u/DutchAngelDragon12

For context, I live with my incredibly emotionally abusive parents who find joy in making me feel horrible and powerless. Sometimes they'll actively shame me and put me down, making me feel horrible enough to hurt myself. I'm also still getting over a friendship breakup from a year and a half ago, and I have very few real friends, as I'm an outcast in all my classes.

I haven't cut, taken unbearably hot showers, choked, or put myself at risk of injury for two months straight. I'm so proud, but I feel a little guilty. It got easier to not find ways when I got rid of my second shaving razor, since I don't want to use the same one I use to shave to cut my skin. I found cuddling my dragon (my aunt makes 8-12' long dragon plushies for a living, and she made my brother and I our own) helpful, since it helps me feel like I'm being held, especially when I put my weighted blanket on me like it's someone wrapping their arms around me. I'm so proud.

Not only that, but my legs also touch when I stand! I constantly forget to eat, partially because my medicine takes away my appetite, and also because I just don't feel like I can be bothered to get up, even if I'm shaking (depression). This has made me 30-40 lbs underweight for years, but recently I noticed that my calves touch each other when I stand with my legs together. I've been eating breakfast and lunch, as well as a snack occasionally or a bowl of popcorn that I'll eat over the course of the day. I've been drinking mostly sodas, but I make sure to drink a full 16 oz bottle of water and a half over the course of the day 5 days a week.

I'm so proud of myself. I've been clean of self harm for two months AND I'm finally gaining weight. I couldn't have gotten this far without my friends and partner, and I'm very grateful to have them. I know I'm not done yet, and I still have a long way to go. But I think it's worth being a bit proud of how far I've come so far, even if I feel guilty about it.