u/HonestThrowaway987

No that's not what I'm saying. That's how you interpreted it.

It's especially annoying because it's always said in a condescending way. And I've seen comments from people on reddit who say they do it on purpose to point out to someone that what they're saying is absurd or doesn't make sense. And sometimes it's used appropriately in that sense, but so many times it's used by someone who is just trying to manipulate another person by using semantics or weaponized ignorance to basically bully them into silence. This becomes especially obvious if they interrupt you when you try to clarify, because they know if they let you explain yourself, they lose the upper hand.

My next door neighbor and I started talking a while back when I adopted my cat, because he had 2 outdoor cats of his own. Nothing serious or deep - we'd meet at the fence and make small talk for a few minutes and go about our days.

Noticed right away he was very awkward and immature but brushed it off as maybe he's a little neurodivergent or something, but harmless. Learned he didn't hold down a job because he's disabled and lives with his mom to help her out. He IS technically disabled due to a burn injury that prevents him from sweating but he's by no means unable to work. Immediately thought "he's not telling me everything" but again, none of my business. Brushed it off.

He got my number because one day he came over and said he noticed I have security cameras surrounding the house and looking out to the street and he thought he had a break-in so would I mind checking my footage for anything sus? Of course not. Exchanged #s so I could text him anything I saw. Saw nothing.

This is when my husband finally spoke up and said something isn't right because he's weird and he only ever makes an effort to talk to me. My husband cuts grass regularly and the neighbor never acknowledged him but seems to seek me out. Thought he was just overreacting cause yeah dude is weird and awkward, but has never crossed any boundaries.

And then he started crossing boundaries. He would go out of his way to compliment my "cute outfits" and one day paid particular attention to the tiny shorts I was wearing to do some yard work out in the summer. So now my husband's words are ringing in my ears and I'm like "okay, he does have some kind of crush on me and it's getting uncomfortable" so I start distancing myself - not that we were ever close in any way to begin with.

And then the day I went to the police arrived. He texts me that morning (he has only texted me once before this and it has been several months since exchanging #s) that it's his bday. So I send back "that's awesome! Have a happy bday" thinking our interaction is done. He then asks if I'm alone. What in the actual fuck? I cant lie because he has likely seen my husband drive off to work so I said yes, but I'm getting ready to leave for work. He asks what time. I'm thinking what does it matter? I tell him as soon as my shoes are on, I'm gone. I actually have the day off but my alarm bells are going OFF. I throw on a pair of scrubs and immediately head to leave the house. As I'm doing this he texts "I don't have much time!" which officially scares me shitless. What do you mean not much time? Time for what??? He then texts me pictures of my cat who was in my back yard ...he took these photos from inside my car port. I'm now thinking this MFer is about to steal my cat at best to lure me to his house or else attack me right here.

I rush out to grab my cat and bring him inside and see him sitting inside my carport. At this point I'm in straight fight or flight and I'm making polite small talk again because I'm afraid that if I express any other emotion, he might react violently. I'm trying to politely usher him away and get to my car ASAP to escape without provoking him. I'm also scanning the streets for witnesses and my belongings for weapons.

I drive to a random parking lot and text my husband and ask him if he can please just come home on lunch break and then take my car back to work so that the neighbor thinks he's the one who is home and not me, and relay the day to him. He asks where I am and then tells me to go to the police and he will be at home.

So I do. I file a police report and tell the officer "I don't know if I'm overreacting because he hasn't technically DONE anything yet and he's very awkward so maybe he's just not socially aware ..." And was told no - he knew what he was doing. This is sexual harassment and if there isn't an intervention, he's going to push things even further and start peeking through windows or worse. He's testing boundaries. Was told to either get a restraining order or have my husband talk to him.

I go home and my husband tells me when he got there, neighbor wasn't home but he knew the mother was so he knocked on their door and she refused to answer. Later, neighbor was taking the trash can back from the curb, so he said "Hey, we gotta talk." Neighbor IMMEDIATELY got scared, avoided eye contact and tried to rush back inside and kept going "okay I got it, I got it." My husband forced him to stop, demanded he look at him and verbalize that he understood he needed to stay away from me. He did. That was maybe a year ago. Last summer.

He would stay away but he does still try to initiate some kind of small talk by basically yelling across the yard to me cause he knows better than to approach. The first time it was a quick "sorry about before" - I didn't respond. A handful of times after, he would make a comment here or there about seeing my cat in the back yard, or he'd say hello to my cat. At this point, I have stopped communication.

And then his mother was admitted to the ICU...the same ICU I work at. I'm not a nurse, thankfully so I didn't have to interact with him, but his mom was my patient and that's how I learned that this whole time, the name he gave me was fake. I saw his real name listed as her next of kin, and that's how I found out this MFer is ON THE REGISTRY FOR POSSESSION OF CHILD PORN! This is the real reason he lived with his mom and doesn't work. They probably moved next door to us in an attempt to "start over"

The next interaction was him seeing me outside and telling me his mom passed away so it was just him now. I said "that sucks" and immediately went inside.

My state normally sends out little cards alerting you to predators in your area. Here's why I probably never got one. Our addresses are only one number off. Like if his address is 3127, mine is 3137. He sometimes gets my mail, though thankfully so far it's always been junk mail. Either that card made it to my house cause it was attached to stuff that got dropped at his, or he stole it so I wouldn't see. Either way, one of the habits he's picked up is using said junk mail as an excuse to come over and try to get our attention. Every previous time, my husband has been home to intercept it and has told him not to worry about it and just drop it in our box. No need to do all this.

Today was the first time he did it while I was home and my husband was away. I did not answer the door and for a VERY long time I stood perfectly still in my living room and watched my back windows and doors to make sure he didn't creep around my house. This was probably the first time I realized how truly traumatized that day last year got me. I was taking mental notes of where my husband told me the loaded gun was.

When I was calm enough, I checked the mailbox - nothing. I rewound the surveillance video just to make sure he wasn't withholding something important like a jury duty summons or whatever out of revenge. It was just junk mail again. Two things caught my attention. First was that when he walked away back to his house, he took the mail with him so CLEARLY this is not about simply being neighborly and returning mail. If that was the motivation, then he would've dropped it in the box that was on the wall beside my door. Second, he looked up at the camera twice and nodded a "hello" gesture at it. I'm not exactly sure what it was about that gesture and looking at the camera but it freaked me the hell out. It was so unsettling.

My husband and I never got that restraining order because he was so terrified of my husband that day that we figured it would be a non-issue from them out. But I feel like he is ever so slowly attempting to squeeze his way back in and just...WHY? How do you have the history this guy does, and the confrontation he had, and not feel shamed into just staying the fuck away and minding your own business?

I'm now sitting here like "Do I need to go get this restraining order?" Do I even still have a case to get one cause last yr, for sure, but idk if saying "He sometimes says hi to my cat and tries to bring me junk mail" is just going to sound insane. I just want him to leave me alone.

Saw a post asking for life hacks that sound like they don't work but actually do. The first answer was "create a financial budget"

No shit? That's neither a life hack nor something that sounds like it wouldn't work.

Life hacks are meant to be tips and tricks that most people wouldn't think of to make tasks easier/more efficient. It's not basic stuff like, "wear sunscreen to avoid burning outside"

Those types of phrases that imo play into the "women are dumb/incompetent" stereotypes in an attempt to sound cute.

And I know people who use those phrases will say "That's not what I mean when I say that." Yes, I know. I've also been too overworked and exhausted to eat a real meal at the end of the day (girl dinner). I've also talked myself into impulse buys or purchases I don't need (girl math). I don't care what the intent is. It still *sounds* like "oh woe is me. I can't take care of myself or make good decisions because I'm just a dumb helpless girl at 35 yrs old" or however old they are.

I'm not the biggest fan of grown women infantilizing themselves in general but idk something about this specific language peeves me a little extra.

***Disclaimer I'm about to vent about a conversation I had with my spouse but please do not take this moment and use it to paint a whole false, negative narrative about our relationship***

My spouse and I are in our late 30s/early 40s and I finally got us appointments with a primary care doctor. Neither of us have had one our whole adult lives and it's long overdue. I said I was especially excited cause I think I'm ready to ask to be put on anxiety meds.

He said "You can do whatever you want and I support you, but I don't like the idea of you being on meds. I think instead you can get a hobby like exercise to get your anxiety out."

It took me a minute to fully process everything but I finally said "....if all it took was exercise to manage my anxiety, I wouldn't be anxious at THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD" Explained to him that I've done (and do) it all - exercise, journalling, therapy, mindful meditation, diet modification. It all helps (a lot!) but at some point shit's just genetic and I need a fucking pill.

Also, I'm a pharmacist. Meds are my thing lol, and I can probably safely manage a med regimen better than most. Asking my soon-to-be doctor to let me try some buspar is fine.

But my biggest complaint is this conversation highlighted the fact that people who don't have anxiety disorders don't get it. I've had it my whole life (separation anxiety as a kid, then social, then generalized) and I've always gotten dismissed because Idk, I don't outwardly crash out enough or whatever. People would tell me I don't seem anxious and then turn around and comment about how worried and nervous I get. I think everyone thinks I just get a little nervous sometimes and don't fully believe me when I say it's exhausting, literally. I use so much energy being in fight or flight so often throughout the day and even doing things to actively combat it, like meditation, takes a bit of planning and energy to always be vigilant even though it seems counter-intuitive. Or people think I'm just really awkward and maybe autistic when the reality is I'm awkward because I'm anxious.

I just want a little bit of help to let me not have to fucking THINK about being anxious or how to stop being anxious all the time.

Other than shoving a fingernail in to dig it out like I do?

There's almost always an air of superiority about it, as if they're implying that they're less lazy than their colleagues, more selfless, more competent or whatever.

Complaining about it is especially annoying because you CHOSE to work all those extra hours. You could've said no. So shut up and get to work. Nobody cares.

I used to be that person that always agreed to pick up extra shifts. I'm not a worse employee now because I choose to prioritize a work/life balance. I learned the hard way that always agreeing or volunteering to work open shifts is not a flex, so I guess that's why it annoys me more now when people feel the need to let everyone know, without being asked, that they're working so much.