u/I-like-mangoes-

My Story centers around Redemption, Hope, and the concept of self improvement.

Major trigger warnings for gore, physical abuse, addiction, and manipulation

My main character is a 26-year-old Living weapon (coincidentally named 026) who's disguised as the bodyguard of his handler/boss/mother figure, Eilene.

One of my favorite details about 026 is that despite the fact he's an awful person and incredibly stubborn and loyal to Eilene, he is a complete sucker for Strawberries. If someone offers to make him a strawberry pie, strawberry jam, or strawberry ice-cream, he'll consider faking your death or even try to befriend you.

He's a complete disaster, but the strawberry thing stays completely consistent. The Caretaker of the project ends up taking him to pick strawberries over the summer and accidentally gains a reconsideration of his previous biases against her due to that singular event.

I mean The story builds up to it for about 30 chapters but still Lol

Anywho, I'm very proud of my silly little project and I'm happy to say I'm working on my 18th chapter as of today! I already have 15 posted and I'm so happy >w<

I know there's no Canon in SCP but If I wanted to Start writing fanfiction or any kind of SCP stories, what are the most basically generally accepted or commonly agreed-upon details that I, as a beginner, should start with? Other Dimensions? Doctors? Characters? Settings? Facility History? Specific Sites? ect.

This is literally all I know:

1. Class A-C Meanings
2. SCP Security Distinctions (Safe, Euclid, Keter, Apollyon, Neutralized, Thaumiel, Pending, & Esoteric)
3. SCP Wiki is the Place to go for all SCP reference details
4. The SCP organization is generally considered to be a secret organization

I genuinely need help and this is a bit of a vent-ish tone because I don't know how else to phrase it and I just need help

TL;DR: I am undiagnosed with extremely low empathy. I want to love and support my friends and family but I am finding it extremely difficult to do so and even starting to hurt them. I don't want to hurt them but I feel like I'm losing control of myself to my fears and I need to know how to stop this before I do something stupid and lose someone I love forever. Are there any steps I can take to change this behavior?

I am undiagnosed, and I don't know if there's something deeper going on here, but something new has showed up after a massive episode of being mentally unable to get out of bed without almost crying last year.

This year everything seems better! My brother is doing better in his life, my best friend is willing to talk about her life more often, my projects are going better, and I'm understanding how to pace myself. Plus, I got a boyfriend! I should be happy, I should be excited.

The problem is that when my emotions get worse, I can't do anything. Where, last year, I couldn't get out of bed, this year I can't go to sleep. I don't understand why, but every conversation with anyone (despite the fact I get energy from talking to people) just mentally hurts me. I get bored really quickly and I feel like a drag in the conversation and even when I try to make it fun again, the problem always just comes back to the fact that I'm the problem. I'm unhappy because I'm part of the conversation.

I feel little to no empathy. I don't feel people's emotions and I only understand them and come to my own emotional conclusion if I understand the feelings and why they happen. I can sympathize and feel compassion (Like I'm sorry it happened, I'm sad FOR you, not WITH you). I also struggle to feel love unless I know a person on a very intimate level which leaves my close friends as the only people I feel like I can truly describe as "Loved ones"

My family, I suppose I'd be sad if I lost them, almost incapacitated even, but I only feel a real bond with my older sister. With my boyfriend it's the same. We've only known one another six months and the relationship is one month old, but I feel little connection to him. The issue is that whenever I try to explain this to other people, they say I should break up with him because I 'don't love him obviously'. This is the most attraction I've ever felt to anyone EVER. I like him a lot and I feel more of a bond to him than I feel to most people who are categorically closer to me emotionally since I know more about them than I do him.

I don't know why, but I've started to panic and be intensely emotionally hurt when people leave me alone (Which is not their responsibility, they have their own lives; but for some reason that logic doesn't help me at all). I want to be supportive and to help my friends and boyfriend through whatever issues they have, I want to be a good girlfriend and a good friend and a better person, but I just... can't.

I begin to get desperate and scared and frustrated and then I lash out at them, and I'm trying not to, but unless I do, I have nothing to say to them and end up accidentally ghosting them for no reason. I want to have something to say! I love these people! I think...

I am desperately afraid of something bad happening to them, I want them to be happy, and I love who they are as people. I just... I don't know why this is happening

I told my friend whom I play D&D with that I hated him and wished he'd leave me

I told my best friend She would be better off if she never met me

Last year I ghosted her out of fear I'd lose her and I guess I wanted to leave on my own terms

I haven't been contacting my sister even though she moved away

I've been ignoring my dad and simultaneously trying to spend more time with him and get away from him

I suppose it's been happening for a while ever since I isolated myself from my two friend groups three years ago... but why?

Those old friend groups were a bit toxic (gossiping behind people's backs & insulting religions) but these new people are lovely and trying their best

I don't know, I need help. Why is this happening? I am so scared and I need to stop doing this.

Should I just... let it go and be alone?

I know I don't deserve them

I just, I keep trying to fix it, fix me, and it's not working. I can't feel closer to people by my own will, I can't get over this fear. It goes away for a day or a week or a month and then it's back.

What do I do?

TL;DR: I am undiagnosed with extremely low empathy. I want to love and support my friends and family but I am finding it extremely difficult to do so and even starting to hurt them. I don't want to hurt them but I feel like I'm losing control of myself to my fears and I need to know how to stop this before I do something stupid and lose someone I love forever.

I am undiagnosed, and I don't know if there's something deeper going on here, but something new has showed up after a massive episode of being mentally unable to get out of bed without almost crying last year.

This year everything seems better! My brother is doing better in his life, my best friend is willing to talk about her life more often, my projects are going better, and I'm understanding how to pace myself. Plus, I got a boyfriend! I should be happy, I should be excited.

The problem is that when my emotions get worse, I can't do anything. Where, last year, I couldn't get out of bed, this year I can't go to sleep. I don't understand why, but every conversation with anyone (despite the fact I get energy from talking to people) just mentally hurts me. I get bored really quickly and I feel like a drag in the conversation and even when I try to make it fun again, the problem always just comes back to the fact that I'm the problem. I'm unhappy because I'm part of the conversation.

I feel little to no empathy. I don't feel people's emotions and I only understand them and come to my own emotional conclusion if I understand the feelings and why they happen. I can sympathize and feel compassion (Like I'm sorry it happened, I'm sad FOR you, not WITH you). I also struggle to feel love unless I know a person on a very intimate level which leaves my close friends as the only people I feel like I can truly describe as "Loved ones"

My family, I suppose I'd be sad if I lost them, almost incapacitated even, but I only feel a real bond with my older sister. With my boyfriend it's the same. We've only known one another six months and the relationship is one month old, but I feel little connection to him. The issue is that whenever I try to explain this to other people, they say I should break up with him because I 'don't love him obviously'. This is the most attraction I've ever felt to anyone EVER. I like him a lot and I feel more of a bond to him than I feel to most people who are categorically closer to me emotionally since I know more about them than I do him.

I don't know why, but I've started to panic and be intensely emotionally hurt when people leave me alone (Which is not their responsibility, they have their own lives; but for some reason that logic doesn't help me at all). I want to be supportive and to help my friends and boyfriend through whatever issues they have, I want to be a good girlfriend and a good friend and a better person, but I just... can't.

I begin to get desperate and scared and frustrated and then I lash out at them, and I'm trying not to, but unless I do, I have nothing to say to them and end up accidentally ghosting them for no reason. I want to have something to say! I love these people! I think...

I am desperately afraid of something bad happening to them, I want them to be happy, and I love who they are as people. I just... I don't know why this is happening

I told my friend whom I play D&D with that I hated him and wished he'd leave me

I told my best friend She would be better off if she never met me

Last year I ghosted her out of fear I'd lose her and I guess I wanted to leave on my own terms

I haven't been contacting my sister even though she moved away

I've been ignoring my dad and simultaneously trying to spend more time with him and get away from him

I suppose it's been happening for a while ever since I isolated myself from my two friend groups three years ago... but why?

Those old friend groups were a bit toxic (gossiping behind people's backs & insulting religions) but these new people are lovely and trying their best

I don't know, I need help. Why is this happening? I am so scared and I need to stop doing this.

Should I just... let it go and be alone?

I know I don't deserve them

I just, I keep trying to fix it, fix me, and it's not working. I can't feel closer to people by my own will, I can't get over this fear. It goes away for a day or a week or a month and then it's back.

What do I do?

Somebody please give me advice

I am undiagnosed, and I don't know if there's something deeper going on here, but something new has showed up after a massive episode of being mentally unable to get out of bed without almost crying last year.

This year everything seems better! My brother is doing better in his life, my best friend is willing to talk about her life more often, my projects are going better, and I'm understanding how to pace myself. Plus, I got a boyfriend! I should be happy, I should be excited.

I feel little to no empathy. I don't feel people's emotions and I only understand them and come to my own emotional conclusion if I understand the feelings and why they happen. I can sympathize and feel compassion (Like I'm sorry it happened, I'm sad FOR you, not WITH you). I also struggle to feel love unless I know a person on a very intimate level which leaves my close friends as the only people I feel like I can truly describe as "Loved ones"

My family, I suppose I'd be sad if I lost them, almost incapacitated even, but I only feel a real bond with my older sister. With my boyfriend it's the same. We've only known one another six months and the relationship is one month old, but I feel little connection to him. The issue is that whenever I try to explain this to other people, they say I should break up with him because I 'don't love him obviously'. This is the most attraction I've ever felt to anyone EVER. I like him a lot and I feel more of a bond to him than I feel to most people who are categorically closer to me emotionally since I know more about them than I do him.

I don't know why, but I've started to panic and be intensely emotionally hurt when people leave me alone (Which is not their responsibility, they have their own lives; but for some reason that logic doesn't help me at all). I want to be supportive and to help my friends and boyfriend through whatever issues they have, I want to be a good girlfriend and a good friend and a better person, but I just... can't.

I am desperately afraid of something bad happening to them, I want them to be happy, and I love who they are as people. I just... I don't know why this is happening

I told my friend whom I play D&D with that I hated him and wished he'd leave me

I told my best friend She would be better off if she never met me

Last year I ghosted her out of fear I'd lose her and I guess I wanted to leave on my own terms

I haven't been contacting my sister even though she moved away

I've been ignoring my dad and simultaneously trying to spend more time with him and get away from him

I suppose it's been happening for a while ever since I isolated myself from my two friend groups three years ago... but why?

Those old friend groups were a bit toxic (gossiping behind people's backs & insulting religions) but these new people are lovely and trying their best

I don't know, I need help. Why is this happening? I am so scared and I need to stop doing this.

Should I just... let it go and be alone?

I know I don't deserve them

I just, I keep trying to fix it, fix me, and it's not working. I can't feel closer to people by my own will, I can't get over this fear. It goes away for a day or a week or a month and then it's back.

What can I do?

I don't know how to explain. I wish I was justified in feeling this way

I can't sleep until 4am bc None of my fucking friends are awake early

I'm angry with all of them

I'm angry at myself for being angry at them and for my lack of discipline for being unable to sleep

I hate my classes, I've already said I'm stressed but everybody in my life tells me: "You've got this! You're so smart!"

I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend

All my friends want me to say I'm fine. They need me to be finee. I've been saying awful things to them in hopes they'll leave me alone. I don't want to hurt them. I want to be loved. I just want them to leave me alone. I have awful empathy and I'm trying my hardest to have some sort of compassion and I don't want to but I feel myself slipping.

I can't be nice, I can't help them. I want their attention, I feel like I can't do anything alone but they're always busy and it pisses me off but it shouldn't because they have their own lives.

I just told one of my only friends I hated him

Why did i do that

I just want to be alone but I'm terrified of being alone, I hate my life I hate my friends I hate myself I hate my family i hate sleeping i hate everything

I want to go to sleep and never wake up but I'm too scared of death to do anything

I'm a coward and an awful person and I just want to get myself away from everyone before I end up doing something even more stupid. I want everyone to be concerned about me but I don't want to be selfish.

I feel unloved and unlovable and I don't want anyone to support me ever but I can't live without OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE AND THEIR STUPID VALIDATION.

i dont want to hurt anyone

But I really do at the same time

I want to make my friends cry

I want to watch them panic

I want to see them try for me, I want to see them forget about me

But I know it's wrong

TLDR: We're both about 19; this is a very new relationship and both of our firsts ever. I have never felt sexual attraction and I barely feel attraction to him besides the smallest hint of romance, and I don't know if I want what he wants.

So, this is the first relationship I've ever been in, same with my boyfriend. The relationship itself is only about a month old, and we've been discussing not only our priorities and values, but also our plans for the future. He's very sweet and just the kind of person I'm looking for in a lot of ways. He's quiet and told me he loves to listen, I'm high-strung and talk all the time; He's an introvert, I'm an extrovert; Ect.

The problem is, something that I've never discussed with anyone is a lack of romantic and sexual attraction for me with anyone. I've been starting to get much closer to him. Romance is seeming like more of a possibility, but I'm generally sex averse and I don't like the idea of it at all.

Now, he hasn't asked for anything, and we both agree that we want to save sex for marriage, but he talks about wanting a family and kids and settling down one day, and it's one of his main things that he wants out of life. I think that's lovely, but I'm the type of person who wants to travel and experience a lot of my life, and I'm also terrified of ever raising a child because of myself and my own family and friends. I'm not saying I'd always be against it, but right now I'm not happy with the idea, and he's said since we're so new and pretty young still we don't have to settle yet, and he wouldn't be against travelling with me if I asked him to, but I'm not sure about settling down. Not within the forseeable future at least. (For me that's like 6 or so years because beyond that I can't predict anything)

This applies to a lot of our future plans as well. He said he would be willing to wait, and I'm grateful, I just don't know if I'm the type of person who can give him what he wants. I want him to be happy, and he's the nicest, funniest, and gentlest person I've ever met. I really want to be with him, and eventually settle with him, just maybe like 10-15 years down the line. I kind of wish I aligned more with his wants and he aligned more with mine.

He's the one who originally asked me out, and I said yes because I wanted to see if it could work. Most of my friends talk about their relationships, having a higher sex drive and higher immediate sense of attraction. I wonder if I said yes just because I was curious and wanted to give him a chance, and not actually because of him. I feel like I don't like him as much as he deserves, and I want him to be happy.

I want to be with him, but we've both agreed not to say I love you until we know for certain that's true, and in some mental episodes I've thought I didn't want to date him because of the stress, but in my better mood I think I want to. He's amazing, but I don't want him to have to deal with my hyperactivity and all my over-the-top weird feelings.

I am willing to provide context if asked, I just need to know if I'm right that he should have someone who's happier settling with him?

TLDR: We're both about 19; this is a very new relationship and both of our firsts ever. I have never felt sexual attraction and I barely feel attraction to him besides the smallest hint of romance, and I think he deserves better.

So, this is the first relationship I've ever been in, same with my boyfriend. The relationship itself is only about a month old, and we've been discussing not only our priorities and values, but also our plans for the future. He's very sweet and just the kind of person I'm looking for in a lot of ways. He's quiet and told me he loves to listen, I'm high-strung and talk all the time. He's an introvert, I'm an extrovert.

The problem is, something that I've never discussed with anyone is a lack of romantic and sexual attraction for me with anyone. I've been starting to get much closer to him. Romance is seeming like more of a possibility, but I'm generally sex averse. I don't like the idea of it at all.

Now, he hasn't asked for anything, and we both agree that we want to save sex for marriage, but he talks about wanting a family and kids and settling down one day, and it's one of his main things that he wants out of life. I think that's lovely, but I'm the type of person who wants to travel and experience a lot of my life, and I'm also terrified of ever raising a child because of myself and my own family and friends.

This applies to a lot of our future plans as well. He said he would be willing to wait and to explore things with me, and I'm grateful, I just don't know if I'm the type of person who can give him what he wants. I want him to be happy, and he's the nicest, funniest, and gentlest person I've ever met. I just wish I aligned more with his wants and he aligned more with mine.

He asked me out, and I said yes because I wanted to see if it could work. Most of my friends talk about their relationships, having a higher sex drive and higher immediate sense of attraction. I wonder if I said yes just because I was curious and wanted to give him a chance, and not actually because of him. I feel like I don't like him as much as he deserves.

I am willing to provide context if asked, I just need help knowing what to do...