u/Few-Orange6565

Im glad but it confuses me cz i had so many of the same symptoms as people..
It doesn’t make sense why when i started feeling sick i got them histamine intolerance syptoms got brain fog nd anxiety and wanting to die recently and my body and brain zapping just all
The symptoms of it so is histamine intolerance js a seperate thing or something

They told me to js take metamucil,probiotic, and shit to help my acid or something
Well i have beenn takin probiotics and fiber before this and i only felt a little bit better..

I gotten dismissed from doctors before so i hope it wont happen this shit is scary asf and i want to fookin run hands with the docta if he say nothin wrong with me again

Havent been so angry at people but since symptoms started showing i been havin outbursts and get frustrated 10x quicker

Yk classes change every 2 quarter and i think im failing 4 classes out of 8 on my last semester rn.. we need a full credit for each class and we need to pass the quarters
You get .25 credit each quarter so u need 1 full credit for that class by the end of the year and i kept failinggg
I was procrastinating cz schoolwork is boring ..zoned out.. idk what else i couldve possibly been doing but yes this is pretty difficult for me
School has always been a struggle since kindergarten
I told my school about my difficulties and they are only giving me an IEP for math class.. kinda embarrassing 😔

I think ill be having 10 or more classes i have to make up …
My school is broke so the summer classes cost money now and i dont think they will always have it.. and the packets are awfully huge and you dont just turn in the packet but you take a big test you have to pass in the end to receive the credits you didnt get..and you get only one chance to redo it. They also cost money.

Idk what im gonna do
I dont have a life plan yet😔

Fart as loud as i can on call on purpose
Make a fart noise and blme it on someone near me
Have on command burp contests with myself, occasionally in public
Bark at people
Hiss at people
Do all over the place random movements with weird faces and weird noises
I yell out some gorey or freaky stuff in public
I talk in weird forced voices all day im a woman and i soemtimes talk to people in a man voice
Constantly make weird faces at people
Chew on my hair
Chew on my blanket
If my asshole itch i scratch it the fuck
Get a napkin on my armpit and sniff to see if i smell
I have more stuff i do i just gotta work through my memory issues

How tf am i supposed to know em

Twww all type of abuse type shii😔😔😣😣
Inn my hs years rn.. my parents gave me some physical threats and other threats to be the best i can be..
haven’t fr got beat in years. Just slapped.
I feel to stupid to continue life without them and comfy in my own being to work all my life..
I got a nose piercing again, the first time i took it out cause i was scared and while my dad is on a work trip my mom keeps warning me to take it out cause he will rip it and she says he till tell him. The last time my dad was encouraging her to rip it out of me.. he comes today i js found out. I plan to run away or try beating his ass..i should prolly taje it out but i love itt.
i told her ill calll the cops and ahe laughed and happily said “well call them! They will take you away for being a rebel!”
well idk if they will even believe me or go through with sending me somewhere else or something idk but she acts
As if i can’t tell them how i was lying in the same bed getting molested by my father and i yelled at him to stop and my dad yelled “WHAT?” And my mom told me to shut up because “hed go to jail.”
Then it turned into i dont love him and they kicked me off the bed i was in.. started by shoving me down with their palm to their feet and then kicking me.. i lied on the ground silently crying.

They used to fuck eachother all the time in the same room as me or right by me..

My mother caught him cheating this year or last year.. she was in shambles.. saying “why do i always get the bad men?”
Usually she nice and she has protected me i think, memory bad, i started thinking if she rlly ws a good woman and just terrified of the men she let in. Especially being broke.. and the man being the money source ..part of the reason i dont report my father is because im scared of what roof my SAH mother and broke 20yr old sisters, one with a kid will live. And i havent been through abuse abuse in years. Just some light stuff , and i have been getting spoiled and i turned pretty and i been getting praised for that by them.. it makes me forget they are bad parents everyday.

My dad still slaps my ass and my mom comments on my figure with him regularly. He also kept grabbing my waist like week i was sittin by them and i was trynna push his hand off but he kept placing it back.. and i get massages from him or back scratches wnd he subtly/“playfully” teases me kinda pulling off my pants from the top and putting it back. Scratching my bum.. i think he only ever massaged it with the massage gun he barely got tho..
he also tackles me a lot and i always say stop and try my best to get him off but he keeps going.. but is that js like harrasment ot smth.. is that really a playful thing.
Even tho they sexually abused me i think.. they also still got mad at me for being innapropiate.
Like one time i was near them and i started slapping my stomach under my shirt and my dad yelled check what shes doing..! And one time we wll watched a kangarro video and i said ewww the kangaroo is scratching his balls. My dad yelled kids dont say that! And i thinj he wwnted to hit me or he kept yelling at me and thats the only early year memory i have where my mom protected me

I dont remember a lot. Only like a couple bad memories i can remember from my childhood. Not even a lot of abuse but i overheard my sister telling a story on how when i was a kid she would be sad for me a lot cause i would always come to her crying cause my dad hit me. I don’t even remember my dad hitting me. I only remember ine time they pulled my shorts down and spanked me.

I remember them name calling me shit all the time too..
Myy siblingss:D
All my siblings who come from my mother have a different dad then me. Their dad was even more abusive im pretty sure. Im not sure of much but he kinda shared some of the physical abuse aspects i put up with as a kid and havent seen again.. also my mother was cheating on their dad with mine, our fathers were work friends and when theirs found out he tried to kill my mom and my dad was waiting outside the house after he also been called with the cops. My siblings dont tell me much about their traumatic past and only one sister didnt tell me the full story experience that when my dad came in the frame of my dad he was a mean man aswell.

My siblings seem to love my mom but most hate the shit talking of us she does. One sister always argued with her.. i think we all did..? But one did the most.. brothers never.

My siblings all share the same reaction to anger/negative emotions , they yell “ I WILL KILL/ BEAT YOU.” .
My brother who is overprotective and now buys me stuff and has always been kinder to me compared to my mean oldest brother has actually tried to choke me once. Or idk what he did i think he just grabbed my wrists together tight while looking down at me tellin me to shut the fuck up cause i said no when i was being annoying.. or crying..? But he stopped.. idk whats wrong w him..he doesn’t really have/show too much emotions but apparently i was the one of the only persons/experiences he cried over when i was missing. He doesn’t let people touch me. He helps me with my well being…
I think all of them are mentally ill.. they are lowkey crazy.. and most be in toxic relationships..i only know my sister is actually diagnosed with 3 illnesses.. and shes the only one who tries to check in on my well being ws well cause she says i remind her of her…

It weighs me that they are now grown and i have to do this all on my own.. im controlled far more then them since i guess i cant be alone anywhere till i have a car and i shouldnt trust anyone but siblings… or my dog which they abused
And it hurts to see my dog too.. i hate we cant talk to them.. or they were given greater lifes.. my dog loves my dad who whooped her more then me. Now he doesnt btw.. but they dont like getting her food which my sisters always do but some days she runs out and i have to anxiously sneak her some of our food.
They hate the dog and they punish her by makin her sleep outside.. this doesnt happen a lot but its been happening again the past days and i been letting her in..
They dont wanna get this FATASS HUGE fuckin LUMP on my dog checked out cz its expensive ig but they just spent 6k on my room for a “quince” gift i didnt want since i didnt want the actual party.. they just buy me shi i say no to anyway.. and also they say they will get me more gifts..
What i want is to get my dog checked out and my own health checked out.. im too anxious to ask and the last time i asked my mom shrugged it off… i think i have a sickness that will be a expensive test..
they do spoil me i guess i know that and ik i should ask again but idk why i get so fkn anxious every interaction i have to bave with them:: i dont wanna talk to them ever..
And i heard maybe ny symptoms can be anxiety and i heard im good to go some years before i develop stomach cancer so im js fucking planning to live with hopes and jolliness and prayers that i will turn out fine. But get it checked before 2 years hopefully…? Been followinna diet to help the sickness i think i have. I feel better. My memory is bad so i cant remember if i really have been feeling like this everyday like most people do tho..

Today i met a girl with a life like mine.. a lying mother like mine, a sexually abusive household i think im forgett a lot but it sounds a lot like mine and she is also still dealing with her parents anyway. Its so crazy coincidence cause guess what? She honestly looks like me too! Made me happy i have a twin basically and i aint really alone but i wanna help her too..
It made me kinda mad one time tho cause sshes the more hated child like my siblings, and her mom is having a new kid that she is making the golden child and she said she would beat the fuck out of the golden child if she ever caught her smoking weed cause she has no problems to deal with… i told her yes she will cause im that kid of my family..
she hates her mom a lot too..

I really blame them for my memory.. im pretty sure i can hear my parents having a mischievous conversation about me every day..

Anyways.. thats the end of my rant for today..

I have one weak knee and it seems to be more pushed into my leg then the other. It also makes a rubber sound when i touch it immediately.the other knee i need to touch it deeper to hear rubber

Tw abuse
Im only in freshman year of hs. So much traumatic stories i can say.
My memory is fleeting, told my parents i may have adhd months ago and they didnt react well to me being “crazy”
That being said i will never get my help unless i leave the house ig lol..
Well my memory is worse.
I think I have h pylori but just like my parents ignored my mental health they sometimes shrug off me going to the doctors.
I have bought the supply to try a natural remedy. It could also just be anxiety apparently and i couldve wasted my money. I hope i wasted my money. The day my anxiety started to worsen was on the day i thought i had worms which act like h pylori.. 25d ago. I cant remember if my memory has been worsening during this time or if it was already this bad that i only remember my trauma, 2 clips of some days, and not even all the trauma some of it is still just a glimpse of a clip of the trauma. That i cant unblock the rest of the memory too.the sexual abuse hurt me the most.
Apparently it causes anxiety and depression and yeah makes sense i havent ever felt this dark mindset i dont think so. But i get another glimpse of memory of me being the sad anxious kid already.
I still had a brighter light tho..
All cz my parents dont wanna get me help. I have to suffer. And maybe get cancer.. or chronic stupidness..
Waiting for my next consequence cause i pierced my nose on my own. Im in fear cause of trauma and rhe warnings my mom gave me. I dont think nothing will happen.. they wanna rip my piercing out but i feel happier with it .. it distraxts me from my feelings aswell as 🍃.. i heard its abuse so i plan on running away and hopefully they realize irs illegal cause my mom just said “call them theyll take you for being such a rebel piercing your nose”.. so i dint think that saying will get me out if the situation. I will just run. Or fight.
Man.. i hve so much trauma.. i havent and dont think i will snitch.. far too anxious and they been so chill i think i love my parents a bit.
They caused me this brain trauma thi.
I would probably be smart if i didnt have all this.
Its a shame in this life im not one of those bitter people who hate on happiness ,looks and that. and i love the way i look in this life where i have a sad nonlinear thinking brain soo much. I love the room i hav.i love my siblings.. i love the world. The people i met here. I wouldnt ask to be nobody else but in someone else home where maybe they would get me some help.just wanna die rn

I have to write it based on someone from the graphic novel Romeo and juliet no fear.. i could also write about a bad choice someone made but I don’t know how id write that one either..
Do I just talk about how evil/great the person wasss.. I suck at making points/arguements..
I keep just stating the obvious and repeating some stuff..
Like I need a sequence on what to write about you know what I mean…

This been going on for quite some time.. it feels like the rumbling pain that comes like i subtly feel it roaming throughout my stomach in the day.. like not the rumbling itself js a vibrating traveling feeling in my stomach.. yes it does rumble tho..i had pain in my spine feeling like something was traveling on it once too. I also feel a sharp/or shock pains on my stomach or sides.. i also feel it in other parts of my body.. and in other parts of my body i feel a moving shocking sensation.. uh maybe not shock maybe like zaps?
Ive felt little squiggles in my brain..
I think i been kinda constipated or something..? My shit definitely aint been the best since i started feeling this so idk..

I cant even play roblox for 4 minutes are you kidding meeeeee i hate this line so much

I wonder what fears will come up if i lived in a empty room

It has turned into a fidget

To start off idk if my parents are actually narcissists, they seem really changed but based on my past and some subtle stuff they say now it seems like it.Im only 14f so to them maybe I dont care about the trauma they gave me as a kid as they try to act good now. And to them I dont know the even more immense trauma they gave my older siblings. Or that I cant see they be speaking pure bullshit lies. Its like they have been acting for the past 3 years
Also some ranting in here so i marked the partss
Tw abuse mention

Lil rant on what was going on the day i got drug tested
Okay so the result come in two days. Why i do weed is cause im so fucked up in the head especially from them and in my opinion its one of the best things in life. I got caught vaping w kids in a stall, couldve gotten away with it but didnt snitch so we all got a charge and call.
Mom came to pick me up and drug testing me cause she was like yeah i even saw her with red eyes yesterday and shit and my dad was like send me to mexico do the drug test and idk what else they planned on doing but that was what i heard as she was talking to me still at school. I lied to everyone and aaid i didnt, even when my dad asked me why i was smokin with them i lied, i dropped a hint that i lied and said “ you know i dont care about life anyway.”he stayed quiet .
The last time he said send me to mexico i said “ i will kms there” as a attempt to not get sent there and idk if he cared or not but he didnt do it.
My plans on what i will do the day the results come in

Rn my biggest fear is whatever the punishment will be. They have a abusive past and maybe its still here. Waiting for the perfect moment. Thats what it feels like , i think i might just be paranoid.
If they try hitting me, i will block that hit and run out the damn house. With a bag i plan on packing today.
If i cant block it i plan to fight back but idk if thats allowed? I only plan it if they plan a whooping and not a single slap. I hear usually that its abuse but people say that in my case for what ive been doing its okay for me to get a whooping. This just still doesn’t feel right to me..I will have pepper spray on me and if shit goes left i plan on reporting my past but also not really. I know i could get sent to court instead of them being arrested on sight and all that, and they could keep custody of me after , and i have to live with fear they will do something cause i snitched. I say they are ok enough to not be in jail , they dont care about outsiders, i think they would only ever like to hurt us. Their kids, their puppets I say. (Im the golden child though. My siblings validate my trauma but i downplay it since they been perfect seeming for 3 years and ive always been spoiled, the only attractive seeming sibling. Idk a lot of stories on their past and their full evil side.)
I also plan on just saying i needed the weed cause im so fucked up and want to die. I actually dont although something is wrong with me i definitely have a lot of hope and love for life. And just hope they seem more nice and caring , dont slap the shit outta me and take my devices when i tell them that.
Omgosh especially if they try sending me to mexico im definitely going far away.

I honestly think that would be my punishment, just a hard slap, a scold , and devices tooken. But with parents like mine you would expect worse, which is why im so scared.. they slapped me over way tiny issues so to me it feels like they will whoop me. But i think so much about them that i search up their traits and see that people with parents like them usually go through the worse punishments, even 🔪 attempts. Which makes me 100x more scared.

Any advice on what to do? If i should just sit through the consequences?? More excuses that i could say that wont make them just be angry that im fucking crazy? I just wanna avoid them the whole fucking month cz immso scareddd