u/Competitive_Yam2314

I’m American. My husband is Scottish. I moved over a few months ago and I now live, work, and thrive in my community off the coast of Fife. I truly, deeply love it here.

Next year we hope to start our family.

This has got me thinking: for anyone else with a similar dynamic, did you ever feel comfortable enough to call yourself Scottish? Did it ever feel truly right to say?

How do any potential children identify? Would they feel culturally American at all while living in Scotland? Considering the fact we come from a nation of immigrants I don’t even know what this would really look like.

I chose Scotland to give my family a better life. I’m not a patriotic person but I’m proud of the hardworking people I come from. I want to instill the same roots in any children that we have in Scotland the same way we would if we had ended up in the US. I mean, my husband would’ve wanted our grandkids grandkids to know they were Scottish — immigrating is hard as f

I work with a company with headquarters in Europe and customers in the US. I work for the European branch but work with American clients therefore I work a back shift Monday-Friday. There’s only a handful of us on this shift. The rest of the building works normal 9-5 hours.

I didn’t realize until after I started that the European branch gets out 2 days early every Friday.

My team has to switch off every third week for an early dismissal on Fridays. We really had to negotiate for that too.

Is this something I can bring to my employers attention? Truly the entire company besides myself and my very small team get early Friday dismissal each week. It would make a world of difference to be able to have a Friday night with our families

This feels like a ridiculous insecurity to have, but am I alone in feeling like I have too much empathy as an adult? That this is something that you grow out of as you grow up and develop a backbone?

I (33F) have pigeon food in my purse at any given time to sneak to them. I’ve sidetracked my entire day just to chat with a lonely elderly man at the grocery store. I changed careers because I didn’t believe in my industry anymore and couldn’t stand faking it. I am the most enthusiastic person at any live performance idc how stupid I look. I came at the scariest looking dude ever after he kicked a stray cat. I can’t even swat at the annoying fucking fly in my office at work who won’t fly out the window I constantly leave open. So now I have to make sure the fly has food before I leave for the day. I would rather die than tell a coworker this.

Meanwhile my friends do not operate this way. They have jobs that go against their morals but pay really well. They can kill pests that inconvenience them without a second thought. They’re not haunted by seeing an unhoused person for the rest of the day. They can just buy the cheapest meat at the market without questioning if the animal had a humane life.

I do not boast about being this way. Not at ALL. Seriously. I’m honestly humiliated by needing to save insects drowning in the pool on a girls trip but any time I’ve tried to suppress it I end up numbing myself. Or feel like I’m acting all the time. I know this impacts my earning potential, it takes up so much space in my brain and it makes me feel like a little kid all the time. I’m vegetarian now and I am so embarrassed that I just lie and say after getting food poisoning I just can’t look at wings anymore.

Is this a weird as hell way to be as an adult?

Edit: I actually do have many moments where I am just overwhelmed by how much suffering I see while I’m just one person who can help. I visited Morocco recently and had a full crisis witnessing so much animal and human suffering outside the posh tourist bits. I gave away all my money to unhoused women with kids and stray animals. It took me a week to feel less debilitating grief for being so ignorant and being able to do so little.

I said the same thing when I, an American woman, met a Scottish man while on holiday. We had a delightful 2 weeks together and even took a spontaneous trip up to the highlands for the weekend— yes. A literal Highland Fling. It was never going to be anything serious, just a fun, lovely time. Back then I was a dead-eyes cynic and he said he wasn’t interested in long distance so surely we were not playing with fire. We ended up having the best two weeks of our lives, were forever changed and still parted ways. Then a week later he called and suggested coming to visit me in the states. Casual. Just for fun. Baseball, tailgates and site seeing. Easy.

Anyway 2 years later we bought a house, got married and we moved myself and 3 cats to Scotland. We have never ever been happier or more content in our lives.

Scots are built different, I tell ya. Whimsical, majestic menaces. I’m a full on lover girl now and he is a hilarious absolute dream of a partner to have in life.

For all the American-Scottish “flings” that met during the World Cup…. I’ll help ya’ll with your UK spousal visas in a few years and the first round will be on me when you get here!

We also said that when I, an American woman, met a Scottish man while on holiday. We had a delightful 2 weeks together and even took a spontaneous trip up to the highlands for the weekend. Nothing serious, just a fling. I was such a cynic at the time and he said he wasn’t interested in long distance. We parted ways. Then a week later he called and suggested coming to visit me in the states. Casual. Just for fun.

Anyway 2 years later we bought a house, got married and we moved myself and 3 cats to Scotland. We have never been happier.

Scots are built different, I tell ya. Whimsical, majestic menaces.

For all the American-Scottish “flings” that met during the World Cup…. I’ll help ya’ll with your UK visas in a few years and we’ll buy you a round when you get here!

I was diagnosed with ADHD in the states a few months before moving over to be with my husband. I have found amazing success with my symptoms by taking Bupropion XL. I bought a year supply before moving over in April and I am now wondering if I stand a chance getting a script here for it.

I have a group of girlfriends I’ve grown up with who all have great careers in engineering, architecture, medical field etc and they have husbands with high paying jobs.

I recently gave up my high-earning business because I couldn’t keep pretending I agreed with the performance and over-consumption of the industry I was in. I also left my marriage that looked great on paper but was going in a way that made me miserable. I was done working to just buy more shit I didn’t want or need.

I’ve since met my now husband who sets my soul on fire, took a massive pay cut and moved to Scotland with him. We live very modestly as we have both essentially started over.

I’m struggling to not constantly compare myself to where they’re at even though I chose to leave that life trajectory.

I (f33) recently moved to Scotland to join my husband who has a lovely affordable home there.

I kept my house in the US and have been renting it out to friends for very minimal profit (they also agreed to care for reptiles I could not move with). If also helped me emotionally at the time knowing I had kept a safety net in the states just in case. However I don’t believe I’ll return to the US anytime soon.

Truthfully, I’m a bit behind with retirement after being self-employed for years and last year was a particularly expensive year. I have maybe $40k saved.

Currently I have at least $130,000 in equity in my house.

Should I keep renting it out even beyond what my friends would rent it for (and increase rent) or am I much better off selling it in the next year or so and investing the profit?

I’m almost 34 and teeter between wanting to be a mother and wanting to keep my life as is.

I’m worried about depression, burnout and being constantly overwhelmed due to my ADHD and whacked out hormones. I don’t want to mother like my mother did. I also know I would inevitably compare myself to my neuro typical friends with children believing myself to be too unequipped, too selfish and too moody to be a mother.

If you are willing to share, I would like to hear some unfiltered, honest experiences of motherhood, why you chose motherhood or why you did not. Any advice at all

More context: I recently had a faintly positive test two days ago while my husband and I were not trying. Two months ago I moved to Scotland from the US to be with him, landed a job and we were just getting back on our feet financially after the 5 figure move. The next 6 tests were negative but I would be very, very early. I read some extremely messed up reviews about the first pregnancy test kit I used giving false positives however I still have several pregnancy symptoms. I’m battling with a lot of feelings as a result— I love where I am in life and the laidback lifestyle we have in Scotland.

I moved to the UK to be with my husband 2 months ago. I’ve been feeling nauseous after eating all weekend so I took a pregnancy test and it’s positive. I’m due to fly back to the US on Tuesday to photograph my last wedding there (I was a wedding photographer). I do not have US healthcare and I accidentally got pregnant on BC 2 years ago with my husband and it ended up being ectopic.

I am terrified to miscarry in the US or have another ectopic.
I’m roughly 3 1/2 weeks so very very early.

I’m trying to get travel health insurance but it’s too close. I’m going to call tomorrow first thing

Any advice at all

33, PCOS, hypothyroidism, 5 ft 1 160 lbs

I (f33) moved from the US to Scotland 6 weeks ago to be with my husband. We currently live by the coast in Fife with an absolute steal of a home with 3 cats, 1 car.

I somehow managed to get a decent paying job 3 weeks after moving over that lets me work remote while I’m in the US visiting family. £30k plus profit sharing. Husband just moved back to Scotland after living in France and then splitting his time with me in the US. Secured a lower paying job in his prior field at £36k

The extortionate visa fees, moving fees and an unexpected catastrophic pipe burst in the basement of my house that I’m renting out in the US has nearly depleted my emergency fund. I also got wrecked on my self-employment taxes this year and had to pay an unaccounted for $5k. My husband is basically starting over as well.

How long after a move of this scale did you feel like you were finally back on your feet again financially? Emotionally? Spiritually? Or did we do it wrong

When I turned 30 I blew my whole life up. I knew deep, deep in my gut I was not where I was supposed to be. I felt so numb besides that constant gnawing feeling that this was meant to be someone else’s life. Not mine. No matter how much I wished it to be.

In the 3 years since then I met my husband, we got married, and I moved to Scotland to be with him. I left my photography business and took a laid back office job here. I adopted and moved several cats — all very big, big changes.

Since I’ve arrived I’ve had several very surreal moments of Déjá vu/ dream sequences. I distinctly remember dreaming up these very minor daily events and they were so vivid I told my then partner about them. For example, I dreamt about choosing a rug at TK Maxx, sitting in my now favorite pub watching the rain, sitting by the beach painting a castle, chatting with my two specific coworkers while typing an order. All things I’ve experienced and KNEW I’ve seen before.

I think I dreamt about these moments years ago.

Hell. Two years ago I got drunk and moved my dating app location to Edinburgh a month before a trip to visit friends I made on my first trip there. I woke up to hundreds of matches but saw my husband’s face and JUST KNEW. I knew enough that he was the only one I matched with and I wrote it down in my journal because it felt that monumental. That night I dreamt we’d own a house together in the highlands and run a b&b.

I’ve never really discussed this with anyone because it sounds so utterly batshit insane but what does it mean to have this many moments you’ve distinctly dreamt about before?

** immediately sorry for the heading typo

All throughout my 20s and early 30s I ran a successful photography business in the states making 6 figures. I got burned out, tired of the overconsumption, and faking enthusiasm at weddings while my first marriage fell apart.

I met my now husband a few years later and collectively we decided to move to Scotland where he was from.

We bought an affordable house, moved my pets over, and in 3 weeks I secured a decently paid job with very little stress and great coworkers that I genuinely enjoy hanging out with even outside of work. We sell dessert catering so I eat artisanal chocolate every day. Like heaven.

That hustle that carried me throughout my US life is gone. I see my friends exceeding in high-stress, high-paying careers but my soul is so beyond content with where I am at right now. I have slow mornings, walk to work past the beach, and go home to eat with my husband on breaks. We spend our off time walking into town where we’ve grown a community and visit new towns in Fife. I will even go down the road and paint by the seaside castle near us (I’m not making this up—Scotland is unreal). I’ve never felt or looked better. I can also work my UK office job remotely while I’m in the US visiting family because I’m working with US clients. I can’t make myself start the hustle again by becoming self-employed. I also cannot fathom going back to school for a position that’s more high-achieving.

Could I just be… happy? Is it so wrong at 33 to just slow down and settle in?

Maybe my soul is tired from so many changes in 4 years.

Is it so bad to just coast and enjoy the little things this early in my life? I truly want for nothing right now and it makes me feel like something is wrong. I fear that may be the American conditioning.