Husband issues, of course
SOOOO…. My husband insists I need to work because he doesn’t make enough to live off one income. I told him this would happen like 2 years ago when I was pregnant and he should hunt for a higher paying job. I ended up having to quite mine after maternity leave because I made as much as childcare cost. Has he made any effort on this front? No. Of course not. He’s been in this industry for over a decade and I’ve worked like 2 years in it for reference to later in the story. I tried working on his off days but he…. Was so… incompetent. He would just dump the breastmilk and waste it. He now just tosses her food away if she doesn’t eat it instantly. I landed a job that basically doubles our income and all he’s interested about is money. He doesn’t take getting her ready in the morning for daycare seriously. He falls asleep when he’s supposed to be watching her when I do chores on the weekend that I cannot get done with her on my back during the week. The baby doesn’t ever want him for naps or bed and when I try to make him try so I can complete what I’m doing he turns in like ms. Rachel or Sesame Street (she’s 17 months old). He is getting worse and worse at helping with any thing. Like we own a home and does like none of the traditional male or female jobs around the home. I have to do the softenersalt. Build the structures for the garden beds, change the HVAC filters, take care of the dog, the cleaning, the cooking, grocery shopping (because he now just calls and needs me to hold his hand to get through it). Like I’m about to go INSANE. I feel like he’s doing it on purpose and whines that we don’t spend enough time together. So then I try to literally just hang out and chat with him after the baby is in bed and he throws a tantrum because that’s NOT the kind of hanging out he wanted. Like I asked if he would take me on a date when my parents are in town next month for a week and he said “why”….. he can’t even go out an dig a hole without freaking out about bugs and braking a pot smashing it with the shovel…. I’m trying SO hard to not lose my shiz on him because the baby is always watching and we don’t really have an option for alternative childcare. Plus whenever I talk to him he turns into a sniveling little toddler and gets defensive, throws tantrums, and gets self deprecating. I did get him to go to therapy which he rage quit because he didn’t believe he needs it and tells me it’s toxic I keep bringing it up. He told me I wasn’t doing my wifely duties a couple of weeks ago. I’m really concerned that if we get divorced I will either; A. Lose custody of my kid because I would have to move out of state to be near family and in a lower cost of living area. And B. I’d be worried if he did have 50/50 custody (which is what our area mainly does unless the child’s safety is in question) of her he wouldn’t be able to handle her. I’m really lost. Do I tolerate it another year or so and pay off some debt and save some money and then file and hope she’s okay when she’s at home with him? I know he won’t be able to handle her when sick solo he’s too oblivious and when I was legit struggling to breath and almost called an ambulance for myself last winter he had the audacity to say “it’s so hard to tell if you’re actually sick”. That was the second time ever in the ER in my entire 34 years of life. Or do I say let’s divorce now with no job, plan, or place to go so I can be free sooner? To be fair there’s a lot going on in his family that I’m sure is tanking his spirit, but he can have such a quick and nasty temper sometimes over the stupidest stuff like not fixing his car keys. I’m just so tired and I know financially being a single parent will be a a lot harder but I think our home life will be easier. No more piles of stuff he can find to take out but has no clue where to put back. No more bad attitude or wasting my time pretending to do something for way too flipping long than making me just do it. I’m just so tired.