u/Green_Pirate_8890

In October I will turn 30. I usually don't celebrate my birthday, but this time I have some money saved and it is a special occasion. I am based in Spain, and I met a Thai girl who was solo travelling through Europe. We had a few dates and became pretty close. I was really inspired by her stories since I always wanted to travel. I think based on my experience and current budget, somewhere in Europe would be a good start. I plan on visiting Thailand in the future since she offered her place and to be my guide, but I would like to start off with something easier. I don't really know what is the way to enjoy solo traveling, meeting people, having experiences and what kind of places to book. Are flights the best option? Hostals over hotels? Staying at one city or traveling around many of them? Any secret tips and tricks? I just don't even know where to start, but adventure calls me. Thank you! ;)

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Damn, I really need to quit coughing.

is not that I lost someone. Breakups happen. People grow apart and they heal and move on eventually. What hurts the most is that you robbed me from being able to look back on our time together and remember it fondly. What hurts most is that you made it impossible for me to feel love for the person I shared my life with, and I am forced to feel sadness and anger towards the person who discarded, ghosted me and caused me so much undeserved pain.

It has been 6 weeks since the (fearful) avoidant left. I have been ghosted for a month. They unilaterally decided it was over, they did not try to work it out, the denied there were issues previously, and it all blindsided me. When I tried to get some closure after 7 years of dedication, she just stopped replying to me. Here are the hurtful truths I have come to accept slowly.

• I kept feeling like she would eventually see reality, and that the way she treated me was objectively wrong. The truth: she is not going through the same process of self reflection that I am going through. She is ACTIVELY trying to avoid reaching the same conclusions as me.
• I felt like she would come back or at least closure would come. Things simply felt unresolved, she kept doors open, she left questions without answer, and ultimately, I gave so much to her that I simply deserve it. The truth: she is trying to move on, trying to sprint forward and not look back. She is not thinking of what she owes me or trying to get me back or my attention. She left doors open for her own self interest.
• I thought she would regret it. The truth: she will change narrative around, delude herself, distract herself, build a life so different and disconnected from what we have, just to avoid regretting anything. She will avoid accepting making mistakes, just like she always did, just like she ran away from love to avoid accountability. She will not magically become healthy and come to her senses. I must exist in this world, in which injustice exists.
• I thought I mattered to her too deeply to actually let me go. The truth: she is wired to only really care about herself. I was always at arms length, I was always kept where she was comfortable. Now I am discarded for her comfort. If she were to come back, I would be a tool for her own regulation. She feels no guilt, only shame. It is all about her. The person I thought I loved was a mirage. She is not real, she was a personality created to keep me around. Now, my existence is a threat to her comfort, so I am an enemy. There is no empathy or sympathy for me.

It really sucks, but that is the truth. Avoidants will do their best to be happy and fulfilled, even after completely treating you like shit. They did that because they are self centered, and they will continue to be self centered. Only pain can come to them from trying to care about you. There simply isn't anything in there for them. So remember: they will be happy if you are hurting, because that means they have control. They will turn you into a villain if you are righteously angry. They will take advantage of your silence to not think about you. Everything you do only serves them, because they are built to try and get what is best for them out of every situation and filter out what they don't like. It is infuriating, and that is the most hurtful truth: you are totally powerless. They need to be in control. You will never have any control in an interaction with them. You only have power within yourself and control within you. So use it to keep your head high. Use it so they can't control you either. Use it to be the best and happiest version of yourself. Give them nothing because that's the only thing they can't use. Don't attack, don't explain. It is meaningless, and they will use it. Give them nothing. And make sure that when they look at you, they can't feel superior to you. Make sure to radiate confidence, happiness and peace. And move on, faster and further than they could. That is the closest thing you will find to justice.

We were together for 7 years. 7 years of love and dedication. I could feel her get colder through the last year. She would go silent when I was trying to hve a convo about future plans. I asked her many times if we were okay. She would always say yes, that there was nothing going on. Then she went on a solo trip and found out she had spent 1 on 1 time with a guy she had met there, which added to how anxious I was feeling in the relationship made me snap and break up with her.

I went through a lot, and when she was giving me mixed signals I proposed trying things again. Three days later she said no. She said she had been unhappy and harboring resentment towards me for months. She also said she was called to travel and take risks.

Everything was a mess. Saying she loved me still, and that every day feels like dying, but also explaining her feelings and presenting the events in a way that seemed twisted. She said she hoped we could see each other some day, and that she felt unworthy of love. I just said she wasn’t, and proposed meeting to have a coffee.

I just want to see the person I shared my life with for 7 years and gain closure. We broke up a month ago and I have not seen her since. It is like she is hiding. After I invited her for coffee, she vanished. It has been over two weeks and she has not said anything. And I sent her a text two days ago, just asking how she was.

At this point I don’t want to be back. I have seen how unhealthy this relationship was making me. I just want normalcy, moving on, and not being so confused. I feel so enraged that throughout the relationship my feelings were always secondary to hers, and even now she is just leaving me hanging, when she could just reply to me. I feel like I deserve that, and I don’t deserve this silence which I can’t interpret correctly.

For a beetle named band, they never used beetles for their logos, videos, or anything I have seen from them. Am I wrong?

Mi novia pasó tres días en un viaje en solitario en Londres. Se hospedó en un hostal mixto, donde compartía habitación con dos desconocidos más. Me estuvo mandando mensajes sobre lo que hacía, pero hoy fui a recogerla al aeropuerto y me regaló un libro. Me dijo que lo compró en una librería de Londres, y de pasada mencionó que fue con el chico alemán con el que compartía habitación. A mí esto no me gustó nada, ya que tenía entendido que no iba a explorar y a visitar amigas. No me parece correcto que pasara tiempo con otro chico de la misma edad y soltero, y además que no lo mencionara hasta que medio se le escapó. No sé si estoy siendo celoso de más o inseguro. Necesito opinión de terceros.

En plan una cafetería y tiendas y similares. ¿Cuál es el protocolo? ¿Os ha funcionado? Estoy buscando trabajo y no tengo experiencia.