u/Eeveetron7

I genuinely disgust myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror because of how absolutely useless I am. I know I have ADHD, but every other person has ADHD, but no one is as disgustingly worthless as me.

i'm unmedicated, and honestly i'm pretty sure I don't even have ADHD. it's vaguely confirmed by my parents, but they never gave me my diagnosis, they never gave me any details except telling me that i'm mentally ill.

it's been 2 entire days that i've been home, the perfect opportunity to study and finish my internship work. the only thing i've done is play video games on my phone (right next to my computer with my study stuff open) and play the guitar. I can't bring myself to do anything else. I'm on the verge of being kicked out of my fellowship because i've missed 3 entire weeks of work. currently, all I have to do is send a 2-sentence email to administration to fix the issue. I've been holding this off for an entire week. The quarter ends in 3 days. I have missing assignments that would take me 10 minutes to do, I won't do it. There's really no point trying because I won't do it.

I have 3 tests tomorrow, I know none of the content because I can't pay attention in class, and i can't bring myself to learn it myself. i threw away my entire debate career because i can't be bothered to make my cases. i threw away my volleyball career because the idea of practicing gave me so much stress i just never did it and quit the sport entirely. (Even though it was 5 minutes per day of drills that i had to do). I'm consistently getting the highest scores in the class on my timed essays/assessments, but I'm getting straight c's and d's in all my classes because i can't be bothered to do the work, and I don't care about it.

the only thing I can ever bring myself to do is play my guitar and play videogames, even if i really don't want to. I'm completely useless and I sicken myself so much, how do i fix this? i'll never get medicated.

this is an entirely piano song, it’s very beautiful and i would really like to learn it but i’m not able to find any sheet music because its not a popular song. thanks in advance!

i’ll go first

real world:

1. see you tomorrow (evening theme)

2. hanging with the boys (kel and hero sleepover)

3. good for health, bad for imagination (pharmacy)

4. bargain bin boys

5. swirly 1000x (gang battle theme)

honorable mention: clean slate

otherworld:

1. by your side (mari’s theme)

2. pluto’s space line theme

3. wandering rose (sweethearts castle)

4. room for 4 (last resort inside)

5. chemistry on and on (humphrey puzzles)

honorable mention: a home for flowers (tulip)

battle themes:

1. sweetheart

2. goldenvengeance (pluto expanded)

3. pirefly forest battle theme

4. chaos assembly

5. those scientist sisters i forgot they name

if u cant tell all these soundtracks are happy because i cant deal with the depressing shit in this game

I didn’t get beat as much as a kid, but my brother did. He had a disorder as a baby/child where he threw up every time he ate, and my mom did beat him for it. When we were kids, she used to beat me sometimes, but mostly him, because we both had disordered eating (it runs in the family, i’m not sure why but my entire generation in the family tree had severe issues with eating as a kid, never truly figured this out).

The other day, we just casually mentioned, as a joke, how she used to be verbally and physically abusive towards us because we were short (true story). Immediately she started yelling about how it didn’t happen, which switched to her crying and talking about how we’re making her feel terrible and she hates when this topic comes up because we’re just shaming her, etc. Basically just making things up as she went on. When i started defending my brother slightly, she switched it on to me, and how I ’never defend her’.

My brother is a saint so he started reassuring her on how he isn’t affected by it, it’s water under the bridge, and it’s alright everyone does it (So she wouldn’t continue her meltdown). She was LIVID that I wasn’t joining in to comfort her for inflicting emotional and physical abuse onto us.

Why are they like this?

i started freshman year, and i never placed at even one tournament, except for one tournament where i almost went 4-0 but started bashing trump in front of an inexperienced maga judge. other than the at, i’ve been going straight 2-2.
i’m going into varsity next year, but im so shit and there’s no way i can even try to compete with the tech debaters and talented people on the circuit. the LD coaches at my school are just not great, we don’t have a real debate coach, just other high schoolers teaching us badly
i’ve tried my very hardest to get better but i feel like my brain just doesnt work like these people. before you say to hold mocks, for some reason i perform TERRIBLY in mocks, while i perform okay in normal rounds. my last mock i got so conscious that i ceded all of my 2ar.
i’m desperate i genuinely don’t know what to do before varsity its always been my dream to do well in LD

i took my diagnostic for the first time before preparing just to see where i'm at. i'm only in math II (pretty behind most of my competitive hs), so i expected a really bad score when i submitted it, but i'm so happy

sorry for bragging, i'm just proud of myself and i wanted to share

My mom just got done tearfully leaving the house after she said hello and I didn’t smile.
It’s a daily occurrence that she complains how ‘I haven’t even smiled and hugged her once today’ or ‘I haven’t laughed with her once today’ pretty early in the morning. If she talks to me and i have a straight face, she starts saying things like ‘we don’t even deserve your love, right?’ or ‘sorry i forgot your personality is only for your useless friends and not us’.
This one time I was at mandatory family dinner right after finding out news that almost destroyed my entire life at the time, and obviously, I wasn’t participating much in the discussion. My mom started saying ‘I know exactly why you hate us right now, it’s because we’re eating healthy food and not your disgusting fast food’. That sent me over the edge and I cried for the first time in front of them since I was a kid and she just started saying ‘I knew you were upset about something, it’s a mothers intuition, I always know when you’re upset’ and acting nice.
I hate living like this someone save me

All my life I haven't really been allowed to have any space to myself, I'm not allowed to ever go in my room and I always have to stay in the living room with my family (my mother has crippling abandonment issues).

I feel like because I've grown up in this kind of codependent environment, I would be used to it by now and it wouldn't really bother me. However, my grades are dropping so badly because I feel like I'm physically unable to do ANY work when they're in the house or within my vision, which is pretty much 24/7. This isn't just for schoolwork, it also applies to things I actually want to do. I enjoy doing volleyball drills to practice, cooking, making sculptures, painting huge canvases, and playing video games, but when I'm conscious of my parents, I'm unable to do them. I just sit on the couch on my phone. If I REALLY have to do something, I'll begin at 11:30 the moment I hear my mom start to snore and stay up until the sun rises to get it done, and I actually really enjoy this, but it's very rare as I'm not allowed to have any kind of technology or homework in my room (once again out of my mom's fear that I'll just stay in there)

I don't know what the core of this problem is, but I've always felt uncomfortable and incredibly uneasy around my parents, like something's wrong. Now that I actually have to start being productive for my grades and dozens of extracurriculars, it's genuinely ruining my life. I don't have a drivers license to be able to go to a library, and even if I did, my parents would absolutely hate if I left the house more than once a week (I'd be abandoning them). Right now, I have 2 gpa-determining finals in 2 days as well as the threat of being fired from my tuition job if I don't be productive right now. But I just can't.

Please help me, has anyone been in this kind of situation before? What did you do? Do I have to just suck it up

so nsfw im sorry, but don’t you have to go on a specific diet for a couple days to do anal? i’m confused as to how gay couples can have sex regularly without having to do a liquid diet (CORRECTION: specific diet, i have no idea why i said liquid diet)
edit: pls stop lecturing me, TRUST ME i know that other gay couples have other methods of sex. in MY EXPERIENCE penetration is quite common and i know that other couples have an even higher sex drive- this post is referring to specifically those couples.
also, i know straight people have anal sex too. it’s just not as common of an occurrence.

i get tics all the time but it’s always something i’ve been able to control.
i embarrass myself pretty regularly and whenever i think back on it, i literally cannot control my tics, i jerk and twitch violently and sometimes i even have to make sounds, it’s so bad.
it could be something as small as liking someone’s old instagram post, that’s what happened last time. i thought back on it a couple weeks ago and the twitching was so bad i ended up spraining my wrist (it was already in bad condition as i had just come back from a volleyball tournament where i had hurt it).
help me does this happen to anyone else what can i do to stop it

i’m taking no AP’s freshmen year and i’m also behind in math (math 2). it’s not like we’re not allowed to take AP’s, but it was so complicated with some teachers telling us we weren’t and some telling us we were.
i know so many people who are taking AP’s, is it over for me?

i woke up, sun was on my face, i felt something instantly, i was overwhelmed to the point of shaking because i was confused what it was, but the only way to describe it was i felt like i wanted to get up and walk and smile

it stopped after about 3 hours

i tried to recreate the exact night routine, morning routine, videos i watched, everything exactly the same down to the minute but it never came back and i never felt it again

every day all i think about is that 3 hours of my life it’s all i ever think about it consumes my life and i’ll never have it back it felt like my entire life had shifted In that moment

i remember every footstep i took that day i remember exactly how large my food portions were i remember every word i spoke its the only day i didn’t have a lot of brain fog i remember everything

every day is spent reliving that moment