u/Harry_Callahan_sfpd

I’m still a bit confused about sentence parallelism (or parallel sentences), specifically about what constitutes strict parallelism and when it’s ok to not be so strict with it.

One question: can two nouns and a gerund phrase be parallel? Or an adjectival phrase paired with one or more adjectives in a sentence?

Do all elements in a sentence have to be in the exact same form (as in noun + noun + noun) or can they be parallel simply if all elements are acting as the same part of speech (as in noun + noun + gerund (or gerund phrase). What if you have two single-word elements followed by a third element that has several modifiers attached to it — or even a phrase?

This confuses me, especially since I so often see professional writing that seems to deviate from strict parallelism, whether it’s in book form or Internet writing articles — I see that maintaining strict parallelism is not always followed (and in some cases it may not even be possible unless one wants to completely rewrite a sentence).

And this leads to my second question: is not following strict parallelism always a bad thing? I notice in some cases that when I write something, striving for strict parallelism makes my wording a bit awkward or clunky — or, maybe even overly pretentious/academic when the overall tone is intended to be more conversational/relaxed.

Thank you in advance. I enjoy writing, and I write quite a bit online (mostly short-form posts and responses/answers in various discussion groups or online media forums), but I still get a bit confused about whether or not my writing is parallel or not.

Thank you!

This has been a continual sticking point for me. I’ve always been extremely self-aware and highly introverted, and so I am overly aware of my inner state, especially in social situations. I cringe internally whenever my social persona is misaligned with my internal state (my thoughts, feelings, desires, etc.) — to the point where I feel cognitive dissonance, sometimes extreme. And this mismatch between how I feel internally and how I act externally torments me — I actually feel like a liar or a bit shady because of this. But this “social acting” is a social necessity in polite society, so I play along!

I also do know how to socialize effectively, and I am not neurodivergent (I was recently tested because I suspected that I might be somewhere on the Spectrum). I do have mild ADHD (undefined ADHD is what my report states) as well as depression and anxiety. But it’s not as if I don’t understand socializing or have actual social deficits. I am very socially competent.

I simply can’t seem to find a solution for getting over this feeling of being fake and phony at times (at least in specific instances) in daily social interaction. I believe the main sticking point for me is that in my mind I equate phoniness and fakery with lying —which makes it seem as if I am committing a moral violation whenever I “wear a social face.”

Help me out here. What am I missing?

A specific Eckhart Tolle teaching popped up on my YouTube feed last night that I watched, and I must say, it really spoke to me. It was possibly a voice narration from one of his books — it wasn’t an actual live talk or seminar but rather just him talking — but it resonated very deeply within me, to the point where I felt much more “OK” and “complete” as is afterwards.

The talk was a basic teaching on simply not identifying with thoughts and thinking — much like the numerous other talks that he has given on the subject. But for some reason, this particular talk resonated deeply within me.

And it came at the right time, because I struggle with not identifying with my thoughts and thinking; I too often get sucked into the deluded belief that my thoughts/thinking are synonymous with “Me” or “I” — or my conceptual Me or I. To truly understand that I am simply presence and/or awareness is life changing; it’s incredibly freeing and liberating.

I have suffered immensely, however, because my conditioned mind is often times filled with ugly, judgmental, nasty, or mean-spirited thoughts — and to see myself or my essence as being defined by my mind activity is horrible: after all, if my mind and thinking are a mess, then, logically, I, too, must be a mess!

But I can see how deluded that is. Yes, I have mental tendencies and habits that were honed over time that can be unwholesome, ugly, rude, or simply weird — but that’s all simply baggage that I’ve accumulated over time for different reasons. I can witness all that and be aware of it without believing that any of it defines or represents “Me” in any way. I can better see now how much freedom I have as a person, how much agency and flexibility I have to go any number of different ways in life, regardless of whatever my brain may be doing at any given moment.

I can use my rational, logical mind to navigate through life without being pulled astray or misled by ingrained, habitual thought patterns and reactions. I can also see how I can instead operate and think and respond out of simple presence/awareness, knowing full well that I don’t have to follow along with any mental chatter or habitual thought responses or reactions that pop up in any given situation. Pure presence is bright, luminous, and warm/loving — and I can root myself in that and let that be the base from which I respond and navigate daily life.

That’s all I have. I just felt like sharing. I’ve been suffering greatly for quite sometime now, but yesterday after listening to Eckhart I experienced a sort of awakening or intense realization, perhaps, more so than I had at any previous time listening to any of his talks.

I’ve been recuperating and recovering at my folks’ home since my hip replacement surgery on May 18, 2026 and also preparing for my second hip replacement surgery on 09/21/26.

This morning, my Mom’s small dog got overly agitated/excited as I walked past him with my own dog and subsequently lightly bit me on the leg (on my recently operated leg — just above the ankle). It was a very, very minor bite (more like a glorified scrape), but it did draw blood and leave a very small scratch.

Worried about possible infection risk to my implant, I called my surgeons office for advice. My surgeons’s nurse responded that the doctor would not prescribe antibiotics for a dog bite, but if the bite itself was severe enough, I was told to go to urgent care or ER.

Hmmm. My surgeon didn’t think the small bite was an issue. But erring on the side of caution, I made an appointment with my local urgent care facility for 1:15pm today. I’m no doctor, of course, but I am very protective of my new hip prosthesis, and so I figured it would be a good idea to go in and inquire about possible preventative antibiotics just to be safe.

Note: my personal physician is out of the office this week, so I couldn’t get in to see him.

Am I overreacting here?

UPDATED: I went to urgent care and received an Amoxicillin prescription. The practitioner there said that they always prescribe a prophylactic antibiotic for any dog bites that even remotely break the skin. She understood my concerns about infection and my hip replacement implant. I also had a tetanus shot last year, so I didn’t need one today.

Very strange that my surgeon’s office brushed me off as they did, however.

What do you about thoughts/beliefs that you hold that are true for you (opinions/beliefs/labels) but that you know would be unnecessarily offensive or rude to speak or share?

Obviously, I know that we all can simply keep certain thoughts/opinions to ourselves and that we are not obligated to share anything that we may be feeling or thinking with anyone.

But I’m troubled by the fact that I even harbor certain opinions/judgments/beliefs about people. It’s more a feeling of guilt or self recrimination that I feel about thinking certain things and less about not knowing how to handle those thoughts in real time (I can obviously just keep quiet).

And what I am referencing here in terms of thoughts/beliefs are typically simply judgements that I make about people or negative assessments or labels that I place on people.

It could be something as simple as noticing a person has a large nose or a big behind or an annoying voice or a funny hairstyle —I assess what I see and then judge it and/or label it.

Or, it could be something more in depth such as holding more generalized views about certain groups or people or belief systems, etc.

The sticking point for me is what if I genuinely believe whatever I happen to be thinking about someone or some group? I’m looking at this whole “issue” through a moral/ethical framework, and so I typically feel bad or ashamed for thinking certain things that I may very well believe but which, of course, I would never voice or speak.

What’s driving this insight into and awareness of all this is my very genuine desire to obtain a more skillful, wholesome, and bright/luminous mindset rather than one frequently “defiled” or tainted by unskillful, unwholesome thoughts and thinking.

But it’s a process. The impulsive, random thoughts are easier to ignore/discard. But the thoughts/thinking that seem to arise volitionally and intentionally and which have more of a “personal belief” component are much harder to address/change/ignore.

And the feeling of guilt or shame that I experience whenever I think certain things about people is troubling.

I’ve been pondering Right Speech, Right Intention, and Right Action, specifically on how to fully incorporate those into daily social life, and I hit a potential snagging point, especially concerning Right Speech (which mandates that we never lie and always speak truthfully).

The snagging point (for me) involves having to function daily in polite society, where we pretty much have to obey certain polite social norms and show proper etiquette.

Things such as paying polite interest in a boring conversation, or saying “nice to see you” or “how are you doing — oh, I’m fine, and you?” when perhaps we may not genuinely mean it. Or, even more broadly: the various social faces that we show to others (social masks) that make social interaction easier and more streamlined. We act differently in different situations, and we don’t always act in ways that align with our inner thoughts or feelings; in some cases (especially in more formal or novel situations), we use pretense and more of an obvious “social mask” than in other, more intimate or familiar settings.

Question I have is this: is any of what we do socially — the filtering, the editing, the modulating, the “acting” — in violation of any of the precepts? Is adjusting ourselves for polite social purposes or to obey existing social norms and conventions a form of lying or false speech according to the teachings?

I hope the answer is no, because I can’t comprehend how we could function in daily social life without doing some or even all of what I listed above. Social lubrication, social grease, pretense — whatever we label it as being serves a purpose in polite society.

Thank you.

I’ve been progressing spiritually and have become more enlightened over the last few years since my rigorously undertaking not only spiritual/religious study but also meditation and simple self reflection and analysis. I have undoubtedly become more “awake” as a result, but I am still far from being truly awake or enlightened.

And a major symptom of my still being unawakened is how bothered and annoyed that I still get when around people who exhibit behaviors that I find negative, offensive, or rude. This is a major sticking point for me. And it likely has its genesis in the fact that I was raised in a very respectful, polite household; I was taught good manners and polite behaviors. And growing up, I always followed the Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated.

But, unfortunately, many other people do not follow that rule or prioritize showing polite, respectful behaviors — and that just annoys the hell out of me. It just bugs me that so many people in society are so inconsiderate, rude, offensive, mean-spirited, violent in some cases. Some days I long for being able to live on a remote island with just my dog and myself.

What motivated this post, however, is a brief interaction that I had yesterday at my local Crunch Fitness Gym (a single interaction but one that fits nicely into the overall sentiment expressed in this post).

I had hip replacement surgery two months ago and have slowly been rebuilding my strength and fitness. And part of that rebuilding is my going to the gym and hitting the heavy bag (boxing punching bag). I’ve always been a boxing fan and have also trained a bit over the years (before my hip went really bad). So I was hitting the bag for a few minutes and then some guy walks up, wanting to also hit the bag.

Now, my gym only has this one bag. So, this guy asked if he could work in with me, stating that he would stand on one side of the bag not getting in my way. I didn’t really know what to think at first, because it’s awfully hard for two guys to use the same heavy bag simultaneously — it’s not a piece of equipment that’s meant to be shared.

And I felt annoyed and irritated that this guy would even ask to share the bag. Why not wait until I’m finished? But me being the polite person that I tend to be, I grudgingly said, “yeah, go ahead!” in a less than enthusiastic way — I wasn’t happy. And then, after I thought about my decision for twenty seconds or so, I decided that my allowing him to use the bag was a mistake — I should’ve just told him to wait his turn. But he was now hitting the bag, so there you go.

I stood there feeling very irritated and annoyed and also angry at myself for being so polite and accommodating. And I simply just grabbed my bag and boxing gloves and walked off — hoping that my sudden, abrupt departure would signal my irritation and annoyance to him.

And this event bugged me the rest of the day, because I basically let some guy commandeer a piece of equipment that I was using. I was pissed after the fact. But it’s a small sample of behaviors that I encounter frequently (albeit not a major one: this guy was more socially clueless and/or inconsiderate than he was mean-spirited or overtly rude). Many people are much more overtly offensive in their behaviors, however.

But I struggle to apply things like loving-kindness and compassion and acceptance towards people who make it very hard to do so. Being at peace with any given moment is not always easy. Accepting the “isness” of the moment and responding out of pure awareness sounds ideal and correct but it can be very difficult to employ in real-world scenarios.

Humans can be so unbelievably unpleasant.

Hello,

I’m a 51-year-old guy who has struggled with severe depression and social anxiety since my late teens, unfortunately (officially diagnosed with both disorders), and as a result, my entire adult life has been very dysfunctional. I also dealt with bad hips for most of my adult life as well, so I shouldered both psychological as well as physical burdens for years — which, together, prevented me from being able to maximize my potential in any way.

Needless to say, my younger years were pretty rough, and things haven’t really improved much until relatively recently.

Fortunately, I’m doing better nowadays after ongoing mental health treatment (including an eight-week IOP stint) as well as after having right hip replacement surgery a few months ago. I’m doing better now both physically and mentally, thankfully, but mentally I am still struggling; my cognitive abilities are not what they once were.

However, I need to find a job now after not having worked a traditional job in over twenty years. I mainly did gig work and various other types of non-traditional work over the years — including petsitting/dog walking, delivery driving, Uber/Ubereats, etc., and did fairly well with that up until Covid.

The problem now is that I don’t feel cognitively 100% in terms of my thinking ability or processing ability.

I suspect that my having suffered with both severe depression and anxiety for so long that I am now cognitively impaired or deficient (at least to a degree). I definitely cannot handle high-stress environments nor engage in high-level, fast-paced thinking (at least not as part of a job). My brain often times feels as if it’s “stuck in the mud,” so to speak, and so I question my ability to hold down any job.

As part of my recent IOP stint, I underwent extensive psychological testing spread out over a few days. The final assessment highlighted my deficiencies in working memory, processing speed, and short-term memory. And the psychologist who administered the test commented that my cognitive limitations were likely due to the prolonged and immense mental load and strain from my being depressed and anxious for so long — these issues were basically consuming a lot of mental bandwidth.

This continues to the present.

But now I have to figure out how best to support myself moving forward with these cognitive limitations. I simply need to find something easy that I can tolerate and that will allow me to pay my basic living expenses (which are, thankfully, low — in part because I do have housing assistance, and so my rent is very affordable).

I can also move my housing assistance around if necessary, so I don’t have to stay in one place.

I’m wondering if anyone here may have anything to share — any suggestions or advice or even any personal experiences that may be similar to mine.

How did you find a job that you could tolerate? Did you contact any groups or organizations that may have helped you or advised you?

I did apply with Vocational Rehabilitation last year (May 2025), but my application has been on a waiting list since then due to budget cuts and a backlog of applicants — so, as of now, Voc. Rehab hasn’t factored in at all.

I also contacted various employment agencies as well as supposedly disability-friendly work agencies such as Garten but have had no luck.

Thank you!

If we are operating from pure presence/awareness in a given situation (especially a social one) and therefore not using our thinking mind, then how do we know how to act or respond in that situation?

What confuses me about “being present” and how that makes life easier and/or less stressful is how that “present state” transfers over into daily social
Interaction, where we are expected to behave and act in certain ways (think social norms and basic social etiquette). Is presence/awareness already socially appropriate in and of itself (weird question, I know — but it’s what I, well, question?).

The way I see it (and I’m probably wrong here), is that “being present” hinges upon a person having a blank mind or a very still mind, to the point where it would impede our ability to think and act in daily social situations. But to function in daily life, we have to speak, we have to engage, we have to think; if we were truly just operating out of pure presence/awareness, then how would we be able to transact daily life? How would we know what to say or how to act in various settings, without using our thinking mind to analyze daily situations and to produce appropriate actions?

Does pure presence/awareness have an in-built intelligence that enables us to act and react to changing social demands and life events without having to use any kind of mental filter or concerted thinking?

Personally, when I’m very present and mindful in a given situation, I generally don’t have anything to say or even feel much like talking or interacting. But feeling that way would make interacting with the World very difficult. I’d come across as being rude or weird if I just wafted through daily life riding on a cloud of pure presence/awareness but no thinking or acting.

Hope this makes sense. It’s hard to adequately convey in words. But it’s been a sticking point for me for quite a while.

I’m having difficulty trying to rehome my dog and am posting here seeking advice.

Unfortunately, due to a very unforgiving and difficult life situation, I am forced to either rehome or surrender my dog, whom I have had for five years now — I adopted her from a humane society in Idaho in 2021.

She is an almost six year old Bulldog/Retriever/Bully/Cattle Dog/Boxer mix. Healthy, spayed, vaccinated, microchipped. About 45-47 pounds.

Currently, my dog and I are staying temporarily with my folks in the LA area as I continue to recover from right total hip replacement surgery performed on 05/18/26. I also have left total hip replacement surgery scheduled for 08/17/26. Moreover, I’ve been struggling with mental health issues for years that have further complicated things beyond just my physical issues. Financial issues and living situation issues are also at play.

A main issue in all this, however, is my dog’s severe noise aversion; she gets severely spooked by loud noises but also by novel sounds and this severely compromises our living situation. Fortunately, I have housing assistance and have a small studio apartment near Portland, Oregon, that I am very fortunate to have — it didn’t come easy. But my dog cannot live in that apartment because she gets severely spooked by EVERY sound that she hears from the upstairs neighbor — and I mean every sound: every stomp, thump, bump, creak. The guy simply has to drop a spoon on the floor or scoot a chair across his floor and my dog has a panic attack — to the point where she tries to claw her way through the wall!

Coming down to LA for my surgeries has provided a brief respite from her apartment-related anxieties — but only temporarily.

Medication (Prozac/Gabapentin/Trazodone) has not helped. She does fine living in a regular house. But she and I can’t stay here at my folks indefinitely. Also, my dog and my Mother’s dog do not get along at all, so they have to be kept separate 24/7 — which adds significant stress and worry to each day. It causes a logistical nightmare.

I’m now in a position to where I have to choose housing or my dog. And I can’t lose my housing. It took much time and effort to secure my housing, and I also can’t just up and move easily. And even if I switched apartments or complexes, there’s no guarantee that my dog’s anxiety wouldn’t be a problem in the new location. She needs to live in a regular home.

I’ve been scouring the internet trying to find sanctuaries or rescues that may be able to help rehome her or accept her into their facility — but no luck. My head is spinning from all the countless emails, and phone calls, and inquiries that I’ve sent out. I haven’t heard back from all of them, so perhaps I will find a solution soon, but so far, it’s been “Sorry, we can’t help!”, or “Unfortunately, we are full.”

I’m even willing to drive out of state or several hours away to find her a rehoming situation or, at the very least, a place in a sanctuary/rescue that will hopefully be able to place her. I want her to have a nice life moving forward.

I’ve posted on Nextdoor, Facebook. I’ve posted on various Facebook dog rescue/rehoming sites. No luck anywhere. I’ve contacted rescues in the LA and San Diego areas as well as in Portland.

If anyone here may have any suggestions or advice to offer, I would greatly appreciate it. I’m under so much stress and anxiety now that I’m probably not thinking as clearly as I otherwise would be and so I may be overlooking options or solutions that may exist.

Again, I’m willing to drive out of state or travel long distances if necessary in order to find a solution.

Obviously, I want to avoid BE if at all possible.

Thank you very much!

This may be a very basic question/issue, but it’s nevertheless one that confuses/troubles me a bit.

When you are interacting socially with people — in various contexts/settings — how do you personally determine what you say or verbalize whenever you feel compelled to speak or whenever you are prompted to speak?

I ask this question with the broader understanding that our minds (our thoughts) are oftentimes very impulsive, judgmental, and irrational, that our initial thoughts and urges and impulses are not necessarily what we should speak or act on.

Do you use a set protocol or belief system to decide what to say, what not to say? I’m thinking in terms of having to behave politely and appropriately in daily life, regardless of what may or may not be going on in my mind. Personally, my thoughts and thinking can be very negative or “unskillful” at times, and if I were to more freely speak my mind without censure, I would then find myself in a world of social trouble.

So obviously, I edit myself socially; I try to practice “loving kindness” as well as being non judgmental and compassionate towards ALL people —and doing this helps immensely — but I still frequently have very harsh, judgmental, negative thoughts and impulses towards others, especially towards people who show disagreeable, impolite, rude behaviors.

Another pointer that I use to remind myself not to take my thoughts/thinking so personally (or not to attach too much importance to it) is to remind myself that all of my thinking, my judgments, my labels, etc. is all conditioned; my mind has been conditioned over my lifetime by various factors that have created certain habits or tendencies in my thinking and in my beliefs that express themselves in certain ways, namely, in how I perceive and judge others, in my sense of right and wrong, good and bad, etc. And so being aware of this fact helps me to zoom out in a big way and see the bigger picture — that all this mind activity is simply ripples and waves on the ocean surface, and that my true essence/so-called “self” is the vast ocean beneath the surface.

And from that depth I can operate in daily life, meaning less ego, more awareness/presence. I’m not sure if this is correct or viable or doable, however. Does my essence or consciousness itself know how to navigate daily social life? Don’t we still need parts of our ego for functional social purposes? If so, then again, how do you determine what to say or what not to say or how to act or how not to act in daily life? At some point we still have to consciously choose how to act or what to say using our thinking mind.

Is it just basic common sense? No matter how enlightened a person may be, does much of how we act or what we say simply boil down to basic common sense and social intelligence? Perhaps I am simply overthinking things here.

I apologize if this seems overly confusing or even overly simplistic. It’s difficult for me to put into words what I am actually trying to ask.