u/Child_of_destiny99

Has it ever happened to you that you are desperate and in need of some advice but the people you talk to just recycle some bakwas (ridiculous) platitudes and offer them to you. I'll go first:

1. Be strong/be positive.
2. When you know you know.

Like if you don't have anything helpful to say, just say "it fucking sucks". Don't give me the unhelpful spiel. I'd rather hear honest empathy than another motivational one-liner that means absolutely nothing. *rolls eyes*

Okay, your turn, what has been some "helpful" advice that makes you want to punch the person giving it.

So I am getting married next year... thank you. 🥰

But have you guys noticed how fucking misogynistic the whole desi wedding scene is?

(Disclaimer: Can we keep this to Hindu wedding rituals because I don't want unnecessary bigotry or whataboutery in the comments. My wedding is a Hindu ceremony, which is why I'm having anxiety over these rituals.)

Let's start with Milni.

For anyone who doesn't know, Milni is supposed to be this cute ritual where corresponding relatives from both sides meet each other, like the bride's father meets the groom's father, mama meets mama, etc. They greet each other, exchange garlands, sometimes hug or even lift each other up. It's meant to be fun and symbolic of the two families coming together.

I always thought it was just a wholesome, slightly chaotic icebreaker.

Imagine my surprise when I found out it also involves the bride's side giving envelopes to the groom's side.

What in the actual fuck?

I only found out because I wanted my mum to also do a Milni with my fiancé's mum instead of the whole ritual just being men. That's when my mum goes, "Don't add more Milnis, each one needs an envelope."

EXCUSE ME?

Anyway, that immediately made me want to scrap the ritual altogether.

Then there's Sagan. Some people call it Shagun, some call it Lagan. Whatever pretty name your community has given it, at the end of the day it is soft dowry.

Before anyone comes at me, yes, Chunni also exists where the bride gets welcomed into the family with jewellery and clothes.

Firstly, if the exchange was genuinely equal then sure, we'd have a conversation. But somehow it's never just the couple exchanging gifts. It's the groom, his parents, his relatives, his chacha, his mama, his bua, his... you get the point.

Secondly, I don't even WANT the Chunni.

Keep the jewellery.

Keep the saree.

I make my own money. I can buy my own jewellery. I can buy my own sarees. I don't need gendered gift exchanges to prove that two families love each other.

And I'll be honest, apart from the dowry aspect, I just find the whole thing tacky af. Calling people onto a stage one by one to receive gifts feels less like love and more like performative generosity. Gifts are supposed to be personal, not shoshebazi.

But the thing that's genuinely getting to me isn't even the money.

It's the vows.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE VOWS?

I've been attending my friends' weddings for the last few years. Most of them were love marriages. Most of them had relatively liberal families and in-laws.

And yet almost every single bride had the exact same expression on her face during that part of the ceremony.

Part sadness.

Part disappointment.

Part "are we seriously doing this?"

The last wedding I attended was straight out of Crazy Rich Asians. This girl has spent years building her own business and identity. She isn't just rich, she's accomplished. Both families are educated, liberal and genuinely lovely people.

And yet there she was, agreeing to vows about adjusting, changing, making his family her family.

An hour later her mother-in-law got on stage during the speeches and said, "Beta, we've loved you exactly the way you are. Never change."

Then why the fuck was everyone silent an hour ago?

Where was that energy when the pandit was asking her, in front of 500 people, to publicly agree that her pre-marriage identity was secondary now? That she'll adjust according to her husband's family? That she'll mould herself into whatever a "good bahu" is supposed to be?

Like ma'am, sir, respectfully, pick a fucking lane

Either women are perfect as they are or they need an entire ceremony dedicated to explaining how they should change.

Planning this wedding has honestly made me realize that patriarchy has incredible PR.

We've wrapped it in flowers, Sanskrit and expensive decor and now questioning it somehow means you're disrespecting culture.

I'm picking my battles because planning a wedding is exhausting.

So fine.

Keep the misogyny in Sanskrit.

I'll sit there because frankly I don't know what the pandit is saying anyway.

But if that man looks me in the eye and translates those vows into Hindi and expects me to repeat them...

I've decided I'm replying with "Qabool hai."

After all, it's just words, right?

If they're "just words" when I'm expected to say them, then my choice of language shouldn't matter either.

Anyway, I'm not even getting into Kanyadaan because bawal ho jaega (cause chaos). That deserves a rant of its own.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

P.S. Before anyone starts attacking my fiancé's family, this post isn't about them because, so far, they've asked for absolutely nothing. Every single one of these conversations has happened within my own family. Which, honestly, makes this even more interesting to me. We like to think we're a pretty liberal family, but the second weddings enter the picture, suddenly everyone becomes the guardian of traditions nobody even seems to like. That's the part I'm ranting about.

Ugh. I got my period and I'm in pain.

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m. because my least favourite aunty made her presence known. Imagine the AC is running on high and you wake up in sweats with someone repeatedly stabbing your lower back and lower abdomen from the inside.

Also scraping.

With a pitchfork.

When I was 13 and got my first ever period, all the helpful aunties around me told me, "It gets better with age, beta."

They fucking lied.

I'm 30 years old and no, aunty, age does not make it better.

You know what did make it better, at least temporarily?

Drugs.

I've been on birth control for a few years now, but last month, thanks to constant travel and time differences, I skipped a few pills. My gynaecologist recommended taking a one-month break and then restarting properly.

She did warn me.

"Your next period will not be pleasant."

Doc, this goes beyond "not pleasant."

Last month I was at a beach club in Bali. It was hot, I was hungry, and there were no tables available.

So naturally, I started crying.

My brother immediately went into investigation mode.

"Who said something?"

"No one."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm fucking hungry."

"I don't believe you. I'll talk to Papa. Why's he being mean?"

"He didn't do anything. For once."

"I don't believe you."

What do you want me to tell you?

It's 35 degrees. I'm hungry. My body is shedding uterine lining and blood. I am filled with hormones and did I mention I was hungry?

He just gave me this deeply skeptical look, as though I was hiding some grand family scandal.

Like why would I make up a less believable story?

Coming back to today.

I hate being a woman.

Only for about four days a month.

Every other problem that comes with being a woman, I've found some sort of solution for.

This one? Apparently not.

It's 2026 and we're still telling girls that "a little pain is normal."

Getting diagnosed with anything is hard. Getting people to take your pain seriously is hard. And when you finally get diagnosed and somebody prescribes a pill that actually helps, suddenly 20,000 helpful women emerge from the shadows to tell you about side effects and repeat misconceptions passed down through seventeen generations.

Looking at you, Mother.

Your sugar pills will not cure my ridiculous periods.

I'm dying and you want me to visit a quack who's going to give me alcohol-filled sugar pellets.

At that point I'd rather have an actual cocktail.

A margarita sounds nice.

A hot toddy sounds nice too.

Yes, I want a hot toddy in 40-degree weather.

I am officially broken.

Anyway, this post doesn't really mean anything.

I'm just ranting about my period for the millionth time while I slog away at my desk and all I want to do, on this fateful Monday morning, is crawl back into bed and cry.

And eat butter cookies. Why butter cookies? I don't know. Period cravings are strange. What I do know is that, at the end of the work day, when I finally get home and open that blue box of Danish butter cookies, I won't find butter cookies. I will find sewing needles. And thread - in at least sixteen different colours.

And somehow that might make me cry even harder.

Have been talking to wedding planners and people both. Everyone has told me that because of licences, hidden costs, outside vendor costs, venue rentals and buying all alcohol from the hotels itself, Thailand ends up coming out more reasonable than any 5 star properties in Goa or Rajasthan. Does anyone have any knowledge about the same?

P.s I'm talking about destination weddings only.

Vendors, please don't DM me, you can publicly comment on the post if you want to promote your business, but I'd rather not receive DMs from strangers.

So im 22F and my boyfriend is 23M we have a 4 year old, yes it was stupid to become teen parents, no I dont regret it and wouldn't change it for the world

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Anyway when I found out i was pregnant my parents were of course a little upset, but all in all ended up being supportive. My Boyfriends parents however, were slightly upset about him being a teen dad, but were more upset that he was becoming the father of a black baby. Long story short we cut them off and agreed his parents would never meet our child.

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Fast forward to now everyone is happy and healthy, my Boyfriends other family (an aunt,grandparents,and 3 siblings) do NOT share his parents beliefs and are wonderful to our child. We haven't seen or spoken yo his parents. Recently at a cookout his Grandma says "even though (Boyfriends parents) were wrong for being racist, they weren't wrong for saying your lives would suck being teen parents" and everyone nodded in agreement and mumbled. I spoke up and said " actually our lives are great, for me, being a teen parent wasn't harder than becoming a parent at any other age."

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Everyone gasped like I had just claimed I hated Beyonce, and started whispering, his sister (who was also a teen mom) stood up and spoke about how difficult it was for her, how she never finished school and how miserable it was and how she couldnt work etc;

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The thing about this is she has only seen her kid maybe 6 times in his whole life, he lives with his dad clear on the other side of the country, so all of these things mentioned werent really because of her having a child

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I reminded her that I graduated HS early, before I even had my daughter, have had a steady job, had parental support etc; And that while i absolutely would nevet reccomend it. I truly had one of the best possible outcomes. But I did tell her I know that wasnt everyone's experience and im sorry she had a bad one. I mentioned nothing surrounding her son or custody. Everyone freaked out again

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She started crying, his grandparents called me cruel and it was a big fallout. Im not seeing how I was wrong here, but please lmk AITA

I am Punjabi and my boyfriend is half UP, half Maharashtrian, just for background.

We're meeting our destination wedding planners and doing a venue recce this weekend, so we've been discussing event flows and rituals. One thing we're getting some pushback on is that I want to split up the haldi and related ceremonies a bit differently from how they're traditionally done.

My idea is:

Day 1 (daytime): Haldi + Mehendi

My own mehendi will already be done, so this would basically be a haldi function with mehendi artists available for any guests who want to get theirs done. To be honest, otherwise it feels like a bit of a pointless standalone event. I want the haldi to be fun and relaxed, where my fiancé and I can actually enjoy ourselves instead of worrying about the clock. The other event that day is the sangeet, which starts later in the evening anyway, so this also gives us time to actually spend time with guests.

My boyfriend also wants all the usual chaos with his friends tearing his kurta, throwing us into the pool, and generally causing mayhem. We both kind of want this function to be pure masti.

Day 2 (wedding day): Chooda and Kaleeras

In Punjabi weddings, we do the chooda ceremony and then friends and sisters tie the kaleeras. There's also the whole fun tradition of dropping the kaleeras on unmarried girls and teasing them about being next.

My thinking is that sangeets tend to run late, and not everyone wants to wake up early the next morning for haldi. If we keep haldi, chooda, kaleeras, getting ready, and everything else on the wedding day, it feels like a lot to cram into one potentially hungover morning. I also want sunset beach pheras, so staying on schedule is pretty important.

These are basically my reasons, but both our planners and some family members seem hesitant because this isn't traditionally how it's done.

Am I missing any practical downsides here? What arguments would you use to convince family that this makes sense? I'm also completely open to hearing why it might be a bad idea, but preferably for reasons other than "tradition" or "that's just how it's done."

I studied abroad and moved back to India. I genuinely don't have too many friends. I have a few who I've stayed in touch with - some more so than others.

There are a few friends on this list who are a no brainer. They are still very close, regardless of whether they're in the same city or not.

There are these 2 (3) childhood friends who were very close but since moving back - they seem to be drifting apart. Now, after their marriages, we barely talk and meet even less even though we live in the same city. I went to both their weddings but they were in the city and hotel rooms weren't given to anyone. Since they're married, I'll have to give 2 rooms (3 maybe - 3rd friend is unlikely to make it) for 2 nights, which is a lot of money.

I have spoken to some of my other friends about this and they have mixed feelings. On one hand, if they're not gonna be a very involved part of the wedding, why invite them. On the other, not inviting them to the wedding is a very clear snub.

I will 100% be inviting them to the party my family does in our city, but perhaps not to the actual wedding.

How do you decide who makes the destination cut?

ETA; Vendors, stop DMing me. When I'm looking, I'll make a vendor post. Until then, I would appreciate advice on the thing I'm asking about. Thanks.

I have JUST started planning my wedding and I was looking at MUAs on instagram. One thing I found was that regardless of the function, complexion, colors of the lehenga - every single bridal MUA is doing the same look. Green/Brown Contacts, Gold/brown eyeshadow with black liner, fake lashes and Coral Blush packed on. I see zero versatility in looks and its the same look for every single day and every single function.

I am also hearing that most MUAs are refusing make-up trials now - which I definitely do not understand.

Anyone know any good MUAs (India - ideally around delhi) who do offer versatile looks as well and won't eat up my entire budget? (mods if asking for vendors isn't allowed, do let me know, I'll edit the post).

Does anyone else feel politically homeless lately because I genuinely do not know where I belong anymore and every political conversation feels like you are being forced to join a fan club instead of actually thinking critically. If you criticize the government people assume you are anti national or secretly rooting for the opposition and if you criticize the opposition suddenly you are a bhakt and it is so exhausting because what if I just want better from everyone involved.

I care about democracy and freedom of speech and rising intolerance and media capture and communal polarization and honestly all of it scares me a lot but at the same time I also do not trust a lot of opposition parties because so many of them feel opportunistic and spineless and corrupt in their own ways. It feels like there is no space left for nuance anymore. Everybody wants blind loyalty and outrage and constant performance and I am just tired.

Sometimes I genuinely think comedians and satirists are the only people articulating what a lot of us are feeling because at least they acknowledge how absurd everything has become. Reading headlines these days genuinely feels like flipping through The Onion except nobody is joking and somehow every week things get even more bizarre. The rest of the political ecosystem just feels like nonstop propaganda and emotional manipulation from every direction possible.

And maybe this sounds dramatic but I really do think a lot of educated urban Indians especially women are feeling this weird political isolation where you are hyper aware of what is happening around you but also deeply disillusioned by all the available choices. Voting increasingly feels like choosing between worse and the worst and then being expected to aggressively defend your choice like it was some perfect moral decision.

I do not know what the answer is honestly. I just know I am tired of feeling like independent thinking itself has become suspicious.

Our families decided to ambush us into a roka WHEN he was actively planning a proposal and now it's ruined the future proposal for me. I don't even really care anymore if he does it when this is something I wanted from the beginning of our relationship. They took a special moment away from us and its really gotten me miffed. Now I don't even care how he does it, I told him to just reserve a nice restaurant and be done with it. What was supposed to be a happy moment will forever be marred by both our parents snatching our agency, forcing us into the most awkward roka ceremony for the sake of it.

I, a person who cares about little things like dressing right for the occasion, the venues, the decor, the little things - wore jeans to my roka. Jeans and a linen shirt. Everyone else was dressed for the occasion but since I didn't have clothes (my family traveled to his town to meet them), I was in JEANS.

I hate myself for caring about these small things but it was a little thing that I had asked our parents for. Please give us time to plan our proposal and do things our way. Yet, they couldn't.

So when they ask me how I feel about this. I am annoyed. I am not happy. I wanted to be happy about getting engaged but it feels like that's been ruined.