u/Emotional-Ad-3995

My ex broke up with me November 15th and we’ve officially been no contact since January 24th, however I’ve been super depressed & anxious because he was genuinely amazing& perfect. We were together for a year and the relationship ended because of my stupid mistakes (no cheating or abuse) I’ve been itching to reach out and wanted to know instead of texting a “hey, what’s up” and potentially getting no response or sending an essay because tbh I do have a lot to say, instead if I should send like a couple minute video so he can see/hear the sincerity & genuineness behind everything because I truly will be saying everything from the bottom of my heart and I miss that man so so so much that my heart is aching every second. What do you guys think? Not like begging or crying but just genuine accountability that would feel too long on text. For context I’m 29 and he’s 31! So this was a serious relationship.

TL:Dr should I send a video apology or a long text apology after 5 months of no contact

My ex broke up with me November 15th and we’ve officially been no contact since January 24th, however I’ve been super depressed & anxious because he was genuinely amazing& perfect. We were together for a year and the relationship ended because of my stupid mistakes (no cheating or abuse) I’ve been itching to reach out and wanted to know instead of texting a “hey, what’s up” and potentially getting no response or sending an essay because tbh I do have a lot to say, instead if I should send like a couple minute video so he can see/hear the sincerity & genuineness behind everything because I truly will be saying everything from the bottom of my heart and I miss that man so so so much that my heart is aching every second. What do you guys think? Not like begging or crying but just genuine accountability that would feel too long on text. For context I’m 29 and he’s 31! So this was a serious relationship.

This heartbreak is going to kill me, I’m 4 months no contact and nearly 7 months broken up and the pain gets worse everyday instead of better. Idk what to do. Nothing helps at all. Going out, venting to friends, being distracted. Nothing at all. I’m constantly in pain. I’m crying 98% of the day and it’s been like this everyday for 7 months now. I don’t know what to do. It sucks even more because he broke up with me since it was my fault, I didn’t cheat or anything I was just an idiot in simple words. And I never had a connection/spark like that. I miss him so much.

We always see and hear on how to get over an ex (31m) that wasn’t good for you/to you. But how about an ex who genuinely was everything you wanted PLUS MORE. The relationship ended due to me being severely anxiously attached and insecure because I couldn’t even believe I ended up with someone like him, like he was my dream man + more. He did everything right + more. Genuinely too good to be true and yes, I’m working on my anxious attachment + insecurities so please none of that advice. The depression and anxiety is getting out of control. I just can’t believe being 29f years old, I ruined such a deep amazing connection and I know myself I won’t find it again easily bc let’s be real connecting on a soul level is not something you come across easily or often. Anyone ever been in such a situation? How did you move on? How did you stop missing & aching for them everyday? How did you stop the rumination & physical aching of your heart? And yes, I’m in therapy but it’s still not helping as much I would like it too

TLDR: Lost an amazing relationship because of my anxious attachment/insecurities, not because he was toxic. He was genuinely my dream man and treated me incredibly well. I’m working on myself and in therapy, but the heartbreak, rumination, and depression still feel unbearable because I know deep connections like that are rare. How do you move on from someone who was actually good to you?

We always see and hear on how to get over an ex that wasn’t good for you/to you. But how about an ex who genuinely was everything you wanted PLUS MORE. The relationship ended due to me being severely anxiously attached and insecure because I couldn’t even believe I ended up with someone like him, like he was my dream man + more. He did everything right + more. Genuinely too good to be true and yes, I’m working on my anxious attachment + insecurities so please none of that advice. The depression and anxiety is getting out of control. I just can’t believe being 29 years old, I ruined such a deep amazing connection and I know myself I won’t find it again easily bc let’s be real connecting on a soul level is not something you come across easily or often. Anywhere ever been in such a situation? How did you move on? How did you stop missing & aching for them everyday? How did you stop the rumination & physical aching of your heart? And yes, I’m in therapy but it’s still not helping as much I would like it too.

29f) how do I accept the fact I lost the greatest love l've ever had and will ever have all due to my emotional immaturity and lack of self awareness? For context: he was perfect. He was 31, very loyal, honest, emotionally intelligent, extremely handsome, intelligent, funny, disciplined, financially very well off, and literally everything & more. This isn't me putting him on a pedestal but it's the truth, but above all that l've never ever experienced an emotional connection in my life like I did with him. The chemistry, the humor, emotional depth, sexual compatibility, everything was perfect. We actually dated for 2 months before and had to part ways since I had to leave the country for 6 months but after a year I came back I hit him up and we both admitted how we dated in between but no one felt like how we made each other feel.
Unfortunately the relationship ended after 6 months because I was severely anxiously attached and kept messing up. He gave me countless chances but without even realizing I would mess up, I would tell stupid white lies bc I was so into him and didn't want to risk loosing him but I would get caught up with them. Nothing crazy, like being malicious behind his back or anything bc the lord knows I was absolutely head over heels insanely in love with this man and the devastating part is, I knew he was deeply in love with me too but the dynamic exhausted him eventually, and also pick fights for no reason because my own insecurities and anxiety. And obviously it wasn’t all bad, a lot of good too but just too much bad happened too fast that left a bad taste in his mouth. That break up left me in the worst mental health state of my life, leaving me with severe depression/Anixety. I saw this person nearly everyday and if we weren’t hanging, we were constantly talking. It’s been 9 months, and I just can’t accept I lost him. Especially since I have no ground to stand on, no narrative to tell myself “he treated you badly or had commitment issues” just move on you can do better. Bc truth is he was perfect, and even my therapist said he was a pretty great/secure guy but my anxious attachment ruined it. I would go to therapy again but due to my severe depression/anxiety I lost my job. So I’m really helpless. Other than the lessons obvi learned through the pain to never tell white lies, regulate my emotions, don’t lack self awareness etc etc. how can I accept the fact at the age of 29 where dating nowadays is the worst it’s ever been I truly lost a gem and amazing guy. I just can’t get accept it I’m so beyond devastated. Especially since everyone around me is getting married or having kids. Also, should I just accept the fact every one after him will be a settlement?

TL;DR:
I’m a 29F devastated after losing an amazing man I truly believe was the love of my life. He was loyal, emotionally intelligent, loving, and we had an incredible connection. The relationship ended because of my anxious attachment, insecurity, emotional immaturity, and unnecessary white lies, which eventually exhausted him despite him giving me many chances. It’s been 9 months and I’m struggling to accept that I ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had and fear I’ll never find a connection like that again.

I hope you’ve been well. I just really wanted to get this off my chest & probably have rewritten this message in my head a thousand times I’m not trying to come off too desperate/ self blaming because there’s so much I wish I understood while I still had you. Losing you forced me into the most painful kind of self awareness imaginable…eventually I had to face something even harder ..the reality of how my own fears, insecurities, anxious attachment, dishonesty, emotional reactions, and inability to regulate myself so I’ve been in therapy for months now. I knew my relationship with my parents & the way I was raised contributed to these unhealthy patterns and I needed to break free bc the environment you’re in deslowly damaged the safest and most genuine love I’ve ever experienced & the worst part is that I didn’t fully understood it the way I do now. I remember how I always made it a point of telling you that you were my first for so many experiences, and I remember you once saying that I could experience those things with other people too, and probably even more. But what I wish I explained better is that it was never really about the experiences themselves. It was about you. It was the way you made me feel. The safety, connection, comfort, chemistry, and emotional depth I felt with you were what made me even want to experience life beside you in the first place. That’s what I didn’t know how to explain back then & honestly, isn’t it crazy that after over a year apart, we found our way back to each other and still felt the same? Out of all the people in the world, we still recognized something in one another that we couldn’t fully let go of. I think a part of me took that for granted because I unconsciously believed our connection would survive anything. I didn’t realize how fragile even beautiful love becomes when fear, anxiety, and unhealthy patterns are left unchecked. You gave me a kind of love that was steady, sincere, patient, and emotionally safe, and instead of enjoying it, I constantly feared losing it. I let anxiety control me. I let fear distort my thinking. I let my need for reassurance and my unhealthy patterns become stronger than my ability to simply trust the person who was trying to love me. Looking back now, I realize how exhausting and painful that must have been for you, and it honestly breaks my heart to fully see it now.
I think before this relationship, I confused love with intensity, overthinking, emotional chaos, and constantly needing reassurance. Losing you made me realize that real love is trust, It’s honesty, It’s emotional safety, It’s consistency & It’s choosing to protect the connection instead of testing it out of fear. For months I kept trying to outrun the grief, distract myself, meet new people, convince myself to move on, but nothing ever fully worked because the truth underneath all of it never changed no one compares to you. & I don’t mean that in some surface level way. I mean that every connection after you felt pale because none of them carried the emotional depth, understanding, comfort, and feeling that existed between us. What I missed wasn’t just having someone, it was just having you. & maybe that’s part of why this loss changed me so deeply. Because for the first time in my life, I fully understood that a rare connection is not something you assume will always be there. It’s something you protect carefully, honestly, and consistently. I’ve had to sit alone with the reality that I became someone who unintentionally hurt the person she loved the most, and there is no punishment harsher than truly understanding that after losing it. The regret/pain humbled me in ways I can’t fully explain. It changed the way I see relationships, the way I see myself, and honestly the way I move through life. I know I can’t undo the hurt I caused, and I know apologies don’t magically rebuild trust. I’m not writing this to manipulate your emotions or place guilt on you. I just couldn’t live with never fully telling you the truth that loving you and losing you became one of the most transformative experiences of my life.
You were not just another relationship to me. You were someone who changed me permanently. And no matter what happens moving forward, a part of me will always carry love for you because some people leave fingerprints on your soul, and you are one of those people for me.

I’m 29F and I genuinely feel like I’m trapped in a mental prison after my breakup and I need honest outside perspective because I feel like I’m losing myself.
It’s been 7 months since the breakup and 4 months fully no contact, and somehow I feel worse instead of better. This relationship was less than a year long, but the connection was honestly unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The chemistry, attraction, emotional depth, friendship, comfort, humor — everything just felt effortless and insanely intense. We could spend hours together doing absolutely nothing and it still felt special. We were best friends, lovers, goofy together, deeply emotionally connected, endlessly talking/laughing, etc. Even after being apart for over a year previously, we reconnected and still felt the exact same way about each other.
The hardest part is that I genuinely believe a lot of the breakup was my fault, and everyone around me (friends, family, therapists) basically agrees. He was honestly a really good guy who treated me with patience, love, consistency, reassurance, and emotional safety. Meanwhile I struggled badly with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, overthinking, emotional reactions, reassurance seeking, white lies, insecurity, and not regulating my emotions properly. I wasn’t cheating or secretly wanting anyone else — I was genuinely head over heels in love with him — but my fear and unhealthy patterns kept damaging the relationship over time.
And now that I’ve lost him, it’s like I finally fully understand everything I was doing wrong and WHY I was doing it. Losing him forced a level of self awareness onto me that I honestly didn’t have while I was in the relationship. I think before him I confused love with intensity, anxiety, emotional chaos, and needing constant reassurance. Now I realize real love is trust, emotional safety, honesty, consistency, and protecting the connection instead of testing it out of fear.
What makes this so hard is that I don’t feel like we lacked compatibility, love, chemistry, or connection at all. It honestly feels like fear and emotional immaturity slowly poisoned something that actually had a really strong foundation. He even stayed and tried for a long time despite how difficult things became, which almost makes the guilt worse.
The breakup itself also feels emotionally confusing to me because right before ending things he was still doing things that made me feel loved and emotionally invested — making us his lockscreen, sending my pictures to family, talking about the future, etc. Then we got into a stupid fight while he was away on a trip, he came back, ended it, and basically never looked back.
Ever since then I’ve been spiraling mentally. I wake up every day with headaches, anxiety, grief, regret, obsessive thoughts, replaying every mistake, imagining alternate timelines, comparing everyone to him, and feeling like I ruined the best relationship I’ll ever have. I’ve tried dating other people and nobody even comes close emotionally, which honestly scares me. It’s not even that I think nobody else is attractive — it’s that the emotional connection I felt with him feels impossible to replace.
Part of me keeps thinking:
“If I had just become self aware a little sooner…”
“If he had stayed a little longer…”
“If I had regulated myself better…”
maybe things would’ve turned out differently.
I guess I’m posting because I genuinely don’t know how to process the combination of:
loving someone deeply,
knowing you hurt them,
knowing they loved you too,
and feeling like you lost something rare because of your own unresolved issues.
Has anyone else experienced this level of regret and attachment after a breakup? Did it ever get better? And how do you stop drowning in guilt when you genuinely feel like you were the problem?
TL;DR: I’m struggling badly 7 months after a breakup from a relationship that felt incredibly deep and rare. I genuinely believe my anxious attachment, insecurity, emotional reactions, and unhealthy patterns played a huge role in ruining the relationship, even though I loved him deeply and was never disloyal. Losing him forced major self-awareness onto me, and now I feel consumed by regret, guilt, panic, obsessive thoughts, and fear that I lost the best connection I’ll ever have because I realized everything too late.

I’m 29F and I genuinely feel like I’m trapped in a mental prison after my breakup and I need honest outside perspective because I feel like I’m losing myself.
It’s been 7 months since the breakup and 4 months fully no contact, and somehow I feel worse instead of better. This relationship was less than a year long, but the connection was honestly unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The chemistry, attraction, emotional depth, friendship, comfort, humor — everything just felt effortless and insanely intense. We could spend hours together doing absolutely nothing and it still felt special. We were best friends, lovers, goofy together, deeply emotionally connected, endlessly talking/laughing, etc. Even after being apart for over a year previously, we reconnected and still felt the exact same way about each other.
The hardest part is that I genuinely believe a lot of the breakup was my fault, and everyone around me (friends, family, therapists) basically agrees. He was honestly a really good guy who treated me with patience, love, consistency, reassurance, and emotional safety. Meanwhile I struggled badly with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, overthinking, emotional reactions, reassurance seeking, white lies, insecurity, and not regulating my emotions properly. I wasn’t cheating or secretly wanting anyone else — I was genuinely head over heels in love with him — but my fear and unhealthy patterns kept damaging the relationship over time.
And now that I’ve lost him, it’s like I finally fully understand everything I was doing wrong and WHY I was doing it. Losing him forced a level of self awareness onto me that I honestly didn’t have while I was in the relationship. I think before him I confused love with intensity, anxiety, emotional chaos, and needing constant reassurance. Now I realize real love is trust, emotional safety, honesty, consistency, and protecting the connection instead of testing it out of fear.
What makes this so hard is that I don’t feel like we lacked compatibility, love, chemistry, or connection at all. It honestly feels like fear and emotional immaturity slowly poisoned something that actually had a really strong foundation. He even stayed and tried for a long time despite how difficult things became, which almost makes the guilt worse.
The breakup itself also feels emotionally confusing to me because right before ending things he was still doing things that made me feel loved and emotionally invested — making us his lockscreen, sending my pictures to family, talking about the future, etc. Then we got into a stupid fight while he was away on a trip, he came back, ended it, and basically never looked back.
Ever since then I’ve been spiraling mentally. I wake up every day with headaches, anxiety, grief, regret, obsessive thoughts, replaying every mistake, imagining alternate timelines, comparing everyone to him, and feeling like I ruined the best relationship I’ll ever have. I’ve tried dating other people and nobody even comes close emotionally, which honestly scares me. It’s not even that I think nobody else is attractive — it’s that the emotional connection I felt with him feels impossible to replace.
Part of me keeps thinking:
“If I had just become self aware a little sooner…”
“If he had stayed a little longer…”
“If I had regulated myself better…”
maybe things would’ve turned out differently.
I guess I’m posting because I genuinely don’t know how to process the combination of:
loving someone deeply,

knowing you hurt them,

knowing they loved you too,

and feeling like you lost something rare because of your own unresolved issues.

Has anyone else experienced this level of regret and attachment after a breakup? Did it ever get better? And how do you stop drowning in guilt when you genuinely feel like you were the problem?