u/Embarrassed-Truck644

I didn’t know that you couldn’t use THC with a clearance.

Long story short: Started using CDB, then RSO. Found out RSO was essentially highly compressed THC

Something happened, admitted use to my investigator. Clearance suspended. Left that job about a year ago

I won’t be looking for cleared work for at least 2 years at which time use would have been 5 ish years in the past.

What’s the odds I’ll ever get a clearance again

I can't tell if I'm being excluded from my university's veteran community or if I'm connecting dots that aren't there.

I'm looking for honest opinions, not validation.

I'm a veteran in my early 30s and attend a university where, technically, every student veteran is part of the veterans organization. The problem is that I've never really felt like I was part of the community socially, and I honestly don't know why.

The story starts back when I was at community college.
People would ask me, "Are you in the group chat?" I'd say no, and they'd usually respond with something like, "Don't worry about it." That immediately made me feel like there was an inside group that I wasn't part of. Eventually someone started inviting me to things. I even went on an international trip with several of them. Looking back, the trip itself wasn't bad, but the vibes felt off and I never really understood where I stood with everyone. After that I barely interacted with anyone for about a year.

When I transferred back to university, one of the guys recognized me and wished me a good semester in a sarcastic way, but that was about it. We never really talked again. Over time people would occasionally tell me things like, "You should hang out more." Another time someone said something like, "here’s my number, I don't break bread with people then talk behind their back." I still don't know if that was directed at me or if it was about someone else, but it stuck with me.

Here's where it gets complicated.

Back at community, I experienced a psychotic episode. I was later diagnosed and received treatment, but during that period I wasn't thinking clearly. I developed a huge crush on one of the more popular veterans, and because of my psychosis and my religious background, I had bizarre beliefs involving him that I now recognize weren't grounded in reality. My therapist suggested that my religious beliefs about sexuality may have become mixed into the psychosis, but regardless, I know now that I wasn't interpreting reality accurately during that time.
I also had problems with alcohol and cannabis. Eventually I decided to get sober, so whenever people wanted to drink or smoke I'd usually just leave.

On top of that, I commute pretty far, don't have much free time, and honestly last semester I wasn't really looking to make friends. I mostly wanted to do my schoolwork and go home. So I recognize there are reasons why I may not have become part of an established friend group.
But there are other things that make me wonder if there was more going on.

Before returning to school I worked full-time in the same area for the military. My employment ended after coworkers made allegations about my behavior that I strongly dispute, or was taken out of context. At least one former coworker now attends the same school and is involved with the veteran community.

I also have a fairly visible political presence online. The version of me people see online is intentionally amplified, scripted, heavily edited, and often take multiple takes. I'm much quieter in real life than people probably expect.

So now I'm left wondering whether people formed opinions about me before ever really getting to know me.
At the same time, I also recognize that I could simply be connecting unrelated events because I don't have enough information.

I genuinely don't know.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?
Have you ever felt like you were technically part of a community but never became part of the social circle?

Looking back, was there actually a reason, or was it just timing, limited availability, and established friendships?

I'm especially interested in hearing from veterans or older students who returned to school after military service.
I'm not looking for people to tell me that everyone was against me or that I did nothing wrong. I'm honestly trying to understand whether I'm missing something about how these communities work, whether my mental health crisis changed people's perceptions of me, whether my online presence affects first impressions, or whether this is simply what happens when you're older, commute, and aren't around enough to naturally become part of a friend groups.

I can't tell if I'm being excluded from my university's veteran community or if I'm connecting dots that aren't there.

I'm looking for honest opinions, not validation.

I'm a veteran in my early 30s and attend a university where, technically, every student veteran is part of the veterans organization. The problem is that I've never really felt like I was part of the community socially, and I honestly don't know why.

The story starts back when I was at community college.
People would ask me, "Are you in the group chat?" I'd say no, and they'd usually respond with something like, "Don't worry about it." That immediately made me feel like there was an inside group that I wasn't part of. Eventually someone started inviting me to things. I even went on an international trip with several of them. Looking back, the trip itself wasn't bad, but the vibes felt off and I never really understood where I stood with everyone. After that I barely interacted with anyone for about a year.

When I transferred back to university, one of the guys recognized me and wished me a good semester in a sarcastic way, but that was about it. We never really talked again. Over time people would occasionally tell me things like, "You should hang out more." Another time someone said something like, "here’s my number, I don't break bread with people then talk behind their back." I still don't know if that was directed at me or if it was about someone else, but it stuck with me.

Here's where it gets complicated.

Back at community, I experienced a psychotic episode. I was later diagnosed and received treatment, but during that period I wasn't thinking clearly. I developed a huge crush on one of the more popular veterans, and because of my psychosis and my religious background, I had bizarre beliefs involving him that I now recognize weren't grounded in reality. My therapist suggested that my religious beliefs about sexuality may have become mixed into the psychosis, but regardless, I know now that I wasn't interpreting reality accurately during that time.
I also had problems with alcohol and cannabis. Eventually I decided to get sober, so whenever people wanted to drink or smoke I'd usually just leave.

On top of that, I commute pretty far, don't have much free time, and honestly last semester I wasn't really looking to make friends. I mostly wanted to do my schoolwork and go home. So I recognize there are reasons why I may not have become part of an established friend group.
But there are other things that make me wonder if there was more going on.

Before returning to school I worked full-time in the same area for the military. My employment ended after coworkers made allegations about my behavior that I strongly dispute, or was taken out of context. At least one former coworker now attends the same school and is involved with the veteran community.

I also have a fairly visible political presence online. The version of me people see online is intentionally amplified, scripted, heavily edited, and often take multiple takes. I'm much quieter in real life than people probably expect.

So now I'm left wondering whether people formed opinions about me before ever really getting to know me.
At the same time, I also recognize that I could simply be connecting unrelated events because I don't have enough information.

I genuinely don't know.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?
Have you ever felt like you were technically part of a community but never became part of the social circle?

Looking back, was there actually a reason, or was it just timing, limited availability, and established friendships?

I'm especially interested in hearing from veterans or older students who returned to school after military service.
I'm not looking for people to tell me that everyone was against me or that I did nothing wrong. I'm honestly trying to understand whether I'm missing something about how these communities work, whether my mental health crisis changed people's perceptions of me, whether my online presence affects first impressions, or whether this is simply what happens when you're older, commute, and aren't around enough to naturally become part of a friend groups.

I wholeheartedly believe that my entire life—especially the last six years—has been some kind of experiment.
I was born a literal crack baby. My mother used crack and drank while I was in the womb, and I was born “dependent.” I entered foster care immediately, followed by kinship care, which is when a family member acts as a foster parent.

Eventually, I went into a group home. Let’s just say life there was so outrageous and insane that, at times, it felt like it had to be a movie. I do not want to get into that part, but all kinds of things happened.

After that, I went back into foster care. During that period, everything felt strange. Sometimes I thought the TV was talking to me or narrating my life. My foster mom kept trying to get me on medication. She would take me to one doctor, and that doctor would say, “He’s perfectly fine. He’s just a teenager.” Then she would take me to another doctor, and that doctor would say, “I think he might be schizophrenic.”

Flash forward to me joining the Army. No matter what I did or who I was around, I felt like I could never do right. I would score 270 out of 300 on my PT test, be on time, have the best uniform, and shoot expert. Still, somehow, it felt like I was always wrong. I do not know what it was, but I just could never do right.

Then I got out of the Army and joined the National Guard. I was working a full-time National Guard job when, out of the blue, I received a complaint accusing me of hitting on people, harassing people, and all kinds of other things that were not true. The allegations were so outrageous that I felt like they were just making things up.

After that, I got really depressed. I took a trip to Washington, and while I was there, a friend suggested I try Molly. This is important: at the time, I had a psychiatrist who was treating me for depression and ADHD. I tried Molly and thought, “Oh shit, this is great.” From there, I started doing mushrooms, and eventually I started using THC. Then, one day, out of the blue, I had a psychotic episode.

My psychologist and psychiatrist told me they needed to put me on different medications and send me to a different psychiatrist. It felt like they were saying, “I can’t deal with this.”

Then the Army National Guard med-boarded me and medically separated me.

After that, I went back to school. I got hired by the Veterans Resource Office as a student worker, but I could not shake the feeling that everyone was watching me. Later, I looked up my old psychiatrist and found out that one of his specialties was psychedelic psychotherapy. That made everything click in my mind.
Because I have so much trauma from childhood, and because a lot of that trauma was coming up both in the military and before the military, I honestly believe I was part of some kind of experiment. I believe the government may have been trying to treat my depression with psychedelic drugs. In fact, one of my doctor’s specialties was treating clinical depression with psychedelics.
I also think this may be why the VA has taken such good care of me—above and beyond what I expected. I believe they may feel responsible, like they realized, “Oh shit, we messed this guy up,” and now they are trying to make up for it.

After a long battle with both alcohol and drugs, I am almost 60 days sober. I’ve been looking for a meeting that fits my schedule that I can stay in long-term. I found one and went to the meeting and stay quiet throughout most of the meeting at the end I got up to speak to someone who I had spoken to at a different meeting. While I was walking over another guy stopped me and asked me basically if I had a sponsor. I told him I did and that I can’t wait to work on the steps and that I’m thinking about getting a new sponsor or seeking a new sponsor for many different reasons.

He then asked me where I live, which I thought was odd so I repeated the question out loud to try to understand in my head what he meant by that. He says “yes where you live I asked you a question. I expected a direct answer.” before I can respond he says “because there are a lot of meetings all over the city” to which I say “oh I know”

He then got belligerent and says “stop! take I know out of your vocabulary…I’ve seen your type before think you know everything. People like you won’t stay here long and are going to end up dying”. I tried to use some of the resiliency and conflict management skills that I have to use at work and I think in my head “OK how do we walk this back?” so I say “first, let’s slow down. Let me answer your first question.”

The man then says “no, see you think you know everything, you won’t be here long” and storms off yelling “goodbye” to which I figure “okay, something about me he didn’t like. That’s more his problem then mine” and return to my car and go to work.

This is exactly what happen but I can’t wrap my head around what it means

Former fed/military currently at SFSU for accounting. Obviously I’ll apply to FTB & federal positions but I’d love to know more about 1649, such as what do I need to know to prepare, would I be a good fit for city etc

Has anyone else experienced this?

I'm a Black veteran, college student, and someone who's pretty involved in politics and civic organizations. One thing I've noticed is that if I want to spend time around other Black people, I often have to actively seek them out. They don't seem to naturally appear in the spaces I'm already involved in.

In most of my classes, I'm one of maybe two or three Black students. At my school's Veterans Resource Center, I've only really seen three other Black students.

The same thing happens in political spaces. I've attended Democratic clubs, Young Democrats events, campaign events, labor events, and other civic organizations, and often there are very few Black people present.

What's interesting is that when I mention this, people often tell me to go to organizations like Black Young Democrats, Black caucuses, Black professional associations, Black chambers of commerce, etc. On one hand, I understand why those organizations exist and I have nothing against them. On the other hand, I sometimes find myself wondering why I have to actively seek out a Black version of an organization in order to regularly interact with other Black people.

It's almost like there are two separate experiences happening at the same time: If I participate in the "mainstream" organizations that align with my interests (veterans, politics, public policy, student organizations, etc.), I often end up being one of only a handful of Black people in the room.

If I want more interaction with other Black people, I have to intentionally seek out Black-specific organizations and affinity groups.

I'm not really making an argument here. I'm genuinely curious whether other Black people have had the same experience.

Do you find that Black community happens naturally through the spaces you're already involved in, or do you have to actively seek it out through Black-specific organizations and networks?