u/Independent-Emu-6702

I’ve lived a very unfortunate life void of any fulfilling love. despite logically knowing (and even other people recognizing) that I’m a great girl with really lovely qualities, I have never experienced someone loving me. not my parents, not my family, not even the men who seemed really genuinely into me until they break the news that they just don’t love me for reasons they either cant (or won’t) tell me. Am I just unlovable and have to accept my fate in this? or am I just unlucky? is it other people or is it me?

I’ve always thought I would find the family and belonging I never got in my childhood in the family I create (partner and kids) but I’m 31 now and haven't even come close to finding someone who sees my value as a loving partner.

from my experience, they either start out immediately in love or they like you and respect you and enjoy you but it never turns into love. I’ve never heard of or experienced a man falling in love with a woman he “likes”.

this sounds stupid, but it’s my experience. the only men that have ever ”loved” me were men who just took one look at me and suddenly, from nothing attaching them to reality, told them they love me without knowing me other than I’m a pretty face or whatever weird thing makes them fall in love. (not that I ever even dated these men.)

but men who have liked me, truly enjoyed spending time with me, thought I was interesting and sweet and funny, never loved me.

So now I feel as though if a man likes me, he would never love me.

maybe I’m bad at reading signs or something. but, every time I’ve felt romantic things for people it’s because I was truly feeling like the chemistry is there, mutual enjoyment, mutual interest… until they randomly decided they actually didn’t feel anything for me. so, I end up feeling deceived and in yet another unrequited love situation.

how do I move on from this? why does it seem so easy for other people to find someone who reciprocates their romantic feelings? It just always seems so shocking that the person who has been giving me every signal that they have genuine interest in me, who I shared beautiful closeness and intimacy with, ends up saying they don’t feel anything for me. I haven’t experienced reciprocated love since I was 17. I’m 31.

I’m going to keep it short and purposely leave out some details or else it will get really long. Essentially, I have a long history of men not feeling enough romantic feelings for me to want a relationship and they never seem to attach to me in a way where they feel protective or anxious to hear from me. They all say I’m a really lovely girl who is beautiful and intelligent and loving and fun to spend time with, but they always end up telling me they don’t feel anything romantic for me. (I also feel they aren’t lying or blowing smoke up my ass when they tell me these nice things about me. I feel they genuinely mean that)

I have to wonder, could it be because I don’t make them get that “stomach flip” feeling you get when you’re dealing with someone you aren’t sure is into you or not? where you feel obsessed with them only because you know they aren’t fully available to you? When I like someone, I’m really intentional and I want to spend time with them and get to know them. No, I’m not constantly blowing their phone up and wanting to spend 24/7 with them. I just mean that if I have free time, I want to spend it with them so we can grow something and get to know each other. I have never been a game player. maybe this is wishful thinking but I have to guess if maybe this is what is preventing men from falling in love with me, because there was never a chase with a prize at the end for them to get me, because I was always wanting to be an equal partner and do my part of growing the relationship..

I just cant seem to find people I connect with. I’m 31F. I’ve searched high and low and in even different countries, for years. I also don’t have any family. I’ve had some friends come and go but they never felt the same way towards me as I did for them. no one has ever prioritized me the way I do for them, and don’t even get me started on how difficult it’s been to find a partner.

Ive been hurt and dissapointed so much by people in my life that I just feel like I’m meant for a life alone even though I really, really don’t want that. I want more than anything to have a family and be a wife and a mother and have a circle of friends but I think i missed the last train out for that opportunity. at this age, it feels like people already have their friends or their partners and aren’t wanting new people in their life. I dont have it in me anymore to keep trying to just get rejected. I’ve been rejected a lifetime more than most people, I feel certain of this, and it’s done irreversible damage to my self esteem.

I just want to know if anyone else is all alone in life and how they deal with it, and how I can find peace in it.

I just wonder if I have an odd family or if everyone has family who is bad and hurts them but they just decide to move past it and love them anyways because “they are family”. maybe I just have bad family

but anyways - my perspective has always been that if someone hurts you, why have them in your life? it doesn’t matter if it’s my mom or my dad or my sister or my uncle. If they hurt me and walk into my room screaming at me or threaten to kick me out of their house in the middle of the night, I don’t care who you are. I don’t want any contact with you ever again. sometimes I think: why do you “love” me just because I’m your sister? your niece? if youre my sister and you treat me like shit I don’t care that youre my sister, you’re just someone who treats me like shit and I don’t want around me.

I just have to know if having family means you just accept bad things they do to you just because they are family and you love them anyways?

edit: I would more so like to hear from people who have strong relational bonds but have been through terrible fights and heart aches with their family. Because I seem to come into contact with a lot of people who have good family and I wonder if they are lucky or if they just move past the terrible things that happen

it’s been a year and a half since I fell in love with a man that was absolutely perfect for me and I thought we got along so well. He had everything I ever wanted in a partner…he was sweet, awkward, nerdy, he worked a job in a field I have a lot of interest in, he had a good loving family, spoke another language…but he never really let me into his life and he didn’t develop feelings for me even after I truly thought he was after doing such nice and romantic things with me. honestly, I feel like he led me on.

How do I move on… because I feel I will never find anyone who is nearly as good as he was…even if I do find someone that actually does like me in a romantic way, I just know they aren’t going to be as good as him, because he had everything I wanted… it’s been a year and a half and I haven’t moved on because I haven’t found anyone that has the qualities he had.. these qualities are what I need for the partnership and life I want to live, so I cant change what I’m looking for.

I just don’t know why the good guys don’t love me, but guys who have no thoughts in their head and are super toxic want me…

I very rarely date because I just don’t see a point in dating someone I’m not interested in, it’s not fair for anyone. but any guy who has ever broken my heart made it seem like I could find another guy quickly…as if he wasn’t the first guy I liked in two years…and it seems a lot of people today have this perspective that it’s easy to find someone else… this is a little random but hearing about Olivia Rodrigo finding a new man months after British guy broke up with her kinda hurt me because shes already moved on and it’s been 18 months since I have even been on a date since the last guy hurt me 🥲 every time I get broken up with it hurts so much more because I know I won’t have another chance at romance for years.

So how often do you find people you like enough to date? I know that I’m picky but I’m not picky in a way that is limiting me from dating actually good guys. Most of the men I see just do not look like good guys or they are so boring or drug addicts or are already taken.

I haven’t dated in a very long time, so this isn’t anything relevant in my life currently, but I’ve been reflecting on past dating experiences, and I realized none of them ever seemed particularly excited to see me. Meaning they always wanted a lot of space between dates and didn't want the dates to last very long either, even if the time we spent together was really good and intimate and they clearly found me to be a cute, beautiful, and funny girl.

But if you’re dating someone for 3 weeks and they don't seem very interested in spending a lot of time with you, it could mean that either they are not very interested or they want to go slow. And, like the lover girl that I am, I always assume positive intent and think they just want to go slow. So I somehow always miss the signs that they aren’t that into me and end up getting led on and heartbroken.

For me, if I’m 3 weeks into dating someone... is it wrong to think you should want to spend significant time together? Three weeks is a very short time to know someone, yes, of course, but that’s how you get to know someone, by spending significant time with them. Especially if you’re physically attracted to them and want to touch them and hold their hand and sleep next to them and have sex...

It's just so hurtful to look back on these experiences and know that I was so optimistic and willing to go at a speed they were comfortable with, while keeping the line of communication open, meaning making it easy for them to tell me whether they were wanting to really see me or not, and I still ended up getting hurt and misled. I don’t know how I’m supposed to recover from this and feel comfortable dating ever again..

I hate the apps and I’m kinda having a nervous break down. Everyone seems to think dating apps are the only way to date now but when I swipe through I only see total F boys who don’t want anything serious, or they have shirtless gym pics, or Instagram filters, or they have boring prompts, or way too serious prompts like “looking for my dream woman to have kids with” 🥴

And I start to think…is this really all that’s out there? is my only chance at dating to be on the apps? it seems everyone I talk to in person is already in a relationship or they are unavailable for other reasons…

I know my profile is cute and I know I’m a pretty girl and I have interesting conversations but most of the likes I send are ignored, or they don’t ask me out despite clearly thinking I’m fun to talk to and attractive…

So please restore my faith - are there single guys who are normal and cute and funny who are not on the apps?

Validations / complaints / compliments about Scorpio Venus? I am Scorpio venus and it kinda feels like a curse. I love and care so much more than I feel I could ever be loved, and not in a way of “I want to wear a vial of your blood in a necklace” way, but a “I want you and only you and I’ll literally move a mountain to make you happy and have fun times together and Ill be loyal until the day I die. not until you die, but until I die.”

I cant do texting or dating apps because it all seems so fake…I don’t want to text someone, I want them face to face with me with eye contact and smiles and flirting. I don’t mind going slow but I don’t want ”going slow” to mean texting for months and having an occasional IRL date sprinkled in. I want to go slow while having picnics in the park and arcade dates or dinners and things…

Why is Scorpio Venus such a curse? or is it? I once was with a Taurus Venus and I thought he would have appreciated my depth and loyalty but the only form of love he ever wanted from me was my sex.. (because that is another thing about Scorpio Venus is the mind blowing sex) not the closeness or the shared experiences or growth and partnership but just the physicality.

This sounds stupid - but I wonder why some people have romantic feelings versus just thinking someone is cute, funny, nice to be around, as well as physically attractive?

Where do feelings start and just thinking they are a beautiful and nice person end?

For me, there is no line.. if I think someone is a lovely person as well as being physically attracted to them, then I have feelings. but it’s happened so many times that men have found me nice and conversational, interesting, beautiful, but don’t see me in a romantic way… (unbeknownst to me after engaging in intimacy and romantic behavior for weeks).

I just genuinely don’t know how there is a difference. a friend is a friend because I like them as people but don’t feel attracted to them. so why has it happened so many times to me that men have found me cute and sweet, funny, beautiful, and obviously very attracted to me but they somehow don’t have “romantic“ feelings for me? all the while I was falling for them because they were making me feel like they were actually feeling things for me..

Why is it for me that: enjoyment + attraction = romance… but it doesn’t appear that many other people feel that way?

(also, it’s so incredibly rare that I find a man who I genuinely enjoy spending time with who I also want to kiss and hold and have sex with. so it’s not like I fall in love every day. it’s like once every two years)

Title sounds like I’m a poser but I really love astrology and I would like some hard-backed come backs for people who think I’m crazy for thinking astrology is real.

Because when you think about it, how does the position of the sun or moon or Venus have an effect on who we are as people and why is it so ACCURATE? Why am I, as a Scorpio Venus, so devoted and even obsessed, and why is every Gemini sun a chatterbox, why is every aquarius moon an intellectual and awkward, why is every Aries Venus low-key a lovebomber, why is every Sagittarius moon an adventurer and freedom lover, why is every Taurus Venus extremely horny, etc…

How is it possible that these patterns exist just from the placements of the planets at our exact time of birth??

Warning this is going to be a deep and vulnerable post.

I‘m an incredibly perceptive and introspective person. I know exactly why I am the way I am. I know that I want love and a partner more than anything else in the world because I didn’t get love from my parents, and friendships don’t fulfill me because I want someone to prioritize me as an important thing in their life and I don’t get that feeling from friendships.

I just finished my second therapy session and I’m in pieces, I don’t feel any better and I just feel worse. I think she was actually getting annoyed with me because every time she would explain something to me I would tell her I already knew this. I was kind of pushing back on everything she said. I was a bit defensive, I know.

But, working this stuff out isnt going to help me feel better. Knowing why I am the way I am, isn’t going to help me get the love I needed as a child, as I could never give the love to myself that will fulfill me and make me feel like an important and cherished person.

Maybe it could help me break a pattern to not put so much importance on relationships, but how could I make peace with the fact that I lost out on good guys that could have loved me? how can I make peace with the fact that these guys are probably going to love another woman who had love from her parents and family her whole life so she doesn’t feel that a romantic relationship is the thing that will heal her? because, I don’t know if I will ever get to the point where I think having a partner will not be the thing that helps me. if someone were to look at me, see my strength and beauty and empathy and humor and say “yep, I want this” I just know it would unlock the most free and loving and easy going side of myself. I would be able to relax and realize that I am wanted in this world and I am loved and seen and cherished.

I feel like therapy isn't going to help for my issue and I’m just throwing away this money.

I’m 31 and it seems whenever I do meetup groups it’s always people that are at least 15 years older than me. which is fine we can be friendly and have nice conversations but if I’m trying to find a community and friends and maybe even date, I need to get around people that are near my age 🫠

any recommendations for groups or clubs with people my age or is it always going to be just luck of the draw? (not meetup, actual clubs or groups)

I like volleyball, pickleball, cooking/baking, and video games.

maybe I’m just the worlds unluckiest woman or something, but I never see my type in public. it’s been years. I’ve been actively trying to get out into public and be around people and I’m always scanning for guys I would want to talk to and I see nothing.

I’m 30 and everyone I see is either 20 or 45… and no, I’m not looking for the top 1% Chad. I like sweet nerdy looking guys with nice smiles who look introverted. maybe my type just goes to work and goes home and does things in his house for fun. (which is what I would rather do honestly but ill stay single forever like that).

just today I went to a street market and there was thousands of people, not one of them I felt inclined to approach.

So is my type just hard to find or is this a problem a lot of other people face?

Please, if you’re going to comment something about how my standards are too high, or something worse coming for my character or my looks without even knowing me, please save it. If I showed you what I’ve fallen for in the past you would know I just like normal dudes. But I don’t see the ones I like anywhere.

edit: I shouldn’t have even made this post. People are harassing me and being so mean to me and making assumptions about me and my character just for what I am into. Sorry you’re getting rejected but don’t take it out on me.
I did *NOT* say that everyone I am not attracted to is ugly. They are just not attractive *TO ME*. I don’t think it’s wrong to not want to talk to someone in a romantic way if I, first and foremost, have 0 physical attraction to them. Does this mean they are ugly? NO!! They are just not *my. type*. please stop harassing me and assuming you know everything about me.