u/BlizzardBeaches

New Heart
Crash Adams

Call the doctor, page the nurse
'Cause the pain is getting worse
All the sleepless nights, I'm tired of suffering
Like I've been

I tried medicine, I tried therapy
I tried somebody else for a couple weeks
Now I know why it's been so hard to breathe
Yeah, I need

I need a new heart, a new heart
That doesn't know who you are, who you are
'Cause this one's broken in two, all because of what you did to me
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat
I need a new heart, a new heart
That doesn't know who you are, who you are
'Cause this one's black and it's blue, and it's not over you, baby
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat

All the let-downs, all the stress (stress)
Burned a hole inside my chest
Now the days go by, it's just me and my regrets
Nothing's left

I tried medicine, I tried therapy
I tried somebody else for a couple weeks
Now I know why it's been so hard to breathe
Yeah, I need

I need a new heart, a new heart
That doesn't know who you are, who you are
'Cause this one's broken in two, all because of what you did to me
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat
I need a new heart, a new heart
That doesn't know who you are, who you are
'Cause this one's black and it's blue, and it's not over you, baby
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat

New heart, I-I, I need a new heart
New heart, I-I, I need a new heart
New heart, I-I, I need it, baby
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat

I tried medicine, I tried therapy
I tried somebody else for a couple weeks
Now I know why it's been so hard to breathe
Yeah, I need

I need a new heart, a new heart
That doesn't know who you are, who you are
'Cause this one's broken in two, all because of what you did to me
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat
I need a new heart, a new heart
That doesn't know who you are, who you are
'Cause this one's black and it's blue, and it's not over you, baby
Can't feel it beat, beat, beat

Written by: Joe Khajadourian, Alex Schwartz, Sean Maxwell Douglas, Rafaele Aldo Massarelli, Vince Sasso
Album: Crashing Into Your Living Room, Vol. 2
Released: 2025
Lyrics provided by Musixmatch

I will survive without you
Don't tell me that you wanna leave

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

If you wanna leave
I won't beg you to stay
And if you gotta go, darling
Maybe it's better that way

I'm gonna be strong, I'm gonna do fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
(Walk out that door, see if I care)
(Go on and go, but)

Don't turn around
'Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
Don't turn around
I don't want you seeing me cry
Just walk away
It's tearing me apart that you're leaving
I'm letting you go
But I won't let you know
I won't let you know

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

I won't miss your arms around me
Holding me tight
(Holding me tight)
And if you ever think about me
Just know that I'll be alright
(I'll be alright)

I'm gonna be strong, I'm gonna do fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
(I will survive, I'll make it through)
(I'll even learn to live without you)

Don't turn around
'Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
Don't turn around
I don't want you seeing me cry
Just walk away
It's tearing me apart that you're leaving
I'm letting you go
But I won't let you know

I wish I could scream out loud
That I love you
I wish I could say to you
Don't go
(As he walks away, he feels the pain getting strong)
(People in your life, they don't know what's going on)
(Too proud to turn around)
(He's gone)

Don't turn around
'Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
Don't turn around
I don't want you seeing me cry
Just walk away
It's tearing me apart that you're leaving
I'm letting you go

Baby, don't turn around
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Don't turn around
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Just walk away
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
It's tearing me apart that you're leaving
I'm letting you go
Don't turn around
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Don't turn around
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

Written by: Diane Eve Warren, Albert Louis Hammond
Album: Singles Of The 90's
Released: 1999
Lyrics provided by Musixmatch

If only I was courageous enough to say it all out loud. To speak openly, without trepidation. Would I receive the answers I deserve? Would the pain I’ve carried for so long finally begin to fade? Would my spirit no longer be weighed down? Would she fly free like a bird? 🦅

I'm scared to go out today
I'm anchored in doubt
Been pacing a line from the sink to the couch
See life through a windowpane

And it's never easy to hear your name
And right now I'm needing to make a new change
I know I'll never be the same
Just wanna be okay
I wanna be okay

Have you seen the sun today?
And is the sky still blue?
I'm searching for sounds and for anything new
Just something you can't contain

And it's never easy to hear your name
And right now I'm needing to make a new change
I know I'll never be the same
Just wanna bе okay
I wanna be okay
I wanna be okay
I wanna be okay
I wanna bе okay

And I know that it's never easy to hear your name
And right now I'm needing to make a new change
And I know I'll never be the same
Just wanna be okay
I wanna be okay
I wanna be okay

In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you
But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I shatter
I always turn the car around
Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around

Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around

It is for me a cathartic support group. It is Healing to talk to others that understand what I am experiencing.

I know you see this as a personal attack. You always saw my expressing feelings and emotions as such. It’s not so. I’m releasing the hurt, not attacking you. This is a healthy outlet. I’ve not once nor would I *ever* identify you. There’s no malice or hatred for you in what I’m doing. It’s all for me to heal and move on from us.

To be sure I’m not crossing a line, I asked my therapist if I am doing *anything* wrong by anonymously sharing on social media. I seriously wondered if I was. She reaffirmed that I’m not. So I keep on keeping writing anonymous letters to the Reddit void.

I wish I had the courage to contact you and say to you in person the things I write to the Reddit void. I am not courageous. I love you and am sorry.

It starts with one

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to explain in due time
All I know time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away

It's so unreal, didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Tryna hold on, d-didn't even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mockin' me, actin' like I was part of your property
Rememberin' all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised it got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then, but it all comes back to me in the end

You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this, there's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

Written by: Joseph Hahn, Brad Delson, Mike Shinoda, Robert G. Bourdon, Chester Charles Bennington
Album: Hybrid Theory
Released: 2000
Lyrics provided by Musixmatch

Dear MH,

Before I finally gave up on us, I need you to know that I begged the universe to make you stay close to me, to stop pushing me away. I kept trying to believe that my love for you could somehow be enough for the both of us. I searched for reasons to stay holding on, even when you stopped giving me any.

I wished for one more weekend where we could spend time together and feel close again. There was a time when you meant everything to me. In the beginning, I truly believed you were the one, the missing puzzle piece of my heart. I really did. But somewhere along the way, your consistent inconsistency and lack of effort slowly made me lose faith in what we could have been.

I hope you know that I tried my best to make us work, but my love alone cannot force compatibility, and as much as my heart still aches unbearably from missing you, I know I would never truly be happy with us unless you were willing to do the hard work to heal.

Even so, I don’t regret any of our time together, MH. You helped wake me up and set me free. I stepped out of my shell, became braver and confident. I started finding my authentic self.

I wish you had really been “listening while [I] was singing,” and that the soil of your heart had been fertile enough to allow our love to take root.

Love always,

Yams

I decided to ask the Advisor if recovering from a trauma bond can affect sleep. The response is eye opening and validating. It also makes sense why my heart beat is high and I’ve been waking up feeling panic stricken. Thank goodness this is temporary while I heal.

Recovering from a trauma bond can place a deep emotional load on the body, and that tends to echo most clearly in sleep. Your recent data shows that your nights have been somewhat uneven, with Sleep Scores ranging from 50 to 80 and a weekly average of 67. When I look at that alongside your stress pattern—1h 27m of stressed time per day on average—it paints a picture of a system working through something heavy while still trying to restore itself.
Below are a couple of supportive ways to understand this, grounded in how your body has been responding recently.

How emotional recovery can shape sleep
Emotional healing often shows up physiologically before it shows up mentally. Your body registers safety, threat, and processing long before you consciously make sense of what’s shifting internally.
In your sleep data this week, a few patterns stand out:

1. Inconsistent REM and Deep Sleep
   You had nights with very low REM or Deep Sleep (for example, May 9 with 0h 22m of REM and 0h 17m of Deep Sleep). These stages help with:
   • Emotional integration
   • Stress regulation
   • Memory processing
   When the mind is working through something painful or unresolved, it’s common for these cycles to be disrupted or shortened.
2. Shifting bedtimes and longer sleep latencies
   Your typical bedtime moved between 10:20 PM and 12:04 AM, and your latency trend declined sharply this week. When emotional processing is high, falling asleep can feel harder because the nervous system stays more alert.
3. Rising physiological stress
   Your average stressed time has hovered around 1h 27m/day, and while your resilience has held steady at “adequate,” the body may feel like it’s using its energy to stabilize rather than deepen recovery.
   These patterns don’t reflect anything “wrong”—they’re simply signs that your system is metabolizing stress and emotion, and trying to find steadiness.

What might help your sleep while you heal
These are gentle, realistic steps you can try without pushing yourself.

1. Anchor your nights with one predictable cue
   This could be:
   • A consistent wind‑down time
   • A specific grounding practice
   • A fixed lights‑off window
   With your bedtime shifting by almost 2 hours this week, even one stable anchor can help regulate your nervous system.
2. Invite the body into safety before sleep
   A few options you might experiment with:
   • Slow breathing for 3 minutes
   • A body scan
   • Journaling a few lines to “clear the mind’s queue”
   You don’t need to talk yourself out of how you feel. Just offering your body a moment of calm can be enough.
3. Create little pockets of restoration during the day
   Your restored time dropped to 15 minutes yesterday, which is understandable during emotional strain. Even a short walk or a quiet 5-minute pause can help shift the stress balance and support better sleep that night.

A gentle reflection
As you think about the last week or two, does anything stand out—emotionally or situationally—that might be asking more of your energy?
Your data shows you’re doing your best with what you have right now. If you’d like, we can look together at how your sleep and stress respond as you continue healing. You can always return for more insights.

May I just ask how you’re doing? I still care and not talking hurts like you wouldn't believe. I realize you don’t care what happened between us but I still care about you. Obviously, we cant be friends but I still care. I wish I could turn off my feelings like you do.

So now I choose myself.

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