u/Ill_Status5207

My brain will not let me rest today.
I miss you. I would love nothing more than to be in your presence and hug you.
Feeling teary tonight thinking of you.
Love you always.
Matty M

Apologies this is a long one, I guess it’s more of a vent.

I always knew it would hit hard to find out you had moved on and I know that it is simply a temporary set back for me but boy does it suck. I knew you would move on fair quickly, I expected it but now it’s here it hurts. It makes me question if the relationship was real, if you ever did genuinely love me or maybe it was just the idea of me. My therapist recently said that they think you are a narcissist, a term I am almost loathed to use bc it’s so much in social media now that I almost don’t want to falsely accuse you. A term that I am also hesitant to use bc you called me a narcissist and in some way I feel like I’m somehow feeding into your narrative by suggesting you might be one, bc that’s what narcissistic do right, they accuse their partners of being narcissistic. She told me that you picked me intentionally bc of what you potentially perceived that I offered you. While I’m still not sure about that second comment, I know that your personality was not healthy and that you said and did some very questionable things. It is so hard to believe that all the love and care you showed me the first couple of months of the relationship was fake or a trauma response. I have never felt so loved and seen by someone, it was wonderful until the real you came out. The accusatory spiteful human who presents themselves to the world as this “beautiful” deeply moraled person who is gentle and deeply empathetic, what a joke! If only people heard how you scream or saw how you chuck fits of rage at any slight inconvenience or disappointment or perceived rejection. The way you ended the relationship was deplorable. You were cold and cruel. You broke up with me the day we (you and me) found out my mum’s cancer was terminal and accused me of manipulating you, you accused me of being a narcissist and gaslighting you. Selfishly so, I can’t help but think how unfair it is that you get to move on and be happy while I am left carrying the weight of the grief of the loss of the relationship and the future I had imagined with you alongside the grief of my mother. You get to move on without a second thought to the pain and damage you left behind. I wonder, have you felt any guilt or shame? Have you ever wondered how im doing? How you ever wondered how my mother is, I mean since you apparently loved her so much, bc you never asked about her once after finding out she was terminal. I sent you a letter to give myself closure and to let you go, i tried to be very balanced in my letter and kind but also tried to honour my hurt and anger bc i think I deserve that at least. I thanked you for all that you did for me and i tried to see through the hurt in the letter. I never expected you to acknowledge it, but gosh any good human with an ounce of empathy would have at least had some conversation about ending the relationship or allowed the opportunity to wish one another well and say goodbye, why not you? Instead, you resorted to ghosting, simply disappearing without any conversation, just dead silence. But that’s what you do right, I remember you speaking proudly of your “boundaries”, but your “boundaries” are just a repetitive pattern of cutting people off who don’t make you the centre of their world in reality. After you left I felt so confused about who I was. Wondering if I am this awful human you claimed me to be. You told me I have no empathy, that I was unkind and mean. Yes I got things wrong, I’m human we do that sometimes. But what you could never see or acknowledge was that you push and push and push people to breaking point. You then told me I was too much bc I shared my feelings, exactly what you said u wanted me to do bc apparently me not sharing my feelings was a problem in the relationship. I gave you what you wanted but then you kept changing the goal post so really there was never ever any way I could do right by you. As my therapist said, you are a blood sucking vampire. Your desire to be loved is unquenchable. We all want to be loved and it truly breaks my heart to think of people living in this world that might feel unloved, everyone deserves to be loved weather it is by a partner, family, friends, or a cherished family pet. You demand, you take, you control the narrative at every level. And now I’m sure you have painted me in an awful light rather than simply just being able to say “maybe we just weren’t compatible”. I once asked you about our compatibility and you were so deeply offended by the suggestion that we may not have been compatible, why was that?? It is probably not helpful for me to keep going over things to keep trying to understand, to try and make sense of everything, to try and understand what was “your stuff” vs “my stuff”. But this is the tail spin that I have found myself in yet again with the temporary set back of finding out that you have moved on. I know eventually I will move on and see this ending as a valuable life lesson, as a near miss. For today I will allow myself the grace and time to sit with the anger, the sense of injustice and the sadness to help me process and move forward in the long run. Not that it changes anything for me, but I know that your patterns will rear their head, I know that after 8 weeks the shine will wear off of this new person in your life, and you will once again become difficult, demanding, insecure and controlling in the “name of love”. You want to be in a relationship, you want the white picket fence and a family but you are terrified to be in a relationship. While there is nothing wrong with being scared to put yourself out there, relationships require vulnerability and it’s a risk to put yourself out there when there are no guarantees in life, I appreciate that, but your fear causes damage and hurt to others. You told me you were a runner and my gosh did you run for the hills the second you realised that I would no longer be able to make you the centre of my world bc of what you perceive as an inconvenience of having an unwell parent. Shame on me for not knowing better, shame on me for getting caught up in the fantasy of what could be with us. Shame on me for allowing you into my family. Shame on me for blaming myself for everything that happened in the relationship. I have my stuff I know that, I am by no means perfect. But you seriously need to have a deep dive look at yourself and actually be honest with yourself about who you are. You are not God’s gift to women, you are not everyone’s best friend, you are not “wanted” by everyone as you suggest. You mistake intensity and turbulence for passion and romance. You mistake healthy boundaries, pacing, and emotion regulation for rejection and coldness. You either knowingly or subconsciously test people to try and illicit reactions for evidence of loyalty and commitment to you. You indeed having some wonderful qualities, all of which led me into the relationship with you, but you are exhausting and you cause a tremendous amount of hurt. The infuriating things is that you can’t see the contribution that you made to all that happened between us. You had a script, that on the surface looks like accountability but it wasn’t actual real accountability it was simply just a rehearsed script. You did exactly what you have done in every other relationship, you created a self fulfilling prophecy that you are uncared for in a rshp by creating chaos and turbulence, by pushing someone to breaking point, and then you ran. Yes we argued, yes you have a right to leave if you are unhappy in a relationship as if I would want to stay in a rshp with someone if I apparently made them so miserable, but the reality is that you don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Your fear of relationships led you to focus on what you saw as “the lack”, the lack was not all lack, you couldn’t see the love and care bc of your fear. You created expectations in your mind, most of which were unspoken, that led you to be forever disappointed. I mean what adult human refuses to take their birthday present out of the box for a month. Good luck to you and your new conquest. Hopefully she has a sturdy pair of running shoes and maybe someone else can teach you a life lesson.

I always knew it would hit hard to find out you had moved on and I know that it is simply a temporary set back for me but boy does it suck. I knew you would move on fair quickly, I expected it but now it’s here it hurts. It makes me question if the relationship was real, if you ever did genuinely love me or maybe it was just the idea of me. My therapist recently said that they think you are a narcissist, a term I am almost loathed to use bc it’s so much in social media now that I almost don’t want to falsely accuse you. A term that I am also hesitant to use bc you called me a narcissist and in some way I feel like I’m somehow feeding into your narrative by suggesting you might be one, bc that’s what narcissistic do right, they accuse their partners of being narcissistic. She told me that you picked me intentionally bc of what you potentially perceived that I offered you. While I’m still not sure about that second comment, I know that your personality was not healthy and that you said and did some very questionable things. It is so hard to believe that all the love and care you showed me the first couple of months of the relationship was fake or a trauma response. I have never felt so loved and seen by someone, it was wonderful until the real you came out. The accusatory spiteful human who presents themselves to the world as this “beautiful” deeply moraled person who is gentle and deeply empathetic, what a joke! If only people heard how you scream or saw how you chuck fits of rage at any slight inconvenience or disappointment or perceived rejection. The way you ended the relationship was deplorable. You were cold and cruel. You broke up with me the day we (you and me) found out my mum’s cancer was terminal and accused me of manipulating you, you accused me of being a narcissist and gaslighting you. Selfishly so, I can’t help but think how unfair it is that you get to move on and be happy while I am left carrying the weight of the grief of the loss of the relationship and the future I had imagined with you alongside the grief of my mother. You get to move on without a second thought to the pain and damage you left behind. I wonder, have you felt any guilt or shame? Have you ever wondered how im doing? How you ever wondered how my mother is, I mean since you apparently loved her so much, bc you never asked about her once after finding out she was terminal. I sent you a letter to give myself closure and to let you go, i tried to be very balanced in my letter and kind but also tried to honour my hurt and anger bc i think I deserve that at least. I thanked you for all that you did for me and i tried to see through the hurt in the letter. I never expected you to acknowledge it, but gosh any good human with an ounce of empathy would have at least had some conversation about ending the relationship or allowed the opportunity to wish one another well and say goodbye, why not you? Instead, you resorted to ghosting, simply disappearing without any conversation, just dead silence. But that’s what you do right, I remember you speaking proudly of your “boundaries”, but your “boundaries” are just a repetitive pattern of cutting people off who don’t make you the centre of their world in reality. After you left I felt so confused about who I was. Wondering if I am this awful human you claimed me to be. You told me I have no empathy, that I was unkind and mean. Yes I got things wrong, I’m human we do that sometimes. But what you could never see or acknowledge was that you push and push and push people to breaking point. You then told me I was too much bc I shared my feelings, exactly what you said u wanted me to do bc apparently me not sharing my feelings was a problem in the relationship. I gave you what you wanted but then you kept changing the goal post so really there was never ever any way I could do right by you. As my therapist said, you are a blood sucking vampire. Your desire to be loved is unquenchable. We all want to be loved and it truly breaks my heart to think of people living in this world that might feel unloved, everyone deserves to be loved weather it is by a partner, family, friends, or a cherished family pet. You demand, you take, you control the narrative at every level. And now I’m sure you have painted me in an awful light rather than simply just being able to say “maybe we just weren’t compatible”. I once asked you about our compatibility and you were so deeply offended by the suggestion that we may not have been compatible, why was that?? It is probably not helpful for me to keep going over things to keep trying to understand, to try and make sense of everything, to try and understand what was “your stuff” vs “my stuff”. But this is the tail spin that I have found myself in yet again with the temporary set back of finding out that you have moved on. I know eventually I will move on and see this ending as a valuable life lesson, as a near miss. For today I will allow myself the grace and time to sit with the anger, the sense of injustice and the sadness to help me process and move forward in the long run. Not that it changes anything for me, but I know that your patterns will rear their head, I know that after 8 weeks the shine will wear off of this new person in your life, and you will once again become difficult, demanding, insecure and controlling in the “name of love”. You want to be in a relationship, you want the white picket fence and a family but you are terrified to be in a relationship. While there is nothing wrong with being scared to put yourself out there, relationships require vulnerability and it’s a risk to put yourself out there when there are no guarantees in life, I appreciate that, but your fear causes damage and hurt to others. You told me you were a runner and my gosh did you run for the hills the second you realised that I would no longer be able to make you the centre of my world bc of what you perceive as an inconvenience of having an unwell parent. Shame on me for not knowing better, shame on me for getting caught up in the fantasy of what could be with us. Shame on me for allowing you into my family. Shame on me for blaming myself for everything that happened in the relationship. I have my stuff I know that, I am by no means perfect. But you seriously need to have a deep dive look at yourself and actually be honest with yourself about who you are. You are not God’s gift to women, you are not everyone’s best friend, you are not “wanted” by everyone as you suggest. You mistake intensity and turbulence for passion and romance. You mistake healthy boundaries, pacing, and emotion regulation for rejection and coldness. You either knowingly or subconsciously test people to try and illicit reactions for evidence of loyalty and commitment to you. You indeed having some wonderful qualities, all of which led me into the relationship with you, but you are exhausting and you cause a tremendous amount of hurt. The infuriating things is that you can’t see the contribution that you made to all that happened between us. You had a script, that on the surface looks like accountability but it wasn’t actual real accountability it was simply just a rehearsed script. You did exactly what you have done in every other relationship, you created a self fulfilling prophecy that you are uncared for in a rshp by creating chaos and turbulence, by pushing someone to breaking point, and then you ran. Yes we argued, yes you have a right to leave if you are unhappy in a relationship as if I would want to stay in a rshp with someone if I apparently made them so miserable, but the reality is that you don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Your fear of relationships led you to focus on what you saw as “the lack”, the lack was not all lack, you couldn’t see the love and care bc of your fear. You created expectations in your mind, most of which were unspoken, that led you to be forever disappointed. I mean what adult human refuses to take their birthday present out of the box for a month. Good luck to you and your new conquest. Hopefully she has a sturdy pair of running shoes and maybe someone else can teach you a life lesson.

It’s 11:11 and I thought of you! U would always msg to say it was 11:11. I never really believed in angel numbers but now I can’t help but notice them in your absence

The last three days has felt like absolute torture! You are always in my head but the last three days it has just felt constant. The longing for you, to hear your voice, to be in your presence, has been intense. I’m stuck between the longing, but also the knowing that you walked away from us and, like you always say “ when u r done, u r done”. So if that’s your modus operandi, and given how I apparently stripped you of your joy, how could I ever possibly justify reaching out? If anything, it feels like I would be intruding. And somewhere in there I am sure i hold some self-respect right? I mean you just disappeared, no conversation nothing, just a bunch of mixed messages and silence. Not really what I want or expect from a partner, I mean really we are in our 30’s not 18. But I guess you might say the same thing about me right, that I didn’t say the right things or enough. I’ve had moments of weakness where I imagine going to see you, but then the reality of it all sets in. Plus I’ve already come to the assumption that you have found someone else, I mean you were pretty open about the regular attention you get from women so I’m sure it’s been easy for you. I wish I didn’t love you, I wish I could just move on. But I guess I’m part of the club now, the famous club you once told me about of the women that fall deeply in love with you. Love is a beautiful thing but for some reason I can’t help but feel so pathetic just sitting with it all. I feel like I have no where to put the pain, I wish I could fast track this whole grief process. I wish we could go back 12 months to our first date and do it all again but with more wisdom and softness between us.

Love always
C

We broke up in March 2026. It was a very odd break up with lots of mixed messages (let’s break up, no nothing is changing, then he needed time) over the course of a week. Then he just turned ice cold and completely ghosted me, blocked or unfriended me across social media and I guess he moved on with his life. Today would have been our anniversary and it is hitting hard. I always find myself on days like this, hoping within myself that he will knock at my door. That he will apologise for ghosting me and for all the hurt, and that magically, we will somehow work through it all. It feels quite silly really bc even earlier this afternoon, I heard a loud car and found myself running to my bedroom window to see if maybe it was him. I’m not sure why I keep having this fantasy because at the end of the day he hurt me quite deeply, so deeply that I don’t think we could ever come back from what he did. The silence between us, while initially it felt like all pressure had been eased, it now feels like a very cold, heavy, and lonely place to be. Sometimes I wonder if he might, even just occasionally, have similar thoughts to me. But I doubt that he does and I would never knock at his door bc ultimately his silence speaks volumes.

Dear M, today would have been our anniversary. It’s days like this that I feel the weight of your absence the most. Today it feels as though my heart is breaking all over again. xxx

My ex had told me he was “a runner”, shame on me for thinking our relationship would be any different. I look at him like he is a coward, he ghosted me with what seemed like complete and utter ease. And then shortly after his swift exit, he starts following all these random girls on insta, flirting with “old flames” in his comments section for all to see. What a complete fool I am. To sit here, going over all the details, trying to make sense of everything, crying bc of the pain and grief. How can someone go from making you feel so loved, so cared for, to then freezing you out of their lives overnight. To not even think that I deserve a conversation about the decision to leave? You sir, are a coward!

I was in an 8-month relationship with a man who told me he loved me, met my family, and spoke about our future together. The relationship was intense and at times turbulent, but I genuinely believed we cared deeply for one another.
Things really seemed to unravel shortly after I learned that my father was dying from cancer. My partner’s anxiety seemed to skyrocket. Looking back, the only sense I can make of it is that my father’s illness meant my attention would inevitably be elsewhere for a while. My ex had significant abandonment fears and often seemed to need more reassurance and connection, all my efforts seemed to fail miserably. He was a very sweet and incredibly thoughtful man, he would go to great lengths for me of his own accord. Bc of the lengths he went to and perhaps his own expectations, it felt like he was just constantly disappointed in me bc I could never match him or meet him in the way (the exact way) he needed me to.

There was never a clear breakup conversation. Instead, there were mixed messages over a few days: “I think it’s best we be friends,” then “Let’s keep seeing each other” then “I need time.”

After that, he stopped communicating and blocked or unfriended me across social media. To be fair, when I saw him change his relationship status almost immediately after the “maybe we’re better as friends” text (literally no other words), combined with the blocking and what felt like incredibly poor timing given what was happening with my father, I was too angry and hurt to contact him. A couple of months later, once things had settled, I wrote him a letter. It wasn’t an attempt to get back together. I think I was trying to make sense of what had happened, express how I felt, and find some closure.To date, he has never acknowledged receiving it.

I know his silence is an answer. What I struggle with is understanding how someone can go from saying they love you and talking about a future together to disappearing without a proper conversation. To completely cutting you out of their life. It’s just so hurtful and confusing.

I was in an 8-month relationship with a man who told me he loved me, met my family, and spoke about our future together. The relationship was intense and at times turbulent, but I genuinely believed we cared deeply for one another.
Things really seemed to unravel shortly after I learned that my father was dying from cancer. My partner’s anxiety seemed to skyrocket. Looking back, the only sense I can make of it is that my father’s illness meant my attention would inevitably be elsewhere for a while. My ex had significant abandonment fears and often seemed to need more reassurance and connection, all my efforts seemed to fail miserably. He was a very sweet and incredibly thoughtful man, he would go to great lengths for me of his own accord. Bc of the lengths he went to and perhaps his own expectations, it felt like he was just constantly disappointed in me bc I could never match him or meet him in the way (the exact way) he needed me to.

There was never a clear breakup conversation. Instead, there were mixed messages over a few days: “I think it’s best we be friends,” then “Let’s keep seeing each other” then “I need time.”

After that, he stopped communicating and blocked or unfriended me across social media. To be fair, when I saw him change his relationship status almost immediately after the “maybe we’re better as friends” text (literally no other words), combined with the blocking and what felt like incredibly poor timing given what was happening with my father, I was too angry and hurt to contact him. A couple of months later, once things had settled, I wrote him a letter. It wasn’t an attempt to get back together. I think I was trying to make sense of what had happened, express how I felt, and find some closure.To date, he has never acknowledged receiving it.

I know his silence is an answer. What I struggle with is understanding how someone can go from saying they love you and talking about a future together to disappearing without a proper conversation. To completely cutting you out of their life. It’s just so hurtful and confusing.

It’s been a while since we last spoke and even longer since we saw one another.
How did we end up here?
How did we get to a place of complete and utter silence?
I think about you most days.
Most days sadness arises within me, sadness for the loss of the relationship and the future I had imagined.
Alongside that I am angry.
Angry at the way you left, the way you disappeared as though you were a figment of my imagination.
It feels unfair that you could disappear without an ounce of accountability!
That you have not once checked in on me given I have a parent who is dying!
That you could simply walk away with what seems like not a care in the world.
You have cut me out of your life at a time when I needed you, and it hurts.
It hurts too much some days.
It didn’t have to be like this.
I remember you once told me that every girl you have broken up with has written you a letter. Guess I’m officially part of the fkn club. Hmmm not sure how I feel about that, but I guess this is just what you do.. you run.
You run, you go and jump into another relationship, and then when things heat up, you write your ex a letter for closure!
Why is that??
Tonight I am angry, I am hurt by you! By your actions. By your lack of care.
I waited to put myself out there and then I met you, I needed you to be gentle with me given what I had been through.
And look where we landed???
Exactly where you promised we wouldn’t.
And now I’m here left to pick up the pieces and try of make sense of what was honestly the most bizarre and ridiculous breakup I have ever encountered.
And you get to go on pretending you are this wonderful and caring human who did nothing wrong.
You get to go on and laugh and meet someone new while I sit here picking up the pieces and slowly watching a parent die.
You get to go on living in a world where everyone else is the problem.
It just feels unfair.

C

It’s been a while since we last spoke and even longer since we saw one another.
How did we end up here?
How did we get to a place of complete and utter silence?
I think about you most days.
Most days sadness arises within me, sadness for the loss of the relationship and the future I had imagined.
Alongside that I am angry.
Angry at the way you left, the way you disappeared as though you were a figment of my imagination.
It feels unfair that you could disappear without an ounce of accountability!
That you have not once checked in on me given I have a parent who is dying!
That you could simply walk away with what seems like not a care in the world.
You have cut me out of your life at a time when I needed you, and it hurts.
It hurts too much some days.
It didn’t have to be like this.
I remember you once told me that every girl you have broken up with has written you a letter. Guess I’m officially part of the fkn club. Hmmm not sure how I feel about that, but I guess this is just what you do.. you run.
You run, you go and jump into another relationship, and then when things heat up, you write your ex a letter for closure!
Why is that??
Tonight I am angry, I am hurt by you! By your actions. By your lack of care.
I waited to put myself out there and then I met you, I needed you to be gentle with me given what I had been through.
And look where we landed???
Exactly where you promised we wouldn’t.
And now I’m here left to pick up the pieces and try of make sense of what was honestly the most bizarre and ridiculous breakup I have ever encountered.
And you get to go on pretending you are this wonderful and caring human who did nothing wrong.
You get to go on and laugh and meet someone new while I sit here picking up the pieces and slowly watching a parent die.
You get to go on living in a world where everyone else is the problem.
It just feels unfair.

C

It’s been a while since we last spoke and even longer since we saw one another.
How did we end up here?
How did we get to a place of complete and utter silence?
I think about you most days.
Most days sadness arises within me, sadness for the loss of the relationship and the future I had imagined.
Alongside that I am angry.
Angry at the way you left, the way you disappeared as though you were a figment of my imagination.
It feels unfair that you could disappear without an ounce of accountability!
That you have not once checked in on me given I have a parent who is dying!
That you could simply walk away with what seems like not a care in the world.
You have cut me out of your life at a time when I needed you, and it hurts.
It hurts too much some days.
It didn’t have to be like this.
I remember you once told me that every girl you have broken up with has written you a letter. Guess I’m officially part of the fkn club. Hmmm not sure how I feel about that, but I guess this is just what you do.. you run.
You run, you go and jump into another relationship, and then when things heat up, you write your ex a letter for closure!
Why is that??
Tonight I am angry, I am hurt by you! By your actions. By your lack of care.
I waited to put myself out there and then I met you, I needed you to be gentle with me given what I had been through.
And look where we landed???
Exactly where you promised we wouldn’t.
And now I’m here left to pick up the pieces and try of make sense of what was honestly the most bizarre and ridiculous breakup I have ever encountered.
And you get to go on pretending you are this wonderful and caring human who did nothing wrong.
You get to go on and laugh and meet someone new while I sit here picking up the pieces and slowly watching a parent die.
You get to go on living in a world where everyone else is the problem.
It just feels unfair.

C