I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/sweetandsourcum

Originally posted to r/amitheasshole

WIBTA for suing my friend when she didn’t come to my wedding?

Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity!<

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Original Post: February 12, 2026

I (25F) recently got married to my (25M) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January.

It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays. Each plane ticket was about $2000 USD, and hotel was maybe about $150-300 for a week.

My friend “Gemma” brought along her newlywed husband “John” along but paid for his plane ticket. The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding.

Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room and when I asked her why she didn’t show up she said that since they couldn’t afford their own honeymoon that this was a perfect opportunity and that John decided that he didn’t feel like going. I was really hurt by this since Gemma, and I have been friends for over 10 years.

WIBTA if I took her to small claims court for the money I spent on the plane ticket and hotel?

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Can’t believe I’m saying this, but, NTA.

Someone offers to give you a free vacation on the condition that you attend one party during that time? I’d be jumping for that opportunity.

To take that free vacation and then no-call-no-show to your friends’ wedding is really shitty behaviour on their part. They could have extended their stay if they wanted to treat the trip as their own honeymoon.

> OOP: LITERALLY. She wasn’t even in the wedding party! All she had to do was show up, dance, and eat cake and food. Funny thing enough is that they DID go on a honeymoon, it just wasn’t abroad.

Commenter 2: I think you are NTA for being hurt and angry. Gemma used you, which is a shitty thing to do. I don't think you'd be out of line for ending the friendship over this.

HOWEVER . . . while I definitely think you'd be in the right to try to get the money back, unfortunately, I'm not sure that this would hold up in court. Verbal contracts are hard to legally prove. Gemma's lawyer could argue that Gemma was under the impression that the plane ticket was a gift. Even if your lawyer argues that the plane ticket was conditional on her attending your wedding, your lawyer would have to be able to prove that Gemma understood that the ticket was conditional. Unless you have texts or emails to back that up, it will be hard. Additionally, there are legal fees as well, so in the end, you'll have to determine whether the gamble that the judge might not side with you is worth the time and money spent on pursuing this in small claims court.

Again, I think you're NTA, and I'd recommend ejecting Gemma from your friendship circle. But just know going in that this probably isn't a sure bet unless you have the conditional aspect in writing.

> OOP: I told her for Christmas that I was paying for her to come, and it was on video 😏 I thought it was going to be a way to capture a nice memory, but I didn’t realize how much that’s going to help me in my court case

Commenter 3: I am sorry to say that she is not a friend. It may be an expensive lesson, not sure if small claim court will help, and congrats on the wedding.

> OOP: Thank you! I’m better off without her

Commenter 4: INFO

Did you in any way shape or form send a text (any form of writing) or invitation to the wedding stating that you would cover the travel and hotel for them in regards to their attendance at the wedding. If you did it will help you because that solidifies the fact that the airfare and hotel was covered conditionally. The condition being attending your wedding. Personally I would send Gemma a message adding the invoice for everything (airfare and hotel) and let her know:

Hi Gemma! I’m writing regarding the airfare and hotel accommodations that I paid for in connection with the wedding. Those expenses were covered for the purpose of your attendance at the wedding. As you chose not to attend, I am requesting reimbursement for the total cost of (the cost).

I will forward the invoice and supporting documentation shortly. Please remit payment within 14 days of this message. Thank you.

If she doesn’t agree take her to court if you want but that friendship is done. Either way the way she responds to it might give you better chances as winning in court should you want to go that route. However you need to either talk to a lawyer or look into you the laws in your area. If you can prove the offer (we’ll foot the bill for travel and hotel), acceptance (yes we’ll attend you wedding) and consideration (attendance in exchange for the trip), breach (they did not attend) and damages (2k) that would strengthen your case. These are the five basic criteria that needs to be in place to create an enforceable agreement.

If you have texts of this great and even better if you have texts confirming that they skipped the wedding to use it as a honeymoon instead as the honeymoon comment shows intent and makes it harder for them to claim emergency, illness or a misunderstanding. Document everything. But then again all this depends on where you are and the laws there.

Best of luck and congratulations on your marriage!

> OOP: I made a video of me surprising her that I paid for her plane fair and a printed photo of the hotel room at Christmas. She didn’t know I was going to pay, and she did express that she might now be able to attend because she and her husband do not work at the moment. I told her I really wanted her to be there and the her saying that John didn’t want to go to the wedding was all on text message too

Downvoted Commenter: ESH. You don’t have legal grounds to sue. Think of it as you having spent $2,000 to find out that she isn’t really your friend.

> OOP: How so? She skipped out on my wedding? I didn’t pay for her honeymoon I paid for her to attend my wedding? She wasn’t even in the wedding party, so she only had to show up for one day. She had 6 other days to have fun with him smh

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Editor's note: adding a related post from a different subreddit to the original post

Can I win in small claims court if I sue a friend who didn't come to my destination wedding?: February 14, 2026 (two days later)

Location: California

I did post this on another subreddit, but I want to know if I have any chance of winning in small claims court.

I recently got married in Bali, Indonesia in January.

I recently graduated CRNA school and signed on to a new position, so I had enough money to be able to have the destination wedding of my dreams. Plus it was pretty much the same cost as a big domestic wedding. My partner's parents and my parents paid for their own flights and accommodations because they wanted to, but we paid for our friends' flights and hotels.

The problem is that I paid $2300 for my friend, Gemma, to fly there and her accommodations. She brought her newlywed husband along but paid for his plane ticket. On the day of the ceremony, she no call no showed. When I asked her why she didn't come she said it was because John didn't feel like going and later stated that my wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being their honeymoon since they didn't have one. I know proving that she was aware that the trip was a conditional gift is needed so I got her to implicate herself on text by acknowledging that the trip was for MY wedding and not a honeymoon gift for her. I also invoiced her the cost of everything and told her she had 30 days to pay me back before I take legal action. Plus when I told her I was paying for her flight and hotel, I surprised her on video at Christmas.

Do I have a chance at winning in small claims court? Are there any other steps I need to do?

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Update #1: Sometime after February 14, 2026

Editor's note: OOP later made two small updates onto the original post with no posting dates given. Likely after the legal advice post

UPDATE: I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room, but I did something a little better. I wanted to get proof so if I had to go to court it would be easier to win. I messaged her this:

“Hey sorry for being so distant but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali. I’m hurt that you didn’t show up to the ceremony. I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come and then you didn’t show up. Did you think I paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John?”

She replied, “I've missed you a lot and I know I the trip was for ur wedding, but John didn’t want to go bc he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you’d understand.”

I replied, “no I don’t understand. You took advantage of me and that’s not what real friends do. So I’m sending invoicing you $2387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room. I will give you 30 days and after that I will be taking legal action.”

I received no response, but she’s been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life.

Thank you all for your verdicts and help.

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Update #2: Sometime after February 14, 2026

Edit/Update part 2: I didn’t think this could get worse, but here we are.

I didn’t respond to any of the subliminal messages she posted about me on social media and I’ve been very quiet while I’ve been getting my ducks in a row for the litigation.

But, this past Friday she sent me a 3 page audit of financial and emotional contributions from 2015-present.

I wish I was fucking joking.

The audits:

- She itemized every dinner or lunch we’ve ever ate together (she estimated $18 per meal).

- Gas money for driving to and from hangouts

- A birthday gift from 2017 that she now claims she went into debt for, time spent emotionally supporting me after my dad passed. She said she took on the role a grief counselor for me even though I talked to her on the phone about it once for 30 minutes.

- One time she helped me move apartments. She wants to be paid for her labor

- And emotional distress caused by me threatening litigation

Her grand total? $2,412.09 which is conveniently within $25 of what I invoiced her. She then told me that if we’re really keeping score that I actually owe her $24.56.

I think I stared at the document for 10 minutes in silence in shock from the audacity because this bitch is delusional.

To clarify: I never asked her to cook for me. While I was in college, she did pay for lunches BUT when I definitely returned the favor big time once I graduated. I bought her many gifts over the years, I’ve let her stay at my house several times when she and John argued, and I have also lend a shoulder for her to cry on when she had difficult times in life, but apparently being a friend is now billable? I decided to give the message a thumbs down because if I respond I will be extremely disrespectful with the anger I am facing. I cannot wait for these 30 days to be over because I will be suing the fuck out of her.

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Editor's note: OOP made the final update onto the original post

Final Update: April 28, 2026 (same original post, 2.5 months later from Update #2)

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I've been trying to get my ducks in a row before I proceeded with everything.

While doing that, I was going through photos from Bali and ended up on the Instagram page of a local photographer who took pictures of me and my husband during a sailing excursion we went on. I was scrolling through their page and looking at random groups when I saw a very familiar face. It was Gemma and a man. And it wasn't John. It was a man I had never seen before.

There were multiple photos. One where they were just sitting down with drinks, one with Gemma and the guy wrapping his arm around her, and one of them kissing.

That's when everything clicked. My wedding was the day after everyone landed, which is why I never saw her at all, not at the hotel, not around town, nothing. I just assumed that she was trying to lie low around town to avoid a confrontation with me. She didn't skip my wedding because John didn't feel like going or that my wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being their honeymoon. She skipped it because she wasn't there with John, but with another man.

After seeing this photo of her and her affair partner, I decided to do my own detective work. I went to her Instagram page and tried to see if I could find the guys Instagram page in her following list or follower list. Nada. I tried to see if any guy that remotely looked like him was in her likes or comments. Nope. I felt defeated until I remembered about Gemma's small pottery Instagram account and boom I found him. Let's say his name is Ryan. Ryan had several photos that were taken in Bali on his page. He even had a photo of himself in the hotel room that I paid for. I was beyond pissed and just wanted to get my money back and just be done with Gemma altogether.

On the day of our court date, I told my side, showed the judge the text messages, and explained that I paid for her trip so she could attend my wedding and she didn't show up. Gemma claimed that the trip was a gift for her new marriage and not contingent on attending.

I didn't even have to bring up the fact that she didn't bring John because the judge didn't buy Gemma's story. I was awarded the full amount back. Gemma walked out of the courtroom without even looking at me. I know she was pissed. And as expected.... she went straight to Instagram and this time, she didn't hold back at all.

She started posting about me on her story, calling me a bitch, saying that's why I've can't have kids, posting photos of me calling me fat, saying that she'll go spit on the grave of my dead grandmother. Just diabolical mean girl stuff. The last time she brought our drama to social media, I ignored it. But not this time. I know what I did next was stooping to her level, but I didn't care.

I posted the photo of her kissing Ryan on my story and tagged her AND John in it. I captioned it, "Sorry we missed you in Bali. Hope you had fun!"

Within minutes, she began spamming my phone. She was calling, texting, leaving voicemails, screaming at me. And before I blocked her on everything, I messaged her one last time. I said, "You should've just come to the wedding."

Relevant Comments

Commenter: Damn.... Your story was covered on Smosh Reads Reddit today. Did a search cause the last update was not included due to when the recorded it was not posted.

But that was like a curve ball thrown with the same ball as it was mid curve ball pitched. Ironically she was public about your trip issues, and no one seemed to seek out why she was supposedly on a trip to your wedding, but no shows without her husband...

Why did the husband not ask why she was having issues with you on the money for the trip, and not find out it was due to her not showing up despite to him she went on the trip alone?

It would also be odd he not have issues on not being invited in the first place as you and the wife was supposedly close friends? What kind of lies was she saying to him through this?

Those are mostly not actual questions to you, but more an open ended remark in question form. But have you found out anything about that subject since? Any drama you had to deal with since?

> OOP: I was wondering why there was an influx of new comments today! > > To answer your questions: When Gemma initially took our drama to social media, she didn’t state why we were fighting. And I’m not sure what she told John but knowing her she probably told him a lie. > > As far as what I’ve heard since all this happened. Through a mutual friend, I found out that John has filed for divorce and Gemma and her son has moved back in with her mom after Ryan refused to take her in.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude but why are all the damn brides on MUA's insta pages the exact same. Indians come in a variety of shades and we have unique and beautiful features.

But I feel like when I'm looking at brides - same overly pink cheeks with blush blindness, green/hazel/grey/light brown contact lenses. Overy bushy, fake eyelashes. Nude/brown lips and brown/gold eyeshadow with lots of Kajal. There is no variety - the lehengas can be pink/red/orange/pastel but the makeup is the EXACT SAME.

How am I supposed to find a MUA if everyone has the same product. Why not define a USP?

ALso why do y'all seem allergic to colors that are not gold/brown/ peach.

I'm a skincare noob. 30 years old, have always had relatively decent skin- very few breakouts *fingers crossed*. My current skincare routine is facewash and no, not a fancy one, I've been using lakme's strawberry facewash since I was 11 and still use that because it smells like berries.

Please suggest easy things I can do to get a "bridal" glow.

No chemical peels or harsh treatments please. Also please don't break my bank.

&#x200B;

I (29F) am getting married in six weeks. My fiancé (31M) and I decided on a child-free wedding, small venue, limited seating, we just wanted one night without worrying about kids.

We made one exception: my sister's daughter is our flower girl. My sister (34F) has three kids and just went through a rough separation (he cheated). She's struggling financially and emotionally.

She was fine with the rule at first. Then three months ago she asked if all three kids could come, she can't afford a sitter and doesn't feel comfortable leaving them with someone else. I said the answer was still no.

She said it was cruel to let her daughter participate but exclude the other two. I explained her daughter has an actual role in the ceremony, she's not just a guest. My sister said that wasn't good enough.

A few weeks later she called crying, genuinely can't afford childcare, her husband won't help since "he wasn't invited either," and our parents live hours away. She asked for an exception. I said no.

That's when things blew up. She said I was selfish, prioritizing a "pretty wedding" over family. Then: "Since you're the one choosing to get married, you're the one creating this situation. I shouldn't have to choose between attending your wedding and taking care of my children."

I told her she didn't have to come. She said, "You'd seriously rather have your sister miss your wedding than let her kids sit at a table?" I said yes. She hung up.

My mom called next, said I was heartless, the youngest is only four, and leaving him with a stranger all evening is unreasonable. I said nobody's stopping her from asking a relative, a friend, hiring a sitter, or asking the dad. My mom said I was "technically right but morally wrong." That one stuck with me.

Last week my sister texted that she and the kids bought outfits and are coming anyway. I reminded her the invite says adults only. She said, "I'm not asking permission anymore." I told her the venue would have to turn them away. She accused me of threatening her.

Then: "You've always had the luxury of making everything about yourself because you don't have children. One day you'll understand what it feels like when someone puts their comfort above your family."

She hasn't spoken to me since. My fiancé backs me completely, but even his mom thinks we're being rigid, "it's one day."

I don't want to budge. Partly principle, partly the venue's capacity limit means changing this late costs thousands.

Here's where I feel conflicted: my sister's had a brutal year, and now she feels like I'm choosing a wedding rule over her. Part of me feels awful. But another part thinks this isn't about the kids anymore, it's about whether her situation entitles her to an exception.

I love her and her kids. But I don't think I should have to sacrifice a year of planning because she can't sort out childcare.

So, AITA?

I want to preface this by saying that I am completely in favor of destigmatizing mental illness and neurodivergence. I think it's a good thing that we're more aware of ADHD, autism, OCD, anxiety, depression, and other conditions than we were 10-15 years ago. A lot of people, especially women, spent years being dismissed, misdiagnosed, or told they were just lazy, dramatic, or difficult.

But lately I've been wondering if we've swung too far in the opposite direction.

A few days ago, I commented on a post asking about habits our partners have that annoy us. My answer was that my fiancé insists on having the volume on every device set to a multiple of 5. That's it. Just a mildly annoying quirk.

Within a few comments, people were asking if he had OCD, suggesting anxiety, and trying to connect it to various conditions. The funny part? He's already in therapy. ADHD has come up. OCD hasn't. And more importantly, this habit isn't causing distress, dysfunction, or negatively impacting his life. It's just a thing he does that occasionally makes me roll my eyes.

Then I saw another post where someone joked about losing track of time in the shower. The responses immediately jumped to ADHD, autism, time blindness, etc.

And that's what got me thinking.

Sometimes a long bath is just a long bath.

Sometimes liking the volume at 25 instead of 24 is just a preference.

Sometimes people zone out.

Sometimes people are forgetful.

Sometimes people are particular.

Yes, these things can overlap with neurodivergence. They can be symptoms in the right context. But not every behavior needs an explanation, a framework, or a diagnosis attached to it.

As a neurodivergent person myself, one thing that really bothers me is when people take an experience that was true for them and immediately universalize it. "I do this because I'm autistic" can very quickly become "Anyone who does this is probably autistic."

Human beings are allowed to be quirky. They're allowed to have habits that don't mean anything deeper. Not every personality trait is a symptom.

At the same time, I don't want this post to discourage people from seeking help. If you're noticing a broader pattern in your life, if something is causing distress, affecting your relationships, work, daily functioning, or if you're struggling with intrusive thoughts, compulsions, sensory issues, attention problems, etc., please do talk to a professional. Awareness is important.

I guess I'm just wondering if we've become a little too uncomfortable with uncertainty. Why can't the answer sometimes be:

"Maybe it's ADHD. Maybe it's not. Maybe they just take long showers."

Curious what others think. Have we become too quick to pathologize ordinary human behavior, or am I completely off base here?

P.S. I used AI to make this readable. I have diagnosed ADHD, so yes, I am fully aware that sometimes a behavior is explained by neurodivergence. My point is that sometimes a long bath is just a long bath. 😭

I don't need vendor details but like what kind of vendors/games would you have at your haldi carnival?

So far we were thinking some games, a temporary tattoo station and a make your own hand fan kinda thing. What other activities can be fun and engaging.

Haldi is the first official function.

Who are the women you think every Indian should know about? They can be historical figures or contemporary leaders whose work has advanced education, safety, equality, healthcare, legal rights, representation, or opportunity for women.

Drop a name (or several!) and tell us why their work matters. We'd especially love to hear about lesser-known women whose contributions deserve more recognition.

I'm sorry but I am judging.

My fiancé and I went to watch The Odyssey a few days ago and there were literal babies in the theater. Tiny babies. I know someone is going to say "not everyone has a support system" and yeah I know, that's exactly the problem.

I'm not judging the moms. I'm judging the families around them.

We've also seen babies at Gurgaon BYOB hookah bars. Loud as fuck music, people drinking, hookah smoke everywhere and somehow everyone has decided this is a better option than finding literally anyone else to watch the baby for a few hours??

Dads can you take care of your own baby one evening a week so mum can go watch a movie with her friends? And no, that's not babysitting, it's literally just parenting.

Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, somebody. Can someone else take some responsibility because why is the default always that mum either stays home or the baby gets dragged everywhere.

And if you can afford it normalize babysitters. Normalize nannies. Normalize actually having a village instead of pretending the only person capable of looking after a baby is mum.

Like I'm sorry but I don't think babies belong in movie theaters, I don't think they belong at hookah bars, I don't think they belong in clubs either and I don't really know why this is a controversial opinion. Parents deserve a life too, especially moms, but the solution shouldn't be taking a baby somewhere that's loud, overstimulating or full of smoke because nobody else in the family could be bothered to step up for 3 hours.

📰 Delhi AQI crosses 500. Experts blame Jinnah for failing to install enough air purifiers before Partition.

📰 Monsoon flooding continues. Archaeologists confirm the Indus Valley Civilization failed to build drainage infrastructure capable of handling 2026 rainfall.

📰 Unemployment rises. Economists trace the crisis back to Gautama Buddha encouraging young people to quit their jobs and seek enlightenment.

📰 Another major exam paper leaked. Authorities suspect Chanakya is once again applying Arthashastra tactics.

📰 Petrol now contains 20% ethanol. Historians blame the ancient Indians for inventing soma and normalizing intoxication.

📰 Corruption remains rampant. Experts say Alexander the Great invaded India but left without conducting a proper administrative handover.

📰 Taxes still feel too high. Akbar reportedly insisted Fatehpur Sikri needed "just one more courtyard."

📰 Traffic worsens across major cities. Sher Shah Suri blamed for introducing the dangerous concept of roads.

📰 Police brutality during CJP protests. Officials confirm the lathi charge was planned by Genghis Khan, who remains at large.

Current government thanks historians for another productive day of governance. Ps lets hear more such headlines who tell you who to blame for the current state of the country.

>!If anyone thought this was fr, let me make this very clear that this was always hyperbolic satire. !<

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Genericthrowaway5555

My (24/f) future in laws are upset because my autistic nephews (6/m, 10/m, 13/m, 17/m) aren't invited to the wedding and my fiancé (36/m) won't even defend me.

Thanks to u/Arifault for help with the comments

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Ableism, verbal and physical abuse, gaslighting, sexual assualt!<

Original Post  Dec 19, 2014

To start out, I really love my future nephews and their disabilities don't have any effect on that. They are severely autistic and the two oldest ones are extremely violent (hitting/kicking/spitting/scratching/pushing) and the 17 year old also has several inappropriate sexual behaviors that he exhibits regularly.

The two youngest ones are fairly low functioning and can't really speak, but can be fairly disruptive when they are over stimulated. The biggest problem comes in when the oldest two have meltdowns (caused by overstimulation and large groups of people, especially strangers, or when their schedule is disrupted.) During my time around these two boys, I've been kicked, punched, shoved, spat (not drooled) on, head butted, and bitten (I had to go to the hospital to get it checked out). This was especially more common in the beginning of mine and my fiancé's relationship being that I was a stranger to the boys. It's decreased a little over time, but it still happens and I'm pretty small (5'2" 100lb) and they're pretty big, so when it happens it knocks the wind out of me pretty badly. The 17 year old has also started noticing his sexual feelings and has began taking them out on women anywhere near him (including me). He walk up and kiss women in the lips or grab their butts or their breasts and he's even tried to stick his hand down my pants before and takes his clothes off and masturbates whenever he feels like it. I've asked his parents and grandparents (the people they live with who take care of them) if there is anything they can do or say to maybe encourage them not to do those things and it just resulted in me being hated and yelled at for being insensitive to their issues and expecting them to know better when I know that they don't. I've thought about trying to get them to stop using some methods that I read about but I didn't want to make it any worse because I know that if I tried anything, it would result in more yelling and being berated and told that "at least I don't have to deal with it every day."

Since we know what causes the boys to have meltdowns, my fiancé and I decided to have a childfree wedding as to not specifically exclude the boys. When my fBIL heard about the no kids rule, he immediately jumped on the defense and demanded that the boys be invited because "normal kids will get to experience other weddings; they won't." When I tried explaining to him that it wasnt for just the boys again, he wasnt having it. Then I tried explaining that the safety of the boys (I don't want them to be too overwhelmed and the venue isn't child friendly) and the guests at the wedding (about 350 people) was very important to me, I got berated and told how horrible and insensitive and evil of a person I was. They're threatening to not come to the wedding and have already started posting the passive aggressive stuff on Facebook about the "favorite auntie who thinks her autistic nephews are a burden because they aren't perfect." Now my fiancé wants to allow them to come, but not any other children and he seems totally unconcerned about the guests who will be there, or even me for that matter. I'm honestly just thinking about calling off the wedding and possibly even my relationship with my fiancé as he never stands up for me and sometimes even joins in with telling me to just accept the things that come with the disease no matter how bad they are.

I don't know how much more I can deal with in this situation as a whole dealing with his family. I know that this all sounds terrible on my end and I honestly feel bad for feeling this way because I know that they can't help it and I feel bad for my fBIL/fSIL/fMIL/fFIL because I know that they are under tons of constant stress and don't really have many places to turn besides each other but I really can't deal with this for the rest of my life.

Am I wrong and insensitive in this situation and is ending my relationship with my fiancé and his family too drastic a measure for this problem?

tl;dr: My fiancé and I originally decided to have a CF wedding, but now he wants to include his violent and sexually inappropriate autistic nephews despite the fact that they have meltdowns in large areas with lots of people. When I brought this up i was berated by him and his family and it's been like this since we met and I'm honestly thinking about ending my relationship with him.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

RoseTyler38

>Why on earth is your fiancé not backing you up here?

OOP

>>He thinks that I'm wrong to feel the way I do because the boys can't help their disorders and he thinks that I should get over it and not bother his brother and SIL with it when there's nothing they can do about it anyways. And he's thrown out the "you chose to be apart of my family" thing which is true, so he usually joins in in their side instead of mine.

OOP added info on the kids

explaining the BIL having 3 autistic children

>The 17 year old is their biological child and the other 3 were adopted as babies. I should've added this in earlier, but all of the adopted boys have other issues that were known at birth which is how they ended up having 4 special needs children. I'm not exactly sure what those other disabilities are though as they mainly just tell me "it's their autism" when problems arise.

Are they in therapy?

>As far as I know they're not in therapy and I'm not sure if they've even checked out therapy or support groups. I once tried to suggest that maybe therapy would be a good thing to try out and I got my head bitten off for "telling them how to parent their kids and speaking on something I have no idea about" then my fiancé laid into me too, so all in all, they value anything I say on the situation as pretty much worthless and they definitely aren't open to therapy.

Update  Dec 26, 2014 (1 week later)

Thanks to all of you who commented and gave advice on the last post. Having the little extra support was nice.

The day after I made the post I basically already had my mind made up to leave my fiancé (I'd been thinking about it longer than I'd like to admit), but I decided to wait until the holidays were over so that the break wouldn't be as messy.

We were discussing Christmas plans and I told him that I would prefer to go to my family's house this year because I knew that If I joined his family, his brother/SIL and their boys would be there and id rather not disturb the boys schedule or get yelled at by his family anymore.

My fiancé flipped his shit and began yelling at me for being selfish and thinking only of myself. I even told him why again and he still kept yelling, all while name calling, and I lost it and started yelling too and told him that I might want to spend time with his family if I wasn't abused and forced against a wall every time I was near them.

Apparently this was the most shocking news ever to him and he couldn't believe that I felt that way. When he finally asked how I was being abused, I told him about all of the things his family does and says to me (even though usually while he's present) and maybe I shouldn't have, but I also told him that I didn't want to be hit/kicked/spat on/groped by the boys for at least this one day. He, somehow had no idea that I wasn't okay with this (!) despite the fact that he witnesses it and I tell him every time it happens.

He called me an "awful cunt'' for "blaming them for doing things that they don't know aren't okay/that go along with their disabilities" and "having no sympathy for selfless (!!!!!) people in a physically/emotionally tough situation" which isn't at all what came out of my mouth in any way, shape, or form (and he knows that I know that the boys can't help it and that I've expressed both sympathy and understanding for his brother/SIL).

He left very soon after that and immediately the phone calls (and messages) started coming in from his family. I can't even count how many worthless/useless/selfish/evil/ pathetic, bitches/whores/and cunts I was called. Then they even took it to Facebook and fabricated the story completely and twisted just about every word.

My fiancé came back the next day and apologized for the night before and asked if I was ready to suck it up and get over myself and just go to his family's house for Christmas. I stuck to my guns and told him that there was no way I was going back there and that I was spending the holidays with my family whether he was going or not and we got into another fight (solely about our relationship this time). And I told him about all of his selfishness, immaturity (in everything), disrespect (lying, name calling, purposely doing/saying things I'd asked him not to) whininess (whenever I wanted to go out with friends or family or have time by myself he would pout and moan and groan and whine and call a billion times asking when I'd be home), and his total lack of balls when it came to defending me ever.

We went back and forth for quite a while and at one point I was finally done and kicked him out (it was my house to begin with) and told him that our relationship was over.

Even after all of that, it was hard to leave him and i will sort of miss him at times, but it felt like the biggest weight in the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and for the first time in the 4.5 years we'd been together I felt like a free person.

I still feel bad for his family though, and especially the boys, knowing what they have to go through, but I had to get out as it was only adding extra, unneeded stress and hurt to everyone.

It's still a mess right now with him having to come back and forth and get his belongings and canceling everything for the wedding, but I'm happy that it's over now and that I can move on and not feel completely awful about myself 24/7, even though my heart is still a little broken.

TL;DR: my (now ex) fiancé and I got into a big fight over Christmas plans which led to the argument that led to the end of our relationship, so now I don't even have to worry about what was in the original post.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Rancho had 400+ patents. This guy has ZERO.

Sonam Wangchuk, the so-called genius and inspiration for 3 Idiots.

This so-called "inspiration" has spent his life doing questionable things like:

• Building SECMOL, an education movement for students who failed in the conventional system.
• Creating the Ice Stupa concept to store winter water for communities in Ladakh.
• Developing solar-heated tents for extreme climates.

Anyone sensible would have charged a premium fee for the practical and experimental education that this school provides, but this idiot decided there would be zero tuition.

Rather than patenting his inventions and commercializing them, he donated them to the Indian Army and kept them open-source.

Rule 1 of Engineering: Real engineers engineer only when there is a revenue model attached to it

Now this same person has the audacity to ask for accountability from the Education Ministry after the NEET controversy.

The Honorable Education Minister Shri Dharmendra Pradhan has already conducted the RENEET exam.

I know 22 students committed suicide due to this failure, but he has apologized and admitted his mistake.

The kind soul also said, "I curse myself every time a student commits suicide." Isn't that enough? What's the need for investigation and accountability?

So please, enjoy your dinner tonight. Place your hand on your heart and remind yourself:

"Aaaal iz wellll."

r/sarcasm

The fact that I had to clarify "non obsessive fans only" in the title kind of proves my point. If a woman says she's a fan of *insert artist*, there's always someone ready to call her delusional, parasocial, obsessive, or "she thinks he'll notice her lol."

Meanwhile, these are often the same men who will lose their minds over sports. In India, we've literally seen angry fans pelt cricketers' houses after losses, abuse players online, and direct vile comments at their wives and girlfriends. Sports fandom can get incredibly emotional.

When India won the World Cup recently, I was watching with my fiancé and his friends. At one point I sneezed, and some indian cricketer immediately hit a six. They spent the rest of the match trying to make me sneeze because they were convinced it was lucky. It was hilarious, but also a perfect example of the kind of superstition people happily indulge in during sports. Every woman reading this probably has a similar story. My fiancé's dad once told his mum to go to the clinic during a match because the last time India played a big game, she happened to be at work.

And don't even get me started on football fans. Tell some men Messi is overrated and watch how quickly they get ragebaited. They also get weirdly offended if you don't know the difference between Yuvi and Yudi. Sir, did I ask you to know the difference between chartreuse and sage, so why does my conflating ManCity with ManUnited bother you more than ManUnited's loosing streak.

None of this is inherently bad. I actually think it's fun when people are passionate about things. The weird part is that men's fandom is treated as normal, while women's fandom is treated as embarrassing or delusional by default.

A man decking out his room in football merch, buying a red iPhone because Manchester United, planning his weekends around matches, or refusing to wash his lucky jersey is just "passionate." A woman saying "I love Taylor Swift" or "I'm a huge BTS fan" suddenly has to clarify that she doesn't think she's going to marry them.

I just absolutely hate how women are told they're crazy for *checks notes* liking something.

ETA: If my sports knowledge is lacking, it's because I'm clearly not interested. Everything I know has been acquired through osmosis from the men in my life. But god forbid, the men in my life know I like Lifafa.

My planners are suggesting

1. Avani Hua Hin
2. Dusit Thani
3. Sheraton

Does anyone have any experience with a wedding at these places? Hows the food, how are the rooms? How is the service? How is the overall experience.

P.s plz don't DM me. Keep the information in the comments so other people can benefit from it as well.

Has it ever happened to you that you are desperate and in need of some advice but the people you talk to just recycle some bakwas (ridiculous) platitudes and offer them to you. I'll go first:

1. Be strong/be positive.
2. When you know you know.

Like if you don't have anything helpful to say, just say "it fucking sucks". Don't give me the unhelpful spiel. I'd rather hear honest empathy than another motivational one-liner that means absolutely nothing. *rolls eyes*

Okay, your turn, what has been some "helpful" advice that makes you want to punch the person giving it.

So I am getting married next year... thank you. 🥰

But have you guys noticed how fucking misogynistic the whole desi wedding scene is?

(Disclaimer: Can we keep this to Hindu wedding rituals because I don't want unnecessary bigotry or whataboutery in the comments. My wedding is a Hindu ceremony, which is why I'm having anxiety over these rituals.)

Let's start with Milni.

For anyone who doesn't know, Milni is supposed to be this cute ritual where corresponding relatives from both sides meet each other, like the bride's father meets the groom's father, mama meets mama, etc. They greet each other, exchange garlands, sometimes hug or even lift each other up. It's meant to be fun and symbolic of the two families coming together.

I always thought it was just a wholesome, slightly chaotic icebreaker.

Imagine my surprise when I found out it also involves the bride's side giving envelopes to the groom's side.

What in the actual fuck?

I only found out because I wanted my mum to also do a Milni with my fiancé's mum instead of the whole ritual just being men. That's when my mum goes, "Don't add more Milnis, each one needs an envelope."

EXCUSE ME?

Anyway, that immediately made me want to scrap the ritual altogether.

Then there's Sagan. Some people call it Shagun, some call it Lagan. Whatever pretty name your community has given it, at the end of the day it is soft dowry.

Before anyone comes at me, yes, Chunni also exists where the bride gets welcomed into the family with jewellery and clothes.

Firstly, if the exchange was genuinely equal then sure, we'd have a conversation. But somehow it's never just the couple exchanging gifts. It's the groom, his parents, his relatives, his chacha, his mama, his bua, his... you get the point.

Secondly, I don't even WANT the Chunni.

Keep the jewellery.

Keep the saree.

I make my own money. I can buy my own jewellery. I can buy my own sarees. I don't need gendered gift exchanges to prove that two families love each other.

And I'll be honest, apart from the dowry aspect, I just find the whole thing tacky af. Calling people onto a stage one by one to receive gifts feels less like love and more like performative generosity. Gifts are supposed to be personal, not shoshebazi.

But the thing that's genuinely getting to me isn't even the money.

It's the vows.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE VOWS?

I've been attending my friends' weddings for the last few years. Most of them were love marriages. Most of them had relatively liberal families and in-laws.

And yet almost every single bride had the exact same expression on her face during that part of the ceremony.

Part sadness.

Part disappointment.

Part "are we seriously doing this?"

The last wedding I attended was straight out of Crazy Rich Asians. This girl has spent years building her own business and identity. She isn't just rich, she's accomplished. Both families are educated, liberal and genuinely lovely people.

And yet there she was, agreeing to vows about adjusting, changing, making his family her family.

An hour later her mother-in-law got on stage during the speeches and said, "Beta, we've loved you exactly the way you are. Never change."

Then why the fuck was everyone silent an hour ago?

Where was that energy when the pandit was asking her, in front of 500 people, to publicly agree that her pre-marriage identity was secondary now? That she'll adjust according to her husband's family? That she'll mould herself into whatever a "good bahu" is supposed to be?

Like ma'am, sir, respectfully, pick a fucking lane

Either women are perfect as they are or they need an entire ceremony dedicated to explaining how they should change.

Planning this wedding has honestly made me realize that patriarchy has incredible PR.

We've wrapped it in flowers, Sanskrit and expensive decor and now questioning it somehow means you're disrespecting culture.

I'm picking my battles because planning a wedding is exhausting.

So fine.

Keep the misogyny in Sanskrit.

I'll sit there because frankly I don't know what the pandit is saying anyway.

But if that man looks me in the eye and translates those vows into Hindi and expects me to repeat them...

I've decided I'm replying with "Qabool hai."

After all, it's just words, right?

If they're "just words" when I'm expected to say them, then my choice of language shouldn't matter either.

Anyway, I'm not even getting into Kanyadaan because bawal ho jaega (cause chaos). That deserves a rant of its own.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

P.S. Before anyone starts attacking my fiancé's family, this post isn't about them because, so far, they've asked for absolutely nothing. Every single one of these conversations has happened within my own family. Which, honestly, makes this even more interesting to me. We like to think we're a pretty liberal family, but the second weddings enter the picture, suddenly everyone becomes the guardian of traditions nobody even seems to like. That's the part I'm ranting about.

Ugh. I got my period and I'm in pain.

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m. because my least favourite aunty made her presence known. Imagine the AC is running on high and you wake up in sweats with someone repeatedly stabbing your lower back and lower abdomen from the inside.

Also scraping.

With a pitchfork.

When I was 13 and got my first ever period, all the helpful aunties around me told me, "It gets better with age, beta."

They fucking lied.

I'm 30 years old and no, aunty, age does not make it better.

You know what did make it better, at least temporarily?

Drugs.

I've been on birth control for a few years now, but last month, thanks to constant travel and time differences, I skipped a few pills. My gynaecologist recommended taking a one-month break and then restarting properly.

She did warn me.

"Your next period will not be pleasant."

Doc, this goes beyond "not pleasant."

Last month I was at a beach club in Bali. It was hot, I was hungry, and there were no tables available.

So naturally, I started crying.

My brother immediately went into investigation mode.

"Who said something?"

"No one."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm fucking hungry."

"I don't believe you. I'll talk to Papa. Why's he being mean?"

"He didn't do anything. For once."

"I don't believe you."

What do you want me to tell you?

It's 35 degrees. I'm hungry. My body is shedding uterine lining and blood. I am filled with hormones and did I mention I was hungry?

He just gave me this deeply skeptical look, as though I was hiding some grand family scandal.

Like why would I make up a less believable story?

Coming back to today.

I hate being a woman.

Only for about four days a month.

Every other problem that comes with being a woman, I've found some sort of solution for.

This one? Apparently not.

It's 2026 and we're still telling girls that "a little pain is normal."

Getting diagnosed with anything is hard. Getting people to take your pain seriously is hard. And when you finally get diagnosed and somebody prescribes a pill that actually helps, suddenly 20,000 helpful women emerge from the shadows to tell you about side effects and repeat misconceptions passed down through seventeen generations.

Looking at you, Mother.

Your sugar pills will not cure my ridiculous periods.

I'm dying and you want me to visit a quack who's going to give me alcohol-filled sugar pellets.

At that point I'd rather have an actual cocktail.

A margarita sounds nice.

A hot toddy sounds nice too.

Yes, I want a hot toddy in 40-degree weather.

I am officially broken.

Anyway, this post doesn't really mean anything.

I'm just ranting about my period for the millionth time while I slog away at my desk and all I want to do, on this fateful Monday morning, is crawl back into bed and cry.

And eat butter cookies. Why butter cookies? I don't know. Period cravings are strange. What I do know is that, at the end of the work day, when I finally get home and open that blue box of Danish butter cookies, I won't find butter cookies. I will find sewing needles. And thread - in at least sixteen different colours.

And somehow that might make me cry even harder.