u/FabulousMechanic303

About seven years ago, I was homeless.

I was 25 years old, mentally ill, struggling with gambling addiction and eating disorders, broke, and watching my life become something I barely recognized.

Today I’m 31F, making six figures in a leadership role at a Fortune 500 company.

And writing that feels fucking surreal.
Because there were years when my life was an absolute disaster.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. I got married young and was divorced before I was 23. I went through manic episodes where I was reckless, hypersexual, impulsive, and put myself in situations that genuinely could have gotten me killed.
I had to take disability from work multiple times because I simply could not function.

Eventually, I realized that if I didn’t get my mental health under control, I was going to keep destroying my life.

Finding the right treatment wasn’t some inspirational montage. It was brutal.
There were medication changes. Side effects. Exhaustion. Times when working normally wasn’t realistic. I burned through the money I had.
And eventually, I became homeless.

I remember being 25 and looking at my life thinking, how the fuck did I get here?
I had already accomplished things professionally. I had been a store manager at 21. I knew I was smart. I knew I could work hard.

None of that protected me from mental illness or addiction.
That’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to accept.

Getting better wasn’t linear either.
I didn’t wake up one morning transformed into some disciplined, healed version of myself. I fucked up. I struggled. I had setbacks. I had to learn how to live with a brain that sometimes feels determined to sabotage me.

But little by little, my life started getting bigger than my illness.

I rebuilt my career.
I moved into training and leadership development. I became an HR Director. I built learning programs. I started my own business and eventually closed it when I realized it wasn’t the right path for me. I had to swallow my pride and pivot again.

And I kept going.
Now I work for a Fortune 500 company doing work that I’m genuinely proud of, and I make more money than 25-year-old me could have imagined making. Oh and by the way I dropped out of school when I was 20 and don’t have any degree.

But I want to be really clear about something.
This isn’t a “look at me, I beat mental illness” post.
I didn’t beat it.

I still have bipolar disorder.
I still have to manage my mental health. I still have moments when old thoughts and feelings scare me. I still have parts of myself that require attention, accountability, and work.

Success didn’t magically cure me.
What changed is that my illness stopped being the only author of my life.

I’m sharing this because when I was homeless, I couldn’t picture this version of myself.
I couldn’t see the Fortune 500 job.
I couldn’t see the salary.
I couldn’t see the career I would build.
I couldn’t see myself being proud of the person I became.

I could only see what was directly in front of me, and what was directly in front of me looked fucking hopeless.

So if somebody reading this is 25, or 35, or 55, sitting in the wreckage of their life thinking they’ve fucked things up beyond repair, I just want you to know something:

You have absolutely no idea who you could be seven years from now.
Neither did I.

I’m 31 and extremely ambitious, and I got into leadership jobs at a very young age. I grew up poor with parents who struggled with bipolar disorder and addiction. I left my parents’ house at 17 because of abuse.

After high school, I was a Starbucks barista. I started there 14 years ago and never finished a college degree. But my career kept growing in spite of that.
I worked my way into leadership at a young age and continued building my career from there. Over the years, I moved into increasingly senior leadership, coaching, HR, and Learning & Development roles across different industries.

Eventually, my career reached the point where I was being sought out by large Fortune 500 companies. In April, I was interviewing with two of them, and six weeks ago, I accepted my dream job.

I received a 30% raise and incredible benefits, including a generous 401(k) contribution and match. The company offers 18 weeks of parental leave and backup childcare benefits. They provide catered breakfast twice a week and lunch every day in the building cafeteria.

The office is enormous and the nicest workplace I’ve ever seen. There are Nespresso stations everywhere, an on-site IT desk that feels like an Apple Genius Bar, a free gym with Pelotons, and even an on-site doctor’s office where I recently had bloodwork and a physical done at no cost.

I travel as part of my job and was given a corporate American Express card for business expenses. My boss is the coolest person I’ve ever worked for, I’m doing work that feels almost perfectly suited to me, I have significant opportunities to continue growing, and I’m more motivated than I’ve ever been.
What makes all of this especially meaningful is where I started.

I went from leaving home at 17, becoming a Starbucks barista after high school, and building a career without a college degree to becoming an experienced Learning & Development leader working for a major global company.

There wasn’t one giant leap that got me here. It was years of taking the next opportunity, learning what I didn’t know, accepting bigger responsibilities, changing industries, taking risks, recovering from setbacks, and continuing to move forward.

Fourteen years after putting on that Starbucks apron, I have the kind of career I once wouldn’t have known was possible for me.

7 years ago I (31F) was homeless due to mental illness. I got stable and rebuilt my career. Now I’m going into my first day at a $40B global company and I’m making 30% more than my last job.

I have a long commute so I drove to a Starbucks nearby and am sitting in the parking lot in my gray pin striped suit reflecting on my life.

I’m so proud and grateful. I’m also nervous because I need to do well at this job to attain the future I want.

Wish me luck, Reddit!

And sending good vibes to anyone who is currently job hunting.

Welp I (31F) am a mentally ill, bipolar, high earner with a gambling addiction. This is going to sound like rage bait, but unfortunately it’s all sadly true.

I’ve had a difficult life of child abuse, instability, addiction, even homelessness at one point, but I’ve been getting on the right track with taking medication for bipolar disorder consistently, going to therapy, and getting help for my destructive addiction for some time.

7 years ago I got stable from a manic/depressive standpoint through medication compliance and therapy, but still was gambling until March 2024.

I have been in gamblers anonymous and have not made a bet in over two years, thank god. I did a lot of damage to us financially over the years I was gambling and even when I stopped gambling, my husband and I continued to be compulsive spenders.

We are still totally out of control with spending. The most disgusting, sickest part is two years ago we got an $80,000 inheritance when his father passed away that could have made us debt free, but we squandered it on trying to start a business that failed. I still talk about it in therapy. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about.

Both of us are back working full time, we are DINK, living in HCOL NJ, and our base income combined will be $200,000 gross with a new job I’m starting next week.

We have $92,000 of debt consisting of:

-22k student loan debt (from me, and I didn’t even finish my degree so I have these loans for no reason which is something else I hate myself for)

-$10,000 car loan

-$7000 IRS Debt (also just from me from when I bought a house with my ex husband that went to foreclosure when I got divorced by taking a down payment out of my old 401k and this is the tax debt from the retirement withdrawal)

-$53,000 credit card debt because we are complete assholes. No excuses anymore.

I know it’s bad. I hate myself for it. I had a talk with my husband tonight about how we have to change if we want to have a financially stable future or go through hardship later in life like my mother who didn’t save a dime for retirement and is food pantry poor. We downloaded everydollar, set up a budget, and linked our accounts. This will be day one of ending the asinine habits that have financially crippled us.

I genuinely want to do better. I am not careful or smart with money at all but I am very driven in my career and am starting a new job next week with a base pay of $135k. My husband makes $65k.

My new job is at a Fortune 500 and has insane benefits including a 401k where they contribute 5% even when I contribute nothing, then 6% matching on top of that, then another 5% after I’m there for a year. They will contribute 16% of my salary to my 401k each year and I plan on maxing it out. This is a game changer that gives me hope. We currently have only $25,000 combined in retirement accounts.

Also my offer letter included a 7% annual bonus so about $9500 every year on top of the $135k base pay. They also occasionally add in money from profit sharing.

I’m grateful to have a high income and I know we can fix this if we are serious. The part that is most difficult for me is cooking every day because we both work full time, high stress, long hours jobs and as much as I want to save money on cooking, I have zero energy at the end of the day so we spend too much on takeout.

I know this is a problem. I also have to consider that I take three different psychiatric medications. One makes me very tired but keeps me out of mania and depression and I cannot change my medication without risking my stability which affects my ability to work. The other two meds wake me up and allow me to function at this level so I can have a high income. But they are stimulants that make me crash at the end of the workday. So my executive functioning keeping up with cooking and cleaning while working full time is very difficult compared to someone without a mental illness who doesn’t have to take psychiatric medications.

Here’s our new budget breakdown that we are starting today:

Net Monthly Income
My Salary: $6,600.00
Husband Salary: $3,772.00
Total Income: $10,372.00

Monthly Savings Contributions
Emergency Fund: $2,000.00 (going to fund $2000/month from July-September until it has $6000 and then throw this $2000 at the extra debt payments once our starter emergency fund is satisfied, and yes I know Dave recommends $1000 but we feel more comfortable with $6000)

Housing
Rent: $1,300.00 (we live in northern NJ and rent is very high, but we are super blessed to rent a crappy 1 BR apartment from a family friend who only charges us $1300)
Utilities: $150.00
Internet: $90.00
Total Housing: $1,540.00

Transportation
Gas: $320.00 (I commute far)
Tolls: $250.00 (I take Hudson River crossings with high tolls to get to work)
Car Wash: $30.00
Car Misc: $100.00
Total Transportation: $700.00

Food
Groceries: $950.00
Restaurants: $536.49
Total Food: $1,486.49

Personal
Phone: $75.00
Self Care: $50.00
Subscriptions: $200.00
My Fun Money: $250.00
Husband Fun Money: $250.00
Laundry: $400.00 (I know this is insane, I have no washer/dryer hookup in my apartment and don’t have the time or energy to do the clothes myself at the laundromat so this is for a wash and fold service, and even if we put this money towards rent we still wouldn’t be able to rent a $1700 one bedroom apartment with a washer/dryer hookup as they don’t exist even in the most dangerous areas where we live)
Misc: $54.08
Total Personal: $1,279.08

Cat food/misc for 2 cats: $50.00

Health
Gym: $30.00
Medicine/Vitamins: $50.00
Misc Health: $50.00
Total Health: $130.00

Insurance
Auto Insurance: $424.00
Renter’s Insurance: $15.00
Pet Insurance: $25.00
Total Insurance: $464.00 (medical comes out of our paycheck already before our net income above. Our net income shown above is what hits our direct deposit)

Debt
Monthly Debt Minimum Payments: $2,722.43 (in October this will have $2000 added on top when emergency fund is funded)

Budget Summary
Total Income: $10,372.00
Total Planned Spending/Saving/Debt: $10,372.00

I literally want to throw up looking at the big picture of our situation and how incredibly idiotic, irresponsible, and reckless we have been.

My dad died driving his motorcycle and crashing in 2020.

My husband has been telling me he wants to buy a motorcycle for years and I’ve always said he’s an adult and can make whatever decision he wants, and I can decide that is a hard boundary of mine and choose not to stay married.

I cannot say the words “yes honey get a motorcycle you have my blessing” when my dad broke his neck and died driving one.

Motorcycles are incredibly dangerous. My husband and I are actively trying to conceive and I told him I will not stay married to him/have kids with him if he gets a motorcycle. I can’t be a nervous wreck every time he gets on his bike. I can’t live with myself if I told him go ahead and then he dies a horrible death and leaves me a widow and a single mother.

He keeps telling me he feels depressed because he wants one. I told him I don’t want him to feel depressed but I’d rather him feel sad and be alive than I say go for it and he dies or becomes paralyzed. GTFOH!

I got a dream offer I didn’t seek out and it came out of nowhere. Offer letter signed, background check cleared, start date confirmed.

I scheduled the meeting and my boss immediately messaged me asking if it’s about anything pressing. I kept the event title vague on purpose. She probably knows it’s coming.

I have my resignation email drafted and I know what im going to say to keep it classy. I’m giving 2 1/2 weeks notice.

I emailed myself my performance review and any positive feedback I’ve received. I also emailed myself one training document I created and a project status update document that keeps track of everything I accomplished during my time there. I realized after I did it that it probably is considered intellectual property so I deleted it from my email. Now I’m paranoid I’m going to get sued.

I sent it from my personal email to my personal email so it’s not in my outlook sent emails.

It’s a smaller company, less than 1000 employees and they are cheap so I doubt they’ll come after me or even really care. If IT checks logs and asks I’ll just say “I currently do not have any confidential files outside of my work computer”. That’s the truth at least.

Am I being paranoid about it? I’m paranoid they’ll sue me or contact my new employer.

I also have a pit in my stomach because I dread the conversation. I also don’t know if I should tell them where im going because I am leaving the industry and I don’t want them to wonder where Im going, think I’m going to a competitor, and audit my laptop because of that.

How do I calm my nerves, what do I say, and what do I do????

I’m writing this because I’m finally letting myself be angry.

Not “healing and peaceful” angry. Not “everything happens for a reason” angry.

I mean angry angry.

I grew up in a house where nobody protected me.

My dad was an alcoholic, abusive, cruel, and unpredictable. He called me worthless. Not once. Not in some random bad moment. He made me feel like I was a burden, a problem, a disappointment, and something to be ashamed of.

He would drink and drive with me in the car and throw beer bottles out the window like it was normal.

One time he hit me so hard in the face that my stud earring ripped out of my ear and I had to get my earlobe stitched back together. Another time, I had a fat lip and wasn’t allowed to go to school until the swelling went down.

He would kick me and my mom out of the house over and over again when I was a child. I lived in chaos. I lived around screaming, fear, threats, and walking on eggshells.

And my mom didn’t protect me either.

She made me her therapist when I was a little girl. At 7 years old, I knew about her adult problems. I knew about money problems. I knew about relationship problems. I knew things no child should have had to carry.

When I was 13, she told me my dad had an affair. Like I was supposed to know what to do with that information. Like I wasn’t still a kid.

When I was 6, she would tell me all about why she blamed my aunt and grandma for us not having money because they put my dad in jail and then he couldn’t get a job with a record. But he went to jail because he threatened them and violated a restraining order when i was 4.

So instead of protecting me from the truth, she twisted it and handed it to me like it was my job to understand the family trauma.

I was a child.

I should have been protected from adult problems. I should have been comforted. I should have had someone looking out for me.

Instead, I was expected to absorb everything.

When I got divorced at 23, my dad told me I was so fat I needed bariatric surgery because no man would want me.

Imagine being that low, that broken, that lost, and your own father uses it as another chance to humiliate you.

I moved out at 17 years old because of their abuse. Then at 18 I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder that I inherited from my father. In a mixed episode at 25 years old, I became homeless. He wouldn’t let me live at home. Not because he was protecting his peace. Not because he had healthy boundaries. He was afraid I would call the cops on him for abusing my mom.

That is the part that makes me sick.

He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew I saw it. He knew I might finally be old enough to tell the truth.

So he left me homeless instead.

My own father let me have nowhere to go because protecting himself mattered more than protecting his daughter.

And my mom still didn’t protect me.

My dad eventually died drunk driving a motorcycle. When I picked up his belongings from the funeral home, he had an empty bottle of Fireball whiskey and a breathalyzer in his pocket.

The cherry on top was that he cancelled his life insurance less than three months before he died because he had an argument with my mom and did it out of spite.

He left my mom with nothing. Now I’m 31 and she’s 68 and I am responsible for her because she is disabled. Thanks dad.

That feels like the whole story in one image. The alcohol. The denial. The danger. The destruction. The proof that he never chose to change.

And now I’m sitting here as an adult realizing how badly I was failed.

I wasn’t just “raised in a hard home.”

I was abused.

I was emotionally neglected.

I was parentified.

I was shamed.

I was blamed.

I was left to survive things no kid should have had to survive.

And the worst part is, I became successful anyway.

Seven years ago, I was homeless. Now I just signed an offer for a six-figure job at a Fortune 500 company.

And honestly?

Fuck you, Dad.

Fuck you for calling me worthless.

Fuck you for making me feel unlovable.

Fuck you for humiliating me when I needed support.

Fuck you for choosing alcohol, control, and abuse over your own daughter.

I am successful in spite of you.

I am kind in spite of you.

I am driven in spite of you.

I built a life from the wreckage you helped create.

But I am also so hurt.

Because I should not have had to turn pain into ambition just to prove I deserved to exist. I should not have had to become strong because the people who were supposed to protect me were the ones hurting me.

I’m proud of myself, but I’m also grieving the little girl who had no one.

She deserved a safe home.

She deserved parents who cared more about her than their own chaos.

She deserved protection.

She deserved love without cruelty attached to it.

And she was never worthless.

…I’m starting my new fancy corporate job in the tobacco industry soon, signed the offer. I feel excited that a huge company would want to hire me and pay me so much… but they’ve killed millions of people over decades…

they’re focusing on smoke free nicotine products now, but it’s like they first got people addicted to cigarettes and now they’re selling the solution…. Idk. That helps me sleep at night a bit so I can rationalize why it’s okay to work for them since they are looking to phase out cigarettes but still…

My coworkers in cannabis are going to be side eyeing me when they find out I’m going to big tobacco. But I have bills to pay and a future to build. I live in a very high cost of living state and my husband and I are DINK but can only afford a one bedroom apartment. With this new job, I’d be getting a 32% raise and insane benefits. We could actually afford to have a kid. Still can’t buy a house, but maybe one day.

Damn this world is bleak.

We have another cat and want to introduce them strategically so we have the new kitty set up in the bathroom since we got her yesterday. She is so scared she just sits on the vanity and growls at us. We are checking on her and bringing her food without making eye contact or trying to get her to come to us. She is very spicy and tries to attack if we get too close.

I want her to know she is safe. Any advice on making her feel safe and loved and how to do this the right way?

Unfortunately she is sitting on the bathroom vanity right next to the toilet and has been there since last night and hasn’t moved. This is the only toilet in the apartment. We don’t have a spare bedroom either so I can’t put her in any other rooms. I literally peed in the shower to avoid scaring her but eventually we will have to use the toilet. What should we do??? 😂

I got a new job offer and I’m waiting for the background check to clear before I give notice, just to be safe.

This means I should be able to give notice by May 12th. However, I’m on already approved PTO the whole week of 5/11, and in our handbook it says they don’t have to pay PTO during a notice period but as long as I work the rest of my scheduled shifts in my notice period, they will pay me any remaining PTO I have left.

I really want to tell them I am giving notice, last day being June 5th, while I’m on PTO because the following week they want me to run this big event for a whole week and I really don’t want to do it. I’m hoping that by giving notice they tell me today is my last day but they’ll pay me through my notice period.

What’s the smartest thing to do? I don’t want to wait until the first day of the event, Monday may 18th, to give notice because they’re going to be pissed because it gave them zero time to come up with alternative plans if they don’t want me to handle the event.

Here’s the timeline:

May 11th- start PTO
May 12- projected date background check clears by
May 17th- last day of PTO and travel day to event
May 18th- event I am running
May 22nd- last day of event
June 5th- my last working day I am giving them notice until

I would just quit but then they don’t have to pay me PTO I have left over after next week off. I have another 40 hours PTO.

Would it be a dick move to give notice at 5pm on May 15th, the last day my PTO hours for my current planned vacation is used? Then they have the weekend to figure out if they still want me to do the event, and I’m not at risk for not getting paid for week of 5/11 PTO.

What would you do?