u/HopDev

My boyfriend(24M) and I(24F) got into a really bad argument yesterday and I honestly just need some outside perspective because I feel embarrassed and confused about the whole situation.

For context, I overthink A LOT. I know that’s something I struggle with and it was definitely the root of our argument. My boyfriend also has this habit of pulling up on me wherever I am and demanding that we talk immediately, no matter what I’m doing or whether I’m ready to talk. That’s what happened yesterday.

He showed up at my house and wanted me to get into his car to talk. I walked outside and told him I’d talk to him in front of my house, but he kept insisting I get in the car. I didn’t want him to just drive away angry, so I kept opening the car door trying to talk, and he kept shutting it. Eventually I gave up and walked back toward my house.

That’s when things escalated. We started arguing and he began yelling at me and speaking to me really vulgarly. I kept telling him to lower his voice because the entire neighborhood could hear him, but he wouldn’t stop.

We were right beside my garage and my parents happened to be cleaning in the backyard and were getting stuff from in the garage at the time, so they heard some stuff. For context, my parents have never really had a face-to-face conversation with him in the 3 years we’ve dated because when we first started dating, they overheard the way he spoke to me and were honestly horrified by it.

So they came outside and told him to leave me alone and treat me with respect instead of like I’m property he owns. My mom was literally close to crying begging him not to speak to me that way. At the same time though, my parents also acknowledged that I can blow things out of proportion and overthink, so they weren’t acting like I was completely innocent either.

What makes this more confusing is that his mom has also spoken to me privately before (behind his back) and basically told me that I push him to the point of being rude, that I stress him out, and that everything is somehow my fault. Basically that he can do no wrong. He didn’t know she had said those things to me until after my parents went back inside. He said something like “wow, your parents really paint me out to be a monster,” and I responded that his own mom has criticized me way more harshly than my parents criticized him.

The weirdest part is that after all this happened, we still hung out later that night and acted pretty normal. Nothing about my parents coming outside was brought up again, and he actually said it was okay. Right after my parents left, we talked it out and came to the conclusion that I have to stop overthinking little things and he needs to watch how he speaks towards me.

I think what I’m struggling with most is this overwhelming embarrassment that my parents had to come out and witness all of that. I feel almost ashamed that they saw our relationship like that, even though part of me knows they were probably just trying to protect me.

Am I wrong for feeling embarrassed? Is this a normal reaction?. I’d really appreciate outside perspectives.

My friend of 2 years recently broke up with her boyfriend, and her ex also happens to be one of my boyfriend’s friends. Ever since the breakup, she has become completely obsessed with what he’s doing and it’s honestly starting to drain me.

She constantly asks me things like:
“Is your boyfriend with him right now?”
“Are you guys hanging out with him?”
“Do you know who he’s with?”
“Did he go out this weekend?”
“Do you think he misses me?”

And on the days my boyfriend and I do end up seeing him or hanging around him, she basically interrogates me afterward asking what he was doing, who he talked to, how he acted, etc. She’s even asked me to secretly take pictures/videos of him for her before, which honestly made me uncomfortable.

At first I understood because breakups are hard, but now it’s literally the only thing we talk about.
What makes it worse is she goes clubbing basically every weekend now, hooks up with random guys, then calls/texts me crying afterward saying she misses her ex and asking if I think he still cares about her. Then if she finds out HE went clubbing too, she gets upset and complains about it nonstop. Then the cycle repeats again the next weekend.

And honestly, I personally don’t agree with going out clubbing and sleeping around right after a breakup as a way to cope, especially when it’s clearly making her feel worse emotionally. But I also don’t know if it’s even my place to say that to her, so I mostly stay quiet and just listen.

The problem is I’m starting to feel like her emotional dumping ground and investigator for her ex’s life. Every conversation is either:
“I miss him”
“Do you think he misses me?”
or her venting after another hookup/random night out.

I feel bad because she’s obviously hurting, but it’s
becoming emotionally exhausting and repetitive. I genuinely don’t know how to handle this anymore without sounding insensitive or judgmental.
How would you deal with this situation?

Kinda just what the title is asking.

Do you guys like seeing your girlfriends or do you prefer time to be alone?

My boyfriend wants to see me after an argument last night. I'm sick so can't go out anyway, but i prefer going one day without seeing him just to calm down and not bring it up again and restart shit. Rather safe than sorry lol

Kinda just curious how guys approach it

Edit: We still text etc normally but just asking about seeing them in person
Edit 2: the argument was resolved and no one went to bed mad, i guess its just a me thing to want the a 24 hour refresh lol

Hi everyone,

I’ve been doing keto for about 5 weeks now and I’ve lost around 5kg so far — I went from 62.8kg to 57.5kg. I’m really happy with my progress and honestly feel proud that I’ve been sticking with it.

When I’m at home or with my boyfriend, it’s pretty easy because he knows I’m doing keto and is really supportive. For example, if his family is having pasta or something I can’t really eat, he’ll go out of his way to make sure I have something keto-friendly too, which I really appreciate.

The harder part is with friends. Some friends I’ve told that I’m doing keto feel the need to make comments about it, and the ones I haven’t told will pressure me to eat things I can’t really have. Yesterday I was offered fries like 7 times and I kept saying no, but it got annoying after a while.

I don’t want to make a big deal out of it or seem difficult, but I also don’t want to keep explaining myself every time I say no to something.

How do you deal with social situations where people keep pushing food on you? Do you tell people you’re doing keto, or do you just say you’re not hungry / don’t want it? Eventually won't they find it weird I am never "not hungry". These are also the people who like to sometimes split courses at restaurants.

For context, my (24F) and my bfs (24M) couple friends broke up around two weeks ago.

My bf and I both agree it was both their faults, in a way. But obviously, he believes my friend is more to blame and i am the opposite.

Anyways, they are now both single, yesterday I went to dinner with my friend and surprisingly my bf also hung out with his friend. My boyfriend then started to attack my friend’s actions after they broke up (something to do with a club and guys). He claimed she is a joke for how she acted after the breakup. No one was telling me what actually happened, I was practically just relaying messages. He then decided he would just ignore me lol. Practically choosing to prioritize his friends feelings towards his ex, over his actual girlfriend.

Anyways, my boyfriend is not aware of the fact that I know that when we once broke up, he actually dated a girl which he even took to christmas dinner, before coming back to me.

I want to get a guys perspective about this. I just find it insane I am being ignored because he values his friends emotions more than mine, while claiming it’s not his business etc.

Thank you

Edit: the back and forth went over text, we didn’t see them (my bf and his friend) in person.
And if anyone can flat out tell me what to tell him, would be much appreciated.

My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have a couple friend group: his friend is 22M and my friend is 22F. They recently broke up. Since the breakup, my boyfriend has continued talking to his friend, and I’ve continued talking to my friend.

My boyfriend and I both agree there were issues in their relationship, but he thinks most of the problems were my friend’s fault, while I see it more the opposite way.

Tonight, I went out to dinner with my friend. Weirdly enough, my boyfriend ended up hanging out with his friend at the exact same time. While I was texting my boyfriend, I asked if he told his friend that I was with his ex. He said he did, then followed it up with, “Did she show you her new ‘prospects’?”

I told him there were none from her side, and I asked what about his friend. My boyfriend kept saying that my friend has a new “roster,” but my friend was confused and didn’t know what he was talking about. So basically, my boyfriend and I were going back and forth relaying messages from both sides.

Eventually, my boyfriend said that my friend is “a joke” and claimed she was with guys at a club. I replied saying I don’t know, I’m just relaying messages the same way he is. After that, he started completely ignoring me.

His issue with my friend seems to be that after her breakup, she allegedly met up with another guy. But as my friend and I were getting ready to go home, I remembered that when my boyfriend and I broke up once after only dating for a short while, he had a whole new girlfriend after our breakup. He doesn’t know that I know this.

Now he’s ignoring me and acting childish over my friend’s behaviour, even though this is another couple’s breakup and he keeps saying it’s “none of his business.” I texted him a sweet goodnight, but he still hasn’t responded.

I’m not sure if I should follow up tonight, wait until tomorrow, or say nothing until he stops ignoring me. I also don’t know if I should bring up the fact that it feels hypocritical for him to judge my friend for supposedly seeing someone after a breakup when he basically did the same thing.

What bothers me most is that he likes to preach to his friend that him and his ex needed to communicate better, but now here we are, and I’m being ignored because he has a problem with someone else’s relationship drama.

How should I handle being ignored? Should I bring up the hypocrisy, or would that just make things worse? And how do I talk to him about not letting another couple’s breakup affect our relationship?

Hi everyone,

I(F24) started my weight loss journey 4 weeks ago at 62.8 kg, and I’m currently 58.5 kg, so I’ve lost 4.3 kg so far. For reference, I am 163cm.

My whole family, who I live with and see every day, has noticed that I’ve lost weight. They’ve mentioned that I look slimmer and that they can see a difference.

However, my boyfriend keeps telling me that I look the exact same. This hurts my feelings because he sees me less often than my family does, so I thought he would maybe notice the change more. Instead, every time he says I look the same, it makes me feel discouraged and like my progress isn’t visible.

I know the scale shows progress, and I know my family can see it, but I’m not sure how to take his comments. I don’t know if he’s trying to be honest, if he genuinely doesn’t notice, if he is trying to make me feel unaccomplished, or if I’m overthinking it. I am now starting to believe my parents may now be lying to me lol.

Has anyone else experienced this? How would you handle it if your partner kept saying you looked the same after you worked hard to lose weight?

I’m 24F, my boyfriend is 24M, and his mom is 50F.

For the past three years, his mom has developed what genuinely seems like a gambling addiction, mainly bingo. And before anyone laughs because it’s “just bingo,” she literally goes every day. Sometimes it’s one session, around 2 hours, sometimes 4 hours, and on weekends she’ll occasionally go for 6 hours.

At this point, bingo is basically all she talks about. She has lost a lot of friends over it too. People who used to go with her have even stopped going because of how bad it has gotten.

She spends almost no real time with her family, including my boyfriend and his 13-year-old sister. The situation with his sister is also strange because his mom has infantilized her a lot. She still washes her hair for her and doesn’t let her walk down the street alone, even though she’s 13.

Her own sisters have told me that they think she has completely lost it. They’ve said she doesn’t truly seem to care about her family anymore and that she constantly claims she has no money for things her kids need, but then spends at least $150 a night at bingo. On top of that, she buys at least $100 worth of scratch tickets/lotto tickets every month.

Being in their house feels so uncomfortable because there is always this weird tension. It feels like everyone knows something is seriously wrong, but nobody knows how to deal with it.

My boyfriend once had a mental breakdown and basically called her out for choosing bingo over his wellbeing. Instead of reflecting on it, she texted me asking what he meant. I studied addiction in university, and while I know I can’t diagnose her, this looks very clearly like an addiction. She fully believes she will win the lottery if she thinks about it enough.

I can see how much this is breaking their family, especially my boyfriend and his younger sister. I know this isn’t technically my parent or my family, but I’m close enough to see the damage happening in real time.

Is there literally anything I can do here? Should I say something? Should I stay out of it and just support my boyfriend? I feel helpless watching this happen.

I’m 24F, my boyfriend is 24M, and his mom is 50F.

For the past three years, his mom has developed what genuinely seems like a gambling addiction, mainly bingo. And before anyone laughs because it’s “just bingo,” she literally goes every day. Sometimes it’s one session, around 2 hours, sometimes 4 hours, and on weekends she’ll occasionally go for 6 hours.

At this point, bingo is basically all she talks about. She has lost a lot of friends over it too. People who used to go with her have even stopped going because of how bad it has gotten.

She spends almost no real time with her family, including my boyfriend and his 13-year-old sister. The situation with his sister is also strange because his mom has infantilized her a lot. She still washes her hair for her and doesn’t let her walk down the street alone, even though she’s 13.

Her own sisters have told me that they think she has completely lost it. They’ve said she doesn’t truly seem to care about her family anymore and that she constantly claims she has no money for things her kids need, but then spends at least $150 a night at bingo. On top of that, she buys at least $50 worth of scratch tickets/lotto tickets every week.

Being in their house feels so uncomfortable because there is always this weird tension. It feels like everyone knows something is seriously wrong, but nobody knows how to deal with it.

My boyfriend once had a mental breakdown and basically called her out for choosing bingo over his wellbeing. Instead of reflecting on it, she texted me asking what he meant. I studied addiction in university, and while I know I can’t diagnose her, this looks very clearly like an addiction. She fully believes she will win the lottery if she thinks about it enough.

I can see how much this is breaking their family, especially my boyfriend and his younger sister. I know this isn’t technically my parent or my family, but I’m close enough to see the damage happening in real time.

Is there literally anything I can do here? Should I say something? Should I stay out of it and just support my boyfriend? I feel helpless watching this happen.

My(24F) boyfriend’s(24M) mom, 50F, messaged our family group chat inviting everyone to her Mother’s Day brunch and told us to “free our calendars.”

For context, she has a history of using the whole “I treat you like my daughter” line, but in reality it has felt more like she expects me to act like unpaid help. In the past, she has had me do her family’s laundry, cook dinner for her family, make a separate dinner for her daughter, clean her house, etc. She has also talked badly about my own parents because they did not allow me to sleep over at her house.

Her own sisters, my boyfriend’s aunts, have told me that she talks badly about me behind my back, saying I do not do enough and that I am not thankful enough.

Last year, she invited me for Mother’s Day too. When I said I could not go because I was spending the day with my mom, she rolled her eyes and said, “You’re with your mom alllll day?” I said yes, and she walked away angry.

The first year my boyfriend and I were dating, I went to his aunt’s house for Mother’s Day instead of spending it with my own mom. I later found out my mom cried for half the day, and I still feel awful about that.

Since then, I have distanced myself from the group chat. I only really messaged twice: once to thank them for a birthday gift and once to update them that my family was okay after they were in a car accident.

After his mom sent the Mother’s Day brunch message, my boyfriend asked if I saw the group chat. I said yes, but I would not be able to attend. He asked why, and I said, “Because it’s Mother’s Day.” He just replied with a dry “ok.”

I feel like he does not fully see how his mom treats me. She rarely seems to spend meaningful alone time with her own family, and it feels like she invites people over so she has someone to talk to or someone to help her, and in this case, that person is usually me.

I want to spend Mother’s Day with my own mom without guilt. I also do not want to get pulled into another situation where I am expected to cook, clean, help, or be treated like I owe her my time.

How do I stand my ground without causing a huge fight?

My(24F) boyfriend’s(24M) mom, 50F, messaged our family group chat inviting everyone to her Mother’s Day brunch and told us to “free our calendars.”

For context, she has a history of using the whole “I treat you like my daughter” line, but in reality it has felt more like she expects me to act like unpaid help. In the past, she has had me do her family’s laundry, cook dinner for her family, make a separate dinner for her daughter, clean her house, etc. She has also talked badly about my own parents because they did not allow me to sleep over at her house.

Her own sisters, my boyfriend’s aunts, have told me that she talks badly about me behind my back, saying I do not do enough and that I am not thankful enough. They all think she is insane btw.

Last year, she invited me for Mother’s Day too. When I said I could not go because I was spending the day with my mom, she rolled her eyes and said, “You’re with your mom alllll day?” I said yes, and she walked away angry.

The first year my boyfriend and I were dating, I went to his aunt’s house for Mother’s Day instead of spending it with my own mom. I later found out my mom cried for half the day, and I still feel awful about that.

Since then, I have distanced myself from the group chat. I only really messaged twice: once to thank them for a birthday gift and once to update them that my family was okay after they were in a car accident.

After his mom sent the Mother’s Day brunch message, my boyfriend asked if I saw the group chat. I said yes, but I would not be able to attend. He asked why, and I said, “Because it’s Mother’s Day.” He just replied with a dry “ok.”

I feel like he does not fully see how his mom treats me. She rarely seems to spend meaningful alone time with her own family, and it feels like she invites people over so she has someone to talk to or someone to help her, and in this case, that person is usually me.

I want to spend Mother’s Day with my own mom without guilt. I also do not want to get pulled into another situation where I am expected to cook, clean, help, or be treated like I owe her my time.

How do I stand my ground without causing a huge fight? Literally what do i say, please help lol

I’m 24F and my boyfriend is 24M. I’ve been realizing something really uncomfortable about myself, and I don’t know what to do with it.

No matter how much time we spend together, the second we’re not together, my brain starts telling me he must be cheating on me. It gets especially bad on Friday or Saturday nights. If he doesn’t hang out with me, my mind immediately jumps to, “He’s probably out at a club cheating,” even though he has always said he hates clubbing and has never really given me a reason to believe that’s what he’s doing.

The problem is that I think spending time with him has become my way of “monitoring” him. When we’re together, I feel calmer because I know where he is and what he’s doing. But when we’re apart, I spiral. Then I start acting passive-aggressive, cold, or rude out of nowhere, even if he hasn’t done anything wrong.

I know this isn’t healthy, and I don’t want to punish him for my anxiety. But in the moment, the fear feels so real that it’s hard to stop myself from reacting.

I genuinely don’t want to keep behaving like this, but I don’t know how to get out of this pattern. It annoys me that I am like this. Is there any perspective shift that can help me?

I’m 24F and my boyfriend is 24M. I’ve been realizing something really uncomfortable about myself, and I don’t know what to do with it.

No matter how much time we spend together, the second we’re not together, my brain starts telling me he must be cheating on me. It gets especially bad on Friday or Saturday nights. If he doesn’t hang out with me, my mind immediately jumps to, “He’s probably out at a club cheating,” even though he has always said he hates clubbing and has never really given me a reason to believe that’s what he’s doing.

The problem is that I think spending time with him has become my way of “monitoring” him. When we’re together, I feel calmer because I know where he is and what he’s doing. But when we’re apart, I spiral. Then I start acting passive-aggressive, cold, or rude out of nowhere, even if he hasn’t done anything wrong.

I know this isn’t healthy, and I don’t want to punish him for my anxiety. But in the moment, the fear feels so real that it’s hard to stop myself from reacting.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of anxious attachment/jealousy? How do you stop treating your partner’s free time as a threat? I genuinely don’t want to keep behaving like this, but I don’t know how to get out of this pattern.

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this, but my boyfriend’s mom has made enough comments about what I wear that it’s starting to affect how I feel around her.

She’ll make little comments like, “My children love comfy clothes, not stuff like jeans,” as I am sitting there wearing jeans... One time I bought my boyfriend a shirt that he actually loves, and when she saw it she said, “It’s different,” and laughed.

She’s also asked me why I’m “so dressed up” when I was wearing something as basic as a T-shirt and jeans. Another time she said, “Once you get to my age, you stop caring what people think about you,” which felt like another indirect comment about me caring too much about how I look.

The one that really bothered me was when we were going out to dinner and she basically made me change because she thought I looked uncomfortable, even though I felt completely fine. I wasn’t wearing anything inappropriate or over the top. I was just dressed how I normally like to dress.

Now I’ve noticed that I’m starting to dress down when I know I’m going to be around her, and honestly, it makes me feel like shit. I like dressing nicely. It makes me feel good. But now I feel self-conscious, like anything I wear is going to be judged or turned into some weird comment.

It’s not even one huge dramatic thing, just a bunch of little digs that make me feel like she’s trying to make me feel silly or vain for caring about how I present myself.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing? Am I being too sensitive, or is this a weird control/judgment thing?

There’s a pretty common idea that women can often tell when a guy has friends who aren’t good for him, and sometimes they end up being right about it.

I’m curious if men have experienced the reverse.

Have you ever looked at your girlfriend’s friend and thought, “This person does not actually respect her, value her, or treat her well”? Were you right? Did you say something, or did you stay out of it?

I’m asking because my boyfriend has been telling me to steer clear of one of my friends. He thinks she doesn’t actually respect me or my time, and that the friendship is very one-sided. At first I thought maybe he was being too harsh, but I’m starting to notice some of the things he pointed out.

So I’m wondering from a guy’s perspective: have you ever seen this situation clearly from the outside before your girlfriend did? And how did it turn out?

I (24F) have a friend (22F), and lately I’ve been noticing a pattern in our friendship that is starting to really bother me.

When she is going through something, I try my best to be there for her. I listen, I respond, I ask questions, I check in, and I genuinely care about what is happening in her life. I don’t expect perfection from her, but I do try to show up for her emotionally.

The issue is that when it comes to me, it feels like the effort is not returned at all. If I try to talk about something going on in my life, I often get ignored, brushed off, or I get a response like, “I don’t know what to say.” Sometimes the conversation just shifts back to her, or it feels like my problems are too inconvenient for her to engage with.

I’m starting to feel like there are one-sided expectations in this friendship. She seems to expect emotional support, understanding, and patience from me, but when I need even a little bit of that same support, it’s not really there.

I don’t want to make this sound like I’m keeping score, because I know friendships are not always 50/50 every single day. But over time, it has started to feel draining and honestly kind of hurtful. I feel like I’m expected to be emotionally available for her, but I don’t feel cared for in the same way.

I’m not sure if I should bring this up to her directly, pull back a bit, or just accept that this friendship may not be as close as I thought it was.

How would you handle a friendship where the emotional support feels very one-sided?