is it worth trying to mend?
long story short I found out my boyfriend of 9 months has gone back to using porn. I am just feeling so crushed by it. I know it isn't a reflection of myself but fuck it just makes me feel so inadequate. I know I will never look like the photoshopped bodies he'd prefer. I could be skinnier or prettier or better in bed or do all the things he's like and it would never amount to what he wants and what he gets out of watching it. even if he could magically stop watching I don't know if my hurt from this is even repairable. I know it's a me problem with my low self esteem but fuck. It's like trying to convince him a flawed human being is worth more than a curated edited idea of a woman. I will lose every single time. I heard someone else say that when infidelity comes to light it takes the shame off the perpetrator and onto the other partner. I've been feeling that so deeply. It's awful what people's response to finding that out is. It's either assuming that I'm a prude and caught my partner watching porn a single time in our whole relationship, or that I am just saying porn addict with no understanding of the severity. and the one that got me most, that I wasn't having enough sex with him and that's why he did this. It's so awful and isolating between the way people look at you different or the deep pit it places of no self esteem.