u/Historical_Vast_7005

I 29F was a virgin until 27 due to the cultural limitations and initial struggles with vaginismus. I trusted my boyfriend completely and he is the first person I had sex with, but his size (7.5–8") makes sex extremely painful. It hurts way more than I enjoy it, and we haven't had sex in a month because the last attempt was so painful.
Because of this constant pain, my libido is now completely gone even when I'm just relaxing at home. Meanwhile, his sex drive is very high. We are still super affectionate, cuddle daily, and kiss constantly, but I feel lost.
Has anyone with a well-endowed partner successfully fixed this?

EDIT: I wasn’t always like this. I used to have a high libido but it’s completely gone now…

I’m looking for some perspective from people who are also working toward FIRE and navigating the balance between saving and actually enjoying day-to-day life.
For a bit of context, we are super intentional about keeping our big fixed expenses low. We both drive practical, mid-range Toyotas, and we bought a nearly new build home that’s well below our actual purchasing power about 20% of what we could technically afford so we don't have to deal with costly renovations or overextending ourselves. On paper, we are doing good with our savings rate (75-80% savings after tax) and keeping the massive budget categories modest.
Where I struggle is with the smaller, personal splurges. I’m really into fashion and style, but every single time I want to pick up something nice like a $400 pair of designer sunglasses this annoying little voice in my head goes, *“That’s not what someone trying to reach FIRE would do.”*
I know a lot of the FIRE community leans heavily into frugality across the board, but I’m really trying to find a healthy middle ground where I don't feel like I'm putting my entire life on hold until retirement.
How do you all handle your daily lives?

Hey everyone, looking for an honest sanity check on our numbers to see if retiring at 40 is actually realistic for us, or if we are missing any major blind spots.

Here is a quick snapshot of our finances:
Ages: 29 and 30

Income: ~$388k/year combined ($208k / $100/hr for me, ~$180k for him)

Current Net Worth: 800k total (330k in 401ks, and $470k in cash, taxable accounts, and property equity (one paid off house (250k) making 1650/month passive income))

Savings: Take-home is ~$19k/month. We max both 401ks ($49k total) and save over $180k/year across all accounts (75%+ savings rate).

Expenses: ~$60k to $70k/year. Day-to-day card spending stays under $2.5k/month.

Mortgage: We have ~$280k left on a mortgage for our second property at 5.75%. We chose to aggressively pay this off early to eliminate debt and secure cash flow for our early retirement bridge timeline. I didn’t include this property in our networth, will be close to 1.1M but bc we still have a mortgage on it, it’s technically not ours.

The Goal:
We plan to work for another 10 years until age 40. Post-FIRE spending is projected at 80k to 100k/year. We don’t want/have kids.

A few quick questions:

1. Is 40 realistic? Given our savings rate, hitting our FIRE target by 40 seems mathematically guaranteed, but does this timeline hold up under real-world conditions?
   2. Post-FIRE blind spots: What unexpected costs (healthcare, taxes, etc.) caught you off guard when pulling the trigger in your late 30s or early 40s?

Hey everyone, looking for a sanity check on our numbers to see if retiring at 40 is actually realistic for us, or if we are missing any major blind spots.

Here is a quick snapshot of our finances:
Ages: 29 and 30

Income: ~$388k/year combined ($208k / $100/hr for me, ~$180k for him)

Current Net Worth: 800k total ($330k in 401ks, and $470k in cash, taxable accounts, and property equity)

Savings: Take-home is ~$19k/month. We max both 401ks ($49k total) and save over $180k/year across all accounts (75%+ savings rate).

Expenses: ~$60k to $70k/year. Day-to-day card spending stays under $4-5k/month.

Mortgage: We have ~$280k left on a mortgage for our second property at 5.75%. We chose to aggressively pay this off early to eliminate debt and secure cash flow for our early retirement bridge timeline. (I didn’t include our second property in our networth, including that we are 1.2M)

The Goal:
We plan to work for another 10 years until age 40. Post-FIRE spending is projected at $80k to $100k/year.
A few quick questions:

1. Is 40 realistic? Given our savings rate, hitting our FIRE target by 40 seems mathematically guaranteed, but does this timeline hold up under real-world conditions?
   2. Post-FIRE blind spots: What unexpected costs (healthcare, taxes, etc.) caught you off guard when pulling the trigger in your late 30s or early 40s?
   Appreciate any honest thoughts!

I might get heat for this, but I feel like a lot of what we consider superior craftsmanship in high-end bags is mostly psychological bias.
I tried a little social experiment recently. I posted a picture of an expensive, luxury leather bag, but told everyone I bought it really cheap secondhand and asked for their thoughts on the stitching, leather texture, and hardware quality.
The responses were interesting. People tore the details apart, calling the materials cheap, pointing out flawed leather grain, and claiming the hardware looked flimsy.
Except the bag was made by the designer brand.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there isn't a noticeable difference between a $10 fast-fashion bag and a well-crafted $300 leather piece. The jump in durability and materials there is clear. And if you love a designer design, that's great! I own some.
My point is that past a certain price tag, so much of perceived "quality" is just confirmation bias. We convince ourselves that higher cost automatically equals better art, to the point where people will actively point out "flaws" in a genuine high-end bag simply because they assume it was inexpensive.
I've been thinking about this for a while now. Does anyone else feel the same?

I've been struggling lately with feeling like I'm falling behind my peers, and I honestly just need some outside perspective.
I moved to the States when I was 22 to do my PhD. I finished my degree at 26 and headed straight into the workforce. I had scholarships through both my bachelors and my PhD and was lucky enough to graduate without any debt, though the path was very difficult to come to the states be of tensions between 2 countries. I still think it was worth it | love it here. I've been working for about three years now. I started at $80,000 when I was 26, then moved up to $90,000, then jumped to $115,000 at a new job, and now I'm at $200,000 in a remote role for 4 months.
On paper, I guess that sounds fine, but | look at people around me and feel like I'm nowhere near where I should be. My total net worth right now is about $180,000. My car was 35k that is paid off, I have $30,000 in my 401k, and $40,000 in cash. I also just bought a house with my boyfriend. The place is worth $420,000. We each put down $65,000, and I've already put another $10,000
toward the principal. I still have about $150,000 left on the mortgage, and my goal is to pay that off entirely in the next year and a half or two.
I look at my boyfriend 30M, who is also an engineer, and his net worth is around $700,000 he started his job at 22. I know we have different timelines, but it's hard not to compare. I feel like after years of solid work, having $180,000 in total net worth just feels small for a 29 year old in engineering.
Considering my timeline, do you guys think I'm smart enough with my money? Should my net-worth be higher??

My partner (30M) and I (29F) have been together for 2.5 years. We are fully committed to one another, live together in a home we purchased jointly, and have our finances and legal protections (like rights of survivorship) well-aligned. No comment on that please, I feel happy about the relationship and dynamics.
1.5 years in our relationship, we had a communication disconnect regarding engagement. I personally don’t care about marriage stuff but I’m from another culture and my parents were dropping hints about marriage and engagement. It’s up to a point that I still hide him from everyone in my home country and they think I’m still single and I hate the idea of always being concerned “what-if” someone learns about him. Again, personally I can’t care less about what people think or say but I don’t want to disrespect my parents bc Ik they will talk to my parents and keep asking nosey questions if they learn about him. It’s really not like how things work in the US and is a big taboo. My partner was not ready when I initially brought it up a year ago, which I respected. However, he later attempted to bridge that gap by taking me ring shopping, only to then pivot and gift me a loose diamond to be used for other jewelry saying “I recently learned you are into diamonds”!!. He has since apologized, explaining he was inexperienced and just wanted to do something special, but the experience left me feeling quite unheard and deeply diminished the sentiment behind the idea of an engagement for me.
Because of that experience, I’ve asked that we stop discussing marriage/engagement. I’ve reached a point where I am genuinely struggling to see the utility of marriage for us, we have no desire for children, and our current setup feels secure and equitable without the legal label.
While he says he understands and is happy to spend the rest of his life with me regardless of marriage, the history of our early engagement talks has left me with a lingering sense of resentment. I find myself wondering if I’m rejecting the concept of marriage because I don’t see a need for it, or if I’m avoiding the topic because the initial process felt so misaligned with my values and expectations. I’ve also never been to marriage or wedding stuff but the only one thing I cared about was a nice surprising proposal. The experience was so ruined for me up to a point I stopped watching those proposal videos or pictures and immediately skip them bc it makes me feel nauseous and unwanted.
He is suggesting couple therapy but I’m interested in hearing how others handled moving forward in a committed relationship when the "traditional" milestone process left you feeling disconnected or resentful.