u/Ill_Coffee_6821

Hello, I posted recently about how my boyfriend of a few years and I had gotten into an argument that escalated (I’ll try to link the original post in the comments). I got a lot of great advice and I am so grateful for this community.

He has broken up with me, and because we don’t live together, and are not married, there isn’t much of a chance of practicing the skills. I tried to say I understood even though this isn’t what I want, etc. We have a few open logistics so I had to send him something, and I have taken ownership of my part and let him know this isn’t what I want.

For vis we did briefly seem to reconcile after he went silent for a few weeks, and for a week he was behaving normally, talking about the future, etc, but then seemed to abruptly end things. I felt blindsided. I think I am in shock a bit still. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I feel (understandably) that the people around me are stopping me from blaming myself, and I know in isolation it wasn’t just me, and that because he was often disrespectful or short with me it allowed me to really mask my own bad habits by justifying that he was the cause.

But in the time I’ve had to reflect on things, I realize now how much I contributed. I had started learning the skills but wasn’t super great at implementing consistently. And I know the advice now is there’s nothing I can do, self care, etc. I logically understand this, and am doing so. Or trying to.

But since this community is so helpful and like-minded, I am curious from this wonderful community -

For those of you who had a relationship go south before you knew the skills or because you weren’t consistent in implementing them, how did you forgive yourself for what you know now? Do you still feel self blame? Were you able to find a successful relationship later?

I truly feel like I have lost the one I’ll look back on as the one who got away, and it’s super tough.

I am grateful for anyone who responds. Thank you.

My boyfriend of 3 years and I have always had a bit of a rocky relationship. He has a bit of anger management and sometimes I feel I am walking on eggshells. I’m very sensitive to this so I tend to clap back and escalate. I have been trying to skills and have had some wins but it’s slow. There have been times when I have almost broken up w him and he has stepped up, and vice versa, but I do feel he disrespects me a lot. On his end he probably feels I am not as appreciative as I should be or don’t make enough effort (sometimes it’s hard when he speaks down to me).

We had a recent issue where we did not have plans one night, and I surprised him with tickets to a nice event that was expensive. I was so excited to tell him that I called and woke him. Well he already had plans and wasn’t nice about it, which made me sad bc the tickets were expensive and usually something we like to do together, and his plans were something he does all the time. Anyway it caused an argument and I said he didn’t have to come. After we got off the phone I texted and said it’s really no biggie, etc etc. I hoped he enjoyed his plans. Then I emailed about the tickets to see if I could get a refund for one and texted him and let him know I did that.

He didn’t respond for two days. Later he said my texts read as passive aggressive, which stumped me bc I tried to channel what Laura Doyle would say and she’d say don’t push and just go do your own thing. But it seemed to backfire. I tried to text him again the morning we had plans and he also didn’t respond. By then I figured he was upset about something and I am spinning a bit trying to understand why. So I called and he wasn’t, he just didn’t respond. He said he saw me text that morning and figured he’d get back to me. He did apologize. I was so hurt I didn’t want to see him that night and cancelled our plans. I know it’s just a few days of being ignored, but I felt so awful that I tried to do something nice and it backfired so badly, and he didn’t even check to see if I could get the money back or anything. Just felt very off to me.

Anyway, this escalated via text and I was the last one to text. We didn’t speak for a few days and I attempted to reach him over the weekend. He didn’t talk to me until Sunday night and basically said I don’t want to do this anymore. And I asked what that means and he said I don’t know. And I said what do you need from me? And he said he just needs a little space to think. I said ok, and asked if he wanted to set a time to chat or just needed space, and he said he’d call me next sunday (this Sunday).

Channeling Laura Doyle, I sent one email in the middle of the night that was a few lines long saying I appreciated that he apologized and was trying to make time to see me, and that I was hurt so I was unable to receive it at the time. I also sent one text Monday evening saying I missed him and was sorry for my part. No response to either.

It isn’t totally abnormal for either of us to take space and we both work a TON of hours during the week so the weekdays fly by. I understand his words probably indicated he wanted to break up, but he seemed to not be able to do it (we have both been there before, but always find our way back). If we do speak, how should I approach this based on Laura Doyle?

I think one of the things I struggle with is I understand the skills are about changing myself, but I feel when I am able to keep the skills going well and look past some of the disrespect (I haven’t used ouch I just ignore and bottle it up I guess), we do get along and have a better relationship, but I also start to grow resentment over some of the disrespect.

I will not be contacting him again, not to worry. But Laura Doyle says to clean up your side of the street so that’s what I tried to do.

ETA: he is still sharing his location with me and we have a trip planned in a couple months and some other random stuff. I suppose it’s possible he could just ghost. Or perhaps he wants to break up but is scared to have the discussion. Or perhaps is really upset but for whatever reason cant / doesn’t want to end things. I’ve been looking for any sign of meaning but I know there’s no way to know.

ETA2: I really love him and we have a blast together. He can just be a little anger management sometimes. I know when we talk about the things we don’t like sometimes it can seem like there is no good, so I just wanted to flag. He can be incredibly thoughtful and he lets me be my silly self.

I just realized something on my millionth rewatch. So she meets him at Balzac with Amalita and they hang out after. He asks if he can see her again and if she can show him around NY the next day. She agrees.

We don’t see any of the planning - did they choose a time and location then? Did he tell her to meet him at his hotel at a certain time? Did they exchange numbers and discuss it the next day? We don’t know.

We just see the next day they are together having a romantic afternoon in the park.

When he leaves her money the next day, and says call me, he leaves and her voice over says she didn’t have his number, and he didn’t have hers.

So how did they arrange the date? I wonder 🤔

This is a recent bug that is severely impeding my ability to edit comments on iOS. Repro:

Respond to post

Click edit comment

Attempt to click into bottom line or two of text. There is no responsiveness. I cannot. I have to do a bunch of workarounds like highlight text and move the cursor down, tap a bunch of places until I get a cursor again, etc.

I often edit comments to add something at the bottom and this has been unbearable the past few days.

Please fix this.

Went to bed early hoping for a great night sleep. Last night I slept through the night and was thrilled. Now I’m looking at a night of sleep of a few hours maybe more and work on Monday. It’s so frustrating. Took extra magnesium when I woke up. I can usually fall back to sleep but not tonight for some reason.

Not on HRT yet.

Anything creative help?

Hello! There were a couple chats about this in the Chanel subreddit recently about making sure to add rubber soles to the ballet flats before you wear them as they can be fragile and they prevent wear and help with longevity. I’ve done this on other shoes when they get a bit worn in but never before wear. I don’t own any Chanel shoes so it’s possible they are more fragile.

I have multiple pairs of Hermes sandals and shoes (Oran, Lipari, Chypre, etc). I am curious — do you add rubber soles before wear on your Hermes shoes? I never have and it’s never been an issue, but now I am wondering if I should take them all in and have them added.

Thanks!

I saw a post earlier about wear on the soles of the Chanel flats. I’m thinking of getting a pair and wondering — do you all have rubber soles added before wearing them?

Do you do it yourself or take to a cobbler? For reference I own a lot of other designer shoes (Gucci, Hermes, Loewe, etc) and I have never had to do this. I won’t want to buy a pair and then ruin them accidentally.

For resale, is it helpful to have the sole already added, or would people prefer no? Are the rubber soles removable
Sorry so many questions, this just never occurred to me.

I used to love chat gpt but I feel it has downgraded in ways that are very frustrating and wondering if others have experienced this. Common problems -

1. I ask for a recommendation. It gives me a list and justifies the top choice. I ask many questions about why it’s the top choice and it defends the top choice. I then say that I think I like the second choice better and it switches and says the second choice is actually the better one for all these reasons. When I ask why it changed its mind, it makes up some excuse. A lot.

2. I ask it to search for something and it gives me something that doesn’t meet all criteria. I’ll ask if it meets the criteria. It will say no and give an excuse that it should have done X instead. I ask it to do X instead. It again gives me options that don’t meet criteria. I ask if it did X and it says no, it should have done X.

3. It agrees with me on almost everything, even though it may have had a different POV immediately prior.

4. It can’t follow simple directions like not to generate images unless asked, to send more concise responses, etc.

5. It reads into my questions and goes off on tangents instead of addressing the actual text. But then doesn’t address what I’ve actually said.

While I understand this is a model, I do feel this has been degrading over time as I do not recall having these issues when I first started using it. It’s quite bad. Anyone else feel it’s degraded over time?

I’ve posted about this before but a few things stood out to me from the most recent episode with MPK (I think part 2).

Kristen has always had issues talking over her guests etc. it felt like she got a bit better perhaps with some coaching but this episode was so bad. It was like listening to two close friends gabbing and talking over each other and side tangents that they don’t explain to the audience. I get that she’s excited about all the old memories but it was just so difficult to listen to. Stop talking over each other! Also, she repeats everything she says twice. It drinks me crazy. Speak more slowly and intentionally and that won’t happen. You don’t need to react to everything your guest says by speaking over them. It’s painful for the audience.

Two interesting things that came up -

1. someone recently posted burger post it with some other item w same handwriting. It was such a good catch. MPK just confirmed he wrote every handwritten paper in the entire show so if you look at anything handwritten it’s all him.
2. they discussed how the audience didn’t like that the characters changed. We just wanted them to stay the same and not grow. And Kristen commented that it’s because of the current climate that we’re rejecting the character changes. And MPK said one of the most beautiful things about the original series was that the characters grew and changed. It’s like they still cannot take any of the valid feedback to heart. We have NO issues with the characters growing or changing - the issue was they turned into caricatures and people we didn’t like all. They didn’t change and grow, they became totally different people.
3. MPK self corrected at one point “f—-“ to “the three of you were so loved.” It’s sad they completely ignore that Samantha was even part of the show.

Also the commercials for 5 minutes every few minutes - the worst. The podcast as a whole has gotten a little better but this was a tough listen despite the actually interesting content / nuggets that came from it.

Did a quick search and don’t see anyone talking about these. Anyone have them? I have the lipari and love them, so these really appeal to me. They seem like they’d be more comfortable than my Orans since they have the second strap.

Would love info or pics!

Anyone have an amazing facialist in SF (or I can go north to Marin pretty easily)? I’m pretty interested in vitamin C facial but if you have another recommendation you love (specific spa, person, etc), feel free to share as well. Thank you!

Anyone have an amazing facialist in Marin? I’m pretty interested in vitamin C facial but if you have another recommendation you love (specific spa, person, etc), feel free to share as well. Thank you!

Slightly off topic but I hope this is OK. As someone who is a member of several FIRE subs and several luxury travel subs, I have been wondering if the people here are already at FIRE or if they prioritize their finances differently?

For me personally, I have always felt that life should have balance. I want to be financially responsible, but I also am a high earner and want to enjoy life along the way (especially since it took me a lot of hard work to get here). Traveling is something I am willing to spend a chunk of money on, as the memories I’ve created (even back when I couldn’t afford to stay anywhere nice and had little money) are some of my most cherished life experiences.

I am not at FIRE yet but that doesn’t compromise my desire to want to experience the world, and now I’m able to do so with more luxury and less stress. I am grateful for this! But then I see people in the FIRE subs being so afraid to spend a penny on life conveniences and I start to wonder if I’m setting myself back further or will regret something later.

I’m in my 40s, partnered but we’re not married, personal income lately is around $1m and NW liquid $2m plus some home equity. I started making money late and I hit my goals every year but I also want to enjoy life because you never know how much longer you’ll be here and you won’t have your youth forever. I never wanted to be one of those people who said “someday I’ll finally do this thing I’ve wanted to do…” when I have the means to do it now.

Again apologies if this post seems a bit off topic, appreciate the thoughts.

ETA: Since it was mentioned, this is my income as of last few years. I got started late in career. So I have not been making this much money for 20 years. Live in VHCOL area in US. Stayed in hostels and traveled cheaply when younger. My question is about the balance now — I could definitely invest more but I also want to enjoy life and my hard work and was curious how others balance this. Partner and I are not planning to have kids. We will merge households likely.

I am curious — does anyone else shop at Hermes but not for a QB? I started with a Kelly belt and really enjoy the brand. I’ve purchased several pairs of shoes, some fashion jewelry, a non-QB, silks, SLG, etc. But I’ve never really had any desire for a QB. I really like the Birkin bag, but also haven’t really ever had a desire for one.

I am curious — did most people here start shopping with intent to get a QB, or for some other reason? Has anyone been offered a QB as a result of shopping, but declined because they weren’t interested? Is everyone who shops at Hermes playing the game, and I’m an oddball? For those who aren’t, is it due to expense, or just not into QBs?