u/Honest_Acanthisitta8

I’m currently sitting at home signed off on sick leave in a complete wave of anxiety and second-guessing myself, and I really need some outside perspective to know I’m not going completely mad.

I just reported my manager to HR and senior leadership, and the ‘reporting hangover’ is hitting me so hard that I’m spiraling, wondering if I should have just stuck it out for six months for the sake of my CV.

For context, I took a new role recently I was really excited about it and waited so long to start the role, and just wanted to put my head down and work. Instead, I found myself in an environment where my body was constantly being policed and I felt completely sexually objectified by my manager. It honestly felt less like a professional office and more like being scrutinized on a reality TV show. She would constantly look my body up and down focusing on my hips stomach and legs and then say outrageous things like “I want to be stick thin and a size 4 like I used to be”. And “I need to lose weight off my face and stomach”. She would then proceed to ask me what I was having for my lunch and where I was going out to get it.

On my first day of the job she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes. Do you have a boyfriend?” Then she would say “I was watching you walk back to the building out the window when you came back on your lunch break. I thought you’d ran away”.

On top of the constant policing of my body, the daily environment was volatile, unprofessional, and deeply inappropriate. To give you an idea of the specific incidents that pushed me to report her:

During my training In front of the entire room, she would say explicitly inappropriate things to other colleagues, like looking at a male coworker and asking, “Does it turn you on when I talk about slapping you?”

She would create bizarre, dramatic scenes out of nowhere, like aggressively pouring hand sanitizer all over that same coworker's laptop when he was trying to train me and trying to staple his trousers together.

Whenever she did these things, she was clearly looking for an audience or a reaction. I completely refused to engage. I would look straight ahead at my laptop and actively avoid eye contact to protect my own peace. Every single time I did this, she would glare at me with pure anger before storming out of the room, leaving an incredibly hostile, tense atmosphere behind.

I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells, forced to manage a grown adult's erratic moods and toxic theater just to sit at my desk and do my job.

I couldn't take the toll it was taking on me anymore, so I officially reported the behavior. But now that the adrenaline is fading, the doubt is creeping in.

Did I do the worst thing by reporting all of this? Should I have just tried to survive it for a few more months?

Am I crazy for drawing a line here? Has anyone else dealt with a manager who turns into an intimidating bully simply because you refuse to participate in their inappropriate workplace drama?

I need an objective reality check. I’m starting to wonder if I’m overanalysing or if I am witnessing a textbook example of passive-aggressive exclusion by my sister (let's call her Lauren).

For context, I’ve recently made major positive changes in my life, fitness transformation, career success, and a massive boost in self-confidence. Laura privately stalks my Instagram stories constantly (she’s always at the very top of my viewer list), but publicly she refuses to acknowledge my achievements or "like" photos of me. She ALWAYS likes both my sisters posts but freezes mine out.

Lately, her behavior in our sisters' group chat has become so bizarrely mechanical that it’s giving me whiplash. Here is the exact sequence of events that happened tonight:

Lauren posted a picture of kiwis and wrote, “This is a great bowel cleansing ritual for constipation.” She then immediately followed it up by hyping up my eldest sister who is a doctor, writing: “omg Fern this medical hack is the best ever, it works!” (Exaggerated public praise/validation for one sibling).

I decided to join in with a friendly, perfectly normal response: “Omg I need this in my life rn. I always go to the loo first thing in the morning after my first coffee, it’s always at the same time too weird.”

The exact second I sent that text, Laura completely ignored it. Without missing a beat, she instantly switched the entire topic to push my message out of sight, texting: “Mine and Ellie’s twin.” (Referencing a specific inside connection with my other sister, Ellie).

This is a recurring pattern. Ive actually lost count of the amount of times she’s excluded me and froze me out the chat. If I post a photo of myself or try to participate in a normal conversation, she either drops an unrelated photo of herself to redirect the chat, or she abruptly pivots to an inside joke with another sibling to create an instant "hype squad" that explicitly leaves me out.

I haven’t opened her last message because I refuse to give her an audience for this behavior anymore. But I need to know:

1 Am I going mad, or is this a deliberate, calculated tactic to freeze me out and make me feel invisible the moment I try to connect?
2 What is the psychological motive behind someone who intensely monitors you privately, but publicly scrambles to shut down the conversation the second you speak?
3 Is leaving the message unopened and completely withdrawing my energy the best way to handle this personality type?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy. I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are the things that are throwing me:

1. ⁠⁠⁠she regularly scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.
2. ⁠⁠⁠Questions my lunch (What are you having for lunch today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer and then tells me she’s eating a salad. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time and says “the only reason she’s got a good body is because she can afford to go to the gym and has the time”
3. ⁠⁠⁠Verbalises a desire to be 'stick thin' and projects body insecurity onto me. Says she used to be a size 4 and wants to be thin again. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.
4. ⁠⁠⁠Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad”
5. ⁠⁠⁠She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men.
6. ⁠⁠⁠On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”
7. ⁠⁠⁠A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this. The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception. I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour in the civil service, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

Hi everyone, I just started a new role a few weeks ago and the entire experience has left me completely questioning my reality and feeling incredibly anxious. I wanted to lay out the facts to see if I’m overreacting, or if this is as bad as it feels.

On my very first day, my manager made an administrative error that completely deleted my employee profile. As a result, I didn't get paid for April or May. When I raised this, she tried to claim that the system deleted her own payroll too (which isn't true) and told me, "this all happened because you were off sick on your first day."

Under the guise of "helping my focus," she moved me out of the main office area and isolated me in a separate back room away from the team. On top of the body-shaming culture, once my manager moved me into the back room she made highly inappropriate sexual jokes in the workspace towards the guy who was training me and openly made threats of physical violence regarding him. It felt completely volatile and unsafe.

The general culture in the office feels entirely unprofessional. My manager and a few other staff members are constantly obsessed with talking about weight, body shapes, and BMIs. My manager even stood in the office announcing her exact height and weight, and listing parts of her face and stomach she hated. It got to the point where I felt like she was constantly staring at my body, making me incredibly self-conscious.

I am currently signed off sick by my GP due to the severe stress this has caused, and my union representative is actively stepping in to help me secure a transfer to a different office.

Despite knowing the facts, I keep spinning out thinking I'm somehow the problem or that I'm being "lazy" for not going back into that room. Am I going crazy, or is this management style completely unacceptable?

Hi everyone, I just started a new role a few weeks ago and the entire experience has left me completely questioning my reality and feeling incredibly anxious. I wanted to lay out the facts to see if I’m overreacting, or if this is as bad as it feels.

On my very first day, my manager made an administrative error that completely deleted my employee profile. As a result, I didn't get paid for April or May. When I raised this, she tried to claim that the system deleted her own payroll too (which isn't true) and told me, "this all happened because you were off sick on your first day."

Under the guise of "helping my focus," she moved me out of the main office area and isolated me in a separate back room away from the team. On top of the body-shaming culture, once my manager moved me into the back room she made highly inappropriate sexual jokes in the workspace towards the guy who was training me and openly made threats of physical violence regarding him. It felt completely volatile and unsafe.

The general culture in the office feels entirely unprofessional. My manager and a few other staff members are constantly obsessed with talking about weight, body shapes, and BMIs. My manager even stood in the office announcing her exact height and weight, and listing parts of her face and stomach she hated. It got to the point where I felt like she was constantly staring at my body, making me incredibly self-conscious.

I am currently signed off sick by my GP due to the severe stress this has caused, and my union representative is actively stepping in to help me secure a transfer to a different office.

Despite knowing the facts, I keep spinning out thinking I'm somehow the problem or that I'm being "lazy" for not going back into that room. Am I going crazy, or is this management style completely unacceptable?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy. I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are the things that are throwing me:

1. ⁠⁠she regularly scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.
2. ⁠⁠Questions my lunch (What are you having for lunch today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer and then tells me she’s eating a salad. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time and says “the only reason she’s got a good body is because she can afford to go to the gym and has the time”
3. ⁠⁠Verbalises a desire to be 'stick thin' and projects body insecurity onto me. Says she used to be a size 4 and wants to be thin again. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.
4. ⁠⁠Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad”
5. ⁠⁠She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men.
6. ⁠⁠On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”
7. ⁠⁠A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this. The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception. I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour in the civil service, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy. I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are some of the things that are throwing me:

1. ⁠⁠she regularly scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.
2. ⁠⁠Questions my lunch (What are you having for lunch today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer and then tells me she’s eating a salad. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time and says “the only reason she’s got a good body is because she can afford to go to the gym and has the time”
3. ⁠⁠Verbalises a desire to be 'stick thin' and projects body insecurity onto me. Says she used to be a size 4 and wants to be thin again. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.
4. ⁠⁠Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad”
5. ⁠⁠She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men. When a male colleague is training me she frequently comes in and distracts him by acting out and threatening to slap him or spill hand sanitiser on his laptop.
6. ⁠⁠On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”
7. ⁠⁠A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this. The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception. I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour in the civil service, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy. I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are the things that are throwing me:

1. ⁠Scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.
2. ⁠Questions my lunch (What are you having today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time
3. ⁠Verbalizes a desire to be 'stick thin' and projects body insecurity onto me. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.
4. ⁠Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad”
5. ⁠She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men.
6. ⁠On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”
7. ⁠A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this. The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception. I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’ve only worked here a month and I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy. I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are the things that are throwing me:

1. ⁠Scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.
2. ⁠Questions my lunch (What are you having today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time
3. ⁠Verbalizes a desire to be 'stick thin' and projects body insecurity onto me. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.
4. ⁠Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad”
5. ⁠She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men.
6. ⁠On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”
7. ⁠A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this. The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception. I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy. I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are the things that are throwing me:

1. Scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.

2. Questions my lunch (What are you having today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time

3. Verbalizes a desire to be 'stick thin' and projects body insecurity onto me. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.

4. Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad”

5. She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men.

6. On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”

7. A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this. The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception. I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some serious advice on a toxic management situation. I’m one month into an AO Admin role that I took to get my foot in the door. I have a Master’s in Counselling, so I know I’m overqualified, but the behavior I’m dealing with feels unhinged.

My manager is the same age as me but has no professional boundaries. She pends her day prying into my personal life (rent, boyfriend, celebrity crushes) and "auditing" my body. She constantly gives me "up and down" scans, smirks at my legs/thighs while I'm talking, and even questions what I’m eating for lunch.

When she found out about my Master's, she tried to undermine it by questioning the accreditation. More concerningly, today she threatened to slap another colleague (Ben) across the face. Even if it was a "joke," it’s created a hostile and volatile environment that has me constantly on edge.

I want out. I’m looking at applying for an EO Work Coach role in Manchester to use my clinical skills.

Help or advice needed please????

I’m looking for some perspective on a weird and uncomfortable dynamic with my boss. I’m F30 and recently started a new job. Lately, my new manager has been very vocal about her personal goals to be "super thin," lose weight, and her strict routine of hitting the gym 4 days a week.

While I want to be supportive of people's goals, it’s started to cross a line into my professional space. I’ve noticed her "scanning" my body literally looking me up and down, specifically at my legs and stomach and then immediately following it up by asking, "What are you having for lunch?"

I’ve always felt fine about my body, but this constant scrutiny is making me feel incredibly insecure and judged. It feels like she’s performing a "food audit" on me to see if my lunch "matches" my figure. It’s gotten to the point where I’m questioning if I should even be eating things like sandwiches at my desk because I feel like I’m being watched.

The thing is, I already consider myself very healthy. I go to the gym 4 times a week myself, and I’ve been told by others that I’m fit and look sporty and toned. I take care of myself, and I feel good about my body or at least I did until this started.

A few things that are bothering me:
• The Power Imbalance: She’s my manager, so I feel like I can’t just tell her to stop looking at me or asking about my food without it being awkward.
• The Projection: It feels like she is viewing me through her own lens of body dysmorphia or weight obsession.
• Professional Boundaries: I feel like my body and my lunch should be the least interesting things about me at work.

Has anyone else dealt with a manager who projects their own diet/body insecurities onto you? How do you maintain your confidence and set boundaries when you feel like you're being "sized up" every day?

I’m looking for some perspective on a weird and uncomfortable dynamic with my boss. I’m F30 and recently started a new job. Lately, my new manager has been very vocal about her personal goals to be "super thin," lose weight, and her strict routine of hitting the gym 4 days a week.

While I want to be supportive of people's goals, it’s started to cross a line into my professional space. I’ve noticed her "scanning" my body literally looking me up and down, specifically at my legs and stomach and then immediately following it up by asking, "What are you having for lunch?"

I’ve always felt fine about my body, but this constant scrutiny is making me feel incredibly insecure and judged. It feels like she’s performing a "food audit" on me to see if my lunch "matches" my figure. It’s gotten to the point where I’m questioning if I should even be eating things like sandwiches at my desk because I feel like I’m being watched.

The thing is, I already consider myself very healthy. I go to the gym 4 times a week myself, and I’ve been told by others that I’m fit and look sporty and toned. I take care of myself, and I feel good about my body or at least I did until this started.

A few things that are bothering me:
• The Power Imbalance: She’s my manager, so I feel like I can’t just tell her to stop looking at me or asking about my food without it being awkward.
• The Projection: It feels like she is viewing me through her own lens of body dysmorphia or weight obsession.
• Professional Boundaries: I feel like my body and my lunch should be the least interesting things about me at work.

Has anyone else dealt with a manager who projects their own diet/body insecurities onto you? How do you maintain your confidence and set boundaries when you feel like you're being "sized up" every day?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel like I’m going mad trying to make sense of this dynamic.

I have a cousin (let’s call her Lauren) who has been acting strangely towards me for months, and it’s been affecting my mental health more than I expected. The problem is that my sisters don’t see any of it because Lauren is completely normal with them.

Here are the things that have been happening:

• At a recent family wedding, she looked me up and down multiple times with a really tense expression clenched jaw, wide eyes, almost angry. It was uncomfortable and very noticeable.

• She treats my sisters warmly but is cold or distant with me. She replies to them instantly in group chats but ignores or delays responding to me.

• She likes all of their posts on social media but never likes mine, even when she’s viewed them. She’s always the very first person to view my stories instantly after I post but she can never support me

• I sent her a private happy birthday message and she didn’t even open it. She’s not opened any messages I’ve sent her for years now

• She posts things that feel reactive or attention‑seeking right after I post something (e.g., posting a model photo asking if she looks like her, or posting gifts from her boyfriend).

• On the first day of my new job, I posted a story saying how excited I was because I got to sit in on court. She ignored the story all day, then suddenly went back and “hearted” it 12 hours later. Then in the cousins’ group chat she asked, “How was your first day?” I replied saying it was great. Her response was: “Well at least you weren’t hungover 😂.”

• In our cousins’ group chat, she chats away with my sisters but barely acknowledges me. I’ve ended up muting and archiving the chat because it was making me anxious.

I finally spoke to my sisters about it last night, and they basically brushed it off with things like:

“It’s probably just the algorithm.”
“People get busy.”
“If she had a problem with you she would have told me.”
“She likes you, she didn’t say anything about you when we hung out.”

But they’re not experiencing the same behaviour I am, so of course they think everything is fine.

I’m frustrated because I feel excluded and confused, and when I try to talk about it, I get told I’m overthinking. I even started doubting myself and almost re‑opened the group chat just to “prove” to myself that nothing was wrong.

I’m not looking for drama. I’ve stepped back quietly because the whole thing has been affecting my mental health. But I can’t tell if I’m misreading things or if this is actually a pattern of behaviour directed at me.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? How do you handle a family dynamic where one person treats you differently but everyone else thinks it’s in your head?

The transition from being a "vulnerable" relative to a high-achieving professional is often a litmus test for family dynamics. In my case, this shift has revealed a disturbing pattern of behavioral surveillance and psychological games from a relative let’s call her "L" who holds a high-status position at a firm like BlackRock. Despite her own professional standing, her recent conduct suggests she is struggling to reconcile my new reality as her peer.
My life has changed drastically: I have lost 2 stone to reach an athletic 10st physique, maintained total sobriety, and secured a prestigious role at the Law Courts. I am also consistently managing my health, taking my maintenance meds (brown inhaler) daily. However, as I have leveled up, L’s behavior has shifted from "supportive mentor" to a "silent observer" who weaponizes her attention.

The most glaring evidence is the disparity in her social media engagement. L is consistently my first viewer on Instagram and Facebook stories; she is essentially "clocked in" to my life the moment I post content showcasing my professional environment or my healthy lifestyle. Yet, she pointedly ignores my actual posts on both platforms. In a move of calculated contrast, she frequently likes and comments on my sister’s posts, offering "heart-eyes" and public validation that she strictly withholds from me.

This selective validation reached a peak today, her birthday. I sent her a private, warm message: "Beautiful birthday girl! Hope you had a lovely day! X". Despite being active enough to view my stories instantly and post in a family group chat about a guitar her boyfriend bought her, she has left my message unopened for hours. It appears she prefers to "consume" my success via stories rather than acknowledge it through a direct, peer-to-peer interaction.
Furthermore, her engagement often carries an undercurrent of sabotage. When I posted about my first day at the Law Courts—a story she viewed at 8 AM and then pointedly re-watched at 6 PM—her only contribution to the group chat was, "At least you weren't hungover." This was not a joke; it was a deliberate attempt to anchor my current success to my past struggles with alcohol, a past I have moved beyond through disciplined sobriety. This behavior is often mirrored by my Aunt "J," as the two are frequently seen viewing my stories simultaneously, suggesting my life has become a subject of shared scrutiny.

The central question is why a woman with a high-powered career at BlackRock feels the need to monitor a relative so obsessively while simultaneously starving them of basic courtesy. It suggests that her "mentor" identity depended on me remaining "less than." Now that I am a 10st, sober professional who doesn't need her guidance, she is using silence and selective engagement as a final, desperate power play. Is this a common reaction to a family member’s "glow-up," or is this the behavior of someone who simply cannot handle a "rival" succeeding on their own terms?