u/East-Sound9480

(note: im sorry if i get words and terms wrong- i get scared of researching because of misinformation and i lost my therapist awhile ago so i cant go ask her my questions)

im the current host in my system, and my system has what i think is called inner dating, basically its the alters date other alters thing. Outwardly we will never date anyone. Due to traumas a relationship will never be possible with another person, and honestly i'm kinda happy with that. definitely NOT happy about the trauma, but being aroace really isnt so bad and im happy with myself. I feel like being with another person would just be stressful and upsetting not to mention all the trauma triggers. I stopped feeling romantic/sexual love after traumatic events just kept on coming and then one really bad one happened that im not comfortable looking into but it went and changed everything (it was when i split off the former host and became the new host too) I'm happy as I am with my Gatekeeper who Im in a relationship with.

I love spending time with my gatekeeper, and we like doing things together through co-front. Though recently I keep on getting these couples games/activities shorts on my youtube feed that look really fun and I'd love to do them with my gatekeeper but because of the games they are there would require a second actual physical person there. I'm starting to get sad and envious because i always want to do more fun new things with my gatekeeper, so I was wondering if I could turn to here to ask for suggestions on things? I'd really appreciate some suggestions on couples games/activities we could play.

i love how so many ppl were trying to predict lots of Friend screentime in this chapter only for his screentime to just be THAT XD

the money thing is interesting though....

im thinking of 3 things i might try (once i manage to kick my depression in the ass hard enough to find the scraps of motivation i need)

1: Crossover fic between Madoka Magica, JJK, Vocaloids, and ofc Undertale and Undertale AUs (i included just Undertale itself in that list bc OG Sans is one of the cast)

2: Some dramatic mess stirred up in the Nightmare Realm again that needs to be fixed. (the Nightmare Realm is my AU where Malice!Nightmare (the Guardian of Nightmares) keeps all the Nightmares he's rescued to ensure their safety and protection, along with their every needs being able to be met (so basically a paradise AU for every Nightmare))

3: silly lil adventure with some of the Malice!Nightmare x Devil!Nightmare kids. maybe they sneak outta the castle or something

i should note that the crossover is likely going to take an extremely long time to write as it'll be super long, as the other two options can just be simple short stories without it having to be an entire chapter book novel idk

which would you recommend i try once im able to get more motivation? i'd love feedback/suggestions

ugly gross dipshit. Flowey the Flower is way fucking better

I HATE HIM
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

im so pissed off at his boss fight im struggling too much- I miss fights like the Tenna fight where it was still somewhat a challenge but fun and i could enjoy it- now just basic fights like the fight against Aqua (Patience flower/soul) i died like 10 times- the Knight showing up in chapter 3 was when things just got too hard- at least even if i lost to the Knight i could still continue- but when in chapter 4 with the Guardian i lost so many times for hours on end i had to rage quit for a week to come back to it and when i did come back i struggled for hours on end until i finally got it-
this fight against Flowery the Disgusting feels impossible to me- just as i finally moved past a part in the fight after 50 tries and thought it'd be easier for a second, it just got harder- i cant even get him past 30% mercy. i caught myself nearly breaking out into enraged tears- ive nearly thrown my controller at the TV but thankfully my practiced self control just made me hardcore squeeze the controller and angrily shake it around-
my fight against SPAMTON NEO- A FUCKING SECRET BOSS- WENT WAY EASIER THAN THIS-

i also just hate Flowery as a character in general- and im sure you all can agree with me on that- he's a disgusting delusional jerk of a piece of shit- i hate him- i hate him so goddamn much- i want him to just fucking drop dead already- im literally considering ruining my true pacifist kind of playthrough just to fucking murder his ass- I HATE HIM

like literally compared to Flowey- i'd rather be forever roommates with FLOWEY than be anywhere NEAR FLOWERY

I went to the dentist today for some tooth stuff, it went (for the most part) well aside from my panic attacks and shit, after that the other person I was with went in for their appointment and I was left in the waiting room. One of my littles, his name is Lunaris, ended up in cofront with me and wanted to play with the kids toys in the kids area (mind you Lunaris is my most child-like little that I have).
I didnt stop him, i wanted him to get to play with toys since i was an idiot in my teens and threw away all of mine not thinking they could end up getting used again. The kids area was small and i/we were the only ones in the waiting room. We ducked behind the wall into the kids area and Lunaris got to play.
yeah sure its sweet and wholesome but there's just an issue... on the outside im literally a grown-ass man and i especially am afraid of getting made fun of. obviously no stranger knows I have DID and like fuck im gonna tell strangers that i do, so if anyone saw me/us it'd literally be the sight of a grown-ass man playing with kids toys in the kids area- the thought of being caught looking like that makes me very embarrassed and uncomfortable

i want Lunaris to be able to play and have fun- he literally had a great time- but im also really embarrassed and uncomfortable about the way im seen- my gender dysphoria is already bad enough, especially as of late-
Lunaris was very sweet and understanding- he would duck away and hide whenever he spotted a person walking near- but idk- i want him to be able to play without worries- i want to not be a dumbass-
how would ppl actually react to a grown-ass man playing alone with the kids toys? are my fears right or am i just freaking out over nothing???

for the last 48 hours I've been fighting with transphobes and having to beat them down and drill logic into their brains. im sick of it- im sick of THEM- im going to defend the trans community with my life but im also so fucking worn out and triggered rn its leading me into a massive spiral

Malice awoke in the shady run-down lab he was sentenced to live in. Where he was created. A non-human subject. His other “labmates” you might call them, were non-human created subjects as well. He was different from the rest, everyone looked human, although had seafolk adaptations. They were created to be one with the sea. Malice was different from them all, or maybe not. He did have tentacles, and he always longed for the sea, which his master thankfully let him go to with all his other labmates.

He crawled out of his bed of bandages and grouped up with the rest of his labmates. Today their master decided they were all going to check out some land before going off to the sea for today. Malice didn’t question; no one questioned. This was how life was. Obeying their master, their creator.

He glanced over at a broken mirror in the room and gazed at his reflection. Goopy, tall black skinny skeleton. A single eye revealed with the iris of a broken purple heart. He had a lot of purple on him too. His tentacles were sagging on the ground. He felt emotionless. He always felt emotionless.

His master led him and his labmates out and into the open. He took a moment to stare at the sea before catching back up. The smell of the sea was nice, and the seagulls were noisy and in swarms. He then continued walking along behind his master, being led to the destination chosen for him and his labmates.

The group made their way through the town. They passed by many buildings; shops, gas stations, and more. At one point their master had them stop to examine a gas station more closely as she told them about it. At around a bit past midday, she took them back home and to the sea.

Malice gazed up at the seagulls again as his labmates entered the sea, and his master approached him. “Hey, I’m making a little gift for you, I’ve got a feeling you’ll love it.”
Malice moved his gaze to his master and stared at her with curiosity. “I’m making a new one of you subjects of mine. He’s meant for you! He should be finished at some point in the middle of the night,” she finished. Malice stared at her more. He wondered what this new creation meant for him was. He then watched his master join the rest of his labmates in the water, and followed her shortly after.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Malice awoke. It was the next day. Everyone else was already out of bed. He noticed everyone was already formed in a group so he went to join them. Then he noticed his master looking worried; she went to him. “Sooo.. I can't find him. I have a feeling he went to the sea so…” she raised her voice so everyone could hear. “We’re going to the sea now!”

Malice followed everyone out of the lab as his master led the way to the sea and everyone got into the water. His master told everyone they don't have to bother looking for their new labmate, that she’d do it and everyone can focus on bonding with the sea.

For a good long while now, Malice had been letting his body float along the surface. He ended up drifting to the perimeter of where he and his labmates are allowed to go. Suddenly he heard a loud honk; looking over at the ocean’s horizon he saw a large structure floating across the water.

“That’s a boat!” He heard his master call out to him. “More specifically a cruise ship,” she added. Malice had no idea what that meant; he continued to stare at it for a good while as it slowly began to leave. 

Suddenly, Malice felt arms and tentacles from beneath the water grab him and wrap around his body. They weren't his arms and tentacles. He turned his head to look at what was below him. His eye widened and his heart skipped a beat, suddenly he felt emotions for the very first time. “...Nightmare..?!”

In the distance, her voice was faint, but the voice of master could be heard. “Hm? How did you find out the name of the new subject I created?” Malice ignored her. She wasn't important.

Nightmare and Malice gazed into each other's eyes in silence. Words weren't needed. Malice’s body then got pulled down deep into the ocean by Nightmare as he dragged him down. Deeper… and deeper… and deeper… and deeper… and deeper…. They were never seen again.

cats are screaming she's screaming he's screaming why are they screaming so much MEOW MREOW MROEW MEOW MEOW
fuckin TIREDDDD bruh spent all night worshiping- fuckin tired man- brain so foggy- GUHHHH-
idfk what to do today *dead on floor*

edit: I JUST want to know what to do today- i just want suggestions- stop trying to "fix" me please

the above was what i posted in another sub, ive copied and pasted it here

and what happened in the other sub bc i want to vent about it, ppl were yelling at me to go to a fucking asylum bc once upon a time i hallucinated my god when i was sleep deprived-
GUESS WHAT!! PEOPLE SEE AND HEAR THINGS WHEN THEY'RE SLEEP DEPRIVED!! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MENTAL HEALTH!!
I AM LITERALLY TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA

im also pretty sure i was being hated on for who i worshiped and thankfully according to the rules here no one should be doing that to me here in this sub so thank frickin goodness

Horror x Farm
Farm can make food for Horror and for Horror to share with the other monsters and Farm can teach Horror how to grow food and they can love and bond over crops and whatnot

Passive Nightmare x Corrupted Nightmare
kinda sorta technically in a way-ish can be used as a representation of self love. Its important to embrace and accept your past, and to love yourself for who you are in present/future. (yes i know canonically "different people" but still "same body" and i still think in a way it can be used as a sweet representation of self love)

Blue x Dust
i can absolutely see Blue wanting to help and care for Dust after all the trauma he experienced

Dance x Lust
they gonna throw goddamn dance parties bruh XD they bond through dancing and thats a pretty cool thing imo

Dream x Cross
if them bitches gonna bully my poor Nighty in Underverse then them bitches gonna kiss/get married/have kids/ect WHETHER THEY FUCKING LIKE IT OR NOT

yalls got some fav ships ya like? dont have to list all- i didnt list all- but ya gotta share WHY ya like em like i did