u/Bright_Choice_2986

Help me stop please

She emotionally abused me trauma bonded me to her treated me very poor and as reactive abuse i name called her for months and it was so toxic for both of us and then she gaslight me into thinking i was the abuser etc

In 2025 i ruined her birthday too and she never forgiven me for it but never took accountability how before her birthday for 20 days she mentally abused me in worst ways

Now tomorrow is her birthday even though one month ago she came to me and abused me verbally humiliated me said she'll find so so so so so better and im loser and im less of a Man etc

All of this still i think maybe i made her that way maybe she was dealing with family problems and i didn't understand her and name called her for months maybe she was really stuck in family problems when she would leave me without single update or heads up for 20 20 days and come back crying that mom toot her phone cuz she was strict

Please someone talk me out of it click some sense into me because im trauma bonded

She emotionally abused me trauma bonded me to her treated me very poor and as reactive abuse i name called her for months and it was so toxic for both of us and then she gaslight me into thinking i was the abuser etc

In 2025 i ruined her birthday too and she never forgiven me for it but never took accountability how before her birthday for 20 days she mentally abused me in worst ways

Now tomorrow is her birthday even though one month ago she came to me and abused me verbally humiliated me said she'll find so so so so so better and im loser and im less of a Man etc

All of this still i think maybe i made her that way maybe she was dealing with family problems and i didn't understand her and name called her for months maybe she was really stuck in family problems when she would leave me without single update or heads up for 20 20 days and come back crying that mom toot her phone cuz she was strict

Please someone talk me out of it click some sense into me because im trauma bonded

Post got no attention and no help so posting again

Tldr: 60 days after breakup she came with her new BF(victim) to me i was sooo confused how can mine BPD stay loyal she can't be BPD but now the mosttttttttttttttttt loyal girl i thought I've ever met showed me how much of horrible human she is

So yesterday my female classmate got text from a boy and i knew it's her burner account she tried to ask her again and again who is her boyfriend and be his side chick until she sexually harrased her

So i took her access to Instagram from classmate and went to talk to her(him) and i told him if you have guts please call me I'll teach you how you should talk to females i tried to strike his ego by saying if you are man enough please call me right now but he didn't that's when it was confirmed its her

Let's go back 20 days ago i stalked her and saw some new singer in her following and followers and i was afraid she's getting close to him

So when i said if you are man enough call me that singer showed up and texted me

When it happened i broke down immediately because of the promises she made to me during idealization phase how she will die but never go to anyone else etc i felt as if world has ended all those 20 days of fears that she's dating him crushed on me

I tried to talk to her respectfully and crying that why did you do this to me she said she isn't in relationship with me anymore and abused me alottttt in worstttttttttttt horrible ways one can she compared me to him and said alot of stuff

Then suddenly she started to cry how i fucked her life how i manipulated a little innocent girl and killed her dreams and disrespected her and her family and how she's on blood pressure meds due to me and how she cries all day long missing me and cursing me and how she goes to all her friends crying I can't move on etc??? All after comparing me to new guy and cursing me like some dog telling me 20 times to fuckkk offf after every paragraph

Something else weird was in the first line she said it's her cousin then sorry a friend then after 20 minutes he is her distant family member

Also that guy's Instagram is full of breakup reposts so they said in the end we thought your classmate is his ex it was a mistake buttttt my classmate straight forwardly told her that she's my classmate which makes me think that she did it intentionally just for me

When i confronted her her first line was keep dreaming of me reaching out to you bitch i never will 😂

I called her with all our pet names lovely names and promises etc crying and she mocked each of them

Then she said he's her friend and she's helping him to move on from his ex and he's helping me to keep you away from her and then 10 minutes later she said im friends with his girlfriend but clearly that guy posts breakup reels all day long it was sooo strange im still confused what are they

And then today in the morning she reached out to my brother telling him to tell me that that guy was her brotherrrr i hope I know definition of a brother etc etc and how she lost last bit of respect and love for me and never expect her to reach out to me ever again and i should also not reach out to her ever again and fuck off and blah blah

So how that guy is her brother lol but after digging i highly suspect it's her cousin and i don't know what are they now

And in evening today she deactivated alllll her social media after texting my brother

I'm so confused what happened?? Im still thinking due to her 3 years of gaslighting that i made her into this and she was maybe in pain that's why she did it etc etc

But i got to know they can't live without supply

Tldr: 60 days after breakup she came with her new BF(victim) to me i was sooo confused how can mine BPD stay loyal she can't be BPD but now the mosttttttttttttttttt loyal girl i thought I've ever met showed me how much of horrible human she is

So yesterday my female classmate got text from a boy and i knew it's her burner account she tried to ask her again and again who is her boyfriend and be his side chick until she sexually harrased her

So i took her access to Instagram from classmate and went to talk to her(him) and i told him if you have guts please call me I'll teach you how you should talk to females i tried to strike his ego by saying if you are man enough please call me right now but he didn't that's when it was confirmed its her

Let's go back 20 days ago i stalked her and saw some new singer in her following and followers and i was afraid she's getting close to him

So when i said if you are man enough call me that singer showed up and texted me

When it happened i broke down immediately because of the promises she made to me during idealization phase how she will die but never go to anyone else etc i felt as if world has ended all those 20 days of fears that she's dating him crushed on me

I tried to talk to her respectfully and crying that why did you do this to me she said she isn't in relationship with me anymore and abused me alottttt in worstttttttttttt horrible ways one can she compared me to him and said alot of stuff

Then suddenly she started to cry how i fucked her life how i manipulated a little innocent girl and killed her dreams and disrespected her and her family and how she's on blood pressure meds due to me and how she cries all day long missing me and cursing me and how she goes to all her friends crying I can't move on etc??? All after comparing me to new guy and cursing me like some dog telling me 20 times to fuckkk offf after every paragraph

Something else weird was in the first line she said it's her cousin then sorry a friend then after 20 minutes he is her distant family member

Also that guy's Instagram is full of breakup reposts so they said in the end we thought your classmate is his ex it was a mistake buttttt my classmate straight forwardly told her that she's my classmate which makes me think that she did it intentionally just for me

When i confronted her her first line was keep dreaming of me reaching out to you bitch i never will 😂

I called her with all our pet names lovely names and promises etc crying and she mocked each of them

Then she said he's her friend and she's helping him to move on from his ex and he's helping me to keep you away from her and then 10 minutes later she said im friends with his girlfriend but clearly that guy posts breakup reels all day long it was sooo strange im still confused what are they

And then today in the morning she reached out to my brother telling him to tell me that that guy was her brotherrrr i hope I know definition of a brother etc etc and how she lost last bit of respect and love for me and never expect her to reach out to me ever again and i should also not reach out to her ever again and fuck off and blah blah

So how that guy is her brother lol but after digging i highly suspect it's her cousin and i don't know what are they now

And in evening today she deactivated alllll her social media after texting my brother

I'm so confused what happened?? Im still thinking due to her 3 years of gaslighting that i made her into this and she was maybe in pain that's why she did it etc etc

But i got to know they can't live without supply

Why did she do this to me?

Tldr:

Please if someone have time give it a read i need serious help with some reassurance or tips or anything

Im sitting here after 40 days of ending 3 years of relationship with my ex gf

And i got so strong but now im tired today again of composing myself she gave me life long trust issues i remember her crying begging me not to leave 10 thousand times during those 3 years she would claim to die if i left her etc etc she showed up differently from every other girl to keep me trauma bonded to her she won my trust that she's a Gem in todays generation I treated her like my princess i lost myself my health my family my everything for her i ruined my studies just to be her perfect partner she was chaotic and she would abandon me for 20 20 days sometimes 3 sometimes 5 sometimes 10 it was so triggering im anxious leaning secure man and it made me terrible i lashed out at her at times i screamed i begged for basic human decency and in return she would turn ice cold not saying i love you back or even listening to me crying she would smirk and lied to me gaslighted me

Butttt whyyyyy am i still gaslight im still thinking i was the problem and when i think no she was the problem then grief and anger hits me why did she do it to me and then same girl who cried 10 thousand times to not leave her or she would die didn't reach out in 40 days living her life as if nothing mattered i wonder if she is even a human being

But im still trauma bonded and i can't stop looking at her profiles even if i block her and she's following random men and i die here thinking of her having sex with somebody else I don't want her but still the thought of her being with someone else I can't let that go it tightens my chest and i feel sharp pains

I desperately want her guilt and sorry and for her to realize that she did something wrong so that i will get my closure

I feel worthless

I feel helpless why do my brain and heart can't agree that people can be cruel to best partners and it's not about me i feel like it's about me and there are so many emotions that I can't understand

I was doing so great but suddenly i hit days like these and i feel helpless talking to anyone doing anything nothing makes me feel okay

Someone give me some hope or anything that one day these things won't matter anymore and how what should i do im praying I'm hitting gym im getting appreciation letters on my new job just in 18 days im their best employee than those who are there for years im young man energetic and i love my job that's why im doing so great but nothing seems to help i journal i do self care and everything

Why did she do this to me?

Tldr:

Please if someone have time give it a read i need serious help with some reassurance or tips or anything

Im sitting here after 40 days of ending 3 years of relationship with my ex gf

And i got so strong but now im tired today again of composing myself she gave me life long trust issues i remember her crying begging me not to leave 10 thousand times during those 3 years she would claim to die if i left her etc etc she showed up differently from every other girl to keep me trauma bonded to her she won my trust that she's a Gem in todays generation I treated her like my princess i lost myself my health my family my everything for her i ruined my studies just to be her perfect partner she was chaotic and she would abandon me for 20 20 days sometimes 3 sometimes 5 sometimes 10 it was so triggering im anxious leaning secure man and it made me terrible i lashed out at her at times i screamed i begged for basic human decency and in return she would turn ice cold not saying i love you back or even listening to me crying she would smirk and lied to me gaslighted me

Butttt whyyyyy am i still gaslight im still thinking i was the problem and when i think no she was the problem then grief and anger hits me why did she do it to me and then same girl who cried 10 thousand times to not leave her or she would die didn't reach out in 40 days living her life as if nothing mattered i wonder if she is even a human being

But im still trauma bonded and i can't stop looking at her profiles even if i block her and she's following random men and i die here thinking of her having sex with somebody else I don't want her but still the thought of her being with someone else I can't let that go it tightens my chest and i feel sharp pains

I desperately want her guilt and sorry and for her to realize that she did something wrong so that i will get my closure

I feel worthless

I feel helpless why do my brain and heart can't agree that people can be cruel to best partners and it's not about me i feel like it's about me and there are so many emotions that I can't understand

I was doing so great but suddenly i hit days like these and i feel helpless talking to anyone doing anything nothing makes me feel okay

Someone give me some hope or anything that one day these things won't matter anymore and how what should i do im praying I'm hitting gym im getting appreciation letters on my new job just in 18 days im their best employee than those who are there for years im young man energetic and i love my job that's why im doing so great but nothing seems to help i journal i do self care and everything

My BPD gf was fearful avoidant i guess even from day 1st

She was not able to communicate and contrary to every post here she was not clingy or texting me all the time it was me with her the clingy bf and texting all the time begging her to give me some attention and reassurance

Whenever she would get her periods then she would cry alot and beg for reassurance alot in those weeks

She would avoid me for 10 15 days every month

That confuses me alot what's your take on this??

I sometimes confuse listening these reels definition of narcissists?

I just sit there and ask:

​

Are they master manipulators and just sit there and do all these things knowingly?

Or they have human side too? And these things happen subtly like they do these things like simple human beings running on emotions? It messes up my brain These reels make me look at narcissists as some not humans rather robots sitting there doing all this???

​

See My gf was narcissist pure narcissist evil at many times having no empathy for me and making me cry but she was a human being too? And I can't even imagine she doing all this manipulation knowingly i mean she thinks in her mind maybe she's doing something right.

​

Alsooo what does it look like? In real life because these reel definitions make it look like some Al running on prompt how do these behaviors look like in human form and normal day to day relationship?

​

​

Edit: she was covert narcissist

I posted it yesterday no one read it so posting again i really need some insights

​

She was quiet BPD she didn't do anything visibly abusive

​

Im sitting here since 30 days everyday thinking maybe i was problem maybe i was the abuser i verbally abused her when she would neglect me and later cry that her mom took her phone

​

She was not like other BPDs she would write 50 thousand words long paragraphs saying how much she loves me and she's not doing anything on purpose and how im the bad guy abusing her out of pain

​

She would write thousands of paragraphs how i always bring up leaving her because she emotionally abuses me and it means I don't love her and fear losing her

​

Im sitting here not remembering anything how i was abused but i have only her paragraphs how she made me feel like im the problem

​

Im sitting here with the one week of breakup chats where she was sooo frustrated with me and telling me everything how i abused her without even saying sorry on oneeeee thing that she might have done to me

​

She name called me and im feeling like i deserved that i literally feel like i was the bad guy while i have no sense of self now I've lost my job my family my friends due to her

​

She made me feel like she always Heard me said sorries and listen to me but i was the one who's complaints were not coming to an end because im anxious who\*re according to her but then i think maybe because she was inconsistent she was not giving me basic needs that'll why i was not shutting up with all the complaints those crying voice notes i sent her to treat me right

​

And she had oneeeee excuse that "fuckkkkk youuuu my mom takes my phone away and she sounds sooo convincing she cries she hugs me when she go away for weeks saying her mom took her phone even her last seen shows she's offline" she used to hug me cry name call her mom that she takes her phone but one day she'll deal with it and get independent and marry me so sometimes i sit here thinking maybe it was her mom she didn't do anything but sometimes 21 year old girl being away from phone for 20 days every month seems to good to be true

​

Butttt whenever i thought this then her paragraphs comes forward and voice notes in which she's crying saying sorry that mom took her phone and I'm losing my mind

​

My mind knows everything and still it's fighting against me it's defending her and it's strange im trauma bonded to her i guess

I had 3 year relationship with her

​

During first 2 years she would apologize and cry every week literally every week saying how she hurt me etc etc but just 1 or 2 days in she would do those things again

​

3rd year was full of no apologies everything was my fault lolz

​

So im confused most of you here say they never apologize or just few times only while mine apologized every week or every other day i would say until in 3rd whole year she would say you manipulated me for 2 years now im mature enough to not fall for it and say sorry on everything

She would literally call me dad on her worst emotional outbursts and also used to manipulate me as "if i were like your little baby girl why would my dad do that to me"

​

She would romanticize it in some way that it wouldn't feel like that pedo* etc it was kinda dynamic where we went to that level i was 4 years older than her and she would say until we marry and have our beautiful daughter I'll be like your daughter you'll take care of me love me and take stand on me in joint family dynamic etc etc and she would call me "baba" sweet nickname for dad in our language

And all the manipulation like

Why would my baba do that to me

Why would my baba hurt me

Why would my baba this that and that

If you were like my baba why would you.....blah blah blah

​

Has anyone else faced similar thing with BPD?

Edit: it was not justtt sexual context she wanted me to be her dad in all aspects

Tdlr: I replied to someone on post here but i wanna post it here too those things that i feel after being discarded

It's a long post im sorry but I'm so vulnerable right now she gave me 3 years of hope and discarded me

​

I don't know if you'll read it and say anything but im gonna share everything

I was in relationship with her 2023-26 3 years like she left me on our 3rd year anniversary night so complete 3 years she was avoidant one who would avoid me due to our conflicts she couldn't answer anything or hold me but would cling to me when she had her problems

It was long distance so we had alottttttttttttttt of sex chats and yk very well their intensity in kinks and fantasies that was the only part i felt loved and cared in outside of that she was horrible to me but also sweet af the highs and extreme fucked up lows

​

In the last year i started verbally abusing her out of pain because she would leave me on seen for 30 days making excuses she would listen to me crying on calls and acted cold so i would cry and abuse her and her mom who would be her excuse that she took her phone and put it somewhere hidden i still regret that but i think that was reactive abuse for all that emotional abuse she put me through

She left me while giving all the blames to me she called me unmasculine man a narcissist a manchild for begging her to show me basic human decency

Her goodbye paragraphs said i ruined her life i ruined her dreams i ruined her career i ruined her family relationships i abandoned her i cheated???? On her me posting just gym selfie that was just my back muscles in gym trousers not even shorts is cheating for her?

She said im obstruction and obstacle in her relationship to God because we are not married yet and alot of meaningless things

She accused me of everything that she did to me called me manipulator called me toxic called me immature called me narcissist and whatever came to her mind

​

Now that im out of it 40 days no contact I'm in fear of women as you stated in your post too I can't find Myself trusting anyone again

​

​

And I'm deeply afraid of not finding intense love like her again and the sex drive and openness to kinks etc she gave me hypersexuality and now i fear that some other women will not be enthusiastic like she was and it kills me im trauma bonded to her

​

Also i feel so possessive and hurt when i sit there and think her future partner will have all those kinks she had my brain shows me in 4k those kinks she shared with you she'll be doing that to some other man and it pains my soul that my beautiful girl will be with someone else

​

After all that said i know how horrible monster she is how much of a lier she was and how abusive she is I'll never ever go back to her or want her in any way but still above things hurt and kills me in stuck with ghost of that lovely girl i got in first year

I think the mosttttt hurtful thing that's keeping me stuck is that i want her to sit with me just for once and i wanna tell her what did she do what kind of love she fumbled and get my answers on certain things which i know is not possible which hurts me because she'll never ever get out of her victim mindset

Tldr: I don't know but if you can read that's how her peaceful respectful goodbye looked like also there is alot of context missing to what she's accusing and referring to my English is not good to write that but look at the disrespect everything is projection what she's accusing me

She said unblock me via my friend she asked my friend tell Him(me) to unblock her so that she might give me respectful goodbye and closure because she is done with me and she wants to end everything with respect and kindness

And guess what i used chatgpt to translate it but this was her peaceful goodbye why do they think they are victims?

Her texts was like

[You called me a hoe and said I'm not respectable/family-oriented enough to marry you. You said you don't want someone like me to be the mother of your daughter. And honestly, I don't want that either. I can't tolerate your toxic personality.

As long as it was about love, I tolerated a lot — the insults, the abuse, and many other things. But now I've had enough.

And I know you don't want me, so pleeeeeeeeease, for God's sake, stop playing games.

And these fake crocodile tears on Instagram — one thing on Instagram and another thing in real life. People who are genuinely sad after a breakup don't make edits and keep posting.

And you call me a prostitute, right? Well, Mr......, I don't easily humble people, but now I'm saying "you" to you disrespectfully (using "tu" instead of a respectful form). Hahaha. You have lost all my respect, understand?

After calling me not respectable/family-oriented enough, never show your face to me again in this life.

But still, look at yourself — it's because of this anxious personality of yours, you pathetic person, that I'll be saying goodbye.

But only reply to these voice notes if I have something to say. Otherwise, please don't expect anything from me, your shitty questions, etc.

Because you're the one who's been acting like a prostitute on Instagram — your sister's teachers' proposals and all that — and you don't consider me a respectable woman because I was making my cousins jealous? Seriously? 😭]

And when I told her to please be respectful it's hurting me she sent another paragraph trying to act loving but suddenly started to accuse me again all over

Like this

[Sorry if calling you "good boy" upset you. I'll be respectful.

I love you, and forgetting you will be difficult. But after what you said to me yesterday, I can't do it, yaar. After that much insult, I really can't. khikhikhi

No one has ever insulted me like that. You've always called me shameless and all sorts of things. Whenever I got angry and said "it's over," why did I say that? And why did I tolerate it? Because it was you that I wanted, wasn't it?

I can't even imagine anyone else.

You justify everything you do. I saw all those stories about teachers' proposals. I'm not even a human being, right? I'm some witch, so why would I get hurt?

I even get hurt thinking that if things don't end, eventually we'll just forget each other. In Paradise even siblings don't remember each other, khikhikhi.

But you did me dirty, and I can't get past that.

I thought I'd let it go, that it's okay. But when you put up that shirtless picture, I cried until 3 in the morning thinking about how many people must have seen it.

I know I made you cry too, but at least I wasn't shirtless. And no other guy saw me except you and your brother]

Edit: she was extremely loyal rare case but yeah she never cheated but used kids and other men in such ways just to jealous me more like to provoke protective side of me she would say I'll never ever date anyone my whole life but i can't stay with you and it's been 35 days she's single posting memes about being single and how peaceful it is

She used to tell me I can't live without you and i would die if you ever left me and I can't imagine life without you

We fought and broke up it's been 35 days she just vanished and it kills me thinking about 3 years of love meant nothing to her while i gave away my soul I literally worshiped her i was the besttttt man ever in her life and suddenly after discarding me i was expecting she'll miss all that love and her man in a week or 2 but i was wrong she's gone living happily it made me feel soooooo worthless and useless

Another question is people say they have abandonedment issues yes mine had them in unique form she would just randomly cry that one day you'll change and leave me and I'll die mine was not like others i mean seeking reassurance all the time or clinging to me even in love bombing phase she wouldn't cling that hard

3rd question is mine was totally avoidant from beginning of those 3 years she used to vanish always and come back with alottttt of love bombing and care she used to cry that her mom took the phone away but then this excuse increased over time and became a pattern until in the end it was 35 days 22 days of her mom snatching her phone with only weekly love bombing updates she would just come online for 15 minutes and love bomb me cry show extremeeeeee empathy for me crying and begging her to deal her mom and just vanish again for a week or 4 days but i think she was avoiding me

I have a question about covert narcissist

She completely falls on covert narcissist signs but the thing is she was with me for 3 years she has shown empathy which she never had in the last year and also vulnerability too how is this possible? Can narcissist fake it for 3 years? Crying like little baby sobbing and she will be extremely vulnerable in those moments specifically during periods she would fear losing me she would fear i may die in accident etc like it makes me question things because in the end lack of empathy smear campaigns and darvo everything was totally her mask slipped but the vulnerability seemed so real like tears and baby like shivering and crying deeply? Im so confused can you provide clarity on this part? Can narcissist be normal humans sometimes? Like 3 years are too long to fake everything