u/BorderOpposite5667

I’m just devastated . I love her but it’s too much for my heart . Sometimes they can say the best thing and then say the worst thing. I’m so done

I don’t know if she ever did love me at all. People with bpd can love you so good and make you feel special like your the only person they loved . And then another part they can cuss you out make you there worst enemy . I wish I never was that person to make her feel so terrible because I did love her so much . She loved fast and hard I loved slow and cautiously. And I did research about this because I first saw the signs . The anger the irritability the feeling misunderstood by me . The “ always not listening “ the “ you always do this” . Yes I’ve failed as a partner . I’ve failed being there whenever she needs and wants . I failed in reassuring her well because things get so tensed things get so heated . I’ve failed to calm her down and to reassure her . I shut down when we argue . I’m not perfect but I always tried again and again . She was patient enough as well to give me a chance . But one tiny mistake one misunderstanding one tone one sentence that did not go well can burn everything to the ground .

It’s hard to love someone with bpd . I gave my all . But I had so many responsibilities so many people to help my family my friends and not enough for her . We talked everyday . We watched her fav shows everyday . And I failed in giving her a constant life she wanted . Because my life is a mess I have adhd I have no job . It’s long distance . We kept the idea alive . but it scared her a lot . She didn’t want to feel being abandoned being rejected . She didn’t want to feel like there’s no plan . I understand , I totally understand . The universe only knows how badly I wanna get a job and just fly to see her . I know she only wants space for her and I together . And I couldn’t be there for her . I just wish nothing but the best for her . I could never really hate her at all . Just pure sadness and longing . She told me to end it because it’s never gonna work . I told her if we keep misunderstanding each other if we keep being angry and resentful it was never gonna work . She tried the best she can . But I think she feels too guilty and ashamed . She always says that I’m the victim . I told her no I’m not . She always brings it up . Yea i blame her for the way she reacts . The cussing the shouting . But I was never a victim . We’re both just victims to not being compatible . It’s even harder when it’s ldr . Idk what’s the real her or not . Idk if she her cussing me out online is gonna be irl . I loved her slowly and gently . I wasn’t and will never be enough . She is a good person and she is kind I loved how kind she is to animals and to people around her .

I made her the worst person again . All I did was trigger her . She was better off with friends than in a relationship . I made her miserable , all I did was make her cry . And I never wanted to do that to anyone at all let alone someone you love . I never wanted her to stress out and trigger her like she did with her abusive manipulative exes. Her fucked up abusive careless family . She did have a rough childhood . And it sucks what bpd can do to a person . I don’t hate her . I could never ever hate her . I am just exhausted and she is as well. I don’t ever want to lose contact with her but she said it’s for the better . She said it makes her happy . If it’s not me that’s meant for her then I’m fine with accepting that . I just wish nothing but happiness for her . Just someone to give her the love she deserves . Because she can really make you feel the greatest.

Also she posted my face on her instagram page because I’m not blocking her because I can’t let go . So now I just blocked her so that who knows eventually she can delete those posts I sent her .

why do they do this . WTH . This ain’t right .

I wish someone is the right person for her the one that can be just as attentive and give her all the time she needs . I am here to vent because idk what’s else to do . And for people with BPD . The least you can do is before you get into a relationship. Let them know . Let them know that you have it . Let them know ur trying to be better . Do not ever go into a relationship and act like ur normal when ur not . Because ur gonna hurt the ones u loved at the end .

I crashed out yesterday told her everything wrong she would say to me . I recalled crashing out and telling her that yes she’s right that I’m stupid and dumb and all the horrible things she said .

Then the next day comes and she was like it’s exactly why u proved my point . And she doesn’t care and I shouldn’t too. I guess me crashing out led her to do that .

PwBPD why would you think she did this??

never expected I’d be the one crashing out . She is very kind and I love her empathetic nature . But there are moments I’m always just getting reminded that I’m dumb and stupid I never listen I never try . The cussing , the davaluation , the “MY FEELINGS DONT MATTER. The threatening of relationships . I try my best to be patient with her . But I’m losing my sanity , literally I’m going insane begging for gentle communication just begging to just not cuss and treat each other with respect . When I cry to her I get called out as manipulative and gaslighter . NO , IM CRYING BECAUSE WE DO NOT TALK LIKE WERE TOGETHER AND ITS MAKING INSANE .

I fucking care about her too much. She can cry to me all she wants and I want her to be vulnerable with her feelings to me and I also want her to cry to me . But when I do the same I’m the problem . When I cry when I communicate what hurts me all of a sudden I’m the problem .

and Like damn I know I don’t listen I know I’m not perfect but I don’t need a reminder I don’t need to know I’m dumb I’m stupid . I understand bpd is a curse it hurts . But you all need to respect your partners . Ask healthily for space . Be clear when they annoy you when you want to communicate later. Tell them you love them but you need space . Because the pain is too much . All of a sudden you feel like they love you and then one moment in that same day they can treat you like ur the worst person of all time. I gave her a bunch of texts of How she’s right that I am just stupid and dumb that I deserve to be cussed at that I don’t deserve to be heard that I don’t deserve to be respected . I crashed out I crashed out . I try to be so patient but i crashed out and idk what to do anymore . I will need space for this one .

I came here to just vent about how to enjoy and learn to love yourself when no one is there for you to hype you , up to comfort , to love you . I don’t have good self love . I can’t set up my own boundaries and I feel like I have to be helpful I have to make them (friends , family )) happy to make me feel seen and heard . How do you guys learn to love yourself? to be content with yourself and your decisions . To set good boundaries with other people and be able to say no without making ever feeling guilty . I want to be in that state of self love that , to the point I don’t tolerate bullshit I don’t tolerate people saying rude things to me and not coming back . I wish I was more stronger, i wish I had more confidence in myself . How do you guys do this .what are some advice to start .

Anyone wanna play Fortnite rn

I’m down to play now if anyone is interested I do vc

Helloo I’m looking for an online game friend to play with . And someone who is consistent not just on and off 😓😭 I’d love to hear about your life and get to know you .

My names Loren , you could say I’m laid back , people call me too laid back in fact. I’m not a competitive players and it’s almost impossible for me to get upset .

I’m from California and I’m hoping to meet irl friends from there as well.

Hello my names Loren , I have a game I want to pursue in 5 months . I’m looking for a partner to work with mostly who can program and is used with ui and all that. If you are interested let me know so we can talk about it .

ALSO !! I’m not paying 😓😭 this is if you want to work and make a passion project I have in mind .