u/Apart-Worldliness-94

anyone in a 3,6 pairing?

do we type people’s instincts based on how they look on the outside or what’s their motivation inside? for example could you ever type someone who doesn’t even live the house and has lots of anxiety and looks tense and risk averse as an sx dom if that’s what’s matches their core motivation and they look immovable externally because of some situations or issues that has mentally impacted them so they’re inhabited in that area. or would you type someone who’s very risk taking and spontaneous and drawn to high voltage and intense experience as so or sp dom, maybe even sx blind?

what physics and volition placement would be obsessively concerned, hyper vigilant and constantly analyzing their surroundings, external reality and just the world outside their head (systems, society, people, health and body, comfort, goal or lack thereof) while being (contradictory) detached (as a coping mechanism to overwhelm) or have a false sense of those surroundings in their head that aren’t true somehow? almost like being too fixated on something yet not being able to correctly figure it out? to the point of getting scattered and seeing endless possibilities so they won’t take any action.

what physics and volition placement would be obsessively concerned, hyper vigilant and constantly analyzing their surroundings, external reality and just the world outside their head (systems, society, people, health and body, comfort, goal or lack thereof) while being (contradictory) detached (as a coping mechanism to overwhelm) or have a false sense of those surroundings in their head that aren’t true somehow? almost like being too fixated on something yet not being able to correctly figure it out? to the point of getting scattered and seeing endless possibilities so they won’t take any action.

okay so i think i know by now that i’m a core 6 and i know my heart triad fix is probably 4, if i consider 9 for the gut triad then it would be 469 which are described as “CHILL”. the thing about 8 is that i internally can feel 8ish stuff which i’m assuming it’s just my reactive 6 but i dead serious am not chill or conflict avoidant for the sake of it or even peace. i admit that i do avoid conflict because i’m weighing future consequences and i’m afraid to be attacked so it’s safer to sometimes shut up even though there’s a volcano running inside of me no matter what, for instance there are moments that i avoid conflict while in my head it’s usually like “i’m gonna freaking explode and i got millions of reasons to argue with you but if i offend you then i won’t have access to you in future to get what i want.” i’ve also heard that 9’s are numb to their emotions which is not my case, i feel too much and i analyze everything to death. i have a strong sense of justice and i can be entitled and bothered over small things. and i don’t really consider 1 fix because i just… i don’t know? i’m pretty lazy (not about my values or opinions) about organizing my surroundings and idgf most of the times i love comfort and indulgence, it’s what i do to cope all the time. and i don’t like preaching people though i do challenge people’s views on matters such as individual freedom, free will, considering multiple possibilities and options + liberalism. so what do you think?

i have several swollen steady lymph nodes for at least over 3-5 years, on the right and left side of my neck, besides my ear (my face side) and probably places i can’t see. i have mild jaw pain most days, have done contrast ct and the results said there are several lymph nodes from 1.5 cm to 2.5 cm (i’ve done it 2 years ago) and the docs dismissed me and said if it was cancer you would’ve lose weight (making fun of my body because i’m not skinny) and telling me they were just reactive nodes. they have put me on strong antibiotics and the lymph’s didn’t go away, i just ignored it, now after 2 years, i wanna do a needle biopsy but docs have told me it’s dangerous in that area and they might hit your nerve (it’s deep in my neck in submandibular area). would you get a needle biopsy if you were me? i also have some swollen lumps in my breast idk if it’s related at all….

1- sx4, sx7, sx6

2- so5, so3, so8

3- sx1, sp2, sx3

4- sp9, sx9, sp6

5- sp3, so9, so7

sp9 vs sp6
(both sx blind)

how to tell which one i am? i’ve heard that 4f 1e contradicts sp6 but then why would their take and correlation should be trusted and not questioned? also i relate to all 3rd placements except maybe 3v because they’re described as aggressive while i do have revenge fantasies and wish i could show up stronger and confront, i often freeze and then eat myself for that later. also i don’t have any specific thing i’m actually doing though i might have some visions of who i could be if it would be fulfilling for me emotionally without overwhelming me, doing something i would enjoy and feel connected to and creative, but i don’t pursue them because i’m lazy and i’m not sure how to, i also hate it when people ask me what i wanna be in the future or what are my plans which i’ve heard is a 4v thing? i don’t know what i’m gonna do with my future but hopefully it would not be like this and i can change and be happy and be in a different place than i am now (which will happen mostly naturally because that’s how the life goes) also i hate it when people ask this because they’re expecting something like “my plan is to study and get my phd and be successful and rich so i can be a useful person to society and show off my phd and be an acceptable person” while i probably wouldn’t unless i’m sure it’s something i can without dropping it and not continuing out of boredom or overwhelm and just disinterest after a while. and if i were to actually explain what i would like to become (which i’m not even sure) i don’t like to tell them because they won’t understand or judge me for it, or that see me as “inferior” in that specific area i might be interested in or mediocre. is this a 6 thing or 3v/4v? i’m also fucking preoccupied with all kinds of health anxiety and ocd and shit also i have strong preferences which could be 3f but also a mental condition? idk man. help me. thanks
oh and i also analyze everything, emotions, actions, systems, everything so i can’t tell if it’s 2L, 3L or 2E

“i feel betrayed” “you betrayed me” “it’s like betrayal!”

*receives advice, feedback or suggestions*

“i initially wanted to do that too but just because you told me to do that/mentioned it, i’m gonna do the opposite”

i feel like when it comes to belonging and adapting to my environment, subconsciously or at least at first i know that in order to feel like i belong i have to adapt and even change myself or do sacrifices, but usually it just stays there as a thought and i’m resistant to take actions because every time i tried to do it i start to feel like i’m not myself anymore and i get overwhelmed because i have to put others before me and loosen up my boundaries and basically serve them! (to me the smallest action that’s done for others is serving, yes i’m selfish) and i spiral on “they wouldn’t accept the real me, so what’s the point of being what they like or want and accept when i already feel out of touch with myself, have to make sacrifices and put others before me and my boundaries are crossed? their acceptance or love or approval isn’t genuine after all and it doesn’t satisfy me.”
i hate it when i come across “they adapt and mold and change themselves to fit in” all the time! i mean yeah it’s probably in my subconscious that what i am isn’t right or good enough so i have to change if i want belonging but then i don’t want it

i use fi heavily and then ni, but how can i tell if my ni is coming from me being an iei infp or an infj with eii (therefore my strong fi)
i’m not sure if i relate to delta or beta
i’m not as assertive and ambitious as betas but also not flat as deltas? i’m internally intense

rank them from most to least common based on your own observations and encounters or studies

hi everyone, so i just tried to kind of vaguely answer this questionnaire i saw in another post and i don’t know who to credit this for but while my answers aren’t super long i tried to listen to my subconscious and just wrote whatever that came to me in the moment after reading the questions, and i also felt a bit hesitant to post this because someone else used this questionnaire and now i feel like i’m copying them and i don’t like it.

\\\*1. Recall an event where you were distressed or faced great difficulty. Describe your subjective experience.\\\*

when my mom left the house because of a fight with dad and i stayed with my grandparents, or the times when she kicked me out and i had to stay somewhere else, i felt like i don’t have privacy or comfort anymore, she was the only one who’s seen me vulnerable and stupid and messy but now i have to hide my messiness and my physical insecurities so i won’t get ridiculed by those people, i’m not comfortable, i can feel their stare through my skin. i also hate it when people touch my stuff without my permission or don’t listen to my boundaries, i feel really distressed when my belongings get lost or damaged especially if it’s because of someone else, because to me it feels like they’re taking something from me that i could use to feel better about myself, more fulfilled, confident, attractive and etc

\\\*2. What is your perspective when it comes to relationships and social interaction of all kinds? What do you value?\\\*

i value loyalty above all and truth, i hate it when someone i’m friends or related with is also friends with someone who has hurt me, it’s like they don’t care about my pain, whereas whenever they get messy with someone, i always stay on their side and defend them more than they ever did for themselves. i also think that most relationships are fake because they don’t and can’t love you for who you truly are, they just care about how you look, and i feel lonely because of that, i wanna be comfortable around you and still beautiful when i’m messy and sad and depressed, don’t wanna be always perfect, but you won’t stay on my side. when it comes to romantic relationships, i’m kind of hesitant about the motives of the other person, i want to know them and what they like so i can become that, but pretending that’s how i actually am, in fact i don’t even know who i am, but if i like someone i see them as very cool and wanna be cool to them as well, i want to be the one they choose because they see something different, not like “yeah she’s fun let’s try with her” that’s like what really makes me fearful, i wanna be more like “i think she can be the one i always dreamed of” that’s how i want them to see me. and i want them to understand me and see my silly quirks as amusing rather than embarrassing or weird or disgusting

\\\*3. How do you feel about your own needs and desires? Are you confident that they can be fulfilled? How and why?\\\*

my physical needs and desires are usually not met in a way i want them to, but i don’t even know above that what i really desire, i just know that i want to feel something, like finding a new song that gives you goosebumps, or starting to like someone new and the more you know about them you get that small rush in your chest and you can’t stop smiling, you get kind of restless and energetic, or the moments when you stop thinking and instead start feeling something like a song, and as you dance, you feel smooth, light weight, like nothing else matters but the moment, the song and the emotions

\\\*4. What is your personal worldview? (Indulge your philosophical side here!)\\\*

i see philosophy as an endless possibility which can be both overwhelming but interesting and i think most of us chase that kind of system to feel a security, whereas there might not even be one, we don’t know if we were actually moneky’s or god created us out of soil, or we’re just energetic beings, which i think this one would be cooler, it’s like those scenes you see in movies where the characters kind of get possessed or start to transform as a light shines through them or maybe takes all over them, it looks like they’re both in pain and pleasure, but they’re different, and they can feel, that’s all that matters, i wish i could feel it too.

\\\*5. What major life lessons have you learned or are currently trying to learn? What makes you different from the more foolish/immature you in the past?\\\*

that people won’t change, no matter how pure or hopeful or maybe stupid my heart is, wishing they would change and expecting them, forgiving, it won’t work, and it’s incredibly hurtful, especially if it’s from people we love, like our parents, people say you should just grieve and accept, but how can you live without the even possibility of having them to love you? how can i live when i don’t feel anything beyond myself that makes me feel like i’m not lonely and abandoned anymore, how can this emotional homelessness be cured? all i feel is sadness and anger, but i can’t have love, it’s impossible, but how can i live with this truth? how can i ever find someone who would fill those holes? how can i find new parents?

can you actually go lighter without lifting?

i don’t even know if these kind of posts are allowed at this sub, but i’ll post it anyway and the worst thing that can happen is getting removed which is fine. while choosing a flair for this post, i was gonna choose “personal growth and insight” but i wasn’t sure that these 4 words and label would even be enough or right for what i’m going to share with you so i chose “deep dive” because i love the word “deep” i liked the flair’s color and as someone who’s constantly thinking and using their head to dig into everything, which can lead to overthinking and burnout, the word depth is kind of interesting to me. okay so i’ll get to the point of this post, for a very long time i’ve been trying to and i still am to find my type. enneagram type, zodiac, socionics, psychosophy, mbti, silly random quizes on the internet and even diagnosis of actual disorders. what’s a type really? to me it’s a label we need to figure out and put on ourselves so we feel like we have an identity, and if we have an identity then we exist. we belong. but what happens when you’re constantly trying to search for the right label and get into crazy details and occupy your mind with so much thinking that you won’t be able to actually feel, feel anything outside your mind, including your body or the outside world. on the other side, there are people who will take things at the face value, they take a quiz, a test that tells them who they are and what they are and it might not even be accurate but they take it and make it a part of their identity not knowing they’re actually lost. i lost the train of my thoughts, i think i’m constantly searching for a specific label or type that tells me i’m good enough as other people and when i finally find it (or think that i found it) i reject it and doubt it, it’s like i can’t believe this could be me even though it’s the thing i’m desperately trying to be and feel, on the other side, whenever i find a label that seems accurate (but can also be affected by my self image and may not actually be the reality) i tell myself this is the worst thing that can exist in the world, i don’t wanna this type, this person, this color, this character and this identity or human, so i’ll tell myself that maybe i can change it if i try enough, then something tells me “you can’t change it because that’s just how you are and if you could really change it, you would have to try a million times harder than everyone else who possesses that trait or life they do.” i think everyone else is cooler, more niche, unique, smarter, better, more fulfilled and i’m the one or one of those who lack these and just suffer. i find a type, something i’ve been speculating it’s probably my core, or something i’ve find out by the help of other people, and i feel dissatisfied, irritated and just messed up in the head. or sometimes like now, i just tell myself, what’s the worst, useless and insufferable and pitiful and worthless type out there? okay then i’m that, it’s better than just being “suffering, not fully, but fully” it’s better to feel like i’m burning and i’m a completely hopeless case then just non existent or not important, which could be the human desire in me to create a story of myself and my situation and who i am (my ego) to feel better. i’m not dismissing the complex valuable system of enneagram or any other typing or belief systems, i do believe that humans can be different from each other and lean towards a specific type most of the time depending on the circumstances, but i also do believe that we’re much more complex than just a single number or label and we can possess so many different traits and even do things at one point where we would never expect ourselves to behave that way, because yes there is usually a consistent pattern, but i think my mind is telling me to not treat it as something fixed as i just remembered the lyric of one of my favorite songs, that specific line playing in my head “blood is thick but water is forever”, anything can change and everything is possible, but then why do we feel so stuck sometimes? why do things feel impossible, like everything around you is just a building of rocks that’s blocking any kind of sun or light that can shine into your eyes, it feels suffocating and the rocks will tower you and push you until you choke and explode, maybe melt into whatever they want you to be, maybe like them. i’m still not sure why i’ve written this post, and as much as my freaking brain loves to find reasons and labels and conformations and even dismissal, i don’t really feel like diving into it now. it could be validation, a sense of belonging, or just empathy, or all literally. all i know is that i wanted to share this with you because i know i’m not the only one who’s struggling with this and even if one person relates to this, not to find peace or certainty or satisfaction, but just feeling like “so i’m not the only one” and get a relief from it, it’s enough for me. i don’t think i can give anyone any advice because everyone’s struggles and problems and whatever that’s going on in their mind is so unique and complex so if i’d say anything it would probably be easier said than done or just not for them.

i don’t think i would fully stop chasing labels and knowing what i am or who i am, but i’m trying to stop and be less driven to know and more driven to “do”, less thinking, more doing. i wish i could shut off my mind. i want to stop searching for answers and confirmations of whether i’m a 6 or 4, but i guess the desire to be something is stronger than finding peace and just “be”. and if i’m a 6, i’m not valuable. if i’m a 4, it’s too unique (which is what i want to be), it can’t be me and it probably isn’t because i’m consciously driven by fear, but what’s in the subconscious, the root, i don’t know if it’s a 4 or 6.

what advice would you give to your younger self, or anyone who’s younger than you in their twenties? especially regarding topics such as confidence and full self expression without fear or guilt and shame, and overcoming such negative emotions?