u/ImaginationAny2254

I mean I love cooking and preparing food , i used to spend so much time and was really good at it. But the men in my life have always come and gobbled up my food. I feel spending hours cooking food for myself and either bfs or male friends or male housemates would just gobble the food in one go which might serve me probably 3 meals. And this happened over the last 10 years and eventually my diet shifted to a more processed food diet to match their diet and eventually I stopped cooking. I used to eat clean and now I can’t. I dread to have a family and keep on cooking because they would have a large appetite and I won’t be able to keep up with my diet. ( this had happened before with my bf and I was sick of it)

Now I miss my cooking and food and even if I do try to get back there’s some random friends visit and my entire weeks food is gone for which I do select my ingredients carefully and spend hours cooking.

Whereas girls in my circle are considerate or have small appetite

This might sound petty but I feel annoyed at male friends’ large appetite.

I mean I love cooking and preparing food , i used to spend so much time and was really good at it. But the men in my life have always come and gobbled up my food. I feel spending hours cooking food for myself and either bfs or male friends or male housemates would just gobble the food in one go which might serve me probably 3 meals. And this happened over the last 10 years and eventually my diet shifted to a more processed food diet to match their diet and eventually I stopped cooking. I used to eat clean and now I can’t. I dread to have a family and keep on cooking because they would have a large appetite and I won’t be able to keep up with my diet. ( this had happened before with my bf and I was sick of it)

Now I miss my cooking and food and even if I do try to get back there’s some random friends visit and my entire weeks food is gone for which I do select my ingredients carefully and spend hours cooking.

Whereas girls in my circle are considerate or have small appetite

This might sound petty but I feel annoyed at male friends’ large appetite.

It’s been 3 months now and I still feel completely out of place in my new job

I am coming from a tech background, for this job I gave technical rounds and have a technical title. But this team is more on the strategy and business side and tech work is bare minimal

On my very first day I was asked how have they hired me and what is my background to get hired for this position in a condescending way. The team is not at all helpful. I don’t have a team in my location and it took forever to set up my system even. HR is non existent and this is a big company and everyone have heard about it. There is a culture of not responding to pings or emails and giving out any trainings. I got no training and when I reach out to people they don’t respond and when I say this to my manager she says yes because people are busy. And when I ask her any questions she just says in my position I should be knowing about it already. now this is very company specific things that I have no clue and I spend days trying to figure out things and even validating my thinking which could be done in a couple of hours given the basic company knowledge. How would I know about the business side of things that’s specific to company? And if no one would guide me how would I pick up?

It’s so stressful I question joining this workplace everyday. I do not do work that’s aligned to my profile even . I don’t mind that but I don’t think i could survive for long like this. Entire team is based in other country and they know that they are not helpful. How do I navigate this?

Edit- I got this job after giving 6 rounds and to join them I have moved cities and house

It’s definitely something switching to hybrid from almost fully remote and expensive too. I did some shopping and ended up having a lot of pants and skirts for work. Where do you get your work tops from? My workplace is quite warm and can’t do with blazers or jumpers. My previous workplace was cold even in summers. so it’s been I while I shopped for work and can’t find the kind of tops that are work place appropriate. I have a lot of going out tops but those won’t be appropriate for work. Help please!

For the first time ever( 35 yo) I feel like I want to find a partner want to be in love and find my people and make a family. I started having this urge to have a family since a year ago. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I am happy the way things are but it’s this feeling that you get when you are about to go on a vacation that you always wanted to go.

Ladies who found healthy love - did you feel it before it happened?

Or am I just delusional

I do. I feel like I miss having a father figure and a mother figure so much. I did post about it sometime back and had got weird responses. I guess somethings in life cannot be undone or redone. I always tend to look up what’s it liked to be loved and have caring set of normal parents

I don’t have a healthy social circle or relationship because I never had boundaries and don’t know how to have them. My folks always talked down to me etc the usual narc stuff and they had a sense of accomplishment when they always contradicted whatever I said or did. And I never was allowed to have friends or talk to other people or have a social circle. So now growing going NC , I have no idea on having healthy boundaries. I tend to contradict myself and constantly find myself in a group of people who contradict me and disrespect and cross my boundaries. And when they do I feel anxious and unsettled. Been like that since more than 3 decades now.

How long did it take for you?

I find people around me with good supportive family and friends who already had a loving and supportive family

I had a set of nparents and abusive brother and I was very naive and took a long time for me to realise and recognise and then fight back to get their love and took years for me to go NC. Meanwhile my ex partner was also a narc - which I didn’t believe even when more than 5 Therapists told me they are a narc.

I am wondering if I would ever find my circle of loving and supportive people or is it reserved for the ones who already had a good family to begin with?

So I am still in the process of finding my people, I don’t have a circle of friends . I have one close friend whom I can call. I do live alone and currently questioning everything even though I have all the answers .

I just feel like talking and crying about it and be done with it. Using social media doesn’t not help to get a closure. It’s tough dealing with it living alone.

All the colourful frocks and the dresses women used to wear, did you dress like that back in the days?

Everything shown was so colorful and cozy. I don’t know when the world turned monochromatic. They used to dress so well too. The dresses shown were so well made with proper stickers for breasts in the dresses and everything seemed intentional. Was it really the case?

Any old people here from the 80s and before?

I have one genuine question for survivors- have you ended up having multiple personalities?

I have but it’s not that I am pretending by to be.

When I was little and growing up , my household was very different than what it was shown to the outside world . And we were asked to switch like nothing happened between places , and time and between people as well. Like if we get a visitor or if my family wants to go somewhere or if it’s been night or the next day they would expect me to be a different person in a split sec and not show the actual state of the house or the emotional state.

So growing up my work personality is very different that when I am with friends or with certain people

And by that I mean u whole personality changes, my voice changes , my choice or words and my expression and my whole demeanour changes which is not something under my control. My handwriting changes a lot too

Probably you wouldn’t recognise my in different places if you not take into account my appearance.

Have you experienced something similar? Like you become a new person and it’s very different with and without narcissistic parents being around

The only voice I can hear that says to myself is to calm down it’s no biggie over and over. Because I M either scared/anxious all the time

MS reached out to me last month for two roles and although I was injured I prepared and gave 5 rounds for one role and 2 round for another and I withdrew that role because I understood that the role is not for me, and there was a mismatch in profile and job requirements.

Now I after a couple of weeks I sent a follow up email and as usual there was no reply . Another week in I got an email to set up a 15 mins feedback meeting. Now due to xyz reason I missed that call and send an email again to set up another time.

Have I screwed up my chances of getting selected? I didn’t have much hope when I saw the feedback meeting set and there was no straight forward response of selection/rejection. It’s been more than a month since I gave my interviews and I have no outcome for them.