u/Delicious-Anybody-59

I’m trying to understand whether no contact makes sense in a breakup where the issue was not loss of attraction.

The situation was very intense and emotionally loaded. She wanted closeness, then got overwhelmed and suggested we should be “casual.” I accepted that and became more casual/distant, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious.

But then she did not actually behave casual. She became more jealous and emotionally activated. She asked if I missed her, asked if I was on speed dating, asked whether she should be jealous or leave me alone, and said something like, “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” I did not really reassure her; I answered playfully or avoided the questions.

Then she blocked me on the main emotional channels. Around that time she also said something like she would try to delete me from her head.

Three days later, she used another channel she had left open and asked if I was still in town. I answered coldly/hurt, basically saying the timing was interesting because the weekend was over, and then I blocked that last channel too.

A few days later I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private joke from our relationship. She picked it up the same day after realizing it was from me, then about two hours later emailed, “lol thanks, very funny you are.” She is still blocking the main channels.

My question is this:

If someone blocks not because attraction is gone, but because the emotions/curiosity/jealousy became too activating and they are trying to stop themselves from spiraling, is no contact still the best strategy?

Or can no contact make them feel more abandoned and push them further away?

I’m especially interested in fearful-avoidant/disorganized attachment situations where the person wants closeness but also gets overwhelmed by it. Should the best move be silence with open access, or some low-pressure clarification so they don’t misread the distance as abandonment?

I’m trying to understand whether no contact makes sense in a breakup where the issue was not loss of attraction.

The situation was very intense and emotionally loaded. She wanted closeness, then got overwhelmed and suggested we should be “casual.” I accepted that and became more casual/distant, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious.

But then she did not actually behave casual. She became more jealous and emotionally activated. She asked if I missed her, asked if I was on speed dating, asked whether she should be jealous or leave me alone, and said something like, “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” I did not really reassure her; I answered playfully or avoided the questions.

Then she blocked me on the main emotional channels. Around that time she also said something like she would try to delete me from her head.

Three days later, she used another channel she had left open and asked if I was still in town. I answered coldly/hurt, basically saying the timing was interesting because the weekend was over, and then I blocked that last channel too.

A few days later I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private joke from our relationship. She picked it up the same day after realizing it was from me, then about two hours later emailed, “lol thanks, very funny you are.” She is still blocking the main channels.

My question is this:

If someone blocks not because attraction is gone, but because the emotions/curiosity/jealousy became too activating and they are trying to stop themselves from spiraling, is no contact still the best strategy?

Or can no contact make them feel more abandoned and push them further away?

I’m especially interested in fearful-avoidant/disorganized attachment situations where the person wants closeness but also gets overwhelmed by it. Should the best move be silence with open access, or some low-pressure clarification so they don’t misread the distance as abandonment?

Hey, I’m living in Umeå and realized it’s surprisingly hard to meet new people here outside university/work circles 😄

Would be cool to meet people for coffee, hanging out, exploring events, or just doing something spontaneous.

If anyone wants to connect, send a message :)

TL;DR:

I had a very intense short relationship that became emotionally deep very fast. She said I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that our time together felt magical, and she showed real tenderness, but the relationship became unstable because of medication misuse, emotional dysregulation, ex/orbiter issues, jealousy, and push-pull.

After a serious conflict and a breakup/rupture, we reconnected emotionally. Then I found out she slept with an ex during the rupture, I reacted badly, and she suggested “casual.” I accepted casual and became less emotionally reassuring, but then she became more jealous/activated, asked if I missed her, asked if I was speed dating, asked whether she should be jealous or leave me alone, and said I was “closing intimacy.” Then she said she would try to delete me from her head and blocked me on WhatsApp/Instagram.

Three days later, she messaged me on the only channel she left open, asking if I was still in her city. I replied coldly/resentfully and then blocked that channel too. A few days later I sent her a symbolic funny T-shirt based on an inside joke from a previous breakup. She picked it up the same day and emailed two hours later: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

Now I’m still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram, but email exists and Facebook/Messenger may be open again. I haven’t replied to her “lol thanks” email.

My main question: does this sound like genuine detachment/loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, shame, emotional overwhelm, and trying to suppress/delete the connection? And if I still want a chance, is the best move silence/open access, or eventually one low-pressure message when I’m near her city?

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏

Chronology:

I met someone and the connection became intense very fast. On the first date, we had deep conversations, strong chemistry, kissing, and emotional openness. When I was about to leave, we talked about maybe taking things slow, but then we kissed again and she became emotional/started crying. It did not feel casual from the beginning.

After that, we kept talking a lot. She later came to my city and stayed with me for around 20 days. During that time, it felt like we built a small world together. I encouraged her art, bought her paints/brushes/canvases, gave her space to paint and exist in my apartment, helped her with practical and creative things, helped set up a personal website, and connected her to a creative/movie-club opportunity where one of her paintings would be used. She said no one had done things like that for her except her family. She also said she did not feel pressured in my apartment and could do her own things there.

During the good phase, she did not describe me like a normal short-term guy. She said things like I was unlike anyone she had experienced, that I changed something in her, that the time in my city felt magical, almost like we had superpowers, and that I was brave because I expressed emotions openly. She looked at me with admiration and love in a way I could visibly feel. I told her at one point that I could see from her eyes that she loved me, even before she could fully say it.

There were also very intimate small moments that made the bond feel deeper than the short timeline suggests. For example, when I was cold sleeping on the couch, she tried to give me her duvet, and one morning she came and slept on me like she was my blanket. These small gestures made me feel that her attachment was not just words or sex; there was real tenderness.

Then I went abroad for about a month. During that period, conflicts started increasing. She had issues with stimulant medication misuse, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and inconsistency. There were also conflicts about her contact with exes/orbiters. I felt unsafe and disrespected by the combination of medication chaos, low commitment, and unclear boundaries with exes. I pulled away/ghosted for about a week, and she chased a lot.

When I flew back, I landed in her city intending to leave directly for my own city. Around that time, she sent me a message saying she was wearing a dress I had bought her and was going out with her friend and others. I interpreted it as a jealousy card. I got angry and said it made my decision easier to leave. She said I misunderstood, but also admitted that rereading it could sound like she was trying to make me jealous. I changed my mind and stayed in her city instead. We reunited, had sex, kissed, and became emotionally close again.

After that reunion, things were okay when she had not taken stimulant medication, but after she got medication again, the chaos increased. She became more overwhelming and inconsistent. I eventually wanted to collect my things and stay with a friend because I felt the situation was too much. When I went to collect my belongings, she wanted me to stay and talk. I said something like if we talked, we would probably break up. The situation escalated badly. According to me, she threw liquid/things, scratched/hit me while I was trying to leave, and police became involved. I did not want to press charges; I mainly wanted safety and to retrieve my belongings.

After that incident, I blocked her for about a week. When I later unblocked her, we had emotional conversations again. She asked what I wanted or needed from her, said she missed me, said she was there if I wanted to talk, and cried about how hard and intense everything had been. We had long video calls. So even after the police incident, the connection still did not feel emotionally dead.

Then I found out she had slept with an ex during that breakup/rupture period. I reacted very badly. I was hurt, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. I insulted her and had suicidal/very intense emotional talk. After that, she tried to reduce pressure and suggested we should be casual.

I accepted the casual frame. But when I actually acted more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less intimate, she seemed to become more activated instead of calmer. She asked more questions, wanted more emotional access, became jealous, mentioned things like whether she should be jealous, talked about dates/speed dates, and protested that I was closing intimacy. So it felt like she wanted less pressure, but did not want to lose my emotional attachment.

Eventually she got angry and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram. Around this time, she said something like she would try to delete me from her head. To me, that sounded less like indifference and more like she was trying to force herself to detach.

However, she left Facebook/Messenger open. About three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger asking, “Are you still in [her city]?” I had posted something implying I might still be there. I answered with hurt/cold energy, basically saying it was too late and that the timing was interesting because it was the end of the weekend. Then I blocked/unfriended her on Facebook/Messenger too.

A few days later, I sent her a symbolic/funny gift connected to a private inside joke from our relationship. It was not a begging letter or a romantic speech. It was a humorous object connected to our shared history. Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email to her. She replied that she had thought it was spam but now she knew. Then she picked up the package the same day. About two hours later, she emailed again saying something like, “lol thanks, you are very funny.”

I was devastated by how light the response was. But part of me also thinks the fact that she picked it up immediately and emailed twice means it affected her, just in a guarded/defensive way. She could have ignored the package, delayed picking it up, or only given a cold practical reply, but she chose to pick it up and send a second response.

Now I am still blocked on WhatsApp/Instagram. Email exists because she used it. Facebook/Messenger may be open again because I unblocked her, but I have not messaged. I have not replied to the “lol thanks” email.

Another important point: I do not think we broke up because she lost attraction. I think I became too emotionally significant and too demanding of a higher standard. I wanted commitment, safety, clearer boundaries with exes, and no medication chaos. She seemed to want my love and reassurance, but not the responsibility that came with being loved seriously. That is why I am trying to understand whether her blocking was actually an attempt to erase someone who mattered too much, rather than a sign that I meant nothing.

My confusion is that this was not a normal “we dated briefly and it faded” situation. She placed me very high emotionally and symbolically, then later minimized it by saying we had only dated a short time when the intensity became too much. That minimization felt like a defense against pressure rather than the full truth of what she had felt.

My main questions:

Does this sound like a breakup caused by loss of attraction, or more like unresolved attachment mixed with avoidance, instability, shame, and pressure?

Who actually “broke up” here? It feels like I refused the unstable/casual/chaotic version of the relationship she could offer, while she blocked defensively after feeling rejected or overwhelmed. Then I blocked back after her Messenger probe.

Does no contact apply when I was not simply “dumped,” but partly withdrew because I could not accept her behavior?

How should I interpret her asking if I was still in her city three days after blocking me?

How should I interpret the symbolic gift response: same-day pickup, two emails, but a light “lol thanks, you are very funny”?

Is the best move now silence/open access, or should I eventually send one low-pressure message when I am physically near her city again?

edit:

The last sequence of events is maybe the clearest part of why I’m confused.

She is also a jealous person, like me, and I don’t think she could handle my “casual acceptance” version. She suggested casual, I accepted it, and then I actually became more casual, playful, less emotionally reassuring, and less serious. But instead of relaxing, she seemed more activated.

Before blocking me, she was asking things like whether I missed her, whether I was on speed dating, whether she should be jealous, or whether she should leave me alone. She also reacted to me not answering her questions properly and said things like: “You are closing intimacy, I get it.” Then she said something like: “I will try to delete you from my head.”

To me, this did not feel like calm indifference. It felt more like she was jealous, emotionally activated, and trying to force herself to detach because I was no longer giving her the same intimacy/reassurance.

Then, three days after blocking me on WhatsApp/Instagram, she messaged me on Messenger, which was the only channel she had left open, asking: “Are you still in town?” I answered with resentment and basically said: “Interesting timing. You reach me when the weekend is over and you had your fun with whoever. Too late.” Then I blocked/unfriended her on Messenger/Facebook too, so I closed the only remaining soft channel.

A few days after that, I sent her a symbolic/funny T-shirt connected to an inside joke from a previous breakup. During that earlier breakup, she had sent me a video/photo of herself showing the middle finger with the caption: “thank god summer is coming :)))”. I interpreted it as a jealousy move, basically implying that if I pulled away, she could go enjoy summer / other guys.

Later, during a reunion, I told her that was a mean move, but joked that one day I would put it on a T-shirt and send it to her. After I blocked her on Messenger/Facebook, I actually sent that T-shirt. It was not a begging letter or emotional essay; it was a private joke from our history.

Delivery failed at first, so I forwarded the delivery email. Once she realized the package was from me, she picked it up the same day. Around two hours later, she emailed: “Lol thanks, very funny you are.”

This is why I don’t know how to read the ending. On one hand, she is still blocking the intense channels and her reply was very light. On the other hand, she blocked me only after I became distant/casual, then she checked whether I was still in town three days later, then she picked up the symbolic package immediately and replied to the joke.

So my question is: does this look like genuine detachment, or more like someone trying to suppress/delete a connection that still emotionally affects her? And if I still want a chance, is silence/open access the right move now, or should there eventually be one low-pressure message when I’m near her city again?

Uktimate question; what can i do to get her back and when. 😭🙏