u/Dr_Nonnac

I just realized Im definitely genderfluid like a week and a half ago, and Im not gonna lie it actually really sucks.

When I came to that conclusion, I had felt pretty feminine for a while but still acknowledged I didn't seem to feel that way consistently, but not even two days later I had started feeling pretty masculine. Im amab, so when I started feeling more and more masculine, I started thinking "well I guess I have actually just been cis the whole time and I was making up the queer thing, damn Im such a dick for that", and go a few days later and now I feel like I'm actually androgenous right now, and I don't feel feminine nor masculine.

From what I understand, the genderfluid experience is built mostly out of imposter syndrome, and it sucks. Is there really any way to feel content like this? In a way that doesn't put a burden on others I mean. From what Ive heard, its not uncommon for even some trans people to not understand the concept of genderfluidity and just call us eggs. The idea of constantly having to change my pronouns for myself and others seems very tedious, and I don't want people to get fed up with me.

Perhaps there is some sort of clothing item I could wear underneath my normal clothes that makes me feel more aligned depending on the day? I'm sure a bra would work just fine if Im feeling feminine some days (not sure how to hide it if yall have any ideas), but what should I do about those androgenous days like right now?

That's all I have to say, its like there's two wolves inside of me, and all three of them are confused and tired.

I'm not gonna say my gender or anything to keep the non bias here, but I want you all to tell what gender the name Cannon comes of to you as. Does it feel feminine, masculine, neutral? Please dont try to be nice and say what you think I want to hear, I want an honest opinion.

Cannon.

I'm currently a boy, and I always have been. But ever since the concept of having your gender something other than what's assigned at birth entered my head when I was 10 or something, I'm not sure if Ive gone a day without questioning if I'm entirely male since. I have always just come to the conclusion that I'm male, because the idea of being entirely female or non binary didn't appeal to me, even if I thought I liked aspects of those things. The important part is that I keep going back to that topic over and over despite having made up my mind.

More recently, I discovered the concept of genderfluidity, and ever since I can't stop thinking about how that might fit with me more than any other gender identity Ive found. I present as male, but the idea of being really masculine doesn't make me feel all that excited, and the idea of staying that way my whole life feels bad in some way. Being entirely female doesn't appeal to me either, but there are aspects of the feminine identity that do intrigue me, one of the more consistent fascinations being how casual it is for them to wear almost anything in public without raising eyebrows.

Sometimes, I'll try crossdressing in private, and it really makes me feel nice on occasion. However, other times just thinking about it makes me feel bored, or even annoyed that I even thought about it in the first place. These feeling can either vary over the course of a few days, or even just a few hours. Its not uncommon for me to not be interested in the idea for most of the day, but right before I sleep I feel a strong urge to go try on those feminine clothes that instant. Because of that, I tried looking into if I was trans, and as mentioned before that led nowhere.

I don't dislike the idea of being male, just the thought of never changing. Sometimes I become envious of others who do not have male genitals, and sometimes envious of those with breasts, or other curves. That envy never lingers for more than maybe a week before thinking about it again embarrasses me.

Given all that information, you'd think I would go ahead and come out as genderfluid already, but I'm still doubting myself. Is this really the way I feel, or is it what I want myself to be? Which one of those concepts should I listen to? Maybe the idea of doubting myself ties into the definition of genderfluidity, but also maybe it doesn't.

That's all I have to say regarding symptoms, what do you think? This is one of the few things online (and maybe in person) I'm trying to be 100% honest about, but still I'm going back and asking myself if I'm really lying. Is that denial, or am I really lying to myself beyond denial? Please use all I've said and think about it hard before answering. Your answer doesn't have to be yes or no, maybe you think I resemble some other gender identity I don't know about? I know I'm definitely not pure male for a fact, so that's something.

That said, I'm naturally going to be skeptical of your answers, and I'm likely going to debate with you about it, so look forward to that.

I appreciate the help.

I'm currently a boy, and I always have been. But ever since the concept of having your gender something other than what's assigned at birth entered my head when I was 10 or something, I'm not sure if Ive gone a day without questioning if I'm entirely male since. I have always just come to the conclusion that I'm male, because the idea of being entirely female or non binary didn't appeal to me, even if I thought I liked aspects of those things. The important part is that I keep going back to that topic over and over despite having made up my mind.

More recently, I discovered the concept of genderfluidity, and ever since I can't stop thinking about how that might fit with me more than any other gender identity Ive found. I present as male, but the idea of being really masculine doesn't make me feel all that excited, and the idea of staying that way my whole life feels bad in some way. Being entirely female doesn't appeal to me either, but there are aspects of the feminine identity that do intrigue me, one of the more consistent fascinations being how casual it is for them to wear almost anything in public without raising eyebrows.

Sometimes, I'll try crossdressing in private, and it really makes me feel nice on occasion. However, other times just thinking about it makes me feel bored, or even annoyed that I even thought about it in the first place. These feeling can either vary over the course of a few days, or even just a few hours. Its not uncommon for me to not be interested in the idea for most of the day, but right before I sleep I feel a strong urge to go try on those feminine clothes that instant. Because of that, I tried looking into if I was trans, and as mentioned before that led nowhere.

I don't dislike the idea of being male, just the thought of never changing. Sometimes I become envious of others who do not have male genitals, and sometimes envious of those with breasts, or other curves. That envy never lingers for more than maybe a week before thinking about it again embarrasses me.

Given all that information, you'd think I would go ahead and come out as genderfluid already, but I'm still doubting myself. Is this really the way I feel, or is it what I want myself to be? Which one of those concepts should I listen to? Maybe the idea of doubting myself ties into the definition of genderfluidity, but also maybe it doesn't.

That's all I have to say regarding symptoms, what do you think? This is one of the few things online (and maybe in person) I'm trying to be 100% honest about, but still I'm going back and asking myself if I'm really lying. Is that denial, or am I really lying to myself beyond denial? Please use all I've said and think about it hard before answering. Your answer doesn't have to be yes or no, maybe you think I resemble some other gender identity I don't know about? I know I'm definitely not pure male for a fact, so that's something.

That said, I'm naturally going to be skeptical of your answers, and I'm likely going to debate with you about it, so look forward to that.

I appreciate the help.