u/InevitableCut9305

thing is, he never ended it. He just ghosted me one day— he slowly he stopped interacting with me. a
A whole day went to half, then a few hours, then just a few minute calls here and there. There came I point where he wouldn’t keep contact with me days on end. The last time we talked, it was.. so warm. I laughed, joked, he softened and told me he loved me.. that I’m his person. We never talked after that.

The day after that, he called me twice. I called him a few hours later, he saw and didn’t say anything. He then called me again, and I called 30 minutes later and nothing. The next day came, I messaged him, he saw it and left me on seen. I tried calling him again later on in the day, saw it and didn’t say anything. I again messaged, he didn’t even bother looking at it. It’s been a week now, im still on delivered.

I’ve been in an intense amount of pain over this, I can’t sleep. When I do, it’s all I’m able to do— I can’t stop thinking about him, I don’t think there’s been a minute, nor a second these past few weeks ( around 6 ) that he hasn’t been on my mind. My heart aches, I feel numb.. depressed. I bawled my eyes out, and I have this eerie feeling that we are just never going to speak again, that this is it.

When is the pain going to end? I can’t stand it… I really can’t stand it!

The worst part? It wasn’t even a long term relationship.. just a few months. But I truly loved him, I thought, i believed he truly loved me aswell. He’d say it all the time.. He used to use the most beautiful words, he was so sweet. So caring.. He had his issues, tremendous anger issues, but I loved him. I feel so foolish thinking that I believed he loved me aswell

I can’t seem to function normally, I dread the days that come.. it’s horrible.
He’s ruined my room for me. My house.. I walk around it and every object, every wal, every room reminds me of him. I can’t function, I just lay around like a dead seal silently crying every day, I don’t remember the last time I was truly happy. I feel stuck. I feel.. indescribably terrible.

I’m F21 and my significant other is M24. We’ve been together for about 6 months at this point, and something has significantly shifted. He doesn’t seem.. to wish to talk to me anymore, he reaches out, is around once in a while, but.. to a fraction compared to how he was before.. The thing is, he expresses genuine adoration, love and care when he’s around me, when I try to have a discussion with him over what’s going on, maybe ask him where the shift has come from, he deflects— and then immediately retreats, and doesn’t talk to me for days afterwards.

I’ve become increasingly insecure in the relationship, I know it’s not healthy, I’ve said things to him that are genuinely just self degrading and embarrassing to look back on— and if I was on the receiving end of it, I’d be pretty sick of myself aswell. Whenever I do try to talk to him about it, he says I have an issue. That there is no conflict, there are no issues and I’m just creating them in my head. Occasionally, I’d say that I don’t really feel as comfortable with him as I previously did, and he’d just say ‘oh don’t worry— I’ll get you comfortable’

And the first few times… I genuinely believed him, but gradually I.. I began to refuse to accept that as reality
because his behaviour was evident. Something had changed, he has become less affectionate, he does pull back easily, he refuses to open up to me - keeping me at arms length. ( to note, he is someone who greatly emphasises on indépendance and he can’t seem to handle feeling obliged, or asked to adjust himself for anyone— he can’t handle it. )

He differs from hot and cold, he expresses extreme affection, that genuinely feels real. He stays consistant and shows up - and then the moment something off happens.. something shifts in the mood or the moment, and he disappears. He says he’s busy, and won’t even look at my messages for days on end, and when he does.. he’s very distant and cold, or just silent. We are both just silent standing infront of eachother, being together— not the warm silence, the comforting silence but the awkward cold silence. When I try to talk to him, he immediately dismisses it and doesn’t let the conversation continue further.

I also believe he’s become tired of reassuring me whenever he does return, and I acknowledge that it would be tiring. But.. he gets irritated when I ask simple questions now aswell, it’s like everything is viewed as an interrogation or interview in his mind, I.. I don’t know what I did to warrant that.
But yet, he still, atleast lets on— that nothing is wrong. He sounds like he believes it, he sounds loving when he says it, but it just doesn’t add up..

There’s a lot more to it.. but.. I’ve in my mind, come up with two conclusions. The first is that, he really doesn’t care as much as he lets on. That for some reason, he stays but.. there’s no love, there’s no connection or affection there. And the second, is that we fundamentally have different attachment styles, and it’s a core disconnect and issue in our relationship dynamic— because he says so himself, ‘why do you always do this, people have different ways of maintaining connection’, once he simply stated that he doesn’t like bringing this up, because I argue against it and he isn’t fond of arguments, but that he genuinely believes ( says he knows) that he loves me more. Yet, it feels disingenuous now, because his actions don’t match that reality at all.
I’m well aware that people have different ways of handling and experiencing relationships, but I refuse to believe that someone who claims such humongous affection— would choose to be that distant and indifferent, and occasionally just blatantly mean towards the other.

( we are currently long distance (started three months ago) which is why it’s much more significant— the distance )

For context: he can be very demanding, very.. not controlling per se— but at the same time he is. He has a very jealous personality, and he can’t handle the word ‘no’, refusal is okay; but that word triggers him. Very problematic I know.

I know I’m stuck in a loop, but I don’t know what to do
About it. If I can do anything about it, or if it’s unsalvageable, opinions? I know the best thing for me to do would be to end it— but I’m immature and attached in that way.

I’m F21 and my significant other is M24. We’ve been together for about 6 months at this point, and something has significantly shifted. He doesn’t seem.. to wish to talk to me anymore, he reaches out, is around once in a while, but.. to a fraction compared to how he was before.. The thing is, he expresses genuine adoration, love and care when he’s around me, when I try to have a discussion with him over what’s going on, maybe ask him where the shift has come from, he deflects— and then immediately retreats, and doesn’t talk to me for days afterwards.

I’ve become increasingly insecure in the relationship, I know it’s not healthy, I’ve said things to him that are genuinely just self degrading and embarrassing to look back on— and if I was on the receiving end of it, I’d be pretty sick of myself aswell. Whenever I do try to talk to him about it, he says I have an issue. That there is no conflict, there are no issues and I’m just creating them in my head. Occasionally, I’d say that I don’t really feel as comfortable with him as I previously did, and he’d just say ‘oh don’t worry— I’ll get you comfortable’

And the first few times… I genuinely believed him, but gradually I.. I began to refuse to accept that as reality
because his behaviour was evident. Something had changed, he has become less affectionate, he does pull back easily, he refuses to open up to me - keeping me at arms length. ( to note, he is someone who greatly emphasises on indépendance and he can’t seem to handle feeling obliged, or asked to adjust himself for anyone— he can’t handle it. )

He differs from hot and cold, he expresses extreme affection, that genuinely feels real. He stays consistant and shows up - and then the moment something off happens.. something shifts in the mood or the moment, and he disappears. He says he’s busy, and won’t even look at my messages for days on end, and when he does.. he’s very distant and cold, or just silent. We are both just silent standing infront of eachother, being together— not the warm silence, the comforting silence but the awkward cold silence. When I try to talk to him, he immediately dismisses it and doesn’t let the conversation continue further.

I also believe he’s become tired of reassuring me whenever he does return, and I acknowledge that it would be tiring. But.. he gets irritated when I ask simple questions now aswell, it’s like everything is viewed as an interrogation or interview in his mind, I.. I don’t know what I did to warrant that.
But yet, he still, atleast lets on— that nothing is wrong. He sounds like he believes it, he sounds loving when he says it, but it just doesn’t add up..

There’s a lot more to it.. but.. I’ve in my mind, come up with two conclusions. The first is that, he really doesn’t care as much as he lets on. That for some reason, he stays but.. there’s no love, there’s no connection or affection there. And the second, is that we fundamentally have different attachment styles, and it’s a core disconnect and issue in our relationship dynamic— because he says so himself, ‘why do you always do this, people have different ways of maintaining connection’, once he simply stated that he doesn’t like bringing this up, because I argue against it and he isn’t fond of arguments, but that he genuinely believes ( says he knows) that he loves me more. Yet, it feels disingenuous now, because his actions don’t match that reality at all.
I’m well aware that people have different ways of handling and experiencing relationships, but I refuse to believe that someone who claims such humongous affection— would choose to be that distant and indifferent, and occasionally just blatantly mean towards the other.

( we are currently long distance (started three months ago) which is why it’s much more significant— the distance )

For context: he can be very demanding, very.. not controlling per se— but at the same time he is. He has a very jealous personality, and he can’t handle the word ‘no’, refusal is okay; but that word triggers him. Very problematic I know.

What is a guys opinion on this? I feel like I could use some insight. What are your opinions.. what are your experiences, and is it salvageable?

I’m F21 and my significant other is M24. We’ve been together for about 6 months at this point, and something has significantly shifted. He doesn’t seem.. to wish to talk to me anymore, he reaches out, is around once in a while, but.. to a fraction compared to how he was before.. The thing is, he expresses genuine adoration, love and care when he’s around me, when I try to have a discussion with him over what’s going on, maybe ask him where the shift has come from, he deflects— and then immediately retreats, and doesn’t talk to me for days afterwards.

I’ve become increasingly insecure in the relationship, I know it’s not healthy, I’ve said things to him that are genuinely just self degrading and embarrassing to look back on— and if I was on the receiving end of it, I’d be pretty sick of myself aswell. Whenever I do try to talk to him about it, he says I have an issue. That there is no conflict, there are no issues and I’m just creating them in my head. Occasionally, I’d say that I don’t really feel as comfortable with him as I previously did, and he’d just say ‘oh don’t worry— I’ll get you comfortable’

And the first few times… I genuinely believed him, but gradually I.. I began to refuse to accept that as reality
because his behaviour was evident. Something had changed, he has become less affectionate, he does pull back easily, he refuses to open up to me - keeping me at arms length. ( to note, he is someone who greatly emphasises on indépendance and he can’t seem to handle feeling obliged, or asked to adjust himself for anyone— he can’t handle it. )

He differs from hot and cold, he expresses extreme affection, that genuinely feels real. He stays consistant and shows up - and then the moment something off happens.. something shifts in the mood or the moment, and he disappears. He says he’s busy, and won’t even look at my messages for days on end, and when he does.. he’s very distant and cold, or just silent. We are both just silent standing infront of eachother, being together— not the warm silence, the comforting silence but the awkward cold silence. When I try to talk to him, he immediately dismisses it and doesn’t let the conversation continue further.

I also believe he’s become tired of reassuring me whenever he does return, and I acknowledge that it would be tiring. But.. he gets irritated when I ask simple questions now aswell, it’s like everything is viewed as an interrogation or interview in his mind, I.. I don’t know what I did to warrant that.
But yet, he still, atleast lets on— that nothing is wrong. He sounds like he believes it, he sounds loving when he says it, but it just doesn’t add up..

There’s a lot more to it.. but.. I’ve in my mind, come up with two conclusions. The first is that, he really doesn’t care as much as he lets on. That for some reason, he stays but.. there’s no love, there’s no connection or affection there. And the second, is that we fundamentally have different attachment styles, and it’s a core disconnect and issue in our relationship dynamic— because he says so himself, ‘why do you always do this, people have different ways of maintaining connection’, once he simply stated that he doesn’t like bringing this up, because I argue against it and he isn’t fond of arguments, but that he genuinely believes ( says he knows) that he loves me more. Yet, it feels disingenuous now, because his actions don’t match that reality at all.
I’m well aware that people have different ways of handling and experiencing relationships, but I refuse to believe that someone who claims such humongous affection— would choose to be that distant and indifferent, and occasionally just blatantly mean towards the other.

What’s with him?? I understand we are going through sort of a loop here, but I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m F21 and my significant other is M24. We’ve been together for about 6 months at this point, and something has significantly shifted. He doesn’t seem.. to wish to talk to me anymore, he reaches out, is around once in a while, but.. to a fraction compared to how he was before.. The thing is, he expresses genuine adoration, love and care when he’s around me, when I try to have a discussion with him over what’s going on, maybe ask him where the shift has come from, he deflects— and then immediately retreats, and doesn’t talk to me for days afterwards.

I’ve become increasingly insecure in the relationship, I know it’s not healthy, I’ve said things to him that are genuinely just self degrading and embarrassing to look back on— and if I was on the receiving end of it, I’d be pretty sick of myself aswell. Whenever I do try to talk to him about it, he says I have an issue. That there is no conflict, there are no issues and I’m just creating them in my head. Occasionally, I’d say that I don’t really feel as comfortable with him as I previously did, and he’d just say ‘oh don’t worry— I’ll get you comfortable’

And the first few times… I genuinely believed him, but gradually I.. I began to refuse to accept that as reality
because his behaviour was evident. Something had changed, he has become less affectionate, he does pull back easily, he refuses to open up to me - keeping me at arms length. ( to note, he is someone who greatly emphasises on indépendance and he can’t seem to handle feeling obliged, or asked to adjust himself for anyone— he can’t handle it. )

He differs from hot and cold, he expresses extreme affection, that genuinely feels real. He stays consistant and shows up - and then the moment something off happens.. something shifts in the mood or the moment, and he disappears. He says he’s busy, and won’t even look at my messages for days on end, and when he does.. he’s very distant and cold, or just silent. We are both just silent standing infront of eachother, being together— not the warm silence, the comforting silence but the awkward cold silence. When I try to talk to him, he immediately dismisses it and doesn’t let the conversation continue further.

I also believe he’s become tired of reassuring me whenever he does return, and I acknowledge that it would be tiring. But.. he gets irritated when I ask simple questions now aswell, it’s like everything is viewed as an interrogation or interview in his mind, I.. I don’t know what I did to warrant that.
But yet, he still, atleast lets on— that nothing is wrong. He sounds like he believes it, he sounds loving when he says it, but it just doesn’t add up..

There’s a lot more to it.. but.. I’ve in my mind, come up with two conclusions. The first is that, he really doesn’t care as much as he lets on. That for some reason, he stays but.. there’s no love, there’s no connection or affection there. And the second, is that we fundamentally have different attachment styles, and it’s a core disconnect and issue in our relationship dynamic— because he says so himself, ‘why do you always do this, people have different ways of maintaining connection’, once he simply stated that he doesn’t like bringing this up, because I argue against it and he isn’t fond of arguments, but that he genuinely believes ( says he knows) that he loves me more. Yet, it feels disingenuous now, because his actions don’t match that reality at all.
I’m well aware that people have different ways of handling and experiencing relationships, but I refuse to believe that someone who claims such humongous affection— would choose to be that distant and indifferent, and occasionally just blatantly mean towards the other.

( we are currently long distance (started three months ago) which is why it’s much more significant— the distance )

For context: he can be very demanding, very.. not controlling per se— but at the same time he is. He has a very jealous personality, and he can’t handle the word ‘no’, refusal is okay; but that word triggers him. Very problematic I know.

I know I’m stuck in a loop, but I don’t know what to do
About it. If I can do anything about it, or if it’s unsalvageable, opinions?

I’m F21 and my significant other is M24. We’ve been together for about 6 months at this point, and something has significantly shifted. He doesn’t seem.. to wish to talk to me anymore, he reaches out, is around once in a while, but.. to a fraction compared to how he was before.. The thing is, he expresses genuine adoration, love and care when he’s around me, when I try to have a discussion with him over what’s going on, maybe ask him where the shift has come from, he deflects— and then immediately retreats, and doesn’t talk to me for days afterwards.

I’ve become increasingly insecure in the relationship, I know it’s not healthy, I’ve said things to him that are genuinely just self degrading and embarrassing to look back on— and if I was on the receiving end of it, I’d be pretty sick of myself aswell. Whenever I do try to talk to him about it, he says I have an issue. That there is no conflict, there are no issues and I’m just creating them in my head. Occasionally, I’d say that I don’t really feel as comfortable with him as I previously did, and he’d just say ‘oh don’t worry— I’ll get you comfortable’

And the first few times… I genuinely believed him, but gradually I.. I began to refuse to accept that as reality
because his behaviour was evident. Something had changed, he has become less affectionate, he does pull back easily, he refuses to open up to me - keeping me at arms length. ( to note, he is someone who greatly emphasises on indépendance and he can’t seem to handle feeling obliged, or asked to adjust himself for anyone— he can’t handle it. )

He differs from hot and cold, he expresses extreme affection, that genuinely feels real. He stays consistant and shows up - and then the moment something off happens.. something shifts in the mood or the moment, and he disappears. He says he’s busy, and won’t even look at my messages for days on end, and when he does.. he’s very distant and cold, or just silent. We are both just silent standing infront of eachother, being together— not the warm silence, the comforting silence but the awkward cold silence. When I try to talk to him, he immediately dismisses it and doesn’t let the conversation continue further.

I also believe he’s become tired of reassuring me whenever he does return, and I acknowledge that it would be tiring. But.. he gets irritated when I ask simple questions now aswell, it’s like everything is viewed as an interrogation or interview in his mind, I.. I don’t know what I did to warrant that.
But yet, he still, atleast lets on— that nothing is wrong. He sounds like he believes it, he sounds loving when he says it, but it just doesn’t add up..

There’s a lot more to it.. but.. I’ve in my mind, come up with two conclusions. The first is that, he really doesn’t care as much as he lets on. That for some reason, he stays but.. there’s no love, there’s no connection or affection there. And the second, is that we fundamentally have different attachment styles, and it’s a core disconnect and issue in our relationship dynamic— because he says so himself, ‘why do you always do this, people have different ways of maintaining connection’, once he simply stated that he doesn’t like bringing this up, because I argue against it and he isn’t fond of arguments, but that he genuinely believes ( says he knows) that he loves me more. Yet, it feels disingenuous now, because his actions don’t match that reality at all.
I’m well aware that people have different ways of handling and experiencing relationships, but I refuse to believe that someone who claims such humongous affection— would choose to be that distant and indifferent, and occasionally just blatantly mean towards the other.

TL;DR; I feel like my relationship has become emotionally inconsistent and increasingly distant. My partner still expresses intense love and affection at times, and when he’s present it feels genuine, but the moment tension, vulnerability, or emotional discomfort enters the relationship, he withdraws completely and keeps me at arm’s length. Over time, this inconsistency has made me deeply insecure and emotionally unstable within the relationship. I can recognise my own unhealthy reactions and reassurance-seeking, but I also struggle to ignore the very real shift in his behaviour, affection, and emotional availability. I can’t tell whether he truly cares less than he claims to, or whether we simply have fundamentally incompatible ways of handling closeness, attachment, and emotional connection.

What do I do in this situation? Are we just drifting apart.. does he not care as much, what’s going on? Is there anything I can do about it? Advice pls

I’m F21 and my significant other is M24. We’ve been together for about 6 months at this point, and something has significantly shifted. He doesn’t seem.. to wish to talk to me anymore, he reaches out, is around once in a while, but.. to a fraction compared to how he was before.. The thing is, he expresses genuine adoration, love and care when he’s around me, when I try to have a discussion with him over what’s going on, maybe ask him where the shift has come from, he deflects— and then immediately retreats, and doesn’t talk to me for days afterwards.

I’ve become increasingly insecure in the relationship, I know it’s not healthy, I’ve said things to him that are genuinely just self degrading and embarrassing to look back on— and if I was on the receiving end of it, I’d be pretty sick of myself aswell. Whenever I do try to talk to him about it, he says I have an issue. That there is no conflict, there are no issues and I’m just creating them in my head. Occasionally, I’d say that I don’t really feel as comfortable with him as I previously did, and he’d just say ‘oh don’t worry— I’ll get you comfortable’

And the first few times… I genuinely believed him, but gradually I.. I began to refuse to accept that as reality
because his behaviour was evident. Something had changed, he has become less affectionate, he does pull back easily, he refuses to open up to me - keeping me at arms length. ( to note, he is someone who greatly emphasises on indépendance and he can’t seem to handle feeling obliged, or asked to adjust himself for anyone— he can’t handle it. )

He differs from hot and cold, he expresses extreme affection, that genuinely feels real. He stays consistant and shows up - and then the moment something off happens.. something shifts in the mood or the moment, and he disappears. He says he’s busy, and won’t even look at my messages for days on end, and when he does.. he’s very distant and cold, or just silent. We are both just silent standing infront of eachother, being together— not the warm silence, the comforting silence but the awkward cold silence. When I try to talk to him, he immediately dismisses it and doesn’t let the conversation continue further.

I also believe he’s become tired of reassuring me whenever he does return, and I acknowledge that it would be tiring. But.. he gets irritated when I ask simple questions now aswell, it’s like everything is viewed as an interrogation or interview in his mind, I.. I don’t know what I did to warrant that.
But yet, he still, atleast lets on— that nothing is wrong. He sounds like he believes it, he sounds loving when he says it, but it just doesn’t add up..

There’s a lot more to it.. but.. I’ve in my mind, come up with two conclusions. The first is that, he really doesn’t care as much as he lets on. That for some reason, he stays but.. there’s no love, there’s no connection or affection there. And the second, is that we fundamentally have different attachment styles, and it’s a core disconnect and issue in our relationship dynamic— because he says so himself, ‘why do you always do this, people have different ways of maintaining connection’, once he simply stated that he doesn’t like bringing this up, because I argue against it and he isn’t fond of arguments, but that he genuinely believes ( says he knows) that he loves me more. Yet, it feels disingenuous now, because his actions don’t match that reality at all.
I’m well aware that people have different ways of handling and experiencing relationships, but I refuse to believe that someone who claims such humongous affection— would choose to be that distant and indifferent, and occasionally just blatantly mean towards the other.

Advice?