u/Apollonialove

Not literally of course. But really, 7 months into marriage I am just thinking, 99% of straight women just accept bad treatment from their men to be in a relationship right? Even the most liberal women I know with “feminist” husbands still accept crap - doing all the housework, lazy men, emotional immaturity, sensitivity to egos.

The more I look around, the more I think everyone just knows and accepts this deal. The men know we’ll put up with it for fear of being alone and “cat ladies.” So they put on a good show in the beginning to trap us. And they know they are giving us a false version of themselves.And it’s not the unequal housework that gets me, I can do that, it’s the shitty selfish sex, the gaslighting, the silent treatments, the ego that makes my blood boil.

I’m so pissed off here in my 40s finally realizing I think this is true. I’m struggling so bad with the injustice of it all.

I really want advice on this. I haven't decided what to do but what I know is I want to start with emotionally disconnecting from him. Essentially I am trying to fall out of love.

I am very good with self care and have lots of hobbies and time out of the house doing my own things, all of that is good. I mean more the emotional part, not letting him pull me back in with good times and I love yous after the discard phase (which I am in right now where he sleeps downstairs and gives me the silent treatment for days after a fight where he knows he was wrong).

Short story - my husband and I got married in Sep after a short courtship. My post history had context but essentially, he was saying he was really religious and I converted to his religion. In fact he was so religious he cut me off from sex prior to marriage. Now he’s totally changed saying he wants to be able to sleep with someone every now and then, something he knows I’ve always been against AND our religion is against.

Is this abuse? I don’t know wtf is going on. Why trap me with this moral religious act only to get me and now gaslight me that I’m not evolved enough or am crazy for asking for monogamy.

Dudes last marriage ended from cheating but he said he was reformed. Said he did tons of damage to her and her child, regrets it. But now is doing the same bs again. Guess this is his pattern, trap women with some act and the switch it up. I’m in so much pain.

I am an American revert, 42, married for 6 months. We did not do it the halal way, I was not even Muslim when we met, but I got inspired and reverted alhamdulillah and am almost a year in. My husband is 36, was divorced and told me it was due to alcoholism and cheating (sex workers, women in bars, strip clubs). He was one year sober when we met and really came off a reformed man, refound his religion, had worked on himself, and seemed committed to not making the same mistakes again, was in 12 step groups, etc.

We got married 9 months after meeting and after living with him, I see he hasn't changed. He isn't drinking as far as I know but started going out to bars and staying until close. At first I let it go but finally started questioning and he said he is not cheating but has gone to strip clubs since we got married. I am devastated. I reverted and am being a good muslim and wife - I do all the things I should, I work and care for the home, I cook, I meet his sexual needs, I've built a strong relationship with his family overseas even (no small feat for a white girl and bengali family). Yet he's doing this? I am praying and going to revert classes and he's at strip clubs?

I am terrified. I am 42, I am old, I am afraid no one else will want me. I lived alone for many years, was in haram relationships, and was unhappy. Being with him has been the happiest period of my life, but now I feel it is all a lie.

He also punched the pillow my head was on full force and told me he could "punch my face in" and hovered over me with his fist up. This it the first I have ever seen him get physical.

He's not apologizing or telling me he's going to change or anything. He acts emotionless and like he doesn't even care. I know I should end it rather than waste more time but I am in so much pain. Please help.

I am an American revert, 42, married for 6 months. We did not do it the halal way, I was not even Muslim when we met, but I got inspired and reverted alhamdulillah and am almost a year in. My husband is 36, was divorced and told me it was due to alcoholism and cheating (sex workers, women in bars, strip clubs). He was one year sober when we met and really came off a reformed man, refound his religion, had worked on himself, and seemed committed to not making the same mistakes again, was in 12 step groups, etc.

We got married 9 months after meeting and after living with him, I see he hasn't changed. He isn't drinking as far as I know but started going out to bars and staying until close. At first I let it go but finally started questioning and he said he is not cheating but has gone to strip clubs since we got married. I am devastated. I reverted and am being a good muslim and wife - I do all the things I should, I work and care for the home, I cook, I meet his sexual needs, I've built a strong relationship with his family overseas even (no small feat for a white girl and bengali family). Yet he's doing this? I am praying and going to revert classes and he's at strip clubs?

I am terrified. I am 42, I am old, I am afraid no one else will want me. I lived alone for many years, was in haram relationships, and was unhappy. Being with him has been the happiest period of my life, but now I feel it is all a lie.

He also punched the pillow my head was on full force and told me he could "punch my face in" and hovered over me with his fist up. This it the first I have ever seen him get physical.

He's not apologizing or telling me he's going to change or anything. He acts emotionless and like he doesn't even care. I know I should end it rather than waste more time but I am in so much pain. Please help.

I married (religious only, non-legal) husband after knowing him for 6 months. He's 36, I'm 42. I converted to his religion in part because I wanted to but also to make the marriage better. He told me his last marriage ended due his alcoholism and cheating but was sober a year when I met him. He presented himself as so upstanding, had done so much work on himself, and finally 4 months in told me he had a sex addiction he was working on. This was with sex workers, women in bars, strip clubs, etc. I cannot tell you how nice of a picture he painted of a recovered man who made mistakes and learned from them. I really thought that he had learned from his past and was evolved.

Stupid me, I married him. Now I find out last night he's been going to strip clubs. He tells me he hasn't cheated but I don't believe him. I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm devastated. So I converted to a conservative religion, I am being honestly the almost perfect wife - working, cleaning, laundy, cooking, connecting with his family oversees, making our home cute. And this is what I get?

I tell him he has to move out, that I am not going to be like his ex and put up with this shit for 7 years. I do go off on him, tell him he's a liar and a horrible person. For the first time ever, he punches the pillow right next to my face in bed and tells me he could "smash my face in" and then keeps his hand back like he's going to hit me for maybe a couple minutes while I tell him to back away.

I've been in emotionally abusive relationships in the past, but never physical. He could have hit me, he brought his fist down HARD and it happened before I even knew what was happening.

How likely is this to escalate? I am devastated. I am 42, I feel like I'm too old and no one will want me. I just wanted a love and a home and I have basically kissed his ass to make it perfect and still it doesn't matter. He's addicted to making money and sex with women that are NOT me (doesn't want me really) and I'm broken hearted. Luckily I am financially well off on my own and can do what I need. Please help me.

Edit: I got DARVOed. He told me he didn’t hit my pillow or threaten to punch my face in and said I’m the abuser and he’s the victim. Classic darvo really…

I just found out my husband (religious marriage, non-legal) is cheating. My name is on the lease. I want him to leave but he won’t. I know legally what I need to do to get him to leave but what can I do in the meantime to convince him to leave? I’m talking about crazy methods - he works from home, I was thinking things like blasting music super loud to force him out or other insane tactics. Please I need them.

Edit: I don’t want to leave all my stuff here or I’d go. I’m afraid he’d steal stuff.