u/Creepy_Swing__

Trigger warning here for mentions of child abuse, I really just need to vent and talk to someone right now.

I'm a 36 year old guy, and I feel like I fucked up my whole life. My father died when I was young, and my mom remarried very shortly after. Her husband was abusive to the point I had to take 3 mile long walks to my grandparents house just to be safe and taken care of. I don't think I ever really got over the abuse despite going to therapy for years afterwards. I remember one time at the age of 8 when he got really mad at me for something (can't even remember what I did, probably yard work wasn't done properly, because that seemed to be an issue 90% of the time). The school was off and he knew he could do worse than usual because nobody would see me afterwards, so he ended up beating the shit out of me. I had a broken clavicle which I walked around with for 3 days before I finally made a walk for my grandparents house to get them to help me.

So that was my childhood. Years later, I got married to a woman I thought was the love of my life. We have a beautiful daughter together, she's 14 now. Her mother would constantly press me about family matters and trying to be "forgiving" because she wanted her to have a relationship with my parents (her grandparents). I dug my heels hard on this one, but eventually had to cave after I got into an accident and really needed some support with taking care of our daughter. My then wife would take her up to my parents' house and stay with her, because I was just so stressed about him doing something. I was full on ready to stand up and limp my way there to beat the shit out of him if he touches my girl. Turns out my daughter absolutely loved him, and he was amazing with her. My then wife couldn't understand why I was so pressed about keeping him away, because "he's such a sweet older guy".

We got divorced during Covid, for many reasons. I have my daughter 2 weeks a month, and so does my ex wife. We're doing okay at co-parenting, I'd say we agree on most things. I found myself a new partner, got engaged again, and I felt like my life would finally change. And surely my stepfather had to up and die on me this week. Now my daughter is absolutely heartbroken, she's taking it the worst she possibly could, and I'm here watching her grieve over a person who's not worth it. She says he's her favorite person in the world, and that she's not able to live without him. It's the most painful thing I've ever had to listen to, but here I am, trying to support her and keeping my mouth shut.

I've been a mess for the last month, my fiancée left me after we had a massive fight the other week (don't know if she's coming back), and now this is happening. I feel like such a horrible parent, an excuse of a man and weak, and I just need to get this off my chest before I go back to therapy next week.

I [36M] will preface by saying that my stepfather [78M] is the kind of guy who absolutely hated his children but loves his grandkids. I had a hard time even allowing him to meet my daughter [14F] when she was born due to what he's put me through as a child, and while I'm not able to fully explain what he's done due without having my post removed, it was more than enough to have me go no-contact for years. I would frequently end up in the ER or spending the night at my grandparents' place as a child/young teen.

My daughter loves him, though. She's always been saying he's her favorite person, and by the time she was 7 she used to beg for us to allow her to spend some time during her summer break with my mother and him. My ex-wife always reassured me, as she's kind of a family-centered person, and said I should just look past his wrongdoings and allow my daughter to let their relationship grow, which I did. It was hard, it hurt like hell, but I had to remind myself I was an adult now, and my relationships shouldn't keep my kid away from hers.

Now, fast forward a few years, the guy has liver cancer which metastasized to his stomach, lungs and from what we've been told now, brain. He ended up in the hospital on Thursday and they don't think he'll be able to leave and come home again, so my mother called me to get my daughter and let her visit him for the last time. Naturally, I did. I went, got my kid, told her on the way there and then met up with my ex wife at the hospital so we could get it over with. My ex wife ended up wanting to go in with our daughter, and my mother asked if I'd like to go in as well and see if he wants to tell me something. I asked my daughter if she wanted me to go in with her, but she wasn't able to give a clear answer, so after exchanging a very knowing look with my ex, I didn't end up going in with them.

He passed away this morning, we just got the news. I called and told my ex wife about it, and my daughter is not taking it well either. While on the phone with my mother this morning, she made sure to very harshly inform me that I was selfish not to go in and say goodbye, not only because my daughter needed me there, but also because he wanted to tell me something before he went. I said I didn't care what he wanted to tell me.

I understand that I should've been there for my kid, and if she asked me to go and said "dad, I need you with me" I 100% would've done it. At the same time still have so much hatred for the man he was, and I truthfully didn't feel any sympathy for him at that moment. Am I the asshole?

About a month ago, I [M36] got a message from a 19 year old guy, claiming to be my son. Lost story short: my ex from high school says she got pregnant, and her family moved out shortly after. Which checks out, because we were young and wild and she did move out rather abruptly.

Since then, I got married, had a daughter, got divorced and started dating another woman. It's been almost 20 years since then, and randomly, I get a message from a young guy claiming his mother (who indeed is my first girlfriend) told him I was his dad and wanted him to meet me.

It was weird, but it made me happy. I always wanted a son, and even though it took me some getting used to, I was excited for the opportunity to get to know the man he was. I told my current fiancée [F33], who was less than pleased with the idea I got another woman pregnant (mind you, it was 20 years ago, and I do have a kid with my ex wife, so yeah).

Me and my supposed son got to spend some more time together though, we went bowling, got dinner on a few separate occasions, and he was so happy to finally be able to meet me it just made me happy for him.

But we got DNA tests done, and guess what. I'm not the dad.

I'm heartbroken for some reason, it's real hard to deal with it. When I try to talk to my male friends, all I get is that I'm a pussy and I'm being emotional. My fiancée thinks I'm being manipulated by my high school ex and doesn't want me to keep in contact with the boy.

Well, I want to be in that boy's life, even if just as a friend/mentor. I really made myself believe I had a son there.

So yeah, I've been hanging around and drinking some for the last few days. My fiancée left to stay with her parents for the week, supposedly not because she's mad at me, but we all know how it goes. All that, just because I tried to explain to her how it all made me feel. She said I care more about a kid that's not even mine, and that I'm being a naive child. Just sucks man, I need some advice.

I just told my fiancée about some of the stuff I used to do at the age of 12, and she's completely dumbfounded and wonders how I survived my childhood lol

I'm wondering about y'all's memories, I feel like this is an ultimate male childhood experience.

I realize how this sounds, and that my account age probably won't make it more believable, but I promise you it's true. Just wanted to address it before others do – yes this is a new account. No, I'm not a bot. Now to the story.

When I was a young teen I dated a girl a year younger than me. It was your usual high school sweetheart story, very passionate and hormonal, as you'd expect from teenagers. We obviously had sex, and we were kinda learning about all that stuff alongside each other. When we were 16&17, her and her family moved out to a different state, and that was pretty much all I've seen of her.

In the span of the next 20 years, I managed to get married, have a daughter who's now 14, get a divorce, find another woman and start a family with her (she's currently pregnant and we're engaged).

On Tuesday, a young guy reached out to me claiming to be my son. He said his mother pointed him to me, and he finally got the courage to message me on Facebook. We agreed to meet, I don't know why I ever agreed to it in the first place, but I know it wasn't impossible. I also knew my first girlfriend's family was religious and well known enough to be willing to move if their daughter got pregnant as a teen.

Anyway, we met up yesterday, I bought the kid dinner, we talked a bit. He's 19, he likes the same music I do, he had some of the same mannerisms. It was awkward, sure, but I definitely see some of myself in him, though I may be looking to see something too. I don't really know what to do. He's very much okay with DNA tests, he also said my ex would be willing to meet up with us together "as a family".

I don't know, man. I haven't even told my fiancée, I told no one. What the hell do I do?

This whole thing happened about 25 years ago, and I never confessed to anyone. I'm currently M36, but I was 11 at the time. My older sister, 17 back when it happened, had just recently been dumped by her boyfriend and wasn't taking it very well.

Now there were 3 main aspects as to why I did what I did:

1. My sister was struggling, and that was the only way I knew of that I could get back at her ex
2. My parents didn't care
3. I really didn't want to take a test the next day, and it was a genius way to get a few weeks off school

So, me and two of my buddies go into the bathroom when 3rd period rolls around, I stick my arm between the door and the frame, and one guy shuts the door as hard as he can. I get up on my shaky little legs after 3 rounds, snotty and crying, and walk my little ass over to the nearest teacher I can find to tell him an older boy just broke my arm.

Eventually, my sister's ex got expelled for that. He had a habit of picking on younger kids, and it wouldn't be the first time he hurt one my age, so it was the last straw I guess. They didn't even have to look into it too much, he was on his last warning anyway. My parents were obviously furious as well, and they wanted to press charges, which were eventually dropped because I got scared and my sister and I begged them to just leave it.

It's been 25 years, and I feel bad for the guy, honestly. He didn't finish high school, I don't think it had anything to do with me breaking my arm, but it certainly didn't help. He's not doing very well in life right now either, from what I've seen.

This might seem like a silly post, but I'm genuinely so stressed out over this. To give you more info, both me and my girlfriend are divorcees. We both also have children from our first marriages.

She's currently 26 weeks pregnant with a boy. We have talked briefly about possibly getting married one day, but we both would be okay if it never happened as well.

Except, I already have a ring, and I booked us a lake cabin for the first weekend of July. She'll be almost 30 weeks then, and I'm worried she won't say yes, because she'll think it makes her look like she's getting married just because she got pregnant.

The reason I think that could happen is that months before we found out about the baby, one of her friends (people she follows on Instagram) got engaged, and then posted about being pregnant. My girlfriend commented on how she probably only got engaged because she got knocked up. She later mentioned how it really wasn't nice of her to think that, and that she wishes her friend all the best, but yeah... I'm not too sure if she'll find the engagement post worthy, and I want it to be her special moment.

So, would it be better if I waited and proposed after she gives birth and we're past the newborn frenzy stage?

So this is exactly what the title says, and I'm uncomfortable with it. My daughter is 14, and me and her mother have been divorced for 8 years, since she was 6 years old. We have split custody, 2 weeks each every month, though it strongly varies depending on what my daughter does each week. We generally don't fight over it as much as we used to, and made peace with each other as she got older.

The first situation that made me uncomfortable was a few months back when I had to attend a school event (per school rules every kid's parent has to do something for the school/class each year, and since ex wife couldn't, I agreed to go and watch the class during their skiing trip in late winter). After we came back, my daughter told me while staying at my house that a few girls from her class asked her if her parents were together and if I was single. It made me uncomfortable (hell, it makes me uncomfortable just typing it out right now), but I just shrugged it off in the end.

After that, there have been instances of my daughter showing her pictures with me to her friends, and later on telling me they thought it was hot and had a divorced dad energy or whatever. It really got to me when my ex wife called and told me she's egging her friends on and saying some very inappropriate stuff about me when they visit. These girls have never visited my daughter in my house, and I don't think I'll allow it, honestly.

Ex said she's heard them say some sexually explicit things about me, and while my daughter didn't say any of that, she laughed it off and kept the jokes going.

I don't know what to do about it, honestly. I don't want to come off as a creep or comment on it, especially since my daughter can be very sensitive and tends to pick me up on everything I say. She'll most likely turn this around and make me look like the bad guy.

I'm desperate to stop it but don't know how to do it safely.

TLDR: My 14 year old daughter keeps showing my pictures to her friends, and there's a bunch of 14 year old girls sexualizing me now.