u/IllustratorNo2206

So unfortunately I started watching porn when I was around the age of 11 and now I’m about to turn 20. A few weeks ago I had the realization that I’ve almost spent half my life addicted to porn. It’s gotten worse in the past 3 years and I decided I need to make it stop because I’ve started noticing the side effects. Depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, struggling with school etc. I’ve tried to stop here and there and the longest I went was 5 days without searching it up or at least mastrubating. It’s horrible I know. Since the realization I’ve tried harder than ever and stopped taking my phone to the bathroom (cuz that’s where I usually jerk it) and it’s been hard. Haven’t done the deed in 2 days but I’ve searched up porn to check on the newest releases etc. Like it’s so tempting to just go watch one and do it but I know it’s not good for me. But I can’t see myself stopping completely. Like every new release is just another hot girl or a girl I’ve been waiting for. It’s so sad. Anyone experience this or overcome it? I need words of reassurance. I’ve never dated or asked a girl out and barely talk to girls. I sense there maybe a connection between the two but what if I can’t find a hot girl. Idk man I’m so lost.

So unfortunately I started watching porn when I was around the age of 11 and now I’m about to turn 20. A few weeks ago I had the realization that I’ve almost spent half my life addicted to porn. It’s gotten worse in the past 3 years and I decided I need to make it stop because I’ve started noticing the side effects. Depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, struggling with school etc. I’ve tried to stop here and there and the longest I went was 5 days without searching it up or at least mastrubating. It’s horrible I know. Since the realization I’ve tried harder than ever and stopped taking my phone to the bathroom (cuz that’s where I usually jerk it) and it’s been hard. Haven’t done the deed in 2 days but I’ve searched up porn to check on the newest releases etc. Like it’s so tempting to just go watch one and do it but I know it’s not good for me. But I can’t see myself stopping completely. Like every new release is just another hot girl or a girl I’ve been waiting for. It’s so sad. Anyone experience this or overcome it? I need words of reassurance. I’ve never dated or asked a girl out and barely talk to girls. I sense there maybe a connection between the two but what if I can’t find a hot girl. Idk man I’m so lost.

So unfortunately I started watching porn when I was around the age of 11 and now I’m about to turn 20. A few weeks ago I had the realization that I’ve almost spent half my life addicted to porn. It’s gotten worse in the past 3 years and I decided I need to make it stop because I’ve started noticing the side effects. Depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, struggling with school etc. I’ve tried to stop here and there and the longest I went was 5 days without searching it up or at least mastrubating. It’s horrible I know. Since the realization I’ve tried harder than ever and stopped taking my phone to the bathroom (cuz that’s where I usually jerk it) and it’s been hard. Haven’t done the deed in 2 days but I’ve searched up porn to check on the newest releases etc. Like it’s so tempting to just go watch one and do it but I know it’s not good for me. But I can’t see myself stopping completely. Like every new release is just another hot girl or a girl I’ve been waiting for. It’s so sad. Anyone experience this or overcome it? I need words of reassurance. I’ve never dated or asked a girl out and barely talk to girls. I sense there maybe a connection between the two but what if I can’t find a hot girl. Idk man I’m so lost.

Hey, so this is sort of a rant but also seeking some advice on how to overcome this. I am about to start my 3rd year of university in September and I just feel I have gotten dumber and dumber. Read somewhere that it might be burn out but I think it's brain fog because of doomscrolling and my unfortunate porn addiction. The reason I think I am wasted potential is because of how average I do in college with little to no effort. For example, I am taking a summer session class that literally is open note for exams and it's got 2 exams every 3 weeks for 6 weeks. It should be the easiest A but I spent the last 3 weeks doing homework at the last minute and not taking any notes. I just do the assignments and watch the recordings because I have to. It feels as if I am constantly in a mode of trying to pass rather than actually understand and do well. I know I am capable of so much more. If I put in even half of the effort I put in during high school, I would be passing all my classes with at least a B (not a C- and surely not D's). That's saying something because I know I could have done even better in high school. I hate this constant feeling of knowing I can do better only to do bad and look back on it in a year or 2 in regret. I know this is a lack of discipline but I just don't know how to overcome it. I could literally get straight A's with enough time for myself but I choose to waste time on instagram reels, threads, youtube shorts and worst of all, porn. I hate myself so much.

Is there any hope for me? Has anyone gone through something similar and gotten past it?

Hey, so this is sort of a rant but also seeking some advice on how to overcome this. I am about to start my 3rd year of university in September and I just feel I have gotten dumber and dumber. Read somewhere that it might be burn out but I think it's brain fog because of doomscrolling and my unfortunate porn addiction. The reason I think I am wasted potential is because of how average I do in college with little to no effort. For example, I am taking a summer session class that literally is open note for exams and it's got 2 exams every 3 weeks for 6 weeks. It should be the easiest A but I spent the last 3 weeks doing homework at the last minute and not taking any notes. I just do the assignments and watch the recordings because I have to. It feels as if I am constantly in a mode of trying to pass rather than actually understand and do well. I know I am capable of so much more. If I put in even half of the effort I put in during high school, I would be passing all my classes with at least a B (not a C- and surely not D's). That's saying something because I know I could have done even better in high school. I hate this constant feeling of knowing I can do better only to do bad and look back on it in a year or 2 in regret. I know this is a lack of discipline but I just don't know how to overcome it. I could literally get straight A's with enough time for myself but I choose to waste time on instagram reels, threads, youtube shorts and worst of all, porn. I hate myself so much.

Is there any hope for me? Has anyone gone through something similar and gotten past it?

Hey, I have seen in places that journaling is good for mental health and processing emotions. Even saw Matthew McConaughey talkign about it. I just don't know where to start. Right now if I just have too much in my head or long term concerns or feelings, I just rant to ChatGPT or Claude which makes me seem like a crazy but it's what helps. Especially since actually journaling means my parents and brother will see me doing it and might look in my journal. But at the same time, I know actually writing down things will help my process things better and mean more to me. Also less time away from a screen.

But all that aside, I just don't know where to start? Would I just write down things just like how I rant to the AI?

Now there is this girl I think is quite pretty and she's a friend of my roommate who he met in physics and chem class. She's White Hispanic and I feel like she might have a thing for me too but I don't know because I've literally never asked a girl out nor have I been asked out. Most of my childhood, I wasn't allowed to talk to girls. I'm worried if I ask her out, she'll want it to be long term or smthn. But at the same time, like what does short term even mean? Like do we have a deadline after which we don't hang out. Like this whole concept of short term is so confusing to me.

We've hung out like her, roommate and a few others together twice now and it's very chill but I worry it might be a friendly vibe. She hasn't even asked for my insta or anything.

One of the main reasons I don't want long term (along with the financial aspects) is that I want to marry a girl that's of my culture and this girl is not. So I am very lost.

I also don't want to go out with her and then cut things off just because I don't want to marry her but at the same time, I'm putting too much thought into marriage when I'm only 20. She has also had quite a rough childhood with a problematic dad and both parents splitting. I feel like she'd actually be better off with a guy that can support her in EVERY WAY possible (emotionally, pzychologically, financially etc.). But like I still feel like she actually likes me but at the same time I might be very delusional.

Also, my parents do not support dating 100% so it would have to be a secret and during the school year only unless I take summer classes.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just very lost.

So I've been single my whole life, had a few crushes throughout middle and high school but nothing more. My roommates have had gf in the past and one has one right now and seeing them hangout and enjoy each others company makes me feel so lonely. I want to date so badly but only short term because I'm literally in college. Need I say more? The problem is, I've always imagined dating to marry and don't know how anything else works. I'm also not really a US citizen so can't get a job and my parents financially support me. So I'm just lost. That's why the past 2 years of college I've jsut been focusing on my own work and myself, but it's getting old. Seeing so many couples hanging out together and studying together etc.

Now there is this girl I think is quite pretty and she's a friend of my roommate who he met in physics and chem class. She's White Hispanic and I feel like she might have a thing for me but I don't know because I've literally never asked a girl out nor have I been asked out. Most of my childhood, I wasn't allowed to talk to girls. I'm worried if I ask her out, she'll want it to be long term or smthn. But at the same time, like what does short term even mean? Like do we have a deadline after which we don't hang out. Like this whole concept of short term is so confusing to me.

One of the main reasons I don't want long term (along with the financial aspects) is that I want to marry a girl that's of my culture and this girl is not. So I am very lost.

I also don't want to go out with her and then cut things off just because I don't want to marry her but at the same time, I'm putting too much thought into marriage when I'm only 20. She has also had quite a rough childhood with a problematic dad and both parents splitting. I feel like she'd actually be better off with a guy that can support her in EVERY WAY possible (emotionally, pzychologically, financially etc.). But like I still feel like she actually likes me but at the same time I might be very delusional.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just very lost.

So my roommate, big and really outgoing jolly guy has a friend who has chemistry class with him. They were over studying one day, I saw her and she was pretty. Me who’s usually introverted yapped with her for a while and then ran off to class. Today, him, her and another girl came over to our place after their exam and hung out in the living room. They went to a movie with my other roommate (whom I share a room with) and then came back and hung out in my room. P.S. I didn’t go to the movie with them bcz it was a horror film and I had an exam the next day in the morning. Also, big roommate (separate room) has a gf but neither of these girls were her. He just has a lot of platonic girl-friends. Now they hung out in my room yapping while I studied and then I started yapping and it got late so one girl left. But the girl who I said I liked at the start, was sitting on my bed, laying down, and then went to sleep. So I didn’t want to wake her up so I slept on the couch while my roommate who I share the room with slept on his bed on the other side of the room. Now I’m worried I may have fumbled the bag bcz maybe she wanted me to sleep in the bed with her. Not even get freaky, just sleep but I don’t know anymore. Ive never talked to girls as much nevertheless had one in my room, IN MY BED. Let’s say I did want to get freaky, I still couldn’t cuz my roommate is literally in the bed across the room. I’m so confused. I’m worried I may have missed a chance. Am I imagining things? sry it’s long. I yap a lot as you can see, even though I’m somehow a introvert 🤔

So I come from a semi-strict family that cares about school and education and parents who probably don't want me and my younger brother dating other people. I've also never had a close relationship with my brother about these things, most of the time we just hangout as boys and play games or watch movies, talk about movies, shows etc. Never about relationships, crushes and sex etc. But recently I saw a message on his phone from a girl. Him and I never talked to a lot of girls but in recent years it hasn't been uncommon for us to have girl-friends on snapchat or insta. But this girl, contacted her after prom. So I did a bit of snooping on his phone and found out he asked her out to prom with a whole poster and flowers and everything. I even found out he danced with her at prom. They planned for matching color outfits and everything. I've never dated anyone nor did I have the typical prom but I've had a few crushes and I saw that he had crushes as well. But seeing him ask a girl out TO PROM, made me so happy. I've always wanted him to have the life I couldn't (yes this sounds corny and smthn old people say and our age gap is only 2 years but coming from a overprotective family, it's totally different.) Apparently her parents are strict as well so they did this all under wraps with their friends.

My brother and I talk over call almost everyday or at most text. I'm sad he never told me about any of this. Like I get he's worried our parents might not be happy and worse yet maybe even stop him from hanging out with friends and go to prom, but surely this is so much better than drinking or doing drugs. (We're Indian-Americans btw).

Our parents are also not that open about these things. They didn't even have the sex talk with us and avoided the convo even when the school was doing all the heavy lifting with the sex-ed. But recently, with our family friends being more our age and the conversation of gf/bf being more prominent in a joking manner at get-togethers. I've had the feeling my parents might be a bit more open to it. But that's besides the point.

• Is it wierd that I snooped on his phone instead of talking to him? Because it feels like a normal thing for siblings to do. He even tried to hide his phone from me when I asked about pictures from prom (before I found out about the girl).
• Why is our relationship like this? Is it because I'm not being open with him? Is he worried I'll snitch?

(Sorry for the long rant. This was a lot of things on my chest.)

I’m 6’3” above average body weight, 19 turning 20 in a few months. I had a growth spurt when I was in 6th grade and I was already above average height starting from 4th. So my puberty was early but for some reason my voice is still high and sometimes squeaky. Im hoping this means theirs is another post-puberty growth to be expected by the time I 24. Do yall think this might help with my penis growing? like I have a good 4incher which is probably slightly bigger when fully erect and if I can reduce some pubic fat but I feel it will never be as good as a solid 6 or 8 inch.