u/Inner-Ad6551

for a few weeks I’ve been feeling I hit rock bottom. we’re engaged, and in a few months we’re getting married

rocd is with me since i was a teenager, and although I’m going to therapy for 8 years now, i feel this part of my life barely changed

i don’t want to bolt from this telationship too, i’m suffering intensely from intrusive thoughts and the whole dealy.

at this point I want to see what you think about changing to erp therapy. switching therapist in the hope for getting better. or is it a wrong thing to do? i should be single and do that? i hope not. i just want help, because these thoughts, the constant spiraling drives me insane, and it induces sui. ideation too. this might be triggering to others, but I don’t want to give up again

I want to test this size, but can’t find it anywhere in Europe. Anyone from the states got a few I could buy?

Size 5 from the 517

Thank you!

I'm getting married late september, and now it hit me real hard. We just recently hit a crossroad, staying together or not. It was because self reflection and working on ourselfves is really important for me, but it felt it wasn't for her. I decided to share it with her that if it doesn't change or she's not open, I can't have a life together with her. It's a shit feeling, because , you know why. Ultimatum? Yes, sadly. But the opposite is the same bad. (getting married, waiting things to change, having a kid still waiting etc). My parents humiliated each other, abused each other, ended their mariage, my grandparents sort of hated each other.I don't want the same.

We discussed it, and since then I feel numb, empty. I feel nothing towards her, just panic that I lose / lost her. It's incredibily painful, and makes me distant, sad, depressed all the time. I'm avoiding her mostly, and can't show love.

The thing is I'm not even sure it wasn't a self sabotaging, panick action, to jump off the wagon before it's too late.

I had ROCD all my life, I'm 35, since my first relationship at 16 (who's humilated me extremely. "you're not even good for sex", "stop whining okay? I'll say sorry just stop it") , I had I don't know about 10-12 relationships, shorter usually, and a few longer. I ended all of them, and had the same feeling. I was an abused child, I go to therapy, it's been 8 years since I started, and it feels it barely helps (in this field. tho it helped immansely everywhere else). Taking meds too, but not sure they're effective, and help now. Increased the dosage 1.5-2 months ago.

I'm thinking of spending some time by myself by the nearby lake, go away for 3-4 days. But I have 0 idea if it's a good idea or not.

Would love to hear something from you guys. I can't be the only one. I feel really unhappy and lonely.
Interestingly my 2 younger brother (1 year, and 10 younger) are having the same problem. So does my father, and my mother too. It's insane