I've seen some patterns where you can create basically a square and then when you have a bunch of squares "sew" them together. Like a knitted quilt. I want to do that with this stitch.
I'm trying to make a baby blanket but I only have a 12" loom and I want the blanket to be wider than 12". Any advice?
I am gonna try to borrow a mixer and attachment from my library and give these a go since I'm healing from surgery and have the days to do it.
I'm planning on making some cookies I can store for a couple months and have the flavors just get better for my friends. I thought maybe I could add these towards the end before I give them their cookie basket for Winter Solstice 😊
I just want to be sure I store them properly and they don't rot, or I make them at the right time that I can just give them out before they go off. I want visions of sugar plums to dance in their heads hahaha
TIA!
I'm recovering from surgery and hoping to learn more about baking.
Who do you love watching? I've been watching Preppy Kitchen and America's Test Kitchen and something 52 I think.
What really helped you when you were intermediate on your journey, not a super beginner but also not an established baker?
So I have a lot of respect for my elders and the knowledge that they can pass on to us.
I fully understand that in order to learn something avenues like YouTube, the library, classes, and the lot exist.
But I argue that these ways will not have the "secrets" that elders will be able to bestow upon us. Things they have learned through trial and error, 1,000s of hours of work, and what's really awesome is that honest recommendations are FOR SURE not product placement or kickbacks.
They also are able to answer questions as you have them, you aren't combing through questions, hoping someone had yours AND it was answered.
And *to me* the best part is you get kickass stories. Not only do you learn a skill, but you get to learn a *person* and I want this SO BAD. Oh no I'm crying. So much of my interaction has been based on what I can give someone, work, my volunteering, even my past relationships have felt like I was good for only one thing at least (yuck).
But elder relationships usually only ask for respect and a listening ear. Things I am more than willing to give in BUCKETS.
I lost my adopted elder (whom I called mom) suddenly about a year and a half ago and every day the hole in my heart gets bigger.
Does anyone know of a charity where the elder adopts YOU? Because I really need a strong woman's presence in my life and I don't have familial ties or anywhere to find it.
(I really do mean elder, I'm 40 and need an adultier adult)
I understand I am on a large dose. But it's fucking ridiculous to REDUCE my pain medication the *day after* surgery.
Then when I wanted to talk to the doctor about it, they made me wait 7 hours to talk to ANYONE. I suffered that long and now I don't even want to get my other knee done.
No one gives a fuck about my pain because I'm already taking 8mg of dialaudid every 6 hours and 9mg of ER oxy.
I get that is a big dose. And I'm sorry. But I'm also autistic and started slow and have been on and off pain meds for over a decade.
I joke when they put me down for surgery that I will count down from 20 because I will be awake if we do 10.
Everything hurts and I should have never had the surgery and just stayed in my wheelchair.
Made for a friend as a thank you, but I'm new and this looks off?
Alternate title: Yes daddy tell me what every woman should weigh again, HARDER!
So I'm minding my own fucking business, when I scroll through and this fucking dribble pops up on my feed. About "how can I get my girlfriend to lose weight?" and of course I click on it because who wouldn't at that point? And I thought it was going to be people being like "what the fuck is this bullshit?!" but instead it was people being like "here are some tips and tricks". Because this guy was like, I couldn't believe my fat ass girlfriend "she had half a bagel with some Nutella and a banana for breakfast" what a cow! Now, I'm not saying that's what he said verbatim, but that's like the tone of the post. And people were going with that! I'm sitting there like "or no?" and then people hop on the wagon with this fucking garbage you see here.
Honestly maybe I should have tagged this as rant, because it really made me want to stab a bunch of dudes right in their testicles with forks.
TW: gross, death, suicidal ideation, surgery
TLDR: I have nothing, but I might be walking soon so I have that, and it really does make a dream wedding.
I am a *hopeless* romantic who has never wanted the fancy proposal, big ring and sparkly wedding the whole princess she-bang. But once I met my partner that totally flipped, which if you knew me would be hilarious to you as I'm genderqueer and lean masc. I've spent my life rejecting anything feminine. I've never wanted to be fussed over, I hate being the center of attention etc etc.
Well, due to circumstances beyond our control, I was proposed to in the hospital. There goes any classic romantic proposal, obviously there was no ring at that time. But more importantly, he proposed as soon as we were uncertain if I would ever walk again haha. I actually loved that a lot.
Then I lost my job, and my partner stepped up and started paying a lot of my bills because my income went down by over 40% and his was already 1.5x mine, *before the reduction*. We split bills in an equitable way before, and he just picked up everything and said "I'll ask for help when I need it".
He was also working from home, only because he went to his job and said "I can either work from home or work for another company, let me know which, I gotta get back to my person" and left. He has completely upended his whole life for me y'all. As I relearned to walk. He emptied containers of my piss and shit while gagging but trying to hide it as much as possible, so I didn't cry or feel ashamed. I was devastated and completely stopped wedding planning when I realized I needed to find a dress that was wheelchair friendly. It was like I couldn't escape being disabled for even one day.
This was probably the hardest time in our relationship. During it, my sweet loving perfect badass adoptive mom died and I did not handle it well. I became officially an orphan with not even enough money to bury my mom the way I wanted, she was living in a state nursing home at the time.
And he helped keep me on track. I was SO close to just giving up multiple times especially after losing my mom. I felt like I had nothing, and with no way to work, I was never going to build anything. I was always a hard worker, but now what? And what was the point, to be a parasite on the one I love? (I don't think this about others but I had internal ableism I had to deal with).
But he gently encouraged me to keep going. Not only with PT but with getting to new doctors to help me and getting surgery approved, because I need additional surgeries in order to be able to walk with any longevity.
AND SURGERY 1 IS IN LESS THAN 29 DAYS Y'ALL.
And they assure me I will be able to walk partially semi-normal after this! I'm so excited! Even if it just means I'm able to walk down the aisle, have a dance and just be standing and present long enough for a wedding, wouldn't that be amazing?? I will always be permanently disabled, I've accepted that. (I have other issues beyond just this as well)
Ironically, with the cost of this medically and just from me not being able to work, coupled with the cost of life things, we probably won't have a "real" wedding anyway.
I still haven't gotten a ring and I'm not mad, who would be? He's spent this time busting ass taking care of our home and me. Last night he suggested that we get a nice but cheap band so I have something and he can save for the ring later.
I need to understand that I'm just the kind of person that doesn't get those fancy things. And that's ok!! How many people can say they have someone willing to care for them in this way?
And I realized today, whether it's standing at the courthouse or out in the forest, it will be my dream wedding as long as it has my partner, and my man-made legs and spine holding me up ☺️
My dream wedding simply includes having him there and me being able to WALK around in my dress. And it looks like that's gonna happen and I'm SO grateful 😭.
Hello everyone! I'm new to PF. I'm on disability recently and have been starting to save money, I have also tried to fix my credit after an abusive ex and have used a secured card to build myself up from a 503 to a 735 🥲
Well, the secure card matured and the CD will finish maturing in November. Since I never have money, I would like to simply not touch this money but to keep rolling it over into another CD. The one at USAA is woefully underfunded and I know I can do better so I am willing to move the money once it matures.
I also have an account with Ally. Their rates are- OK.
Where would you suggest I move the money to? Who has the best rates for their CDs and if you don't think a CD is a good idea what do you think is a good idea?
*Thank you very much for your help I don't have anyone I can go to with these questions, as I don't have any family and I grew up very poor.*
Also, I've heard about people rolling their credit card rewards or miles over somehow by signing up for new cards and paying them off? Does anyone know how this works or a subreddit about this?
I was really excited to start helping with a nonprofit that helps autistic adults and I was having a really great time doing it until another AuDHD lady started helping.
She has just made my life a living hell. She's done things like list all the competent people in the organization but leave me out, make meetings with me and then cancel them, but before she will schedule and insist that I show up to every meeting. She calls me relentlessly even if I tell her that I'm not available and to please not call. Now she's went behind my back and convinced the other two male board members that I'm the problem.
This is been my experience with other women my entire life and I'm so fucking done with it.
I thought I would be safe with an autistic woman but she's been just as bad. And the worst part is that she's so horrible to me only when it's the two of us and then when we're in a group she's nice.
We're in our forties and she literally said "I hate drama". I feel like if you say I hate drama and you're in your 40s, you are usually the cause of the drama. Because who even says that?!
Hello I'm posting because I have a situation with my sister that is less than ideal. She is in a situation where she's stuck with an abusive spouse that she can't get rid of, due to State involvement. This happens to happen around the time that she is dealing with her diagnosis and treatment. The best thing I can do is what I've been doing, give her as much money as possible, and as much attention and love as possible. And I am doing that.
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My question to you all is: How much functioning can she expect to have after surgery, as she is expecting to take care of herself basically right afterwards? And I'm trying to think of things that she can possibly cook for herself, since I won't be able to be there to take care of her as unfortunately, I am very disabled as well.
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We come from a severely abusive home and all we have is each other.
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I am coming down for the surgery and bringing a care package to her and staying as long as I possibly can before my own health is at risk. But could someone please tell me how much you were able to do after your surgery?
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I'm very worried but she is very stubborn and this is the way she wants it done and I want to support her in the way she wants it done.
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Because at the end of the day it's not about me being comfortable it's about her feeling supported.
😭 Lizzo was right.
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Truth HURTS
So, first off thank you for the add! I had no idea this place existed but I'm SO happy it does!
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TLDR at the bottom but I think it's worth the read, but I'm ADHD so I understand the need for it 😆
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I also want to quickly say hi, I'm genderqueer but AFAB. I'm 40 and was raised conservative and didn't break out until after 30 so didn't really "wake up" about who I was until 35, which interestingly was also when I was diagnosed as AuDHD. So my feminism is new, and who *I* am is rather new, even to me. I'm literally changing my name as we speak. Along with my gender etc etc. But I really woke up when I started college and took social work classes, something that wasn't open to me for a long time, my family pushed me to get married young and have kids early.
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Ok on to the point of all this.
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I've an asston of religious trauma. Like I could probably pinpoint the ruining of my life to the ideology that religion taught me. At one point in my life I called for help because my husband was beating us and I was told I just didn't submit right, and was I giving him sex when he wanted it? (And that was MY DAD).
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I was atheist for YEARS until I found r/witchesvspatriarchy for feminism and the witchcraft seeped into my life. I LOVED IT!
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I felt powerful. The ideas clicked with me. The concepts and the stories made more sense. Female deities, women creators just make sense! And multiple gods make sense. These things clicked with me in a way that actually didn't feel performative like monotheistic male centric religion did.
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I cultivated my own ideals. Respect and love. Justice. Understanding. Wrath.
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Well, we have finally (!) gotten to the core issue.
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Last night, my partner was telling me he was reading a reddit post where someone was complaining that they wanted an "anti church" with all the community of church without the bad church stuff (kid molesting, fund stealing, women bullshit) and they were recommended Universal Unitarianism. My partner looked it up and got EXCITED. He talked about how it has all the "good" of religion without all the "bad".
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Now here is the thing. I don't see *ANY* good in organized religion. And this UU church allows Catholics and the bible, just certain passages, and I can't understand how they can allow ANY faith that tells women to submit.
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THAT IS NOT A SAFE FAITH FOR WOMEN. IT TELLS US WE ARE LESS THAN.
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And even if they only preach the 2 verses in the whole bible that are "safe" what does it matter? They are still indoctrinating people into a shitty religion in even a WORSE way because people go off thinking that Catholics believe just those things when in reality they HATE women.
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When you think about it logically, it's a delulu place where it seems like they are bringing in people and getting them comfortable with "religion light" before the hard stuff.
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But let's just say you stay at the UU level and never move to "choose one" that fits more than the others. They are still *not actually teaching ALL of the religion*.
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It would be like if you only taught the first half of Frankenstein. What a great idea! Men creating life, especially out of death, it's recycling! Surely men can handle the responsibility of creating life, surely they innately have the love and compassion needed to bring a creation from nothingness to personhood; And it's not beaten away by society or willfully pushed away in favor of darker desires! Look at this book, it proves it.
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I just don't like it. And my partner I think, thinks I'm being silly. He won't say so because he knows how I am with boundaries lol. He asked if I wanted to go and I told him I was open until they allowed *that*. I won't ever go to church. Ever.
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That it was a bastion of hate disguised as love, that honestly if anyone truly believed in the devil, it's looking right back at him in *organized* religion. I told him that I'm waiting for the right coven. And I think he was, hurt? I'm not sure. It was hard to read.
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And I tried to turn and be a supportive partner and say I would go to the first one with him today, they are celebrating pride month and I can do anything queer. But he was rather defeatist this morning and just said "I'll go by myself when I'm ready but I'm just not ready", when I gently prodded him this morning with a reminder that he wanted to go last night.
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I don't think I'm being ridiculous about this.
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But I'm open to differing ideas or exploring this more. I KNOW this is a trauma for me so my reaction might not be intentional and measured, based off facts and ideas which is how I *want* to be. And I think I am with this, I think *most* religions we have now are to control someone, NOT to actually help them. And I don't think your space can actually be somewhere that I can bring my spirit to grow if I know it's a space of oppression.
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But sometimes the system fucks you up so bad that all you wanna do is fuck *IT* up and you're blind to anything else. And I just may be blind and unwilling to see anything good, and I'm willing to admit when I have such strong feelings, so let's talk about it?
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TLDR: I have religious trauma that may be filtering my opinion, is it actually a safe space in a Universal Unitarian church if they allow preaching from a source that fundamentally oppresses women? Can they consider themselves safe if they promote ideologies that say women are less than, created to serve men?
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Or if they don't talk about it, are they not actually promoting it at all, and can the space be safe if we just don't look at the "bad things" and use the space for the "good things"?
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TW: mention of SA, non-consent
I have been gang raped before, and held down when it happened so I am very very careful about consent. I've also had medical rape where they held me down and pulled placenta out of my body without ANY pain medicine. So I am very tough with pain but also particular about medical people stopping when I say STOP. Well, today I had a scan to get new knee implants since my knees are so bad.
I went in and started the scan but the pain was too much and I started to cry out. The lady came in and asked if I was ok and I said no, I needed to get OUT. She said, ok but 5 more minutes. I said NO. I need out. And she said ok we will get you out. And they just kept going. And she just kept counting down, NOT stopping the machine.I was saying No I'm done I want out of this! I don't want to do this anymore! I was scared to get out and hurt myself because I am disabled and in a wheelchair so I literally couldn't get out alone. And then finally they let me out WHEN THEY WERE FINISHED.
And I had a full MELTDOWN. SCREAMING FOR MY FIANCE. And then THEY tried to comfort me and explain why they did it BEFORE they let him in.
Like explain why you violated my consent and made it so I had a panic attack and so I can't use that facility anymore? I'm still awake and upset. I feel sick. I just want to cry and yell at the people who did it. They had NO right.
So I was reading this reddit thread
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ETVRwJnTTJ
And if you read the comments you can see how often women talk about how men will just take food that isn't theirs and it's ridiculous how people can't see how eventually women need to start guarding their resources from men. And these are the men that are supposed to be loving them, like their husbands or their brothers.
I myself have personal experience with my ex, and me doing meticulous grocery shopping for a family of six on a very limited budget. And him going and eating a bunch of ingredients that went into the kids school lunches. And then telling me to just send the kids to get free lunch from the school, even though he knew that the free lunch ingredients were garbage!
The amount of selfishness that I've experienced first hand just in food is crazy!!!
In my relationship now it's different but I've definitely experienced it where men just have no consideration for resources. And then when you start doing things like counting how much you have or really looking at how much he's eating. *You* start to look like the crazy one, even though you aren't because he's the selfish one, and no one is crazy (partially because that term is old and also because you ain't wrong!)
Yet most of the comments are calling her an asshole, as predicted, because I feel like once you step into Reddit and are a woman you are wrong no matter what you do.
*I would like to say in this instance I would say everyone is the asshole because the woman also just assumed the cookie was hers but also men do that shit ALL THE TIME. And we let it go, why couldn't he? Especially knowing how much else he ate of hers and typically does, why not let her have something? Sometimes it seems like men take food just to prove dominance, not because they actually forgot or need it.*
I do not know the organization that is hosting it, it was posted in our county subreddit. But I do want to give credit to u/Cuddles-and-Cookies as the original creator of the flyer and idea I believe 👏🏻
I'm very excited and hope to be able to go! I have some disabilities but I plan to bring homemade cupcakes hopefully 😊
Judge it if you must, I don't really care about that, but I've seen some statistics that really piss me off and I would rather my organs if I die go to women or girls (not in a TERF way) and I don't know how I can legally require that or if that's even possible. Is it just something that I tell my person who has my medical power of attorney? Or is it just not possible that once you designate that you'll donate your organs you don't get to pick who they go to? Does anyone know this information?
I just don't feel comfortable blanket donating my organs to another man. Men get enough help as it is, and I understand not all men blah blah blah, but I feel like for my organs to support a man I need to know he's not going to hurt a woman and in this climate I don't trust first, and let them earn it.
And I won't apologize for that. Praise Lilith 🙏🏻
Hello all!
I've been feeling really pulled to create a charity that helps women.
Let me start in the beginning I am autistic, ADHD and disabled. I've been struggling with working on any of my hobbies because I don't want to use any of the stuff because it feels like a waste, for example baking, because I can't eat any of the stuff I'm baking. Someone suggested that I give it to any of my neighbors, or maybe the homeless population around and that really connected with me, because I've been homeless twice myself. And I've wanted to create care packages for the homeless women around here for a while and I just haven't been able to because of personal stuff going on in my own life, but now it feels like the universe is really pushing me towards doing that. Telling me to work on my hobby and send my baked goods out with these care packages for women, but I realize that getting random baked goods may not be safe, so having it come from a charity legitimizes it so that they know they're not just getting it from a random person who could have put something in it to possibly hurt them does that make sense?
And I feel really compelled to do this in a way that empowers women so at first I wanted to name it Daughters of Lilith, because I am a follower of Lilith and I actually changed my name to incorporate Lilith in some way. But I found out that in my area that name was actually taken, so I was sitting around thinking "what's the most feminist thing I can think of?" I thought of portlandia and that bookstore 'women & women first' and I know I can't use that name exactly. So I thought about naming it 'Women for Women First' because that's sort of exactly what it's about. Women putting women first, so the organization would be aiding women first unabashedly, putting women ahead and not in a TERF way either. It just seems like men have always been assisted, so we're going to put women first with no shame, and plus I think we could make some funny skits riffing off the idea for social media.
Another one of the ideas I have is that we would never film ourselves giving away the care packages! Only making them, alao that men can show up and help build the packages and give them out but they're not welcome to give input in the meetings. Basically they can sit there and look pretty. And if they don't like that they can look back to the last 2,000 years.
When I told this to my partner he said he wasn't sure if a charity could be discriminatory in that way. I said then I don't know how churches work at all 😁
What does everyone think am I totally crazy and just dreaming because I'm high all the time LOL or is the universe really pushing me towards this for a reason?
The first initiative that I would do would be to pack bags for women filled with: socks, pads, tampons, moisturizer, sunscreen, and whatever baked goods I can make. Along with a card just saying the organization name and information, also with information about what's in the baked good in case anyone has allergies.
I would be funding this all myself at first so does anyone have any ideas? I'm someone who's on disability so I would be just using my disability check so if anyone knows of any ways I could get any of these items reduced or free or anything that would be helpful!
I do also have a business so I could look at wholesale places! I'm just not sure where because I'm new haha
Any and all advice is welcome!
For those that have been following my saga I'm the person with the awful knees that was told I couldn't have a knee replacement because I was too young and given opiates, then told I couldn't have a knee replacement because I was on opiates 🙃.
Well...I argued and got sent to another doctor in the same group and he said he would do it with no problem. He won't he make me step down! He said there was no point, that he had most people quit the meds after the replacement and that would be between me and pain management, that he was confident I wasn't coming to him because I want to be on pain meds lol.
He was scheduling 3 months out and I still need to get my insurance to say it's ok. But after those say it's good...I'm getting new knees!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've even started a list of things I want to do once my knees have settled in, I've heard a lot of the pain goes away almost instantly 😱.
I can't imagine even being less than a 7 most days. That's been my pain goal to live at a 7 every day, and this could change everything 😭😭😭😭
Because of opiate use.
At 40. The opiates THEY GAVE ME. To deal with the pain they wouldn't give me the surgery I wanted to fix it.
Because they would have to redo it later and that would be hard.
I'm so pissed I don't have words. Honestly I can't fucking win with these doctors and I want to give up. I've lost almost 100lbs WHILE IN A WHEELCHAIR something they told me to do, which sounds impossible right?
My life is fucking HELL. I don't eat anything fun. I only go out to go to the doctor or PT. I HURT all the time. I sit in bed alone all day and night. Losing weight has also caused my partner recently to tell me how they aren't attracted to me anymore so there's that bonus too.
I'm just done.
I worked so hard after these surgeries and I thought I would be going somewhere but it just feels like I'm starting over. I'm still not out of my wheelchair and I'm still not working. I feel like I just take from my family and never help them.
It could be another 3 years before I feel anywhere close to better.
I'm not sure I'm up for that fight. I want to give up. I want to just cry all day in bed. I'm just so done with all of this, and they still haven't processed my SSDI or anything. So I'm still paying out of pocket for my insurance and stuff.
I'm just so frustrated.