u/Human-Complex4435

So sorry for such a long post

Among many other things he sleeps hungover 1/2 of most weekends

I (27F) met my boyfriend (29M) around a year and a half ago. He’s foreign but born in the US so no visa problems at least.

I’m starting to question whether I continue this relationship :(
Now keep in mind I’ll really only be mentioning the negative stuff here but there’s definitely good times! Like fun weekends and evenings hanging out. He can be so sweet and supportive but there are some negatives that I’m listing here and wondering how bad they are

He has some habits that bother me and he knows I don’t like:

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1)The most prevalent one is he likes to sleep an entire day most weekends:
He likes to sit up drink all night watching movies. He can’t really stop once he starts drinking usually he’ll just finish whatever he has for the most part. He’ll fall asleep on the couch around 6am, a solid chunk of times he’ll fall asleep holding a beer in his hand or lap so it’ll spill on the couch/floor/rug/remote

Then he’s really tired and hungover so he’ll spend 16 hours in bed in and out of sleep and scrolling Instagram reels. He’ll appear for an hour or two around 7pm then go back to sleep.

It ruins my weekends and what’s worse he does it not just when we’re home. He’s done it at my sisters, my moms, at our lake house. He just doesn’t seem to get it’s kinda rude to be a guest and just opt out of hanging out to sleep all day.

I end up sitting around all day doing nothing and stewing in anger. I asked him if we could just do chill days on weekends where maybe he doesn’t sleep all day but he just stays on the couch and we watch tv together. He’s tried that a few times but just sits on his phone the whole time and eventually returns to the bed.

He’s well aware how much I dislike it and seems to make digs at me for not liking it. Like he’ll be like “you can’t be mad at me for sleeping bc you did X” or “you’re gonna be mad at meeeee”

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2)He vapes, gross. I haven’t tried asking him to stop bc he hasn’t stopped most of the other things I’ve asked him and he already says I make him feel like a bad person

Like I asked him to stop throwing dish towels in the sink so they get all gross and wet for multiple days. I won’t want to touch those. He still does it and just throws the towels away

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3)He often will say things kinda mean under the guise of a joke. I could be like “guess what I saw” and he’d be like “I don’t care” and go back to looking at his phone. Then after a few seconds be like “just kidding, tell me” but it like ruins the moment. Makes me feel like I can’t say anything without some kind of negative response even if it’s a joke. Or like “don’t speak to me like that” if I say anything

They kinda are jabs that bring me down. Like he’ll say jokes to my family that I really don’t need him saying but things like “she farts while she’s asleep” and sorry TMI “she’s super regular guess how many times a day she shits”

Or like sometimes maybe I don’t wanna be touched he’s like “omg I really do disgust you don’t I” or “you don’t love me anymore”

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4)doesn’t know what country he wants to be in. I won’t say what country but he’s homesick for there and initially he said he was going back there, he’s said many times he wants to stay here. Then he’ll say he wants to go back to his country and say he’s said that from the beginning.

He’s even said he doesn’t think you can raise a family in the US prosperously.

We’re going on a trip to his country soon and he wanted me to wait until afterwards to have our serious chat about where he wants to end up. I’ve never wavered in wanting to stay in the US. He just jerks me back and forth on where he wants to be. I worry I’m wasting my time if he doesn’t know where he wants to be.

I also worry the trip has an ulterior motive with him wanting me to fall in love with his country. I won’t. But still.

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5)mad about money but doesn’t let me pay. He complains I’m taking him for a ride bc he pays for things. I specifically don’t suggest expensive things and often try to pay but when I do he’ll be like “stop pretending to pay” or “no don’t no I’m paying” and then later be upset he pays for everything.

He got mad at me and suggested we make a joint account for fun money and hasn’t brought it up since.

He paid for the plane tickets and I’m going to pay him back but when I offered he said we’d deal with it later and then he got mad at me I hadn’t brought it up again. He also hasn’t told me the amount or what payment method he wants

He gets snarky when he buys things. So he paid for some boat gas and we went on a boat ride while he still had to work and was like “enjoy the gas I paid for”

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6)when I bring up issues he twists it so I end up comforting him and doesn’t make changes. He’ll be like “you don’t love me anymore”, “I disgust you”, “I’m a terrible person” so then I end up having to comfort him instead of addressing whatever I want to talk about

Or he’ll try to leave if we’re at my house. If it’s not great vibes he’ll be like “I should go” and I end up on the back foot basically begging him to stay

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A few specific instances:

1)I’ll be unspecific but there was an incident of driving a recreational vehicle into some water. Now don’t blame him entirely for that, it’s what happened after that bothered me.

Previously we all stopped at a liquor store and he didn’t get anything. Then after the water incident we left the vehicle underwater overnight. But at the house he started stumbling and slurring but he was only drinking soda.

We thought he hit his head going in the water so we tried to get him to go to the emergency room if he had a concussion or a brain bleed or something. Turns out when we thought he got nothing at the liquor store he got a huge thing of vodka and was slamming it all night without us knowing.

And then per usual he slept all the next day while my dad and the rest of us got up to get the vehicle out of the frigid water and stood outside for hours fixing it up and getting it running. He slept the whole time. He should’ve been the one in the water pulling it out. Instead he secret drank to take the edge off his guilt.

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2)4th of July was a 3 day weekend. He had a root canal on Thursday so he slept most of Friday so I could’ve lived with that but he drank too much Saturday and slept all day Sunday. So with my sister and friends he was asleep / in bed scrolling for 2/3 of the weekend

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3)a couple weeks ago we had a rare quiet weekend so I suggested a list of low energy (bc he’s always sleepy) and cheap (bc he complains about money) and he said they were great ideas

Then come Friday he says he’s not coming bc he needs time alone and wants to go for a walk alone. And that I shouldn’t be mad bc there was nothing interesting on the list anyways. And I was like “well for one, you didn’t suggest any alternatives, and two do I have to be the one to suggest things to do for you to want to come hang out?”

I said I wished he told me earlier he didn’t like my list so I could’ve gone to another state with my sister to spend time with my family. He didn’t like that I said that he said it wasn’t fair

Then I said I’d go to a museum Sunday (bc he spent Saturday alone) and IT WAS ON THE LIST, and he was like oh can I come? And I was like bro you didn’t want to come before. Anyway he came

——————————————————-

4)a few sleeping incidents

Drank too much, slept all New Year’s Eve, we went to dinner, he was grumpy the whole time and ruined it, get home and he goes to bed, it was like 10pm. So I went to bed on the couch, set an alarm, watched the ball drop alone, cried a bit. It was our first new years

Valentine’s Day (our first). He got me some nice gifts, some plants and chocolate. He asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant but since he complains about money I suggested I make some pizza dough and we make heart shaped pizzas.
He drank too much the night before and slept all day. So I made the pizzas alone, he came out for like an hour to eat some and went back to bed.

We took him on a very expensive family trip (he only paid for his flight. Food,hotel,and car was paid for by my parents) he never joined us at the lodge for breakfast bc he doesn’t eat breakfast. One day they went to a military museum and instead he decided to stay at the ranch so he could call his dad (he could’ve done that any other time, like at breakfast so he didn’t miss any activities) but he really spent most of the afternoon scrolling Instagram and sleeping

We were going to a golf tournament. We get to my sisters. I found out later he was secretly drinking whiskey and ginger ale and I didn’t know. He was smashed. He called me upstairs to say he wasn’t coming to the tournament. And that he never wanted to go in the first place. And that he thinks I take for granted that he says yes to things like always hanging out with my family.
That same night is when he said he didn’t think he could raise a family in the US

We were supposed to go to a comedy show. He drank too much the night before and slept all day. He pulled it together and we get past security and he said he’s gonna faint so we need to leave. And he’s doing it for me so I don’t need to be embarrassed by my boyfriend passing out and paramedics and all that. I mentioned we’d been to the exact same venue for a sports event with no issue but he said it’s different bc with sports it’s more acceptable to get up and go to the bathroom

There’s others but this post is too long anyways

Edit:
Sorry forgot!
We watched a movie recently and he keep commenting on how pretty the lead girl is. Followed her on insta. Sends me reels of her. Says “oh, *actress name* would be nice to me” or “she wouldn’t be mad at me for sleeping”

Even the other day in front of my family he suggested we watch the movie and was like “there’s a really pretty girl in it but OP gets mad at me when I mention that” and my brother in law was like “as she should”

He does that with other actresses but this recent one was more pronounced

TL;DR
I’m (27F) questioning my 1.5-year relationship because my boyfriend (29M) repeatedly drinks all night, sleeps 16+ hours through weekends, and has missed or ruined New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, 4th of July, and family trips.
He hidden-drank vodka after sinking a vehicle (leaving my dad to fix it while he slept), scorekeeps money while refusing to let me pay, flip-flops on moving abroad, and refuses small requests like keeping dish towels out of the sink.
Every time I bring up an issue, he flips the narrative to make himself the victim—accusing me of being mad at him, saying he disgusts me, or threatening to leave so I end up having to comfort him instead of getting real change.

I (27F) met my boyfriend (29M) around a year and a half ago. He’s foreign but born in the US so no visa problems at least.

I’m starting to question whether I continue this relationship :(
Now keep in mind I’ll really only be mentioning the negative stuff here but there’s definitely good times! Like fun weekends and evenings hanging out

He has some habits that bother me and he knows I don’t like:

——————————————————-

1)The most prevalent one is he likes to sleep an entire day most weekends:
He likes to sit up drink all night watching movies. He can’t really stop once he starts drinking usually he’ll just finish whatever he has for the most part. He’ll fall asleep on the couch around 6am, a solid chunk of times he’ll fall asleep holding a beer in his hand or lap so it’ll spill on the couch/floor/rug/remote

Then he’s really tired and hungover so he’ll spend 16 hours in bed in and out of sleep and scrolling Instagram reels. He’ll appear for an hour or two around 7pm then go back to sleep.

It ruins my weekends and what’s worse he does it not just when we’re home. He’s done it at my sisters, my moms, at our lake house. He just doesn’t seem to get it’s kinda rude to be a guest and just opt out of hanging out to sleep all day.

I end up sitting around all day doing nothing and stewing in anger. I asked him if we could just do chill days on weekends where maybe he doesn’t sleep all day but he just stays on the couch and we watch tv together. He’s tried that a few times but just sits on his phone the whole time and eventually returns to the bed.

He’s well aware how much I dislike it and seems to make digs at me for not liking it. Like he’ll be like “you can’t be mad at me for sleeping bc you did X” or “you’re gonna be mad at meeeee”

——————————————————-

2)He vapes, gross. I haven’t tried asking him to stop bc he hasn’t stopped most of the other things I’ve asked him and he already says I make him feel like a bad person

Like I asked him to stop throwing dish towels in the sink so they get all gross and wet for multiple days. I won’t want to touch those. He still does it and just throws the towels away

——————————————————-

3)He often will say things kinda mean under the guise of a joke. I could be like “guess what I saw” and he’d be like “I don’t care” and go back to looking at his phone. Then after a few seconds be like “just kidding, tell me” but it like ruins the moment. Makes me feel like I can’t say anything without some kind of negative response even if it’s a joke. Or like “don’t speak to me like that” if I say anything

They kinda are jabs that bring me down. Like he’ll say jokes to my family that I really don’t need him saying but things like “she farts while she’s asleep” and sorry TMI “she’s super regular guess how many times a day she shits”

Or like sometimes maybe I don’t wanna be touched he’s like “omg I really do disgust you don’t I” or “you don’t love me anymore”

——————————————————-

4)doesn’t know what country he wants to be in. I won’t say what country but he’s homesick for there and initially he said he was going back there, he’s said many times he wants to stay here. Then he’ll say he wants to go back to his country and say he’s said that from the beginning.

He’s even said he doesn’t think you can raise a family in the US prosperously.

We’re going on a trip to his country soon and he wanted me to wait until afterwards to have our serious chat about where he wants to end up. I’ve never wavered in wanting to stay in the US. He just jerks me back and forth on where he wants to be. I worry I’m wasting my time if he doesn’t know where he wants to be.

I also worry the trip has an ulterior motive with him wanting me to fall in love with his country. I won’t. But still.

——————————————————-

5)mad about money but doesn’t let me pay. He complains I’m taking him for a ride bc he pays for things. I specifically don’t suggest expensive things and often try to pay but when I do he’ll be like “stop pretending to pay” or “no don’t no I’m paying” and then later be upset he pays for everything.

He got mad at me and suggested we make a joint account for fun money and hasn’t brought it up since.

He paid for the plane tickets and I’m going to pay him back but when I offered he said we’d deal with it later and then he got mad at me I hadn’t brought it up again. He also hasn’t told me the amount or what payment method he wants

He gets snarky when he buys things. So he paid for some boat gas and we went on a boat ride while he still had to work and was like “enjoy the gas I paid for”

——————————————————-

6)when I bring up issues he twists it so I end up comforting him and doesn’t make changes. He’ll be like “you don’t love me anymore”, “I disgust you”, “I’m a terrible person” so then I end up having to comfort him instead of addressing whatever I want to talk about

Or he’ll try to leave if we’re at my house. If it’s not great vibes he’ll be like “I should go” and I end up on the back foot basically begging him to stay

——————————————————-
——————————————————-
——————————————————-
A few specific instances:

1)I’ll be unspecific but there was an incident of driving a recreational vehicle into some water. Now don’t blame him entirely for that, it’s what happened after that bothered me.

Previously we all stopped at a liquor store and he didn’t get anything. Then after the water incident we left the vehicle underwater overnight. But at the house he started stumbling and slurring but he was only drinking soda.

We thought he hit his head going in the water so we tried to get him to go to the emergency room if he had a concussion or a brain bleed or something. Turns out when we thought he got nothing at the liquor store he got a huge thing of vodka and was slamming it all night without us knowing.

And then per usual he slept all the next day while my dad and the rest of us got up to get the vehicle out of the frigid water and stood outside for hours fixing it up and getting it running. He slept the whole time. He should’ve been the one in the water pulling it out. Instead he secret drank to take the edge off his guilt.

——————————————————-

2)4th of July was a 3 day weekend. He had a root canal on Thursday so he slept most of Friday so I could’ve lived with that but he drank too much Saturday and slept all day Sunday. So with my sister and friends he was asleep / in bed scrolling for 2/3 of the weekend

——————————————————-

3)a couple weeks ago we had a rare quiet weekend so I suggested a list of low energy (bc he’s always sleepy) and cheap (bc he complains about money) and he said they were great ideas

Then come Friday he says he’s not coming bc he needs time alone and wants to go for a walk alone. And that I shouldn’t be mad bc there was nothing interesting on the list anyways. And I was like “well for one, you didn’t suggest any alternatives, and two do I have to be the one to suggest things to do for you to want to come hang out?”

I said I wished he told me earlier he didn’t like my list so I could’ve gone to another state with my sister to spend time with my family. He didn’t like that I said that he said it wasn’t fair

Then I said I’d go to a museum Sunday (bc he spent Saturday alone) and IT WAS ON THE LIST, and he was like oh can I come? And I was like bro you didn’t want to come before. Anyway he came

——————————————————-

4)a few sleeping incidents

Drank too much, slept all New Year’s Eve, we went to dinner, he was grumpy the whole time and ruined it, get home and he goes to bed, it was like 10pm. So I went to bed on the couch, set an alarm, watched the ball drop alone, cried a bit. It was our first new years

Valentine’s Day (our first). He got me some nice gifts, some plants and chocolate. He asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant but since he complains about money I suggested I make some pizza dough and we make heart shaped pizzas.
He drank too much the night before and slept all day. So I made the pizzas alone, he came out for like an hour to eat some and went back to bed.

We took him on a very expensive family trip (he only paid for his flight. Food,hotel,and car was paid for by my parents) he never joined us at the lodge for breakfast bc he doesn’t eat breakfast. One day they went to a military museum and instead he decided to stay at the ranch so he could call his dad (he could’ve done that any other time, like at breakfast so he didn’t miss any activities) but he really spent most of the afternoon scrolling Instagram and sleeping

We were going to a golf tournament. We get to my sisters. I found out later he was secretly drinking whiskey and ginger ale and I didn’t know. He was smashed. He called me upstairs to say he wasn’t coming to the tournament. And that he never wanted to go in the first place. And that he thinks I take for granted that he says yes to things like always hanging out with my family.
That same night is when he said he didn’t think he could raise a family in the US

We were supposed to go to a comedy show. He drank too much the night before and slept all day. He pulled it together and we get past security and he said he’s gonna faint so we need to leave. And he’s doing it for me so I don’t need to be embarrassed by my boyfriend passing out and paramedics and all that. I mentioned we’d been to the exact same venue for a sports event with no issue but he said it’s different bc with sports it’s more acceptable to get up and go to the bathroom

There’s others but this post is too long anyways

Edit:
Sorry forgot!
We watched a movie recently and he keep commenting on how pretty the lead girl is. Followed her on insta. Sends me reels of her. Says “oh, actress name would be nice to me” or “she wouldn’t be mad at me for sleeping”

Even the other day in front of my family he suggested we watch the movie and was like “there’s a really pretty girl in it but OP gets mad at me when I mention that” and my brother in law was like “as she should”

He does that with other actresses but this recent one was more pronounced

I had like 30k more treasure and had the first egg of the new legendary event dragon almost out of the egg

Now I haven’t even unlocked it so I’ve lost half a days worth of event progress and 30k treasure. God knows what else I lost but don’t recall

What’s going on with this? This isn’t the first time and I’ve only been playing two weeks

Can I contact support or something?

I’m like 200 pages deep into The Count of Monte Cristo (no spoilers please (yes I’m aware it’s an old book but I’m really good at being oblivious to things so I actually don’t know anything that happens in this book))

Now I don’t know if this sandwich is related to the book and I’m too scared to look it up if it is for spoiler reasons. I truly doubt they’re related.

Anywayyyyy I cannot get this sandwich out of my head, does anyone know a restaurant that has it?