u/DutchAngelDragon12

I H O S T T E A P A R T Y : D

I A M A H E A L E R A N T A N D T H I S I S M Y P E T A P H I D . W E H E A L W I T H S P E C I A L L E A V E S A N D F L O W E R M I X T U R E S .

Like, without even doing anything. I’ll lose one XNA periodically, and I end up always having zero.

Why is this happening?

Haha funny number

I try throwing a meteor at them, but it doesn’t let me. Shattering Sweden to try and infect them, but it didn’t work.

Why can’t I infect Iceland?

He’s getting really old, but still very lovey and talkative. He refuses to eat hard food, so we need to give him wet food and tuna.

We’re getting a bit worried, even though we knew what we were getting into when we decided to hospice him.

Comfy

Iz bad? Am being trickd or iz okaey?

WHAT DOO!?!? KEEPS SAYING TINGS LIKE “AwWW! Cyute hoodiy buddiy! Honey Spell preshious kittey!”
UNACCEPTABL! WHAT DOO!?

Salmon, zucchini, rice with salt, and water. Mom made it, but it’s better than the alternative, which is cheeze-its with soda.

Please listen to my vent if you have the time. I can’t/won’t try to force you, but I just want someone other than my partner to hear and acknowledge my struggles.

My quality of life is shit, and a blind person could see it. I eat unhealthy, I stay up until five in the morning watching YouTube, I stare at a screen every second of every day. My first thought of the day is what time I’ll be off my computer (3 hour time limit), and the last is what Youtube video I should fall asleep watching. I’m on my phone every second between.

The only human interaction I have is with my partner, at work, and at weekly dnd, but even then I’m still on a screen while barely paying attention. I used to go roller skating every Friday, but now the most physical activity I do is moving from my bed to my computer chair or when I need to leave my room.

The only times I leave my room are for my medicine in the morning and evening, to go to the bathroom or shower, leaving for work, or to restock on snacks I stash in my room.

I used to draw every day, but now I spend 20 minutes working on an animation project, then play games or scroll social media. The only times I draw is if I don’t have a screen in front of my face. Even then, I have one on in the background.

I stay up until early morning on purpose. I think of things that I know will upset me on purpose. My depression that I was literally diagnosed with thinks it’s not good enough to be real depression. So I self destruct, doing all the stereotypical depression things.

I tell myself that I can’t be bothered to change my clothes. ThatI can’t be bothered to eat anything. That I can’t be bothered to get up. I have depressed depression.

All I do is eat unhealthy, stare at a screen, stay up late then sleep until noon, masturbate, and worry about my hygiene like my life depends on it.

I don’t even eat meals. I just snack all day.

I’m worried people will see me as lazy. The truth is that I’m painfully aware of everything. I don’t like this. I hate this. Every bite of junk food instead of a healthy meal. Every second I stare at a screen instead of reading one of my dozens of books or drawing. The pain of knowing that what I’m doing feels like a knife in my back.

I’m doing this while completely aware that I’m doing this for self destruction.

I blame my trauma/past experiences and my parents for my behavior and mental health instead of taking responsibility. Sure, they’re mentally, psychologically, and emotionally abusive. But I shouldn’t blame them for my behavior. I don’t even entirely know why I blame them.

I’m tired of my quality of life. It’s not even the frustrated kind of tired. I’m just exhausted. I’m tired of this battle between my body and consciousness.

For the past few days, my partner has helping me. I can’t do it alone. I can’t just have a day of support and it’s never addressed again. I need constant support. My partner is helping me more than anyone else has in the past.

We agreed that I just start by fixing my sleep schedule and eating habits. Two proper meals a day. I got myself some melatonin gummies and I’m trying to be in bed by midnight.

Last night I folded and put away a basket of laundry instead of just leaving them in the basket.

It’s a start.

Please?

Don’t get me wrong. I will happily tip my delivery driver, but the fact that they’re telling us to as if they expect us to be the main contributor to their salary infuriates me.

I’m not upset about tipping. I’m upset that they can’t be bothered to pay their employees enough, then blame us for the driver not having enough money.

Can someone recommend me better visuals/advice on how to draw these kinds of mountains? This is literally the kind of mountain I need to draw.

Almost 18 years old and I still listen to “You are my sunshine (Lullaby Version)” by The Hound + The Fox on YouTube. I find it calming, and it helps me when I’m anxious, scared, worried, or unhappy. It doesn’t cheer me up, but it calms me down a little bit and prevents it from getting worse.

I can’t help but worry if it’s childish of me to still like that lullaby and listen to it or even sing it to myself over and over for over an hour.