u/Bippiboppi

Take my adjectives with a grain of salt, i basically just want to make an inspo post where we can share advice and hacks for our parenting. I know every family is different but i think it is nice to share wisdom and insight.

We value different qualities differently of course, but i thought we could share things we do in our parenting or things we teach our kids, that we have or have not yet but hope to seen the fruit of, that will give them qualities such as empathy, resilience, intelligence, patience, ability to analyze, ability to work towards a goal, living through the heart, ability to listen to the gut/their own body, integrity...

Would be nice to really nuance the hacks, so for example write what you do and why, what the intention behind it is.

Here are some of mine, although my first baby is just one year old.

If i offer her food and she shakes her head, i mirror that and say "no, okay. You dont want that" and put it away. Why, to show her that her "no" is respected and that she knows when she is hungry or what she needs (of course i wouldnt give her sugar because she wanted to though for example)

I teach her sign language to make it easier for her to communicate because she cant talk yet. She can communicate "more" for more food for example. To ease her frustration with not being understood, so that she feels seen and heard.

She has her own kind of responsibilities in the household that fit her interests, for example she is the one that fills the cat bowl with food, or opens the chicken coup door, etc. This makes her hopefully feel like she is contributing, is part of the household, is capable and is welcomed to actually do the things she is capable of. So she feels seen and welcome as she is.

I try my best to understand why she does what she does. When she goes to the shelf and yells, i ask her to point. Then she points up, i lift her and she keeps pointing towards the top shelf and to the bucket, where the scissors are. I confirm that i see she wants the scissors. And either i give it to her but i put safety tape around it, or i will say that the scissors will stay there. But i confirm her intentions and her wishes so that she feels valued and understood. (Instead of just saying stop yelling or whatever some people do)

Help, what should i prioritize;

Brushing her teeth well

Or creating a positive association to tooth brushing

Because she really hates it. It has gone great until a couple weeks ago. We tried what feels like everything. Distracting her, making her laugh, including the toys and stuffed animals, making it into a fun play, singing, dancing, trying different tooth brushes with small heads, three piece heads, wide grips, etc.

I want to make it a positive experience but I have not been able to actually brush her teeth well in a couple weeks now. She pinches her mouth, pulls away her head and if i insist, she starts crying as if I really betrayed her. It sucks and i dont feel good about it. I mean, i feel like im really fucking up our bond?

Whats left to try?

I read that it’s not safe to brush her teeth while she sleeps so i haven tried that. Does anyone else kbow?

A friend said she focuses on the positive experience and therefore they dont succeed with actual brushing, but they are creating the routine of doing it twice a day even if its sloppy.

Heeeelp!

I feel like the worst mom no matter what i do.

I am the one that always puts our 10mo to sleep at night, boob in mouth until sleeping, then transfer to our bed and either continuing breastfeeding or do it again 30-60min after transferring as she starts to want reassurancen again.

Ive been trying to pat her butt to make her come to rest when she is sleeping in the bed, works sometimes.

Ive now been looking for weekend jobs to get extra income instead of having to put her to daycare but a lot of them want me to work until 10pm, so that means i would be home around 3-4hours after baby falls asleep, if her dad would put her to bed.

When he tried to put her to sleep now (we always use a carrier and pilates ball and some background music), instead of the boob, she ate a lot of cucumber and carrot to fall asleep (he chews it and gives it to her mouth).

So i guess she is finding a way to be soothed.

Im looking for tips and tricks for babydad to succeed with the whole procedure of making baby fall asleep, transfer to bed without waking up (or without needing me at least), and continuing to stay in bed sleeping/being content, all without me/the boob.

Beginner advice and support please.

I have been feeding my 10month old since she started solid- i cook all the meals, plate it, chew it and give it to her with my fingers or a spoon. I also give her bigger pieces to hold and feed herself with or suck on - broccoli, potatoes, and shes become really good att picking corn or berries outside to eat all on her own.

But i have such a stong aversion against messy body parts, messy floor etc that i have decided to give myself a break mentally with this. My mom hated mess so she never let me "play with the food" and unfortunately my whole body itches when i see my baby get messy around her mouth.

But i feel ready to start overcoming it now and want to hear how you all handle the mess on an emotional/mental level.

I understand the logistical part of putting covers everywhere.

But i feel like my whole mood and energy is drained from the mess (and also having to handle it, cleaning it, cleaning baby).

Also im a bit scared that im not giving my baby the best start because im constantly the one feeding her. (Well not constantly since i do encourage her to eat on her own when it is non-messy food). So id love some input or support there as well.

Till saken hör att jag nu är förändraledig, bor på liten ort och gård samt vill egentligen bara vara hemma med mitt barn till skolåldern men lär bli illa tvungen att komplettera till hushållskassan när föräldrapenningen tar slut. I bästa fall kan jag jobba 50% och tjäna bra.

Jag är rätt trött, försöker få mitt företag att ta fart men går lite trögt. Jag har alltid haft tillfälliga jobb och är väl lite kräsen och känslig med arbetsplatser, stör mig lätt på kollegor & plikter och drömmer om att bara kunna göra min grej. Är väl mer av en "fri själ" som lätt känner sig fången på arbetsplatser.

Men nu har jag barn och gård och allt vad det innebär och känner att jag måste ta tag i att skaffa ett välbetalt jobb. Dock är nog inte lantbruket min grej, vad gäller inkomst, och dessutom är det sällan lukrativt.

Jag kan bara inte bita ihop och ta vad som helst. Jag går under då.

Det slog mig att det kanske vore kul att jobba som svetsare? Jag har testat några gånger och var rätt bra på det. Sägs ju dessutom att tjejer är bättre på att svetsa. Älskar pilliga saker. Är konstnärligt lagd, älskar att skapa, forma, ja, pilla som sagt. Men tror inte eventuella kollegor är särskilt roliga för mig som är 28årig tjej... i en liten ort...? Bara massa macho gubbar som har sina jargonger?

Hör gärna era erfarenheter och åsikter.

Vad mer kan man jobba med som har kort/intensivutbildning, lätt leder till jobb, är kreativt/pilligt och välbetalt och även stor chans att kunna jobba 50%?

Been together for about 3 years, have a 10mo baby.

We have a good and safe foundation and are generally really wanting the best for each other.

But I find that lately we have both kind of created a dynamic between us where we take a dig at each other. Trying to kind of blame each other for things that went wrong. We do it with normal tone of voice but the frustration behind is obvious, and it’s like it bounces between us, feeding the other one's need to blame the other, the next time. We are talking about how we really don’t want to behave like this, and that it happens when the glass is full for both of us, like going on a pretty stressful trip recently, etc. We are both eager to work on ourselves, have gone to therapy and couples therapy and also talk a lot with friends about relationship stuff, read books etc. to gain insight.

But i cant really seem to stop finding a reason to be annoyed with him, as if i enjoy it? Which makes me really sad. Feels like a parasite in me that feeds on aversion.

Would love some input.

No offense but i sometimes feel like this sub is not enough "close" parenting / responsive parenting as i would like. Maybe a cultural thing, but is there an even more responsive parenting sub?

And since a couple months shes hated going in the car, so we only go when she sleeps. My worsr fear is to let my baby cry, putting her in a situation where she feels very bad even though i dont necessarily *have to*. If we definitely had to go in the car to escape a horrible situation i would....

We're going by car about 4hours north (it would have been 8hours but were taking the train halfway to ease it)

But i definitely dont want to let her cry!!! She never cries or screams without me responding and solving the problem immediately.

So please, what should i do? What would you do?

My boyfriend/bbydaddy is agreeing with me but also saying that, beyond the options of pausing often, just waiting till she sleeps, bringing a tent and camping on the way if we so must, bringing snacks, entertainment, at some point we might have to just let her cry if all else fails and we have to make it to the train or so. It hurts my heart knowing i might hurt my baby. Or is it simply the reality of every parents and babies, even the absolute best and most securely attached, that there have been a few crying car rides in life?

Please, all advice and input needed.

Shes been going through het second phase now of being very drawn to dad, during her first phase a couple months back i was reading about it and that it is usually a sign of baby having established the security with mom/primary caregiver and wants to seek out more adventure through dad. So we made sure dad was with her a lot and whenever she saw him and kind of yelled for him to come.

Now shes more loud, maybe because her voice is simply getting stronger physically? But basically when she sees dad she will yell a loud yell, not like high pitch or sad/cry yell but like a rooted almost angry AA!! And if he doesnt come or it takes a moment because he has to f.x wash his hands or change pants cause hes been working with dirty things, she will yell louder AAAA!! But never like crying, i guess because both of us respond as quickly as we can. It can turn into some more "whining" / almost crying if she sees him through the window and hes cutting the grass and she cant get to him. But i try to divert her attention then.

Anyway, now the yelling is coming also when she wants me when she is with dad. And then she will yell for him when she comes to me. Also if shes bored of what were doing, she will yell. And i feel like i cant really entertain her with the same things anymore. We try to avoid toys, she usually enjoys going to the chickens on or farm, picking berries, walking the stairs, hiding stuff and finding them, standing on a chair watching me cook, etc. But i find that shes not so satisfied? Fuzzy is maybe the word.

And i feel like a bad mom, not coming up with enough fun activities (while still also not falling into a trap of centering the whole day around "playing" with her in the sense of playing for the sake of playing).

So with all that said, i would love some support and hear other experiences with ~10month olds, is she simply exploring her voice, finding her willpower? How badly am i hurting her experience of being seen/heard because the yelling kind of continues throughout the day?

(Of course she is also happy during the days, but i find that it switches quite often ane fast).

Is it good to mirror her expressions, so that she feels like shes allowed to have a strong will and strong expressions? Like mimicking her yelling and kind of validating her?

So i think in here we all agree that CIO most likely leads to an insecure attachment, the silence that follows a purple face according to some moms being proof the method works but actually is a form of giving up from exhaustion and the realization "no one is coming for me".

And i want to speculate on the nuances inbetween that and the tending to baby's every cue/need at all hours. Maybe i love dwelling in potential mistakes i am making so i can feed some dark part of my head, or maybe its actually benefiting my parenting, but that aside;

I sometimes wonder if there are several more stages of a baby "giving up" in their communication, long before the purple face, long before even crying?

Different temperaments might decide this?

I was a very sensitive child, felt "run over" or stepped on very easily. Maybe i was already turned off, had already given up, way before i have conscious memories. But, what if my 9mo baby falls asleep on my back, actually as a consequence of having given up, because i didn't respond to her 3 short "fuzzy sounds"?

The (ad i interpret it) " *meah* this is uncomfortable/the wrapping takes too long", or the " *meeaahh* youre standing still for too long" or maybe it's a "im hungry"- type of *mmeaah*

See, shes not crying, shes not in the stage before crying. Shes what i interpret the word fuzzy means. A bit dissatisfied, a bit frustrated, but overall seems okay with being carried along in the wrap. And i am just doing the normal farm chores, changing the tempo, task or sound effects i am making (turning into a "horse" making horse sounds, or patting her butt, or turning on chill music).

Eventually she drifts off and falls asleep.

There are situations where i seem to time the wrapping/carrying and her needs all very smoothly, she ate well, pooped, played, was happy, and came up in my wrap and fell asleep soundly. Thats a 100%-er.

But the inbetween, what i described above, makes me worry that shes learning that im not actually really 100%there for her.

I think these nuances are so interesting to discuss so please share your thoughts, experiences, expertise.

Just want to hear if this belongs to most 8month olds.

We cosleep and breast feed on demand. She will usually fall asleep next to me in bed by 8pm and every 2-4hours start moving around and need reasurance in terms of either hushing or boob. I dont think twice about that. But after around 4am until 5, 6 sometimes 7am, she will sit straight up and rub her eyes, looking very tired, and i will just lay her down and brestfeed her back to sleep. But this happens maybe 5 times within that window, until she sits up being actually awake and wont let me lay her down. Its been like this for a pretty long time as i recall it, maybe since she was 6mo?

Feels like she wants/needs the 10 hour sleep but its not very deep or persistent the last hours of the early morning.

Is this common?

Even though i always painted, drew, left a mark wherever i went, was very creative, i wouldnt necessarily call it having a sense of beauty per se. I do think of the easthetics of things, and I think my way is beautiful, but upon asking my partner or family members, they dont really agree, so i have been thinking about this for a while, also since seeing some random meme describing infps as being all about the beautiful.

I was never good at making a room beautiful, for example. I made it me, expressing all the quirks of myself, full of odds and ends, so naturally it had a very strong vibe which some would also call it just chaotic. Same with my looks, i happened to look good to some or at some days, but most of all i was just looking very unique because my focus was self expression.

I have a suppoused esfj friend who always brings gifts wrapped in thought out ribbons and dried flowers, everything is decorated in harmonious details and she just exudes beauty. That to me is more about having a sense of beauty rather than being in first hand driven by personal expression.

Anyone else relate? What are your thoughts?

I wasnt sure that this is a suitable group for my topic so please guide me if im wrong.

I often see threads like "give me your best sex advice" in the sex forum but i want your best socializing advice, your best little hints or tricks to gain not necessarily friends but connection, sympathy, create a bond, be it with a neighbor, coworker, a passer-by, etc. And its interesting to hear answers that are detailed, not "be nice" or "hold eye contact", even though the advice of course can be something that most take for granted, but nuanced, concrete advice.

Here are some of mine; I try avoid scaring the other person by oversharing, so i pick up a hint of what theyre talking about and i relate it to myself and continue a little deeper. If they mirror it and go a little deeper, i do too. But if they dont, i also dont.

I also try to type a person silently so i can bond with them faster by kind of assuming how they function, like validating what theyre saying and adding something that speaks to their mbti, "yeah maybe its also frustrating when xxzx" and they go "omg totally, you get it".

So im having trouble putting my thoughts into words but heres what perplexes me sometimes; An, for example, istp can say "omg this food is so nostalgic" but that to me is such an Si feeling. Or, all types have for example empathy to other people and a desire to mees their needs, maybe more or less, but my question is; Why does it matter that we have different functions / dichotomies if the expression is still the same (seemingly)? Like, is nostalgia fueled by different things in an istp vs istj? Or empathy? Or something else, that overlaps with all types?

Hope you know what im trying to say here.

I have an 8month old, and shes still taking around 4 naps per day, always contact naps in the carrier/sling. I know kids start taking one long nap only, at some point and just wondering if anyone else is doing contact naps only, and if they tend to be shorter than the average kid who sleeps in a wagon or bed?

Was looking though old photos of my now 7mo girl and noticed how when she was around 4-5months, all the pics shes smiling at me like im the love of her life. I dont take as much pics now but it feels like she doesnt really enjoy looking at me anymore. Shes so interested in the world around her. Which is a normal healthy development, but i guess i wasnt really mentally prepared for it. What are your experiences?

Background; first child, breastfeed on demand, shes eating both solids and BF now, we cosleep since birth, practice EC, babywear/i carry her everywhere, her naps are always with bodycontact, i always respond to her signals so she rarely cries unless she hurt herself. Her dad is the same; close, responsive, etc. We have fun, laugh, make jokes, sing, tell stories, explore... I am a bit stressed, often shallow breaths and try to keep my composure, my triggers and reaction happen inwards rather than outwarsa so im not a reactive person but i can kind of "shut down" if me and her dad get into a small conflict, although i try my best to stay in contact with baby.

So I imagine that she is safe and has a secure attachment thus far. But me being very worried about "messing her up", or messing up her attachment, i want to get a reality check from you guys if this is a thing or not;

She was playing with our cat who is so sweet, he lets her pull and drag his fur and he lies there and purrs. So i feel comfortable preparing breakfast in the same room while they play, not looking constantly at them. Suddenly she starts screaming/crying and the cat walks away. My instinct is that he must have scratched her. She cries the same cry as when she has hurt herself bad, so i pick her up and comfort her. But her reaction is to twist her body away like she doesnt want to be in my arms. This happened maybe two times before. And in that situation i get very confused because its like she wants to go down on the floor. I try first to put her in another position and breastfeed, which she does for a couple seconds until she cries more and twists away. I follow her lead and she wants to read her books that are laying all over the floor. We read, and i try to stay calm and warm, and shes a bit fuzzy, wanting to change books constantly. But shes really insisting on reading. After a while i try to pick her up, she protests loudly so we immediately go back down to the books and continue reading for maybe 5-10mim, changing books etc. I take an apple and give her some, she likes it and wants to read and eat a little. I try picking her up with the book so we can read while i hold her but she protests again so we go down on the floor.

So she/her body felt sensitive, like i couldnt even stroke her back she just shrugged so i let her be, while we read books. I saw a faint scratch over her eyebrow from the cat. Finally she was ready to be picked up and we eat some more breakfast in my arms and then i realized it was very much time for nap and she fell asleep as usual in my carrier.

Long text but basically i am wondering, is her desire to not be in my arms during her cry, a sign of something going wrong in our attachment?

It might sound silly but i kind of thought a secure sad child always wants to be in their mothers arms while crying. And i am scared these books are some sort of distraction she is going to, to escape something.

Idk maybe this is just me worrying and going down a rabbit hole of illogical thoughts.

Would really appreciate your experiences, thoughts etc.