced for her and she had a very late in life epiphany that she’d been walked all over her whole life and didn’t even know who she was outside of the chaos. I am so fucking terrified everyday that i’ll end up how she is. I don’t even remember who I used to be. I started caring for my family when I was a teenager, I think I was maybe 14 or 15. I haven’t even experienced adulthood for myself smh.

I just finished this book and bawled my fucking eyes out. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I had when reading this book? Dread? Anxiety? Grief? LORD and this series was the first thing i’ve read by Fredrik Backman and I was not expecting it to be so gut wrenching.

Has anyone read it? I don’t want to say much bc of spoilers. I have to be up so early tomorrow and I cannot stop thinking about the characters and the two towns.

Idk, I was waiting the whole time for the cycles of violence to break in the towns, and I just can’t believe it took such a violent and brutal act to ACTUALLY break those cycles.

Backman writes in a way that is so human, almost TOO human if you ask me. I need to know what goes on in his brain. I feel like i’ll never stop thinking about the story of these books.

I just finished this book and bawled my fucking eyes out. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I had when reading this book? Dread? Anxiety? Grief? LORD and this series was the first thing i’ve read by Fredrik Backman and I was not expecting it to be so gut wrenching.

Has anyone read it? I don’t want to say much bc of spoilers. I have to be up so early tomorrow and I cannot stop thinking about the characters and the two towns.

Idk, I was waiting the whole time for the cycles of violence to break in the towns, and I just can’t believe it took such a violent and brutal act to ACTUALLY break those cycles.

Backman writes in a way that is so human, almost TOO human if you ask me. I need to know what goes on in his brain. I feel like i’ll never stop thinking about the story of these books.

Okay so this has been driving me up a wall for a day or two now and I can’t find ANYTHING online about it so here we are. If someone has already posted about it, I wasn’t able to find it on twitter or reddit so feel free to delete if it’s been posted in the past or isn’t allowed.

I am just really put off by the fact that Tana still watches cody ko. I get that she herself was a victim, but there are COUNTLESS fans that cut cody and kelsey off because of what Tana said. I don’t even watch JC anymore.

My friend and I had been watching cody since high school (we are 25 now) and it was rough as hell to not have any “lunch break videos” or “roadtrip videos” because he’s the only person we watched consistently. My friend and I have actually deadass gotten into little spats about this because I stopped watching cody about 3 years ago when the first pod episode came out where she named JC and Cody. That video was deleted so quickly that i’m not even sure you can find clips from it anymore, because I did try. My friend hadn’t seen the video and I was honestly disappointed in her for continuing to watch Cody even after I told her that. So then fast-forward like a year and a half or two years ago when Tana made her statement, both my best friend and I were not watching him anymore. My friend was sooo upset, cried multiple times and we haven’t watched a cody/kelsey/JC video since.

So imagine my shock and surprise when she posted a video recently on her YT (one of the daily vlogs) talking about her and her friends watching Cody Ko. Immediate unfollow on all platforms tbh.

I feel like influencers forget who made them famous and successful in the first place. 1. Why would you ever even make statements about Cody Ko when you planned to maintain a relationship with him and/or watch his videos? 2. This is a truly awful look for her and not sending a good message overall to the young girls who watch her. 3. Fans were SO upset to find out about the cody ko stuff, stopped watching him, unfollowed, unsubscribed and then she continues to support him, which is a huge slap in the face.

Whether she cares if it happened or has healed from it or whatever, I can’t even fathom her continuing to post publicly about supporting him when she KNOWS FIRST HAND (obviously) that he was mingling with minors.

She did the same shit with James Charles. Would publicly condemn him and then hang out with him or talk about watching his content later on.

TANA MARIE GIRL CRIMES HAVE BEEN COMMITTED!! you were victim to said crime. Idk I literally cannot watch her stuff anymore. I barely do as it, but occasionally i’ll watch her vlogs while i’m cooking or cleaning. Never again this is ridiculous lol

Sigh. I feel bad even typing this, but I feel like i’m going crazy. I work in social work and recently my friend (while drunk) admitted to me that he “illegally” filed for food stamps and committed fraud, but he was pleasantly surprised that they didn’t catch onto it and he ended up getting $300 in food stamps. He’s afraid to get caught and go to jail basically.

He has no kids so i’m not even sure how he qualified for that much unless he said he had a dependent? Which is obviously not true, he and his boyfriend live with his mother. His boyfriend pays rent, and his mother gave them her food stamp card and he’s been using it for close to three years now.

I know someone without kids that receives $23 a month, lol so it doesn’t even make any sense. He told me he had his boyfriend write a note stating that they are on an informal lease and my friend pays $800 a month for a room in the home. Not true obviously.

I’ve sat on this for like three weeks just feeling absolutely awful about it. I’ve worked with clients that NEEDED EBT, couldn’t get it bc they were honest on their application and he’s getting double what a single person usually gets in my state and doesn’t even need it. Not to mention, he now has TWO food stamp cards including the one his mother gave him that gets reloaded monthly. I don’t even understand how he got away with this.

I think he has some pretty serious mental health concerns from what i’ve gathered, due to trauma. Feels like he is food insecure even though he hoards food, feels financially insecure even though he hoards money, that kinda thing.

My thoughts are:

1. This is insanely shitty and literally the exact situation that contributes to limitations and severe restrictions with these welfare policies and

2. I feel bad for him. I feel like he’s heavily enabled and all i’m doing by staying silent is continuing to enable. I genuinely worry he doesn’t have any executive functioning skills. I know it’s NOT my business what crimes he commits but DAMN i’m so frustrated bc there are SO MANY people in need right now.

He got really annoyed with me when I tried to have a convo about this whole thing with him. Super defensive and rude.

Please be kind, this has literally just been eating me up and ethically, I feel like shit continuing to text him back and answer his phone calls.

Basically the title. NK is 2.5 and recently started to touch my butt and “boobies” (as she called them lol). It happened before, but I redirected her and we moved on. Today is the second day in a row, however, that she has came up to me, touched me, and said “I’m touching your butt and boobies.” So today after correcting her, I tried to have a convo with her about it. Funny enough, mom recently got a bunch of consent and body books from the library so we read those about two weeks ago. So with that being said, I tried to call it back to those books and explain that the reason we read them is to learn about boundaries with our bodies. Lol I said, and I quote “This is a body boundary. I said no so that means you can’t touch me. If you told me not to touch you, I wouldn’t because you said no.” Well basically she touched them again, laughed, and repeated herself so I know that she did not take me entirely seriously. I am going to have another conversation with her tomorrow when she is in a more serious mood because she was super giggly and it was close to dinner time.

Just wondering, basically if anyone has any input because honestly, I don’t really know how to go about this. She very rarely needs to be corrected, and that’s not to say omg my NK is perfect, but genuinely she is just such an empathetic and compassionate child. So it’s more to say, in the almost 2 years I’ve been working with this family, this has never come up. Or in general, i’ve never really had to correct her, idk how else to explain it. I feel like that wording is poor. This also never came up in my last Nanny job, but I can remember it happening a few times at the childcare center I worked at. I don’t even remember what wording I used to try and explain boundaries to my toddlers at the center bc that was so freaking long ago and honestly it was before I was fully educated so I definitely had a few things wrong there lol. We live and learn, ya know?

Also I love this NK so dearly haha, just a mini appreciation bc I lucked out insanelyyyy with this family. Parents are awesome, NK is so lovely. They work on body boundaries with her too! It’s a work in progress, I know, but i’m curious if anyone has thoughts I haven’t considered.

I feel awful and I know this sounds mean, but i’m like very close to being the annoying older sis and locking his card and putting some of his $ up in an account he cannot touch.

He just got his first job so I took him to make a bank account about a month ago. He started worked about two weeks ago. He’s spent $400 in one week on doordash. I’m getting second hand shame from typing that. Idk, i’m pissed. He’s buying food for everyone where he lives (he lives with other family members, not with my mom, unfortunately), his friends, and then doordashing himself food too. He fucking doordashed wendy’s last night, and he literally WORKS THERE and gets a free meal daily like??? He has access to daily pay and is taking his entire payment before he even got paid. His first check which should he should get soon will be like $40.

I told him “Who’s going to buy you a car?” bc I sure as hell can’t in this economy. I would help him with a down payment 100% if the world wasn’t in shambles but like I need all the money I can get rn for bills and savings. I said the only thing i’m willing to do is co-sign and that’s IF he can show me he has matured by the time he is buying a car. He is very immature. My mom and I are trying to teach him the things that we weren’t taught so he can be financially literate and not live in poverty like 95% of our family. That’s all, but of course, he’s pissed now. I know teens will be teens, but he has to be open to learning. I feel like I sound crazy, but I know i’m not if that makes sense? Like he may be annoyed now, but he will realize this all eventually. I’m just worried he will realize it too late and end up stuck in a big hole. I can’t tell if i’m being controlling, but truly, I would not give a fuck about his spending habits if we didn’t come from low income. It’s not necessarily fair to him, but that’s the whole point like i’m trying to break cycles for him and my other siblings so they can live better lives.

I’ll keep this short. I’m basically a family chauffeur, not great but it is what it is. My brother is recently homeless, but refuses to make any lifestyle changes or listen to any advice given. My mom and I have enabled him for far too long (gave him a crap ton of money) and I honestly feel guilty about that now. It has been so harmful to him. I’m choosing to no longer harm others by like enabling them or babying them, I KNOW this was wrong for me to do so please spare me of those comments. I am actively working on it and going to start back up going to al-anon.

Anyway, I told him that I will not give him rides anymore if he has stuff on him that I could get in trouble for. It’s been a boundary that i’ve been trying to set since I started driving. So yeah basically he’s pissed at me and told me I basically can’t do anything for him if I can’t give him rides. He said “Why set this boundary when i’m homeless, how am I supposed to get to a hotel?” So then boom I feel awful for leaving him on the streets, BUT I stuck to it and I don’t feel wrong here. I feel awful about not giving him a ride, but he has no care or concern for what would happen if we did get pulled over. I keep trying to think about that. Could I have handled this differently? Idk

lol forgive me, i’m not sure how this works. I love this sub, but i’ve tried to post twice now about book related things and I am unable to. I get an error message that I violated a rule, but I looked at the rules and none are violated? I think it’s like an AI system?? not even sure what it’s flagging, as my post was about children’s books that i’ve saved for my future children, wanting to find more bookish friends, and the series I am currently reading (Beartown). i’ve tried to message the mods, but looks like there is only one and they have not responded. This has never happened to me before so i’m just confused as to if it’s a glitch or is there something actually being flagged? Anyone else experience this?

Lol I am loving this season (Ik people are hating, but i’m not seeing why), and just finished the newest episode. It KILLS ME that the only townspeople that know anything at all relevant are: Victor, Tabitha, Jade, Henry, Ethan, and Julie. I mean, obviously they aren’t actually the only ones with ANY knowledge, but they are the ones with any real info about the origin of fromville and how to escape. They need to start having DAILY debrief with everyone else! Oh, you find out that this scary dude in yellow is in town and he’s so evil that Victor pisses himself? TELL EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY!! There’s only one new person in town at this point!! But I doubt they will mention to anyone right away. Boyd and Julie maybe? But then everyone will go off on their individual little missions and more crazy shit will happen, it’s like a cycle lol. However I am absolutely not complaining bc it gives us a show to watch. Forgot to mention also that clearly Elgin has some sort of knowledge too. It seems like the others just wait for the few i’ve mentioned to bring new info and they go from there. And imagine being one of the townspeople that are played by extras, they are probably dead clueless just wondering why the popular folk in town are going crazy every other day.

Also, i’m doing a rewatch rn and just got to season 2 episode 1. I remember this is when I started to become bothered by Jim. I hate how Tom died trying to help “save” tabitha and she wasn’t even trapped!!! That was very irritating.