u/Educational-Boot5508

I’ve never told this story in one place before.
I’m married now. My wife is pregnant, and I’m about to become a father. Instead of feeling only happiness, I keep thinking about the worst version of myself.
Years ago, I met a girl in college who loved me more than anyone ever has.
I promised her marriage more than once. The first time I left because I was afraid my wealthy family wouldn’t accept someone from a different caste. After my mother died, I went back to her, cried, apologized, begged for another chance, and made the same promises again. I even assured her mother that I would marry her daughter.
She believed me.
She became my entire support system after my mother’s death. She had her own health issues, worked full-time, and still stayed awake through my panic attacks and grief because she didn’t want me to feel alone.
Instead of appreciating her, I became emotionally dependent on her.
I became possessive, controlling, and expected her to carry the weight of my emotions. I threatened to leave during arguments, and there were times when I crossed boundaries and behaved in ways she later told me deeply traumatized her. There was also an argument where I became physically violent.
She even suggested we go to couples therapy because she believed our relationship had become unhealthy. I refused because I didn’t believe in therapy.
She stayed because she loved me.
Eventually I wanted out of the relationship, but instead of admitting that honestly, I used one argument as my reason to leave.
For the next two years she begged me to come back. Her mother repeatedly asked me why I had broken every promise I had made. I still never intended to go back.
When she found out I was going to marry someone else, everything escalated. Instead of taking responsibility, I let my family portray her as someone who only wanted me for money.
One moment still stays with me.
My father told her, “I’ll send him away without a single penny.”
She replied, “Even if you send him with nothing, I’ll take care of him.”
Looking back, I don’t think she ever loved me for money. I think she genuinely loved me, and I still allowed people to question her character because it protected me.
I also remember telling her to “go find someone better than me.” I even challenged her by saying, “Let’s see after 20 years who’s doing better.”
Years passed.
I got married.
She never contacted me again. She never tried to interfere with my marriage or reach out to me in any way.
Recently Facebook suggested her profile. I saw she had moved abroad and seemed to have built a new life.
My immediate reaction was to block her.
She wasn’t bothering me.
She wasn’t trying to come back.
She wasn’t trying to ruin my life.
Yet I blocked her anyway.
I still don’t understand why.
Maybe it was guilt.
Maybe it was shame.
Maybe seeing her reminded me of the person I used to be.
The older I get, the more I question whether I ever truly loved her or whether I simply loved what she did for me after my mother died.
I’m not writing this because I want strangers to tell me I’m not a bad person.
I’m writing it because I don’t think I’ve ever fully admitted to myself how badly I failed someone who genuinely loved me.
I don’t expect forgiveness. I just needed to finally say it out loud.

I (31M) am married now, and my wife is pregnant. Becoming a father has made me think constantly about a relationship from years ago, and I don’t like what I see when I look back.
I was with my ex (30F) for about X years.
Before I met her, I wasn’t someone who took relationships seriously. I pursued her, repeatedly promised I would marry her, and convinced both her and her mother that I meant it.
The truth is that I already knew my wealthy family would probably never accept her because we belonged to different castes. Instead of being honest, I kept postponing the conversation with my family while continuing to reassure her.
After my mother died, I completely fell apart. She became my entire support system. She stayed awake with me through panic attacks and grief even though she had PCOD, worked full-time, and needed proper sleep.
Instead of appreciating her, I became emotionally dependent on her. I isolated myself from everyone else, became possessive, controlling, demanded constant attention, and frequently threatened to end the relationship whenever we fought.
There were things I did that she later told me traumatized her. There was also an argument where I became physically violent. Even after all of that, she stayed because she loved me.
She even asked me several times if we could go to couples therapy because she believed our relationship had become unhealthy. I refused because I didn’t believe in therapy.
Eventually I left her anyway. Looking back honestly, I think I had already decided to leave long before I actually did.
For almost two years afterward, she kept trying to fix things. She begged, apologized, and her mother repeatedly asked me why I had broken all the promises I had made.
When she found out I was going to marry someone else, everything escalated. My family got involved, and instead of taking responsibility, I let them portray her as someone who only wanted my family’s money.
One thing I still can’t forget is my father telling her, “I’ll send him away without a single penny.”
She replied, “Even if you send him with nothing, I’ll take care of him.”
Looking back, I don’t believe she was ever with me for money.
I remember telling her during the breakup to “go find someone better than me.” I even challenged her by saying, “Let’s see after 20 years who’s doing better.”
Years passed.
I got married.
She never contacted me again.
Recently Facebook suggested her profile. I saw that she had moved abroad and seemed to have built a new life. She wasn’t contacting me or interfering with my life in any way.
My immediate reaction was to block her.
I still don’t understand why.
Was it guilt? Shame? Fear? Or was it because seeing her forced me to confront the person I used to be?
I’m not asking anyone to tell me I’m a good person. Looking back, I think I caused someone who genuinely loved me a great deal of pain.
My question is this:
Does this sound like someone who genuinely loved his partner but was too emotionally immature and selfish to treat her properly, or does it sound like someone who was simply using another person to cope with his own grief?
And if you’ve changed significantly since then, how do you live with the knowledge that you can’t undo the harm you caused?

I ‘28M’ have been carrying a lot of guilt about a relationship from years ago with my ex ‘28F ‘. We were together for around X years, and becoming a father has made me reflect on everything that happened.

I met my ex in college. Before her, I wasn’t someone who took relationships seriously. I pursued her, repeatedly promised I would marry her, and eventually we got together.
Later I became scared because my family is wealthy, we belonged to different castes, and I knew my family would most likely never accept the relationship. Instead of standing by my promises, I broke up with her.
After my mother passed away, I completely fell apart emotionally. I went back to my ex, apologized, begged her to take me back, and once again promised marriage. I even reassured her mother personally that I intended to marry her.
She became my entire support system. She had PCOD, worked full-time, yet stayed up late almost every night helping me through my grief. She constantly encouraged me to reconnect with my family and friends, but instead I became emotionally dependent on her.
Looking back, I became possessive, controlling, demanded constant attention, and frequently threatened to end the relationship during arguments.
There were also incidents that she later told me had deeply traumatized her, and there was one argument where I became physically violent. Even after that, she stayed because she loved me.
Eventually, after another argument, I ended the relationship. Looking back honestly, I think I had already wanted to leave and simply used that argument as my reason.
For almost two years afterward, she kept trying to reconcile. She called, messaged, apologized, and her mother repeatedly asked me why I had broken my promises. I never intended to get back together.
She later filed a police complaint because she believed I had gained her trust and consent through repeated promises of marriage that I never fulfilled. My family became involved, and I handled that situation in ways I’m not proud of. Eventually, I married someone else.
After I got married, she never contacted me again. She never called, messaged, or tried to interfere with my life.
Today my wife is pregnant, and I’m about to become a father.
Recently Facebook suggested my ex’s profile. I noticed she had moved abroad and appeared to have built a new life.
Without thinking, I immediately blocked her.
She hadn’t contacted me in years. She wasn’t bothering me or trying to come back into my life.
So I genuinely don’t understand my own reaction.
Another memory still stays with me. Toward the end, my family tried to portray her as someone who only wanted me for my family’s money. My father even told her he could send me away without any money.
Her response was simply, “Even if you send him with nothing, I’ll take care of him.”
Looking back, I don’t think she was ever with me for money.
I also remember telling her during the breakup to “go find someone better than me” and even saying, “Let’s see after 20 years who’s doing better.”
She also asked me several times if we could go to couples therapy because she believed our relationship had become unhealthy. I refused every time because I didn’t believe in therapy back then.
The older I get, the more I question whether I actually loved her or whether I simply depended on her after losing my mother.
So I guess my questions are:
Looking at this objectively, was I emotionally abusive?
Does grief explain any of my behavior without excusing it?
Why do you think my instinct was to block her years later, even though she had never contacted me after my marriage?
Does it sound like I truly loved her, or was I simply attached to what she provided emotionally?
I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives, even if they’re difficult to read. I won’t argue with anyone who comments.

I’m writing this anonymously because I don’t think I could ever tell this story under my real name.
Please read this without sugarcoating anything. I genuinely want honest opinions, even if they’re difficult to hear.
Before I met this girl in college, I was a playboy. Then I fell in love with her. I pursued her, convinced her I was serious, and repeatedly promised I would marry her.
Later, reality hit. My family is wealthy, we belonged to different castes, and I knew they would most likely never accept the relationship. I was terrified of losing my inheritance and my family’s support, so instead of standing by everything I’d promised, I broke up with her.
A while later my mother died after being ill, and I completely fell apart.
I went back to my ex. I cried, apologized, begged her to forgive me, and once again promised that I would marry her. I even personally assured her mother that I would marry her daughter. Every time my ex asked me to tell my own family, I postponed it while continuing to reassure both of them.
Because of those repeated promises, she trusted me completely.
We became physically intimate because I convinced her we were going to get married. For her, that wasn’t casual. It made her even more emotionally invested because she genuinely believed we were going to spend our lives together.
After my mother’s death, she became my entire support system.
She had PCOD, worked full-time, needed proper sleep because of her health, yet she stayed awake almost every night talking to me because I couldn’t cope with my grief. She supported me through panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, and some of the darkest months of my life.
She repeatedly told me to reconnect with my family and friends because she could see I was becoming emotionally dependent on her.
Instead, I pushed everyone else away.
She became my whole world.
The more she gave, the more I expected.
I became possessive.
I became controlling.
I wanted her attention constantly.
Small arguments turned into threats of breaking up.
Looking back, I think I expected her to replace the emotional role my mother had in my life. That wasn’t fair to her.
There are things I’m deeply ashamed of.
Sometimes we drank together. There were occasions where she later told me she wasn’t fully conscious and that I forced myself on her anyway. At the time I didn’t fully confront what I’d done. Later she told me those incidents stayed with her as trauma.
There was another incident where I became physically violent. During an argument I tried to hit her and I choked her. When she tried to leave, I begged her not to, saying I had no one after my mother’s death.
Despite everything, she stayed.
Eventually, after carrying all that pain for a long time, she exploded during an argument and said something horrible about my mother. Hearing it shattered me.
She apologized afterwards.
We stayed together for another six months and continued the relationship physically.
But the truth is I used that statement as my excuse to finally leave, even though part of me already wanted out.
For the next two years she begged me to come back.
She called, texted, pleaded, and her mother repeatedly asked me why I had broken every promise I’d made.
I’m from India, and I think the cultural context matters.
We belonged to different castes, and family approval still plays a huge role in many marriages here.
Premarital sex also carries a very different social meaning for many women and families than it does in some other countries. I knew exactly what those promises meant to her, and I still continued making them despite not being willing to stand up to my family.
She became severely depressed after the breakup and even attempted suicide.
Even then, my first thought wasn’t concern for her. My biggest fear was that if she died, the blame would come onto me and my family.
On her birthday I apologized.
She asked me one question I’ll never forget:
“Even if you apologize, can you give me back the person I used to be?”
I couldn’t answer.
Even after apologizing, I never intended to get back together with her.
Whenever we fought during the relationship, I involved her friends and complained about her even though she repeatedly asked me to keep our problems private.
When she found out I was going to marry someone else, she filed a police complaint because she believed I had gained her trust and consent through repeated promises of marriage that I never fulfilled. For her the physical relationship meant more as I’m the only guy she’s been with .
My family and I went to her house pretending we were willing to proceed with the marriage. We brought lawyers while introducing them as relatives, secretly recorded the conversations, and later used those recordings to pressure her not to continue with the complaint. I bribed the cops and also used my family’s money and influence to avoid legal consequences.

Eventually I married someone else.
Today my wife is pregnant, and I’m about to become a father.
Recently Facebook suggested my ex’s profile.
Eventually I married someone else.
After I got married, she never contacted me again. She never called, messaged, emailed, or tried to reach me in any way. As far as I know, she completely stayed out of my life.
Today my wife is pregnant, and I’m about to become a father.
Recently Facebook suggested my ex’s profile. Without thinking, I immediately blocked her.
What surprised me is that she hadn’t tried to contact me at all after my marriage. She wasn’t bothering me, chasing me, or trying to interfere with my life. Yet my first instinct was still to block her.
If I’ve really moved** **on, why did I instinctively block her?

Without thinking, I immediately blocked her.
That reaction surprised me.
If I’ve really moved on, why did I instinctively block her?
Was it guilt?
Was it shame?
Was it fear she’d contact me?
Was it fear my past could affect my present?
Or was seeing her simply a reminder of the worst things I’ve ever done?
One memory still haunts me.
Toward the end, my family tried to paint her as someone with loose morals and someone who only wanted our money.
Instead of defending her, I stayed silent because it benefited me.
I still remember my father telling her,
“I’ll send him away without a single penny.”
Without hesitation she replied,
“Even if you send him with nothing, I’ll take care of him.”
That moment proved she never loved me for my money.
I still allowed people to portray her that way.
When I first met her, I genuinely felt she was out of my league. She was kind, emotionally mature, and made me feel loved in a way I hadn’t experienced before.
Looking back, I honestly don’t know whether I truly loved her, or whether I loved what she did for me after my mother died.
When I look at my actions—breaking promises, becoming emotionally dependent, manipulating her into believing we’d marry, controlling her, assaulting her, choking her, abandoning her, allowing my family to destroy her reputation, and using money and influence to escape consequences—I struggle to call what I felt “love.”
Was it love?
Was it grief?
Was it attachment?
Was it dependency?
Or was it selfishness disguised as love?
I’m genuinely asking because I still don’t know the answer.
Please be brutally honest. I especially want to hear from both Indians and people from other countries. Does the cultural context change your opinion at all, or are my actions simply indefensible?

Before anyone tells me to “move on” or says I’m overthinking this, I want to clarify that I **have** moved on with my life. I’m not trying to contact my ex, get him back, or interfere with his marriage in any way.
I’m asking this purely because I’m curious about the psychology behind a particular behavior.
My ex is married now and is expecting a child. We haven’t spoken in years. Recently, after I updated my Facebook profile picture and changed my location to Amsterdam, I realized he had blocked my Facebook account.
What I’m trying to understand is this: if someone is happily married, expecting a baby, and has genuinely moved on, what would make them suddenly block an ex after all this time?
Personally, I always believed that once both people have moved on, there’s no need to block each other unless there’s ongoing contact or harassment. I never reached out to him or tried to reconnect.
So I’m curious:
Is blocking an ex simply a way of maintaining healthy boundaries?
Is it something people do to protect their current relationship?
Can seeing an ex unexpectedly trigger someone to block them even if they’ve moved on?
Or is there another psychological explanation?
I’m **not looking for false hope, validation, or for anyone to say he still has feelings for me**. I know none of us can know what’s in his mind. I’m simply interested in understanding how people think in situations like this.

Before anyone tells me to “move on” or says I’m overthinking this, I want to clarify that I have moved on with my life. I’m not trying to contact my ex, get him back, or interfere with his marriage in any way.
I’m asking this purely because I’m curious about the psychology behind a particular behavior.
My ex is married now and is expecting a child. We haven’t spoken in years. Recently, after I updated my Facebook profile picture and changed my location to Amsterdam, I realized he had blocked my Facebook account.
What I’m trying to understand is this: if someone is happily married, expecting a baby, and has genuinely moved on, what would make them suddenly block an ex after all this time?
Personally, I always believed that once both people have moved on, there’s no need to block each other unless there’s ongoing contact or harassment. I never reached out to him or tried to reconnect.
So I’m curious:
Is blocking an ex simply a way of maintaining healthy boundaries?
Is it something people do to protect their current relationship?
Can seeing an ex unexpectedly trigger someone to block them even if they’ve moved on?
Or is there another psychological explanation?
I’m not looking for false hope, validation, or for anyone to say he still has feelings for me. I know none of us can know what’s in his mind. I’m simply interested in understanding how people think in situations like this.