u/Apollonialove

Assalamu alaikum, I'm a revert in the US, white midwestern, and I have very strong opinions on progressive Islam. I love this religion, I feel I have found the answers to peace in my own life, and desperately want to share it with others. Specifically I am passionate about the idea that Islam can be something that is integrated into your life, it doesn't have to dominate, but can be balanced and compatible with a western life.

I have a corporate job where I make a great living, but of course it doesn't fulfill my soul. I would love to dedicate my life to this mission is some way, to help reverts. We have a large muslim population in my location and many reverts, and already a couple great revert organizations, but none really fit what I would be looking for which is more progressive and balanced. Most reverts go into this extreme conservative mode and I feel so bad that the women especially think they have to wear burka to be a muslim woman (as an example).

I'll admit when I think about creating something like that, the safety idea really scares me. There are so many conservative muslims especially in my area who could lash at at someone which such ideas and that scares me. And I also do have this thought of "what if I am wrong? could I be leading people the wrong way with something like this?" But I truly in my heart believe more people need this, and I feel like I could easily dedicate my life to this cause. I think about Catholic nuns and while I wouldn't want to go that far, I just feel like I want to do more for the cause than simply pursue my own deen.

Has anyone done something like this? Thought of creating an organization like this? Know anyone who has? Can suggest any contacts who I could look into as examples?

Would you worry about your safety? Thoughts on how to overcome that?

I’m 43 and I’m in this weird place where I don’t like getting up early but I also don’t like staying out late anymore. As I sit here after an early am doctor’s appointment at 8 AM, I see older people having coffee very animated while I’m struggling lol. I remember the days in my 20s when I could stay out late and party, but I don’t do that anymore either. I like to be in bed by 9:30/10.

So why do older people seem to have so much energy in the early hours compared to younger people? And does this happen to everyone or are there elderly people who like to sleep in and still stay up late?

Title says it all. I married a muslim man, I'm 43F, white, midwestern and American and was raised Christian. What do you want to know?

My husband does this all the time and it's driving me crazy. He is very good about doing nice things for me, although sometimes they are nice things for US and the RELATIONSHIP, not just for me. And when he does, he then later has to act out by doing something he knows I don't like like saying mean things, picking a fight, or staying out late at a bar (even though he doesn't drink, he probably talks to women :( ). It just pisses me off because it's like I can't have anything good.

Two examples: Last night we finally booked an international trip home to see his family. His mother has been asking for a year since we married and I have wanted to go to experience his culture and meet his family. It's taken a year for him to agree to go, we finally book the flight, and hours later he decides to go to the bar and not come home until 2 AM (bar close). He's a sex addict and I am sure talks to women. I am hoping he's not cheating but it's always possible.

Another example was on our wedding day, he reminded me again hours before the wedding (which was just the two of us, no big event) that he wanted me to lose weight. He knows how hurtful this is, and at this point I had already lost 10 lbs (now I've lost over 20, I'm 140 lbs at 5'6"). The day after we married, I called him on this, told him I felt he just didn't want me to be TOO happy, he wanted to put me in my place and let me know I wasn't shit. He told me he knew how bad I wanted marriage, he was GIVING it to me, and therefore he wanted to make sure he was getting what he wanted (which is thinness I can never achieve).

Why are they like this? It's so disheartening that now whenever something nice is going to happen, I anticipate the backlash. Why can't he just let me be happy? What is the harm?

I posted a week or so ago about my situation. I’m a white American revert, 43, married Sep 2025 to a Bengali man, 36 (been in the US since 19). My in-laws are fabulous, we talk weekly and love each other and I’m so grateful Alhamdullilah. Well had a quick Nikah in the US, no family, just us.

We’ll be traveling to Dhaka (Gulshan) in Sep for 3 weeks. My MIL wants to throw us a reception and I have no idea what to expect. Also she is not planning to tell my husband until it gets closer to time as he’s very Americanizedand not really excited about the idea (he says it’s “a lot of work”). I’m of course all in on the idea, it sounds fun to me, but am I missing something?? What does it entail?

She said maybe 100 people? She says people keep telling her she needs to feed them because her son married. Can someone help me understand what activities the reception consists of and anything I’m missing? We are fairly religious but nothing I consider extreme, but I am a revert so I try to follow most of the rules though I don’t cover and my MIL is ok with that and pretty liberal in terms of how I dress so I consider her more chill than most though she’s very religious.

I just want to be prepared and make a good impression. Thanks -

Assalamu Alakyum, as the title states, I'll be visiting my in-laws for the first time in Dhaka from the midwest in the US. We married last September. I reverted earlier in the year (2025) but I am still very westernized as is my husband who left Bangladesh in 17 years ago.

It will be my husband's first time back in 11 years and honestly he's really disconnected from his culture so I don't feel he really knows what to tell me about what it will be like because he barely even knows anymore. His mom and I talk weekly and get along really well so I have no worries there and she is very supportive. Mostly I just want advice on what to expect during my visit, things to do and not to do culturally (I don't want to offend anyone), things that might surprise me, etc. I am pretty good on knowing what to wear. Thanks -

I’ll start - I was 15/16 (now 42) and was told perhaps my backpack was just too heavy and that was causing my back pain. I looked at that woman like she was an absolute idiot lol.

You’re turn.

I’m a revert American woman, one year into my journey Alhamdullilah and I married in September. I’m wondering what my rights are sexually in my marriage (supporting documentation or Hadith would help).

My husband is a recovering sex addict (long story) and sexually is selfish. He expects to be pleasured but doesn’t give. Sometimes he’s too tired for sex but still wants oral from me. I never decline him, I always say yes, but I’ve expressed I have needs too. I want to be touched and receive pleasure too. It’s hurtful because he doesn’t care about my pleasure at all. He tells me to just take care of it myself.

It’s so sad to me and hurtful, like my needs don’t matter and I’m just there to serve him. What does Islam say about a husbands responsibilities sexually to give his wife pleasure?

Not literally of course. But really, 7 months into marriage I am just thinking, 99% of straight women just accept bad treatment from their men to be in a relationship right? Even the most liberal women I know with “feminist” husbands still accept crap - doing all the housework, lazy men, emotional immaturity, sensitivity to egos.

The more I look around, the more I think everyone just knows and accepts this deal. The men know we’ll put up with it for fear of being alone and “cat ladies.” So they put on a good show in the beginning to trap us. And they know they are giving us a false version of themselves.And it’s not the unequal housework that gets me, I can do that, it’s the shitty selfish sex, the gaslighting, the silent treatments, the ego that makes my blood boil.

I’m so pissed off here in my 40s finally realizing I think this is true. I’m struggling so bad with the injustice of it all.

I really want advice on this. I haven't decided what to do but what I know is I want to start with emotionally disconnecting from him. Essentially I am trying to fall out of love.

I am very good with self care and have lots of hobbies and time out of the house doing my own things, all of that is good. I mean more the emotional part, not letting him pull me back in with good times and I love yous after the discard phase (which I am in right now where he sleeps downstairs and gives me the silent treatment for days after a fight where he knows he was wrong).

Short story - my husband and I got married in Sep after a short courtship. My post history had context but essentially, he was saying he was really religious and I converted to his religion. In fact he was so religious he cut me off from sex prior to marriage. Now he’s totally changed saying he wants to be able to sleep with someone every now and then, something he knows I’ve always been against AND our religion is against.

Is this abuse? I don’t know wtf is going on. Why trap me with this moral religious act only to get me and now gaslight me that I’m not evolved enough or am crazy for asking for monogamy.

Dudes last marriage ended from cheating but he said he was reformed. Said he did tons of damage to her and her child, regrets it. But now is doing the same bs again. Guess this is his pattern, trap women with some act and the switch it up. I’m in so much pain.

I am an American revert, 42, married for 6 months. We did not do it the halal way, I was not even Muslim when we met, but I got inspired and reverted alhamdulillah and am almost a year in. My husband is 36, was divorced and told me it was due to alcoholism and cheating (sex workers, women in bars, strip clubs). He was one year sober when we met and really came off a reformed man, refound his religion, had worked on himself, and seemed committed to not making the same mistakes again, was in 12 step groups, etc.

We got married 9 months after meeting and after living with him, I see he hasn't changed. He isn't drinking as far as I know but started going out to bars and staying until close. At first I let it go but finally started questioning and he said he is not cheating but has gone to strip clubs since we got married. I am devastated. I reverted and am being a good muslim and wife - I do all the things I should, I work and care for the home, I cook, I meet his sexual needs, I've built a strong relationship with his family overseas even (no small feat for a white girl and bengali family). Yet he's doing this? I am praying and going to revert classes and he's at strip clubs?

I am terrified. I am 42, I am old, I am afraid no one else will want me. I lived alone for many years, was in haram relationships, and was unhappy. Being with him has been the happiest period of my life, but now I feel it is all a lie.

He also punched the pillow my head was on full force and told me he could "punch my face in" and hovered over me with his fist up. This it the first I have ever seen him get physical.

He's not apologizing or telling me he's going to change or anything. He acts emotionless and like he doesn't even care. I know I should end it rather than waste more time but I am in so much pain. Please help.

I am an American revert, 42, married for 6 months. We did not do it the halal way, I was not even Muslim when we met, but I got inspired and reverted alhamdulillah and am almost a year in. My husband is 36, was divorced and told me it was due to alcoholism and cheating (sex workers, women in bars, strip clubs). He was one year sober when we met and really came off a reformed man, refound his religion, had worked on himself, and seemed committed to not making the same mistakes again, was in 12 step groups, etc.

We got married 9 months after meeting and after living with him, I see he hasn't changed. He isn't drinking as far as I know but started going out to bars and staying until close. At first I let it go but finally started questioning and he said he is not cheating but has gone to strip clubs since we got married. I am devastated. I reverted and am being a good muslim and wife - I do all the things I should, I work and care for the home, I cook, I meet his sexual needs, I've built a strong relationship with his family overseas even (no small feat for a white girl and bengali family). Yet he's doing this? I am praying and going to revert classes and he's at strip clubs?

I am terrified. I am 42, I am old, I am afraid no one else will want me. I lived alone for many years, was in haram relationships, and was unhappy. Being with him has been the happiest period of my life, but now I feel it is all a lie.

He also punched the pillow my head was on full force and told me he could "punch my face in" and hovered over me with his fist up. This it the first I have ever seen him get physical.

He's not apologizing or telling me he's going to change or anything. He acts emotionless and like he doesn't even care. I know I should end it rather than waste more time but I am in so much pain. Please help.

I married (religious only, non-legal) husband after knowing him for 6 months. He's 36, I'm 42. I converted to his religion in part because I wanted to but also to make the marriage better. He told me his last marriage ended due his alcoholism and cheating but was sober a year when I met him. He presented himself as so upstanding, had done so much work on himself, and finally 4 months in told me he had a sex addiction he was working on. This was with sex workers, women in bars, strip clubs, etc. I cannot tell you how nice of a picture he painted of a recovered man who made mistakes and learned from them. I really thought that he had learned from his past and was evolved.

Stupid me, I married him. Now I find out last night he's been going to strip clubs. He tells me he hasn't cheated but I don't believe him. I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm devastated. So I converted to a conservative religion, I am being honestly the almost perfect wife - working, cleaning, laundy, cooking, connecting with his family oversees, making our home cute. And this is what I get?

I tell him he has to move out, that I am not going to be like his ex and put up with this shit for 7 years. I do go off on him, tell him he's a liar and a horrible person. For the first time ever, he punches the pillow right next to my face in bed and tells me he could "smash my face in" and then keeps his hand back like he's going to hit me for maybe a couple minutes while I tell him to back away.

I've been in emotionally abusive relationships in the past, but never physical. He could have hit me, he brought his fist down HARD and it happened before I even knew what was happening.

How likely is this to escalate? I am devastated. I am 42, I feel like I'm too old and no one will want me. I just wanted a love and a home and I have basically kissed his ass to make it perfect and still it doesn't matter. He's addicted to making money and sex with women that are NOT me (doesn't want me really) and I'm broken hearted. Luckily I am financially well off on my own and can do what I need. Please help me.

Edit: I got DARVOed. He told me he didn’t hit my pillow or threaten to punch my face in and said I’m the abuser and he’s the victim. Classic darvo really…

I just found out my husband (religious marriage, non-legal) is cheating. My name is on the lease. I want him to leave but he won’t. I know legally what I need to do to get him to leave but what can I do in the meantime to convince him to leave? I’m talking about crazy methods - he works from home, I was thinking things like blasting music super loud to force him out or other insane tactics. Please I need them.

Edit: I don’t want to leave all my stuff here or I’d go. I’m afraid he’d steal stuff.